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The Noise Silence

Bella

Forks was exactly as I expected it to be. Lots of trees and grass, lots of rain, and hardly anybody worth attention. There was one strange lady at the airport at Port Angeles wearing oversized sunglasses and a bright pink scarf, but that was it. And the lady took a cab so I was depraved of my people watching experience.

Charlie looked exactly the same. His curly brown hair, the same color, if not texture, of mine, I had inherited. The eyes I had inherited as well. I had long learned that all my genetic flaws I had gotten from my dad here.

I leaned back and thought about my arrival…

.xXx.

He took in my plain jeans and shirt with some surprise, and was even more surprised when my single bag came careening on the belt. I rolled my eyes. Obviously dear Mom had clued him in on my…ah, past, and apparently he was expecting something more outlandish. Who did he think I was anyway, some brainless bimbo? C'mon, I make straight As for my classes except anything involving numbers, and even that I'm scoring Bs. Did he honestly believe I was a giggling, ohmigod type?

If he did believe that, I swear I was moving to Jacksonville ASAP.

"Hey, Bells," he said finally, breaking out into a huge grin. "Still the brown-eyed, pale girl I remember, only a lot taller."

I smirked. "Not that much taller," I pointed out, noting the five-inch height difference between me and his chin. Was he supposed to even keep growing?!

Charlie laughed, picking up the bag and hoisting it over his shoulder. We strode out of the airport, which was basically deserted. After all, it was a small-town airport. It was so different from the Phoenix airport, where it was literally packed with people and you had to know some pretty advanced karate to be able to get through.

It was mostly silent on the way to…home now, I guess. We made some generic comments about weather (rainy), my hair (longer and lighter than before), people (Billy would be coming for dinner), and then the meandering conversation trailed off with a lack of conversation topics.

.xXx.

I sighed. It was like noisy silence, it was. To anybody listening it would seem like an uncomfortable dead silence, but to me and my dad it was jam packed full of unsaid words. For example, there was one turning in which he was wondering why I wasn't dressed like…uh, a bimbo, and I knew he got the message: I WASN'T A BIMBO.

Jeez. If this was the reputation I was going to chalk up-a bimbo wannabe-I was so not staying here. It would be a complete waste of time.

I stared around at the bedroom. It was a decent size, not too tiny but not ridiculously spacious either like the rooms back home. It had a relatively low ceiling. If I jumped on my bed my head would bump against the criss-crossing beams. There was one single window wider than both my hands stretched out, the window tightly shut against the onslaught of storms day after day.

My old furniture was still here. My old rocking chair rested against one wall, and my small wardrobe was still there, tainted a faint blue and pink from crayon drawings Charlie had managed to scrub off using a lot of bleach, judging by the faded varnish.

There were a few changes, though. The crib had been replaced by a bed decked in plain white sheets, and a desk and a computer had been added, courtesy of Renée's violent insists that I was to stay in contact with her unless a crisis hit. I wondered if a particularly bad storm snapping the modem wires counted as disaster enough.

I sighed. Forks was boring. Too much trees and too much wet caused a very bored Bella. I rolled over on my side and looked at the clock. Three in the morning. Today I was to go to school and meet my future neighbours. I wasn't psyched about it. Why would I be? Everyone was the same. There would be the head bimbo, second-in-charge, the nerds, the geeks, and the group of people that stuck to their straight-A group. Everywhere I went it would stay the same.

I rolled off the bed and got on the floor. The board creaked ever so slightly and I froze before padding out to the tiny square-like junction. There were three doors. One led to the bathroom, the second to Charlie's room and the third to my room. It was none of these I wanted to go to.

I walked down the stairs, carefully avoiding the creaky board. The house was pitch black. I kept imagining white figures popping out at me and screaming 'Boo!'. But of course that wouldn't happen. It was just my overactive imagination getting the best of me again.

I crept along the short hallway. At one end was the front door, the other the living room, where I was in. The living room had two doors adjoined to it, the kitchen…and Reneesme's bedroom.

I paused at the washed pink door. My brain was screaming at me, 'danger! Painful emotions ahead!' yet I kept going. I pushed the door open. A strong smell wafted out. A stale scent of baby oil and dust. I hesitated and went in.

The room was smaller than mine, with only a small baby cot at one end and a dresser cum diaper changing thing at the opposite end. There was a small round green table and two green stools alongside it, and plastered along the walls were various scribbles and drawings done in crayon.

Everything was coated in a thick layer of dust. Charlie hadn't been in here for a long time.

My eyes started burning the minute I looked at the cot. Lying on the pillow was a little rag doll. It was a pretty, typical doll with blonde hair and blue eyes, but it had gotten anorexic once when Renesmee accidentally tore it against a stray nail.

I had to get out. I ran out of the room and shut the door and fled upstairs, flying past the room and throwing myself on my bed. I lay there for a few minutes, breathless and wave after wave of sadness crushing me, burying me under.

Renesmee…

A single tear leaked out of one eye. Soon I was crying my heart out on the pillow, the tears soaking everything and drowing whatever could be drowned. Renesmee. How I missed her. I missed her, so, so much. More than I missed and loved anything in the world.

She couldn't be dead. She couldn't.

Yet she was, and I had to deal with that. She was dead and she had left me here, alone.

How naïve could I be? Renesmee had left, and I was stuck on plain Earth set to self-destruct within a million years. What fantastic luck I had.

I swallowed tears back, flipping my pillow over so that I could lie on the dry side. I had school in three hours approximately. School was a distraction. School would help. School was heaven.

It was then that I realized I needed boys. I needed them like a match needed a flame. I would never be fully functional, I would never be able to live up to what I was supposed to be, unless I had a boy to light me up. But like a match, I could settle for being plain and boring. I could.

And who knew? Maybe one day I would find someone who would light me up forever. A good flame. But for now, Renesmee and Charlie were my flame and they would do. They had done lots of things for me for so long I could manage a year of makeshift flame. Then I would go off to college and I would meet some interesting people. There sure weren't anybody interesting here from the looks of it.

I sighed and closed my eyes. Just as I was about to drift off to sleep, one thought was bouncing around in my mind.

Nessie, I miss you. A lot.

And then I fell asleep.