Sorry for being so unupdateable! Yeah, that's my own word. Nobody steal it. I got 11 reviews for Chapter 15. Shall we aim for 16 reviews?

First, this chapter is going to be racier than the others. Well, no lemons or anything, but I'm trying to make Edward more realistic, and I needed to ask someone about seventeen year old boys, and hell, who better to ask than a seventeen year old boy himself? And turns out this guy thinks about his girlfriend naked fifty percent of the time. Gross. So hope you enjoy the rare Edward POV chapters in here, the first one beginning HERE.

Please Let Me Slap You
(if you read the AN you know whose POV this is)
Saturday

I could sense Bella tightening her jaw. It was pointless to state that Bella really did not like Lauren or Jane. I could practically feel the fury rolling off her in waves. It was affecting me as well, and I felt my muscles tense in return. Why were they here anyway? David wasn't a doctor, and as far as I knew Jane lived on her own. They were invited. I suddenly felt incredibly like the scene from Sleeping Beauty where Maleficent suddenly appeared out of nowhere during the reception for Aurora's birth. She wasn't wanted either.

"Maleficent," Bella muttered, echoing my thoughts. I blinked at her. Wow. Could she read minds or something?

"What was that?" Lauren asked, leaning over crudely to expose her-ew-nasty bosom. I felt Bella stiffen next to me and her eyes crinkled in disgust.

"You know, Lauren, if I wanted to see your body I would ask," Bella said, very pointedly. I resisted a snicker.

Lauren sneered at her. "I'm not interested in showing you my body anyway. I'm more interested in showing Edward," she purred nastily, stroking the side of my arm. I cringed at her invasion of my personal space. Did this girl ever understand the concept of privacy? Or for that better, break ups? When it was over, it was over, for crying out loud!

"Ew, Lauren, that's disgusting," Bella said, the side of her mouth turning down in a grimace. Lauren looked at her haughtily before turning her eyes to Jane. I looked at Jane as well, noticing for the first time how much more elegant she looked compared to Lauren's disgustingly revealing clothes. The moment passed and I looked at Bella, the girl that had known me since a kid and always been there for me though I was an asshole most of the time. She looked casual, dressy and smart. I smiled at Bella. Sadly she didn't see it.

And anyway, Jane scared me to bits. She looked too much like Alice.

"What're you doing here?" I asked brusquely, my eyes flickering from Jane to Lauren and back to Jane. I tried to ignore the fact that my heart was pounding from Bella being half behind me and half squeezed into my side. I'm a guy. I do have feelings.

"Well," Lauren said, smiling at me. "Jane here was invited by a doctor, and she was allowed to bring someone along. Of course she thought of me first, right, Jane?"

I thought I caught a pained expression flicker on Jane's face. I started laughing and Bella prodded my side, her eyes questioning. I looked at her and kept on laughing. All three of them stared at me.

"Anyway," Jane said, interrupting my laughs. "Could you show me the way to the bathroom, please?"

I was sorely tempted to ask Bella to handle this-I did not want to be anywhere near the Alice clone. But if Esme saw me passing on my hosting duties to Bella she was going to murder me, and then Emmett would crucify me for being such a wimp, though he would never admit he was terrified of Jane too. I sighed. Bella pinched my side lightly.

"This way," I said through gritted teeth, hoping to God she wouldn't try to jump me like Lauren. I repressed a shudder at the memory. It was terrifying. I was scared out of my wits. And they say boys are the crazy rapists.

"So, why do you live alone?" I asked, still sounding constipated in an effort to make polite conversation. The silence was killing me.

Jane looked thoughtful for a moment. "My parents died when I was six. I was cast out on the streets till ten, where I met Alec. After a few months we found out we were fraternal twins and that he had been a street rat until he got hired to work as a babysitter. When we were twelve we got adopted and moved to Italy."

"So you haven't always lived in Italy?" I asked, curious in spite of myself.

Jane shook her head. "I was born in London, but my parents moved us to New York. I only have the accent because I lived in Italy so long and because well, honestly, I kinda liked it." She grinned cheekily at that, and I couldn't help but laugh in return. I was starting to wonder why Bella hated her so much. Jane was pretty sweet.

"What about your brother? You said he was your twin, right? Why didn't he come to Forks with you?" I asked, hoping to God she wouldn't think I was prying. Apparently she didn't, because she smiled at me, and I was pleasantly surprised to see it was a nice, normal smile and not Lauren's I-wanna-eat-you-up smile.

"Well...Alec is different. He prefers to stay on his own. He doesn't really mingle much, but when he does it's like he has this ability to distract everyone. Once I saw him enter a roomful of girls, and it literally became silent. Even the guys suddenly shut up. I started laughing like a maniac, and nobody even noticed. He preferred to stay home because he doesn't really like moving around, and he's really attached to Italy."

"Can you speak Italian?" I asked curiously. Jane giggled-it sounded high-pitched, like Alice's.

"Yes," she answered, "but I prefer not to. Mainly because I sound ridiculous."

I started laughing, amused by this short Italian girl that looked menacing but wasn't. Dimly I registered minutes ago I was terrified of her, but in all truths, she was not that bad. I really had to stop judging people so quickly.

We had stopped in front of the glass bathroom by then. I gestured towards it and she smiled and waved at me before walking in and locking the door. I stared at the closed door for a moment, picturing Jane washing her hands, doing God knows what behind that door...I shook it off. I was hanging around with Emmett way too much. I turned and made my way down the hallway.

I emerged in the large living room where everyone was converging around the TV, a mass of black, white and blue staring intently at some news channel about a cure for cancer or something equally life changing. I rolled my eyes and looked around until I spotted Bella, standing by the buffet table cleaning up a spill. My heart skipped a beat.

Good God, Edward, you're turning into a sissy.

Bella looked up and I approached her. "Hey," she said, smiling sweetly. I smiled back at her. If I was Bella, I would be blushing. Since I wasn't, I would have to settle for nervous idiocy.

"Hi," I said, licking my lips nervously. I could almost hear Emmett screaming at me mentally from across the room, telling me to go out and ask her out for a date. Jeez, that was how Emmett worked, not me!

"Bella? You want to go out? Get away from the oh-so-refined conversation?" I added, saying the last sentence with a very bad posh accent. I think I heard it in the movies.

Bella started giggling. "Of course, Edward, that would be delightful," she answered, the accent sounding much smoother than mine. I grinned and gestured towards the door. She looped her arm through mine and we walked out, ignoring Emmett's snickers from across the room.

"It's gorgeous," Bella murmured as we stepped out into the backyard. I held her closer to me. It was chilly outside, and mentally I cursed myself for not bringing a jacket for Bella. "It's okay, Edward. It isn't that cold anyway."

I stared at her quizzically and she lifted her shoulders daintily. "Edward, I've known you since I was a kid. I think I can tell what you're thinking by now. It's almost clairvoyance. I know what you're thinking."

I laughed out loud as we stepped over a perfectly round rock. She leant down, brushing her hands over the faint brown splatters on the rock with a bizarre dusting of neon pink. She giggled lightly. "We were six," she said softly. "Emmett was painting outside. The pink paint splattered all over and he tried covering it up with brown paint."

I grinned. "Alice almost killed him for wasting her paint," I added, twining her hand with mine. Bella smiled, already distracted by something else. She stopped beneath a tree, standing in the middle of nowhere in our backyard. It wasn't time for flowers yet, but the leaves were already a deep glossy green.

"Emmett and Jasper played a prank on me when we were five. We watched The Ring out of curiosity and they had me convinced this was the tree that showed in the video," she said, giggling. "Now I wonder how I ever fell for that. This tree doesn't even look scary."

"Well, in your defence, after the leaves fall off..."

Bella slapped my arm playfully. "Even then it doesn't look like 'the beast from hell'," she said, directly quoting Emmett's words from years earlier. I sniggered, poking her.

"Remember this?" I asked, stopping in front of an old tree, the bark peeling off but the leaves still a healthy green. Bella looked at the tree, then at the clear indentation halfway up the trunk from too many years of hammock string holding it together.

Her eyes teared up. "Of course I remember," she murmured, and turned to bury herself against me. I held on to her, loving the sense of completion when I held her so close to me.

"Shh," I comforted. "I'm here now. We're here now. We won't leave you again."

She smiled against the side of my neck and mumbled something I didn't catch that included the words 'like hell', 'kill', and the best one, 'revenge'. I smiled at her incoherent mumbling and looked at the tree where we, as the five Cullens and one Swan, had spent the night before Bella found out she was moving together as a family. Then I looked up at the sky, clear and calm, with the full moon shining clearly at me, almost conscendingly. It was peaceful and calm. I couldn't wish for anything better.

Little did I know this was the calm before the storm that was about to begin.

Jane

I looked out of the little window at the top of the wall. I had to search quite a bit before seeing them, huddled up against one another, in front of a ridiculously ancient tree. I rolled my eyes and hopped back down, my heels landing perfectly on the tiles. I rummaged around in my handbag before pulling out a small vial of miniscule white pills. Good things always come in small packages.

It was time to teach Edward Cullen a lesson on privacy. He messed up my plans, and now it was time for him to face the music for once.

I had to strike his most vulnerable point. And of course, it didn't matter if I gained him along the way as well. As much as I disliked his meddling, he did have a good figure. He would be perfect to get irritating friends and relatives off my back.

I had to aim for Isabella Swan.