Guys, I know I haven't been updating, and I am sorry. Promise I'll update more frequently. :D Oh, and I apologize for the vulgarities. Just thought it was appropriate to slip them in.

Miss Ice Queen

Friday

"I. Hate. That. Girl," I said through a mouthful of spaghetti, jabbing my fork with each word. Alice looked at me in amusement.

"And that's reason enough for you to ignore female social etiquette because?" Alice asked, dabbing her own mouth daintily with a tissue. She did this after every mouthful. It was driving me insane.

"Damn, Alice. To hell with etiquette," I said, reaching over and grabbing the stupid tissue and throwing it randomly. It thunked off some guy's head who didn't even notice the tomato-smeared tissue. "When times get hard, girls get bitchy. But times aren't hard, and there's no reason for any girl to act like the queen of Bitch Club."

"You referring to the girl who's shamelessly flirting with Edward?" Rosalie asked.

"What?" I half-yelled, twisting around so fast everything else was a blur. All I saw was Edward looking glum as usual next to Lauren.

"Just kidding. Knew that would get you mad." Rose winked at me.

I groaned. "Hey, where're the guys anyway?" Alice asked.

"They got held back for a lecture," Rose answered. "Something to do with paper airplanes in class."

Paper airplanes. Could they get any more immature?

"Hello? Can we get back to the topic at hand here?" I demanded, frustrated.

"Which would be?" Rose asked, twirling the fork around.

"The new girl!" I almost shrieked. "Jeez, that girl is such a-a-I can't think of any words to describe it! Bitchy ass doesn't even cut close. She's evil, guys, evil, I tell you."

Rosalie and Alice burst out laughing. "Do you know how ridiculous that sounds, Bells?" Alice giggled. "You sound so melodramatic. You sound like Emmett when his clothes can't fit him because he's too big."

Rosalie protested at that. I protested even louder. Me and Emmett? Nah. No way. No similary there. Nope.

"Ugh, Alice. Can you please get some better comparison?" Rose muttered. Alice ignored her.

"Okay, Bella. Give her some time to adjust. She's new here. Somehow I seem to recall a certain someone didn't particularly make the best impression with Lauren and Jessica on her first day…" Alice said, hinting heavily.

"Okay, okay! I give. But for the record, Ali, me not making friends with Twin Bimbos isn't such a bad thing. I mean, look at her!" I jabbed my fork at the table where the new girl was practically drooling at Lauren's feet. Ew, yuck, and double gross. Edward looked almost on the point of vomiting on the spot. It was hilarious.

Rosalie took one look and shuddered. "Okay, that's disgusting."

"It looks like Emmett with chocolate stuck all over his body," Alice agreed.

"WILL YOU STOP WITH THE EMMETT COMMENTS?!" Rosalie yelled. Then she blushed. I started laughing.

"What has Alice been commenting about now?" Jasper joked, sliding in next to Alice and kissing her cheek.

"Emmett's body parts," I said, giggling.

Emmett and Jasper stared at Alice, shocked. "What?" Emmett choked. Alice's eyes bulged. Rose started cackling.

"You-you-up or down?" Jasper finally managed to blurt out.

"Down," Rosalie and me said simultaneously. Emmett gasped and covered his...well, you know what. Alice looked mortified. "She said he was so big, he can't fit his clothes."

Emmett's eyes widened. Jasper dropped in a dead faint. I'm not kidding. He actually fainted. Okay, so he sprang up in about three seconds, but Jasper fainted.

Wow.

Emmett started half-laughing, half-sobbing. Well, sobbing without tears. Something like laughing while huge embarrassed sob-like sounds heaving his back and chest.

"You were discussing my captain? Rosie! How could you?" he sobbed/cried/laughed. His captain? That was what he called it? Weird.

"Can I join you guys?" a soft velvet voice came from behind. I sighed mentally. Edward. Of course.

Alice nodded, still half-crying while trying to get out a decent explanation. Rosalie and me were in hysterics.

"What's going on?" Edward asked, puzzled, sliding in next to me. Oh. My. God. He's forgiven me?

"Alice was discussing my manly erection with Rosie and Bella!" Emmett wailed, sending me and Rose into more laughter. Edward blinked.

"Bella?" he asked softly.

Too bad I was too busy laughing, or I probably would've swooned that he was actually talking to me again. I only managed a maniac "No…no…" Way to go, Bella. Very articulate.

Edward blinked again before breaking out into uncontrollable laughter just like the rest of us.

"I see," Edward laughed. "So, Alice, what's the verdict?"

"I never-but-what-argh!" Alice spluttered. Even Jasper started laughing at Alice.

And then, just when things were getting so friendly and warm, the bell rang. Stupid bell. Edward groaned. Immediately I heard a soft, nasal voice behind him.

"Edward, dear, don't want to be late for class, do we?" Lauren asked, supposedly sweetly. Her attempt at being nice was so fake I started sniggering. She shot me a distasteful look. Excuse me, I wasn't the one with the non-existent skirt.

Hell, I didn't even wear anything shorter than three inches from my knees.

"Actually, Lauren, I don't mind. You should go to class, though." Edward was trying to control his temper, I could tell. It was so obvious by the tone which he spoke to Lauren. It was astonishing, how different it was when he was speaking to Lauren and her minions and when he was speaking to Emmett or Jasper or Rose or Alice or…me.

Lauren hissed slightly. "Might I remind you of our-your-agreement?" she asked, obviously intending to have said our agreement, implying that apparently Edward walking her to class was part of the twisted contract that had Edward masquerading as her boyfriend as part of its sick criteria.

"The agreement's off, Lauren," Edward said quietly. "I can't deal with this anymore. I quit."

Maybe I was deaf, but what did he just say?

Lauren froze. "W…what?" she asked slowly, echoing my thoughts. I hear you, witch, I really do. Might be the only thing we have in common.

"You heard him," Alice spat out. "Get lost. He doesn't want you and your four inch heels anymore."

I turned to look at Lauren's expression-which, by the way, was hilarious. That was when I spotted the tiny brown-haired Queen of Sheba smirking at the back. Jeez, I wanted to slap that girl.

Lauren hissed. "You won't be able to give the donation now," she said, snarling, dropping all pretenses. "You need my permission."

Make that two people I wanted to slap in the face.

"Actually, Lauren," Edward corrected. "The donation's already made."

"WHAT?!" she shrieked. I paused. I was going to get a demerit for being late to class and Charlie would be notified, but this was worth it.

"You signed the thing after that party," Edward said, shrugging. A barest hint of a smile flickered across his face. "You were kinda drunk."

Lauren began shrieking some vulgarities, but Emmett got up, making a pretty scary sight with his furious expression. "Bitch. He said no. Get lost. Now."

Squeaking, Lauren glared at Edward one last time before walking off hastily. The brown haired kid went off slower, smirking. I stuck to my earlier words. She was evil. Really.

The moment the skank gang left, the table broke into loud cheers. Emmett was screaming the loudest, alternating between good-for-yous and why-the-hell-didn't-you-do-that-earliers. Alice was just screaming.

I had to get away from all the noise. I got up and left the cafeteria quietly. Nobody even noticed.

I sighed, leaning my head against cool tile. The noise gave me a throbbing headache. I couldn't stomach noise very well.

Edward and Lauren were over. I should be happy. Why wasn't I happy?

"Hello," said a cool, quiet voice from behind me.