Journal Entries
Summary: Students became teachers, weak became strong and those who couldn't change fast enough were left behind.
We thought that we knew war. We really, truly and honestly thought that we had nearly scraped the bottommost surface of the tragedies and sadness that war brings in its wake. Instead we were forced to learn that we didn't really know much of anything. Even now, it's hard to look at those I knew before this all began. It's hard to look and remember who they used to be before we were forced to learn and grow sooner than we'd ever hoped or dreamed for. Students became teachers, weak became strong and those who couldn't change fast enough were left behind with only their screams in our nightmares to remind us of their life.
Everything's changed so much. Even the language that I grew up with is no longer the same. Instead it's become a hybridized mixture of two languages that were never meant to join in the way they have. Although I guess the same could be said for the people speaking the language. After all, who would have ever guessed that humans and giant alien robots could ever become allies in a war that we should never have held any part in. But I suppose my best friend had a point when he told me that it might be their war but it's our world and what were we supposed to do if we didn't fight for it?
He's an idiot and really it's a small miracle that he's even still alive but he's also an idiot that seems to have nearly the entire army protecting him. But I can guess I can see why everyone's like that when it comes to him. It seems like no matter how bad everything's gone, he still finds a way to smile for all of us when smiling seems like a dream of some unattainable goal. A blinding, brilliant smile even when he's covered in blood and energon with his own life resting in Ratchet's hands.
And sometimes… sometimes I want to scream and shake him until the smile drops away from his face and he lets some small bit of the horror that I know is in there, out. There's a reason that he's never alone, a reason that he never sleeps in a room by himself without the comforting presence of someone familiar and trusted near him. Smiling and laughing like he does comes with a price. A price that I wonder if it's truly worth what he brings to us but then I look around at the faces that are so weary but manage to liven up when the clear sounds of his laughter reverberates around a room.
I see it but in the middle of the night when the soft sounds of his tears break the quiet night I want nothing more than to break something. I want to break something because I knew, even back then, that he wasn't ever meant to be involved in anything like this. He was always meant to be the person who saw the light emanating from a darkness that seemed so impenetrable. Instead he's an engineer that's been taken as an apprentice to what must be the most explosion prone being I've ever had the misfortune to become acquainted with.
Wheeljack's a sweet mech, don't get me wrong. But there's just times that I wish he weren't so enthusiastic about things. Especially things that have the possibility of blowing up and taking half the base with it while my best friend ducks into the miniature bomb shelter that was built especially for him after his apprenticeship became official. Although I never would have thought I'd see the day where Wheeljack would be the one yelling at someone for connecting the wrong wires or for mixing certain chemicals just to see what they would do. The look on Ratchet's face when he walked in on that is something I'm sure a lot of people are going to take to their graves and probably into the Matrix if they can figure out a way to do it.
Maybe that's why he does it. He smiles so much to remind us that there's gonna be more than just the war. That there's more than the horrifying realizations that your best friend hasn't aged in the six years that have passed since the war began. And it's for his sake more than anyone else's that I hope we all live to see the war end. That we'll get the chance to rebuild our world while helping our friends rebuild theirs. But for now, Sam's mine and he'll be mine until that day comes.
A/N: The things that I write while I'm supposed to be paying attention in class and taking notes. Good thing I have a recorder.