Authors note: The text in the flashbacks and the song lyrics are tilted to make it easier to separate, but you guys probably figured that out...

CHAPTER 2 – Hard to Love You

Algebra has already started when Brooke pushes open the door and sneaks in. She mouths a silent "I'm sorry" to the teacher and Mr. Jennings gives her an irritated look but seems to decide that the interruption of him scolding her of for her tardiness isn't worth it. Instead he turns back to the board and the math-problem at hand.

Most of the students don't even look up as she cruises between the benches and sits down next to Tim, they're used to her being late without being told off, it's one of the perks being her popular self. But Rachel gives her a long look for not choosing to sit in the empty seat next to her and Brooke rolls her eyes.

"Just leave me alone", she thinks and opens her books. "I don't need your guilt trips on top of everything else."

But Rachel's questioning eyes burns in the back of her head, making it even harder then usual to concentrate at the numbers.

She zombies her way through the two hours, mostly daydreaming and sketching on ideas for clothes in her notepad. And when the bell rings she's the first one leaving the classroom. Rachel doesn't follow her so maybe she finally got the message.

History is equally slow but this time it's someone else's eyes that ruin her concentration. Haley's. They sit next to each other as always and even though they're not talking, she can feel Haley looking at her and she feels a sting of bad conscience in her stomach. She hasn't really talked to her friend in days, and with the closeness they shared the last couple of weeks when she was the only one knowing about Haley's pregnancy, it feels really weird. Especially since Haley is now the one looking worried. She feels bad that she haven't told Haley the whole truth, but what can she do? She really doesn't want her to get stuck in the oncoming shit between her self and Lukas…

She smiles at Haley reassuringly and makes a mental note to try harder with looking happy and normal around her. Because she knows what Haley is thinking. She's thinking that she is mad at her for hanging out with Lukas earlier in the corridor, and that's not true of course. Haley is a great friend, the best one even, and Brooke knows that Haley would never pick sides between her self and Luke. And she doesn't deserve being worried now that she is carrying hers and Nathans baby.

At first Haley doesn't seem to fall for it but Brooke broadens her smile, dimples in full effect, and finally her friend seems reassured.

The rest of the day passes quicker. And even though everything in the cafeteria makes her nauseus (leaving her to have just half of an apple and a bottle of water) and she gets a D on her Spanish-test, she feels better. At least being with Haley makes the afternoon a lot better then the morning had started out.

"You ready for cheer practice?" she asks almost giddily as the bell rings and they gather up their spanish-books.

"I'm sorry Tigger… I have a doctors appointment. Nathan is picking me up in ten minutes."

"He's skipping basketball practice?"

"Yea. Whitey lets him off. He really wanted to come since he missed the last one. You know the one you took me to… and anyways, Nathan doesn't really want me to do cheer practice anymore because of the pregnancy and all."

She looks a bit embarrassed but Brooke hugs her and smiles.

"Don't worry friend, your place on the squad is safe. See you tomorrow, alright?"

Haley nods and hugs her back before disappearing down the hallway. Brooke puts her books back in the locker, then grabs the bag with her gym-clothes and heads towards the gym, but slows down as she sees Lukas and Peyton, both with the same bag as her thrown over their shoulders. Fuck… She had totally forgotten about him being back on the team.

"This will be fun…" She sighs under her breath.

Suddenly the afternoon is back to bad.

Rachel is stretching towards the bleachers, watching Brooke and Lukas bickering it out on the floor. She can hear them clearly, and so can probably the rest of both cheer- and basketball teams, but even for those who can't hear the conversation it's clear by their looks that they're fighting. And they've been at it for almost the entire water break.

Brooke's eyes are dark with anger, hands firmly attached to her hips as she spits out insults, but as she launches at him again he interrupts her tiredly.

"You think you could quit being a total bitch for two minutes so we can talk?"

"Think you could pull your head out of your ass for that long?"

Lukas lets out a load sigh. "God! Brooke, there's nothing going on between me and Peyton, so why are you so angry?"

"Well, there is nothing going on between you and me either, so why are you still here?" And with that she turns on the spot and comes back towards the squad.

Rachel stops the stretching and meets her half way.

"Way to go girlfriend. You told him off!" she smirks but then, for a short second, Brookes mask falls and she sees how sad the brunette girl really is. Chocked, she starts thinking that the whole anger-scene had just been Brooke acting, and if that's the case her roommate deserves an Oscar.

"But if Brooke isn't angry with Luke", she thinks "then why the hell had she broken up with him? And why was she trying so hard to piss him off?"

She watches as Brooke gathers herself a short moment before she goes back to ruling her team by screaming at the girls to get back to practice. Even in just skimpy shorts and a little tank top the petite girl upholds herself like royalty and Rachel has to silently compliment Brooke's way of holding it together. She her self would probably not do as good. Maybe that's why she gets so angry when she sees Peyton standing in the back smiling evilly and Rachel shoots her ice cold looks. Peyton must have heard the fight too and now she is all up in the clouds over the fact that the gap between Brooke and Lukas just keeps getting wider.

"Hey fake-blond! Stop looking so happy. It's not like you're ever getting a chance with Luke." she shouts as she follows Brooke into a quick warm up run. "Move your skinny anorectic ass instead. I don't want to be here all day because of your lovesick drooling!"

In the corner of her eye she sees Brooke glancing at her thankfully and she smiles back at her, still jogging. Brooke is a complete bitch and annoying as hell at times, but she's becoming a friend. And as far as she's concerned, Peyton has joined the enemy-team long ago. She picks up the pace until she's jogging beside Brooke who smiles tiredly.

"Thank's for having my back Rach… If I so much as have to look at that bitch's whiny puppy-face one more time today I am going to turn suicidal. She makes me nauseous!"

It's been the longest day and as Brooke walks towards the car after practice is over, she just can't stop yawning. She is hungry as a wolf since breakfast had been out of the question and lunch had consisted of solely an apple. Without any food and almost three hours of hard training she now feels her stomach churn in pain as it demands feeding. Rachel is walking right behind her, talking in her cell phone with some guy and giggling.

"Rach, I have to stop at the café and get some food." she says over her shoulder. "Do you want a ride home or do you have your own car?"

Rachel snaps her phone shut and slides up beside her.

"Ride, please. You know my car is still at the garage and I had to walk to school this morning since you bailed on me before the crack of dawn."

"I'm sorry."

She opens the door on the driver's side and gets into the car. Thinking that she probably should tell Rachel she's sorry about being a bitch earlier too, when she helped her in the bathroom. But it can wait.

She starts up the car and the radio starts playing. While turning left up on main street she hears Rachel telling her about some guy she met the other night in a bar and her thoughts drift of. To Lukas and their fight earlier in the gym. She hadn't meant for it to go that far but it really hurt her that he thought her breaking up with him only had to do with him kissing Peyton that day in the library. And it all makes her so angry. Doesn't he know her better than that? After months of being both friends and lovers with her, can't he see that she has bigger problems?

(flashback)

"Brooke…"

Lukas comes up to her over the basketball court as she taking big gulps of water from her bottle and she sets it down on the bench.

"Lukas."

"Is this how it's going to be from now on? You not even talking to me? Why are you mad at me?"

She doesn't look up. Instead she wipes the sweat of her forehead with a clean towel.

"I'm not mad, I just don't have anything to say to you…"

He looks at her, sad expression on his face and she feels a tug at her heart for hurting him, maybe she could try harder to not be so harsh… but then she sees his eyes wonder of to Peyton who's standing a couple of feet away. It's just for a second but the glance reminds her. Makes her stronger. He realizes that she saw him look and he flinches.

"I'm not getting together with Peyton, if that's what you think" he says softly.

But it's too late. And it's not enough. The little tug is long gone.

"Maybe you should have thought about that before…" Her voice is colder now and she turns to get back to her team but he grabs her by the arm.

"Brooke! Talk to me. What the fuck is wrong with you? Peyton kissed ME. I didn't do anything wrong!"

"It's not all about you, you know! The world is actually not revolving around you and your precious Peyton Sawyer!"

He opens his mouth, then closes it again, looking really confused. And that's when she starts yelling.

She shakes her head to clear her thoughts and parks outside Karen's Café. She can see Lukas through the big windows, sitting by the counter reading a book just as he used to do in the beginning when they just started dating. She sighs.

"Could you go in and get the food to go?" she asks Rachel who is now playing with her phone again. "I really don't want to talk to Luke after today's practice…"

Rachel nods and gets out of the car. "What do you want me to buy?"

"Whatever is fine. Thanks."

She watches her roommate walk into the café and turns her attention to the car stereo. Pushing play on the cd-player so that The Wrecker's 'Hard to Love You' fills the air.

Maybe she thinks that he doesn't see her, but he can see her clearly through the window. It's dark outside but the light in the car makes it possible for him to see even her facial expression. She looks tired, even more so then she had during practice, and for the third time today he wonders what's going on with that ex-girlfriend of his.

He sees Rachel stepping out on her side of the car, saying something to Brooke through the open window before walking towards the entrance, but Brooke stays sitting in the car. He can see her closing her eyes and leaning her head back towards the seat. Beautiful, but still somewhat broken.

Ex-girlfriend… What the hell had happened in the last couple of weeks that had led to this? Her not being able to come in to his mother's café because he was sitting in here. Even if she stopped loving him, couldn't they at least be friends?

The bell at the top of the door wakes him from his thinking and he looks up at Rachel who is coming up to the counter.

"Hey Rach…" he says with a smile and she gives him a quick hug.

"Hey Luke."

"Brooke's not coming in huh?"

"No… sorry…"

He shrugs his shoulders and takes a sip from his coffee while she orders. He can feel the looks his mother is giving him from the other side of the counter-top but he pretends not to notice. Instead he keeps locking at Rachel.

"So, do you know why she is so upset with me?"

Rachel smirks. "You mean besides all the stuff with Peyton?"

"Yeah…"

She shakes her head no sincerely and picks up the bags that his mother is handing her. He believes her. But then she comes over and puts a hand on his shoulder and with lowered voice, so that Karen doesn't hear her, she says;

"You screwed up big this time boytoy… I mean you were sharing a bed with the hottest girl in all of Tree Hill, after me of course, and ended up loosing her. For the second time. I hope you become happy with that skanky blond girl."

"But Brooke was the one who broke up with me!"

Rachel smirks.

"If that's what you like to tell yourself…"

Then she's out the door and heading back to the car.

He goes back to watching Brooke through the window until they drive away. He's confused, still even angry at her for all the shit she's been pulling recently, but in the back of his mind he knows Rachel is right. He had been the one who messed up. Again.

"I really am sorry, pretty girl" he mouths to the disappearing rear-lights and takes another sip of the coffee. But now it's gotten cold.

Rachel steps back into the car and Brooke turns the key in the ignition as Rachel looks disgusted over the choice of music.

"Brooke Davis! What the fuck? Are you turning all Peyton on me or what's with this broody-ass music?!" She stretches to change the radio station but stops when she hears Brooke.

"Please don't…"

Why do you make it hard to love you

Why can't you even start to try

Cause now I feel the bridges burning

And all the smoke gets in my eyes

The plead is weak, almost not audible over the music, and Brooke's just staring out on the empty road before her. Rachel leans back against the headrest and listens.

I realize I never let you know me

I always wanted to be right

Took a mistake to really show me

Exactly what they were like…

I've been wrong but I'm been changing

I've been wondering what to do

Here I am alone and waiting

…for you…

Tears are forming in Brookes eyes without her noticing it, not until one falls over onto her cheek, and she hurriedly wipes it away. Rachel reaches over and touches her arm.

"Brookie… don't cry. What's going on? You're making me kind of worried here…"

Why do I try to make them happy

Why am I always playing nice

It isn't easy trying to tell you

Exactly what is on my mind…

But she can't help it. More and more tears are coming and soon her cheeks are wet. Trying to concentrate on the road she furiously wipes them away with her shirtsleeve but more just keeps spilling over.

I've been wrong but I'm been changing

I've been wondering what to do

Here I am alone and waiting

For you

I've been wrong but I've been waiting here

…For you

Finally she can't stop her self from sobbing outloud and Rachel turns of the music completely, thinking that the song is the biggest reason for Brooke breaking apart. They're just turning into the driveway outside of Rachel's house and Brooke stops the car, falling over the staring wheel while crying so helplessly that Rachel finds her self stroking her softly over her back without knowing what else to do.

It takes minutes before she calms down enough to speak but then she looks up at Rachel, eyes red and puffy and looking much younger than her just eighteen years.

"I really need to tell you something Rach" she whispers.

Please rewiev. Thanks