A/N: The introductory part of this chapter is similar to the prologue, but after that it leads into entirely new stuff.

One Day at a Time

Prologue Revisited

There was nothing to do in my cell. I could decide between doing three things: 1) focusing on the pain from my leg (which the Bureaucracy still hadn't gotten around to fixing), 2) worry about my trial and punishment, or 3) reflect on Seginus's death. Number 3) won my attention most of the time, although I think number 1) would have been less painful.

I don't know why I did it. That's one thought that was always on my mind. When the spell was over and my hand was still holding the wand it felt like it was the only thing I could have done, but I was starting to question that.

I was pondering this one day, when the guard informed me that I had a visitor and took me to the plain, simply furnished visitation room. I vaguely glanced at the smooth stone walls and wondered what the weather outside was like; today, like every day, I had not been outside and there were no windows in the room. "Hello, Liseli," Dumbledore greeted me when he entered the room. The twinkle was gone from his blue eyes, and instead a heavy sadness rested on his face. "I'm sorry to have to see you under these terms. I have—ah—been informed of everything, already." I averted my gaze, feeling as though I was physically unable to meet his eyes. "Why did you do it?" there was almost a soft curiosity in his voice.

"I-I don't know. I don't know why anybody does anything, anymore," I stuttered.

He was looking at me intently, even though I refused to meet his eyes. As though he had not heard my response, he repeated his question, "Why did you do it?"

"I don't know why," I repeated again, as though that phrase was a shield which would protect me. Yet every time I said that phrase aloud I felt something deep within me twinge, a small part of me which hissed "Ah, but you do know why. You just don't want to admit it." Dumbledore sighed, and the small room filled with a silence, a screaming, suffocating silence. "I wonder—" I started before I abruptly cut myself off.

"Wonder what?" the white-haired man asked.

"I wonder how much we're a product of our environment, and how much we're a product of—of something else," I lamely stated. I was replaying a question that I had shared with Severus. It had only been a little over half a year ago and yet somehow it seemed as though years, decades, had gone by since it.

"I told Harry something once. I said that it is our choices that show what we are, but I think I should have said that it is our choices that make us what we are." He said it in a final, all-knowing tone, as though he was stating the answer to an arithmetic problem.

I frowned at him, at this man who seemed so assured that everything was so simple, but he pressed onto other subjects of conversation in that same self-confident tone, "Even if you don't know why you did it, I think you were terribly brave in doing it. You did the right thing."

My frown became a puzzled, disbelieving look. "What are you talking about?" I finally asked. Surely he was not referencing my murder of Seginus?

He blinked at me, as though equally puzzled. "Why, you saved two very valuable lives. You saved Harry and Severus. That's very admirable. It is, of course, very unfortunate that you killed your brother," I flinched at how easily he said those words, "But all in all, you did the right thing."

I continued gazing at him disbelievingly. The word "right" sounded hollow, empty, and meaningless when he said it. "How do you know what happened?" I slowly asked, wondering what story he had heard.

"Severus and Harry both recounted the night's events to me. They said your brother Seginus cornered them in a classroom and was very intent on killing both of them. You stepped in, as you know of course," he chuckled at that aside, "And after diplomatic methods failed to convince Seginus to leave them unharmed, you used other methods. Your choice of secondary methods is rather regrettable, but I imagine it's hard to think straight under that amount of pressure," he said the last few sentences with a rather sorrowful tone, in contrast to the matter-of-fact tone he had been using previously.

Somehow I felt that he was missing several crucial pieces of the puzzle, but I didn't say anything. "Do you know what's going to happen to me?" I nervously asked, both dreading and desiring a clear cut answer.

The Headmaster let out a long sigh. "Severus is preparing a defense for you, but the court does not look kindly on captured Death Eaters." I flinched at the last two words and an amused smile formed on his lips. "My dear, I know you're a Death Eater. I've known, or I suppose I should say suspected, that you were a Death Eater even before I hired you."

I gaped at him. "Why on earth did you hire me, then? For all you knew, I could have gone around murdering Muggle-born students," I blurt out, forgetting to maintain an innocent demeanor.

His eyes regained some of their mischievous twinkle. "Because I also knew you weren't a very willing Death Eater. Besides, I told Severus to keep an eye on you, just in case I had misjudged your character which, clearly, I haven't."

I only gaped at him more. He had told Sev to keep an eye on me? "Is that—is that why Sev became friends with me? Because you told him to?" I choked out.

"Merlin's beard no," Dumbledore waved his hand as though swatting away a fly. "Severus is not one to become friends with someone simply by being forced into their vicinity, quite the opposite I'd say." I breathed a sigh of relief and felt my entire body relax. "Now, I must be going, but I do believe there is someone with me who would like to see you. I also wanted to inform you that I will be at your trial. Until then," he tipped his hat and left the room, his long purple robes swirling rather majestically.

I drummed my fingers on the table. If there really was someone else with Dumbledore to see me, then there was no point in returning to my cell, just to be hauled out to the visiting room again. I waited a few moments while deciding what to do before the door was pushed open again.

"Hello, Hagrid," I greeted the immense man with mild surprise; I had expected that after my arrest not a single one of my acquaintances or friends would want to associate with me, me the known Death Eater.

"Hullo," he returned the greeting, slightly panting from his effort to squeeze through the narrow door. "They really ought ter have built that door a wee bit larger," he gave an almost embarrassed smile, "Or at least ter have put a charm on it to change sizes." He attempted to pull out the chair across from the table from me and frowned when it didn't move.

"They're cemented to the ground," I quickly informed him. "I think they're afraid of the furniture being used as weapons, or something."

He made another attempt to move the chair, before scrutinizing the (relatively) tiny distance between the chair and the table. "Guess I'll stand, then. That's a bit ridiculous that yeh can't move 'em. It's not like yer a deranged criminal or somethin'."

I blinked at him, but decided against reminding him that, as far as the Ministry was concerned, Death Eaters were the most deranged criminals they had. "How's Hogwarts?" I asked instead, attempting to steer our conversation on to more light-hearted topics.

"Hogwarts is goin' alright. Everyone's a bit on edge from the attack, but other than that things are returnin' to normal. Snape's been coverin' your classes fer yeh. Been in a right foul mood, too. Whenever somebody mentions yeh he stalks outta the room. Guess he doesn' like havin' extra classes to cover. One o' the students asked 'bout what had happened to yeh an' he gave them detention." He shifted his weight nervously before blurting out another stream of words, "Yeh wouldn' believe all the rumors about what happened to yeh. Are they really true?" He looked up at me with wide, innocent eyes.

"Er—I can't say I know what the rumors are," I stalled, hoping to defer any answer I might have to give.

"They're all over the place," he made a dismissive gesture with one of his humongous hands. "I overheard some students arguing that yeh had an identical twin an' that was the crux of the matter to another student who was arguin' that it was boggart who had been arrested an' that the real you was in hidin' somewhere."

In spite of my rather serious situation, I couldn't help but laugh at those ridiculous theories. "Well, I promise you that neither of those are true."

His next words were accompanied with a naïve, disbelieving expression on his face. "But—but you're not really a Death Eater, are yeh?"

My smile stayed on my face, half-frozen, before slowly disappearing. "I—" He continued regarding me with an almost hopeful look. "I don't think I can discuss that before my trial," I swallowed.

His face gained a drooping, disappointed air. "Y'know there are some students—even some professors--who think yeh really are a Death Eater. They're sayin' 'Good riddance' that yer were arrested, but I think they're wrong. Dumbledore hasn't said anythin' when I've talked to him, but yeh know what, I know you aren't a Death Eater. Death Eaters commit all sorts o' horrible acts, an' that just doesn' seem like you." The corners of his eyes crinkled as gave me what he probably intended to be an encouraging smile. "I should probably get goin'—I'm supposed to go back with Dumbledore to Hogwarts—but I just wanted to say that I'm sure this'll all get straightened out." The encouraging smile returned, causing me to mentally wince.

Instead, I flashed him a half-hearted smile in return. "Thanks, I suppose."

The next day I found out, to my surprise, that I had yet another visitor. I expected it was probably Tarazet, and I casually sat in the waiting room, twiddling my thumbs and thinking how I could at least tell him that the Ministry's bureaucracy had finally gotten around to healing my leg. I stood up in shock when my visitor walked into the room. "S-Sev," I blurt out. All of my stubborn pretending that I didn't know the reason why I had killed Seginus vanished. He was the reason I had killed Seginus. I had killed Seginus to save him, to see the love of my life alive, wonderfully alive.

I felt overjoyed to see him; my heart was positively bursting at not only knowing he was safe and healthy, but at knowing that he had cared enough to visit. I was about to embrace him when he coldly said, "Hello, Colburn," and stuck out his arm to shake my hand. I froze, shocked and hurt by his behavior, at his acting as though we were not even friends; it felt as though my heart had instantaneously shattered into a million pieces.

"H-Hello, Professor Snape," my voice cracked. I had killed for him and now—and now—

"The Headmaster asked me to discuss your defense for the trial with you," he snapped each word out in a cool, business-like manner.

"O-Of course," I averted my eyes, unable to meet his emotionless gaze.

"It will be impossible to deny that you are a Death Eater. However, I believe that we may able to convince the judge that you are on the Ministry's side, as evidenced by your defense of Harry Potter." MY DEFENSE OF YOU! I mentally screamed. Had he not noticed? How could he have not noticed! "There is the possibility the prosecution will attempt to have you imprisoned for using an Unforgivable on Seginus Colburn. Unfortunately, that is a risk that we will have to take, because this is by far the strongest defense we have."

"The Death Eaters will execute me as soon as I'm released if they believe I killed one of their commanders," I hollowly stated the fact.

"The Death Eaters have been informed that Seginus was a traitor," I looked at him, surprised, but was only able to bring myself to meet his eyes for a split second.

"Since when is Seginus a traitor?" I skeptically asked, knowing that he had been undyingly devoted to them.

"Since I have rather influential connections with the Death Eaters," he coolly replied in a matter-of-fact tone.

I nodded. "Is that the only reason you came to see me?" I nervously asked, afraid of the answer.

A muscle twitched in his face, distorting his emotionless mask for a fraction of a second that passed so quickly I doubted I had seen any change at all. He replied in an emotionless drawl, "Yes, that's the only reason I came. I should be going. I wish you the best of luck, Colburn." He abruptly stood up and strode out of the room in a rather business-like manner. I stared disbelievingly at the spot he had been occupying the room just moments prior.

Colburn? my mind echoed his last word. Whatever happened to Lee? Either my murder of Seginus or my arrest had clearly been enough to eliminate any fondness that he may have felt towards me. I killed for him, I thought. And now—and now—I'm less than nothing to him.

…

A/N: I'm sorry the end of this chapter was kind of depressing, but things really are going to get cheerful again, I swear. This is the dark before the dawn, or whatever that clichéd saying is. There is also a very specific reason behind Snape's actions that will be revealed. (Although, actually, is the reason already obvious?)

Anyways, thanks a bunch to Mark Darcy, tibys, Orton-fan, angelofire, SchwarzShifter and BEN-Beyond-the-Elusive-Nomads- for reviewing!