A/N: As always First off thank you to those of you who took the time to review Greenaway and I love reading and sharing your feedback it's the highlight of posting the new chapter :)...Also welcome and thank you to those of you that have added us to your alerts and favourites...

We apologise in the delays in updating the blog, bloody teething problems. We will at some stage be adding a photo gallery which will include all the locations in the story and how to pronounce some of the place names. I would like to personally thank Greenaway who continually battles with the photos for the bio's, I bow down to your patience and perseverance I would have deleted the blog the second thing didn't go my way but there you go...Anyway hang in there we promise to get the blog sorted asap.

Disclaimer: S. Meyer owns Twilight, Greenaway & Cinnamontwist101 own An Angel at my table...Songs and Music owned by respective artists, Metallica One ,the feelers stand up, Nine inch nails only,

WARNING: This story contains adult content and we wish to Advise we have given it a R18 classification...Please No minors....

Bella's POV...

I was five months into my pregnancy and everything was progressing well. I hadn't found out the gender of the twins at my twenty week scan much to Renee, Rose and Alice's disgust; only Charlie and Jake were on my side in opposition to knowing.

Jake had become a firm fixture in my life and he was my tower of strength on my low days. My heart still yearned for Edward and what might have been but I kept my feelings buried deep. Unfortunately I had never got out of the habit of whispering his name into the darkness when I needed a release, something that really frustrated me still.

I was struggling with the upkeep of the grounds and the weeds were getting on top of me and I vowed I wouldn't have a break today until I'd managed to rid my flower beds and vegetable garden of every single weed.

I'd been at it for about an hour when Jake turned up, he smiled when he saw me covered in dirt, "hi bells, how's things going? It looks like you're losing the battle with the weeds."

I sighed in defeat, "I know and it's only going to get worse. I guess I never really thought about what having green space entailed. Anyway enough about me how are you going?"

"Um…I'm ok." I looked up at Jake and I could tell something was bothering him.

"What's up Jake? You don't seem your usual self."

"Ah don't worry Bells its nothing, I'm just having problems at my flat."

"What kind of problems?"

"My flatmates just want to party twenty four seven and I never have a quiet moment to study, there's always a large group of people there and it's frustrating."

"Why don't you move in with me? I've got a four bedroom house the twins will have a room each and I'll have one spare. I can't promise you how quiet it will be once their born, and you'll probably be begging to move back to your flat when they keep you up all night because they won't stop crying, but if you think you can hack it you're more than welcome."

"Hey thanks heap Bells that would be fantastic. When can I move in?"

"Today if you want to,"

"Choice, come on you can help me pack my stuff."

"How much stuff have you got?" I hadn't thought about Jake having furniture and boxes of personal items.

"Not much, only my clothes, bed, books, CD's and stereo. I promise it won't take long, we'll be back in about an hour and a half."

"Let's go then." I abandon the weeds and headed for Jakes classic Volkswagen, it was his pride and joy and he never missed an opportunity to talk about it.

I could see what Jake was talking about when we pulled up outside his flat. A multitude of people flowed from the house and covered nearly the whole of the front lawn. Everybody was drinking and the bass from Metallica's 'one' that was playing on the stereo was vibrating through the house, shaking the windows.

"Jeez Jake I see what you mean. I'm glad I'm not one of the neighbours, I'd be moving out tomorrow."

"Yeah I know, crazy aye."

"Nah, it's just a typical kiwi student flat."

"True." I followed Jake to his room and helped to throw all his possessions into boxes.

We had Jakes stuff packed and in the car within half an hour, we got some of the party goers to help tie Jacob's bed to the roof of the car before we set off.

We decided to stop for groceries on the way home and I was pleasantly surprised to see that Jake like to eat healthily and loved to cook."

"I'm going to cook you the yummiest dinners Bella. My grandma Tui is a mean cook and she taught me everything she knows."

"That sounds nice Jake but you should let me cook for you sometimes."

"Nah Bells, I've tasted your cooking remember and no offence but it sucks."

"Thanks a lot asshole." I punched Jakes arm and he laughed at my feeble outburst of violence. We loaded up the trolley full of fruits, vegetables and a whole lot of spices, half of which I'd never even heard of.

We were waiting in line at the checkout when my eyes drifted toward the magazine rack. My eyes widened and my heart began to race my throat went dry and I trembled slightly when my eyes came to rest on a glossy magazine featuring a man with unmistakable bronzed sex hair, my breath hitched when I saw Edward's piercing green eyes looking out from the cover.

My feet propelled me forward automatically and I snatched a copy of the magazine from the rack, I was aware of Jake watching me curiously so I grabbed a copy of House and Garden and Cuisine magazine as well.

"Hey Bells I didn't know you were into reading Financial quarterly magazine, I thought that rag was for yuppie business men who love themselves too much."

I laughed at Jakes comment, "yeah it is but it has some interesting articles in it."

"Whatever floats your boat Bells, but personally I couldn't think of anything worse to read... but there you go."

~~~~XXXX~~~~

I went to have a bath while Jake unpacked his stuff and organised dinner; I took the magazine with Edward on the cover with me and quickly scanned the pages in search of the article.

I couldn't stop the gasp from escaping me when I opened on the page that contained a full page close up of Edward's beautiful face. His sparkling green eyes were fringed with a set of thick black lashes that would rest on his cheeks when his eyes were closed, I stared into his eyes and I was mesmerised at the beauty of them.

I studied his features closely drinking in every detail and committing it to memory. My eyes drifted along his strong line of his jaw bone, his full lips; his straight narrow nose and back to his eyes and the wisp of bronze hair that fell over one eye.

As beautiful as he looked I noticed he looked tired and the lines at the corners of his eyes seemed deeper and he had an air of sadness to him, but he was still as beautiful as I remembered him. I let me mind wander back to that fateful night and I could feel the sensations his touch had evoked in me and before I realised it my hand drifted toward my clit.

I kept my eyes on Edward's photo has I brought myself to orgasm once again whispering his name. I studied the rest of the photos in the shoot, the sight of Edward in a ragged Stoli T shirt that he looked like he'd owned for years had my pulse racing. I looked closer at the picture and laughed loudly when I noticed the shirt had several holes in it that had been sewn up crudely with light blue cotton that clashed horribly with the shirt.

When I'd had my fill of staring at Edward I turned my attention to the article which was about how he'd won the International Business Person of the year award for single handily merging three of the biggest global companies in the world into a single super company under the Cullen name. The article went onto say how he was the youngest ever recipient of the award at the age of thirty five and although he enjoyed living in France he longed for the green grass of home.

I reread it a couple more times before I went back to staring at his picture, my heart throbbed painfully as I gazed upon the face of the man I loved but who I'd never have.

I rubbed my swelling stomach and tried to choke back my sob, "I'm sorry you'll never get to meet your Daddy but I promise to love you enough for the both of us." I wiped the tears away with the back of my hand but more followed. I felt so guilty that I was depriving my babies of a father, but what choice did I have?

I finally dragged myself from the bath when the water got too cold; I rushed to my room and put the magazine in my bedside draw before going in search of Jacob.

"God Bells I thought you'd drowned in the bath, I was about to send out a search party." Jake laughed at my guilty expression as he brought my dinner to the table.

"Sorry about that, I love spending an hour or so in the bath."

"I'll remember that for future reference and start dinner half an hour later. So what are your plans for tomorrow?" Jake took a seat opposite me and picked up his fork.

"I'm going shopping with Alice I'm growing out of my clothes so fast."

"Yeah you're really starting to expand." Jake grinned at me and I rolled my eyes and chucked my napkin at him.

"Thanks Jake, so what you're trying to say is that I'm roughly the size of a whale?"

"God no Bells; don't be ludicrous."

"Sorry, by the way Jake this lamb dish is yum."

"Yeah it's one of Tui's favourites. She is an awesome cook."

"Is she still alive?"

"Yeah she's turning ninety next month, we're having a big celebration on the Marae back home you should come with me."

"That sounds awesome we can go and see Charlie and Renee as well." We ate in silence for a while each of caught up in or own thoughts.

Mine were on Edward and how I longed for him though I didn't want to, my feelings for him weren't diminishing with time if anything they were intensifying, I didn't want to think about Edward anymore so I focused back on the present, "hey Jake I was thinking about painting the twins rooms after dinner, do you want to help?"

"Sure Bells, but don't you want to wait until you know if they're boys or girls?"

"I was thinking of going with emerald green," the colour of Edward's eyes: "and lemon yellow, they're pretty neutral colours and I can always paint them again later to suit their personalities."

"Fair enough,"

We had finished painting both rooms by eleven thirty and I sighed gratefully as I fell onto my bed. I was exhausted and all I wanted to do was sleep and dream of Edward.

~~~~XXXX~~~~

I spent a good hour trying to find something to wear shopping with Alice and I was close to tears of frustration as the discarded pile of clothes began to mount up.

I finally found an old elastic waisted skirt in the back of the closet and sighed in relief as it expanded around my middle. A top was harder to find due to my now massive breasts, I forced my largest tank top over my head and stretched down over my protruding stomach. It was so tight across my stomach that it accentuated my bulge.

I couldn't stop the tears from spilling down my cheeks as I studied my appearance from every angle in the mirror; there was just no way to hide the fact that I was pregnant while wearing this hideous outfit.

I was still crying an hour later when Alice turned up to get me.

"Bella what's wrong?" Alice rushed to my side and sat on the bed next to me wrapping her tiny arms around me.

I shook off her arms and stood up and showed her my outfit, "it's the only thing I could find that fits me." Fresh tears leaked from my eyes.

"Oh god you poor thing, come on lets go, I promise you Bells I can fix this."

We hurried for the train station and I was out of breath as we hurried onto the platform. I looked around nervously at the sea of faces praying I wouldn't see anyone I knew.

I was just about to turn to Alice when two very familiar faces caught my attention, my heart began to race and my breathing became more rapid, as if they could feel my gaze upon them both Jasper and Emmett looked directly at me.

I was about to go into full panic mode when Alice stood in front of me, partially blocking me from view. I saw recognition flash in both of their eyes before I was swallowed up by the crowd moving forward onto the train.

"Oh fuck…shit…fuck…" I closed my eyes and gripped Alice for support as the train inched forward.

"Bella what is it, is it the babies?" Alice looked at me and I could see the panic in her eyes.

"No it's not the babies, I just saw Emmett and Jazz on the platform and they both saw me, I'm not sure how much of me they saw but they both recognised me."

"Relax Bells if they'd seen you were pregnant I'm pretty sure Emmett would be on the phone to you now demanding to know if you really are."

I was about to smile when my cell phone chimed from my bag, my heart sunk when I saw Emmett's number on the screen. I flipped open the phone and read the message quickly.

Bells just saw you on the platform, how are you? I haven't seen or heard from you since New Year I thought you'd disappeared off the face of the earth. Do you want to have lunch with us today?

I let out the breath I didn't realise I'd been holding as relief flooded my body, he hadn't noticed I was pregnant. I quickly typed my response.

I know I'm sorry Emm I've been really busy, I've moved and I'm just really busy. I hope you're well and Jasper as well.

Yeah we all good Jazz says hi, do you want to meet up for lunch today? We miss you.

My throat constricted and tears pricked my eyes as I realised how much I missed them too.

I'm really sorry Emm but I'm really busy today, I promise we'll catch up soon and I miss you and Jazz too xx.

Bells are you avoiding us because of what happened with fucktard? Because it's not your fault he's a sleazy retard. Any way he's away eating frog's legs and snails at the moment so there's nothing to worry about.

I had to laugh at Emmett tact was never his strong point.

No I'm not avoiding you I'm just really busy especially for the next few months. I promise I'll keep in touch. Thanks for the lunch offer and sorry again xx.

"Thank god, he never noticed or if he did he never said. That was a close call. I need to hide this pregnancy for as long I can Alice."

"Don't panic bells, I promise you I have clothes that will keep you hidden for a while longer yet."

We made our way up Cuba street and she dragged me into the first clothing store she saw not even bothering to stop and check the name of it, "we'll just go in here to get something for you to wear up the street to where I really want to go. You can't turn up there looking like some hippy chick/bag lady."

"Where is that you really want to go?"

"You'll see when we get there, now go and try these on." She pulled several items off the racks and stuffed them into my arms.

I had to admit I hadn't seen Alice in a clothing chain store since becoming an adult she had petulance for designer anything that's why she had to work so hard to put herself through university, so she could get a high paying job to support her designer clothes addiction.

I watched her pore over the racks of clothing tsking at the poor finish of the garments and the ghastly fabrics they used. But once again she amazed me with her phenomenal fashion skills when she managed to pull together an outfit that was both classic chic and totally hid my baby belly."

"Alice Swan you are wasted in the concrete jungle of commerce you should spread your wings into fashion."

"That plans for later on down the track when I have the resources to fund it. Now let's go we have people waiting for us.

We spent the rest of the day was spent at witchery*, Karen Walker and Trelise Cooper's store's where Alice had pre ordered a whole range of custom made maternity wear that would hide my pregnancy for at least the next two months if I didn't balloon out too much over the next few weeks.

I was not expecting to go full term with the twins; my midwife had warned me most multiple births came early. Today it couldn't come fast enough for me, I was sick of trying to hide it and I knew the real test hadn't even begun yet.

I was happy by the time we left Karen Walkers store loaded up with garment bags. Alice insisted I wear the merino wool pants suit home from the store.

~~~~XXXX~~~~~

I had applied for a job at the University marking exam papers and thesis' for the English literature students, it was the perfect job because I could do it from home and I'd be able to carry on after the babies were born.

Jake was turning into the perfect flatmate; he cooked for me every night and kept the lawns mowed and the gardens weed free. I helped him structure his Thesis and made him endless cups of coffee when he had exams to study for.

We went out to dinner and to the movies often and our friendship blossomed. I felt totally at ease with Jake he was always positive and upbeat and he helped to keep me occupied so I didn't spend too much time dwelling on Edward.

The only time I seemed to do that was when I was alone in my bed stroking my pregnant belly or staring at his picture in the magazine and I still whispered his name when I brought myself climax. I lay there and stared at Edward's picture and I wondered if he ever thought about me.

I wondered if he lay in his bed at night and wondered what I was doing, "I doubt it," I muttered, "I'm just a stupid mistake remember."

I don't know why I had trouble remembering those cruel words when I fantasised about Edward. Some part of my brain was having trouble categorizing something that felt so right as wrong or a mistake. But that's how he saw it and the sooner I accepted it the better off I'd be.

I closed my eyes and hoped sleep would take me.

~~~~XXXX~~~~

Jake was already up and had breakfast made when I finally dragged myself out of bed and stumbled to the kitchen, he smiled at me when I sat down in the chair opposite him.

"How did you sleep honeypuff?"

"Not bad once I finally got comfortable, I'm not going to complain though, I have a feeling it's going to get a whole lot worse."

"You can count on that. But don't stress Bells I'll rub your feet for you tonight."

Jake you don't have to do that."

"I know Bells I want too. Someone needs to look after you since whoever got you in this predicament isn't going to man up and take responsibility."

"Jake I chose to keep the father of my babies out of the picture he doesn't even know I'm pregnant."

"Why not?" I wasn't sure I was ready to answer that question but Jake was looking at me expectantly.

"Because we were never together as a couple and he left the country and I just decided it was better this way."

"Oh…ok then but I'm still going to look after you."

"Jake please you really don't need to do that. You need to concentrate on your studies and not worry about an expectant mum of twins."

"I can do both Bells. Don't you worry about me I got it all figured out."

"What are you going on about Jake?"

Nothing for you worry about, you just concentrate on keeping you and your babies healthy, ok."

"That's my plan Jake, keeping healthy. And thanks for everything; I want you to know that I appreciate every little thing you've done for me."

"You're welcome honeypuff, now hurry up and eat your breakfast before it gets cold."

When Jake left for his lecture I headed for the twins room and sorted through the immense pile of baby clothes and gadgets Alice and Renee had already brought for them. I had enough gear here for two sets of twins. I packed the excess clothes into boxes to drop off at the local charity.

I was just closing the lids on the boxes when Jake arrived home, "Hey honeypuff how was your day?"

"Boring, how was your day?"

"Boring, shall we go to the movies tonight? That vampire love stories on, you know the one? You have the book in the bookcase."

"You mean Twilight? Sure Jake I'm keen to see it and I'm desperate to get out of the house."

I was so glad Jake had taken me to see Twilight not only did I enjoy the movie, I really enjoyed Robert Pattinson portrayal of the lead character. Robert was both drop dead gorgeous and talented.

I had just changed into my Pyjamas and Jake was making a cup of tea when he called out from the kitchen, "Bells did I tell you my grandmothers birthday is scheduled for the end of next month."

"Jeez Jake, I'll be like eight months pregnant by then, I might not even be allowed to fly or the twins might already be here by then."

"Make sure you find out if you can fly, and I reckon you won't have the twins until the following weekend I'm picking the seventh of August that makes you thirty four weeks which sounds about right for twins."

"Jake how on earth do you know about times and dates and that twins are born around thirty four weeks?"

"I've been doing some research. I have to be organised."

"Organised for what?"

"To take you to the hospital when you go into labour silly," My heart swelled and I gave him a huge smile.

"I'm so lucky to have you as a friend Jake." And I was lucky to have found Jake he was fast becoming one of the most important people in my life. He was my best friend.

"I'm the lucky one Bell."

I lay in my bed and stared at my picture of Edward, my heart ached with sadness and longing. I found myself once again wondering if he ever thought about me. I rubbed my stomach and fought back my tears as I waited for sleep to claim me...

Edward POV

Five months later and Irina, Felix, Demetri and I had the office working like a finely tuned machine. Professionally, I knew I had found my place in the world; the four of us were a formidable team and a force to be reckoned with.

I spearheaded the campaign to merge three multi-national companies into one, under Cullen Industries parent company. The merger meant more revenue, new jobs and greater potential for market growth. It was one of the largest corporate moves ever, and we were at the forefront of it all. We were the heroes of the business world and I was its golden child.

Carlisle was ecstatic, congratulating himself at every opportunity for his 'strategic move' of sending me here. Every time he said that, I wanted to reach down the phone and strangle him.

Pompous prick.

Professionally my life was fantastic. It was my personal life where the problems lay.

Bella was still at the forefront of my mind and hardly a moment went by when she didn't pop into my thoughts. I hoped whatever she was doing made her happy.

Tanya and I had become an unofficial sort of couple (though in her mind I think it was as official as a fucking heart attack.) and she was constantly around. Felix and Demetri hated it, they both couldn't stand her and since the three of us had become quite close, they invariably had to end up enduring Tanya's company.

Tanya was tiresome, trying, irritating, ignorant, vacant and every synonym for stupid you could think of. She was, however, convenient. Some days it just hurt too much to be alone, and she filled the void inside me.

Tanya was just, Tanya. I had no feelings towards her, other than that desperate need to just have someone. She was more than happy to accommodate me, she benefited from our relationship as well. Tanya was girlfriend to Edward Cullen, which meant she would be seen in all the right places, with all the right people, and everyone would know her name. She was Tanya Denali, Edward Cullen's girlfriend, and she loved it.

My life outside of work had become a series of voids that made up a very broken man. I knew I was broken, I just didn't know how to fix myself. My life was slipping away from me, the family I had had wanted to fill my house in Wellington gone. In its place were drugs and hard liquor.

Since coming to France it felt like my life was one fucking freefall, and while I could see the bottom, I had yet to hit it. But it was getting closer every day.

*********

I was at work, sitting in my office, trying to find a way to circumvent the 'No Inter-office affairs policy'. Irina and Demetri had grown steadily closer over the last five months, and I was worried if I didn't find a way to get around the policy, one or both could lose their jobs. If it were up to me, I see them married in the fucking office and screw Carlisle, but at the moment, we just weren't there yet. I had hired a lawyer out of my own pocket to go over their contracts and find a loophole. It was safer keeping my enquiries away from Cullen Industries and potential discovery. Not until I had a suitable solution anyway.

I would do anything for Irina, Demetri and Felix, they were my best and only real friends here. Demetri and Felix dragged me out most Friday and Saturday nights and even tolerated Tanya, though I knew they only did so with great effort. Last Saturday night had been one out of the box though…

"Ditch the slag for tonight Edward. Demetri and I have a little field trip planned." Felix had pushed his way into the penthouse without even knocking. Neither him, Demetri or Irina did anymore, they just came in and made themselves at home.

"Field trip?" I asked curiously, taking another drag from the joint I was smoking.

I fucking loved their little field trips, they always ended with me completely fucking wasted. Getting smashed, be it from alcohol or the drugs, was my new way of life outside of the office. It was the only way to stop hurting for just a little while and I craved those moments of peace. They kept me together.

"Pass that joint, scrooge, and yes, field trip. But ditch the slag first." Felix said, taking the joint off me and inhaling deeply.

I grinned like the stoned fool I was as I answered, "Consider her ditched. Where are we off to?"

Felix smirked, handing the joint back to me.

"Well, there's this little place Demetri and I go sometimes. It's a bit pricey, the entrance fee alone is five grand U.S., and you can only get in with another member. Lucky for you sunshine, Demetri's been a member for about a year now." Felix looked at me and waggled his eyebrows suggestively

"Ever been to an Opium Lounge, Fearless leader?"

Later that night, I found myself sprawled out on the most comfortable couch I have ever lay on in my life, Felix, Demetri and a few other influential people from Paris's corporate world scattered around the room on their own couches.

It had been a unique experience; you lay down on the couch while a fucking gorgeous, half-naked woman brought a little tray with a lamp in the middle to you. The tray was beautiful, red wood and pearl inlays. The little lamp in the middle had a strange glass chimney, and I spent so long staring at the thing, the woman cleared her throat. She held a pipe up to me which I took, while she burned the opium and I inhaled the smoke.

Demetri had told me on the way, that these lounges were the recent fad in Paris, but he was 'vogue' because he had got in before it got all 'mainstream'. He was convinced he had begun the trend.

I had felt like I was sinking into the couch as the chemicals in the opium reacted with my brain, and nothing hurt anymore. The constant aching, burn I had become accustomed to since that night I walked away from Bella, faded away. Everything was good, I could even think about Bella without wanting to tear my heart out and throw it away.

"Edward! I can't believe it!" Irina burst into my office door, shaking me out of my memories, and I looked at her surprised. Irina was a naturally happy person, but this was extreme even for her, she was practically vibrating and reminded me so much of Bella's sister, Alice.

"You won! You won, Edward! I can't believe it! I'm so happy for you!" She threw herself across my desk and wrapped her arms around my neck hugging me and kissing my cheek. I laughed at her

"What in god's name are you talking about Irina? Have you been drinking? Cause if you have I'm kinda offended you started without me." I joked

"Hey, what the hell is this? Edward's with your sister Irina, and even though she is a slag, you should still respect those sisterly boundaries."

Felix teased from the doorway. Irina got off the desk and straightened her skirt which had ridden right up, nearly revealing her panties. Irina was beautiful and had a killer body, but she was my best friend and no more than that. I loved her and I knew she loved me, but her heart belonged to Demetri just as my heart belonged to Bella.

"Dipshit! Edward has won International Business Person of The Year! Not only that, he is the youngest recipient ever! They're holding a big award dinner and Financial Quarterly want him on their next cover! With a full photo spread, and article detailing the man behind the Mogul!" Irina gushed on my behalf. I just let my head fall to the desk and groaned.

"Why? Why me?" I said, my voice muffled by the desk.

"What's the problem Edward? It'll be from the merger you brokered." Felix sat down in the chair on the other side of the desk and put his feet up, placing them entirely to close to my head. I sat up and scowled at him.

"First off, get your fucking feet off my desk. Second, we brokered the deal, it was a team effort."

Felix and Irina laughed at me.

"I appreciate that Edward, but we really didn't do anything. You're the one who came up with the plan, you're the one who convinced them to go through with it, we just came along for the ride." Felix smiled at me. Irina came up behind me and put her hands on my shoulders

"You deserve this Edward. Be happy and enjoy something good in your life for a change."

I squeezed one of her hands quickly and stood up just as Kate's name lit up on the phone. I picked it up.

"Yes Kate?"

"Tanya's here to see you. She wants to "Congratulate you" she said." Kate said in a bored tone. I could hear Tanya in the background and so could Irina and Felix, who both cringed.

"Rather you than me." Felix said holding up his hands.

"I'd better go and see her." I said, my tone suggesting I wanted otherwise.

Irina looked around comically, like we might be overheard and mock whispered

"Sneak out down the stairs. I'll tell her you're in meetings for the rest of the afternoon."

I hugged her, because I just wasn't in the mood to deal with Tanya's hysteria. I could imagine her frothing at the mouth at the thought of being seen on my arm at the dinner. She would be thinking about what the award meant for her.

"I love you Irina." I said kissing the top of her head. She just laughed and pushed me away, punching me in the chest. It actually fucking hurt.

"Fuck, Irina, I'm glad you're not my sister." Felix said looking at her with wide eyes.

Irina didn't normally like to get involved with my relationship with Tanya, she said she didn't want to have to take sides between her sister and her best friend. I understood and respected her wish completely.

So I shared Felix's surprise at her interference now.

"Yeah, well I'm your girlfriend's sister too, so watch your back." She turned to Felix and growled at him.

"Point taken, I shall shut my mouth now." He conceded. Irina turned back to me and began pushing me out the door

"Go, get out of here and go call your Mum. She'll want to know, and tell her I said hi."

"Yeah, say hi to your Mum for me." Felix added.

The three of them had become quite close to my mother via emails and phone conversations, and if I was unavailable when she called, one of them would end up talking to her. For hours sometimes, Felix joked it's lucky she was the head honcho's wife and the bosses Mum or his ass would be in the unemployment line. Felix was pretty full on and he reminded me so much of Emmett. I shuddered to think what kind of trouble those two could find together.

They hadn't met yet and I was in no hurry for the mayhem.

Irina slammed the door shut behind me, and I stared at the door. I had just been kicked out of my own office. I left the building via the stairs and walked to the nearest bar and stayed there, drinking until they closed. I wondered if Bella would have been proud of my accomplishments if she knew. I liked to think she would.

I woke up the next day in my bed, having no idea how I got there. I suspected Felix or Demetri had found me and brought me home. I got out of bed and ignored the dull thump in my head, my hang-overs didn't bother me so much these days, I guess I was just getting used to them. I showered and changed into my favourite Stoli T-shirt that had seen better days. I had had the thing forever and the print was cracking. It had been subjected to my crude stitching in several places with the closest matching cotton I could find at the time. Unfortunately, it didn't really match, actually it looked pretty shit, but I didn't care. It was comfy and I liked it.

It was still early and the photo shoot and interview for the damn article were today, with the Awards Dinner tonight. Apparently they really wanted to get this out and onto newsstands. I was hot news it seemed, but I really didn't feel like it.

I looked at the clock. Eight o'clock, plenty of time for a drink and a couple of lines. I sat down at the coffee table and pulled the box with my coke in it from underneath. I did a few lines and then went and poured myself a drink.

It was eleven thirty when Tanya came to hurry me up. She had insisted on coming today, no doubt hoping to get a mention.

When she saw my shirt she had a shit fit.

"Edward that shirt is awful! You can't wear that! The entire business world will read this article, you don't want them to see you like this!"

Yadda, yadda, yadda. God, she was such a stuck up bitch.

"Fuck off, they said they wanted to see the real Edward Cullen, well here I am, shitty shirt and all." I said standing and attempting a little spin. I lost my balance and fell on my ass, laughing.

I thought it was funny as hell, but Tanya didn't it seemed. Well, maybe you had to be high. Or drunk. Or both.

I'd need some strong coffee before the shoot.

"Are you high Edward?? This is important, it affects us and how we are viewed in society." she nearly screeched.

"Society? What the fuck, are in we in some eighteenth century cheesy romance? Who gives a fuck what those bastards think? I sure as fuck don't." I stood up and swayed on my feet, burping crassly.

"Besides, they all know you anyway." I snorted at her. She smiled, thinking it was complement.

Oh, baby when will you learn? I am a complete and utter prick when I'm smashed. I sneered at her.

"When I say they know you Tanya, I mean they know you. Slutty, social climbing, over-indulged princess that you are. Fuck, for how many of the Paris elite have you spread those pretty thighs for? Perseverance paid off though, didn't it? You held out and look what you got." I swept my hand up and down in front of me, gesturing to my self

"You got the 'International Business Person' of the year. Youngest recipient ever no less. You hooked those claws in well darling. Mummy would be proud." I said cruelly.

Tanya looked at me in a mixture of fury and hurt, and since the hurt made me feel guilty, I concentrated on the fury. That I could retaliate against.

"No snide comeback baby? Or are you just going to play the silent martyr?" I stumbled my way over to her, pushing her against the door, and kissing her neck.

"You need me baby?" Imagination-Bella asked sweetly. I sighed in relief. Bella. It was always her and always would be.

I always need you Bella, you know that. You are my life, no matter where you are.

"I know baby, I know. Now close your eyes and let me take care of you." Bella crooned in my ear.

We fucked against the door, our banging knocking a few pictures to the floor and shattering them. I laughed as I realized I literally fucked Carlisle's art.

Take that dick head.

I heard a woman's voice call out my name, but it sounded wrong.

Bella?

Bella smiled at me. "I love you." She breathed over me, intoxicating me with her scent.

I moaned as I spilled myself inside her, kissing her gently as I pulled out. I looked into her face and nearly fucking screamed when I saw Tanya smirking up at me. I swallowed back a mouthful of vomit, as I realised what had just happened.

It was always like this for me, the come-down from my Imagination-Induced-Bella-Highs.

It was worse than the fucking comedown from coke.

*************

Tanya loved every minute of the photo shoot and wouldn't shut up during the interview, so the interviewer finally asked her if she would leave the room for the last half. He had looked at me nervously as though I might object or be offended. I snorted and shook my head to myself, I couldn't care a less what Tanya did.

Later at the Awards Dinner, Tanya really came out to shine, she was the perfect arm candy, looking stunning in her low cut Valentino dress. The only problem was when she opened her mouth, she would say something utterly stupid, halting the whole conversation as no one knew what to say or where to look. I'd just take another drink and ignore her, carrying on as if she hadn't spoken.

I dropped her off afterwards at her apartment before proceeding to the penthouse. Tanya had wanted to come up but I was not in the mood for a repeat of earlier. My imagination could only stretch so far.

I had a shower, bringing myself to orgasm and relieving some of my stress, Bella's face dancing behind my closed eyes. I finished up my shower and made my way to bed, falling into a restless sleep.

I took some time off at Irina's insistence.

It was good; I had avoided Tanya for the most part, spending as little time as possible with her. Otherwise, I just drank.

A lot.

I was sitting there in my lounge, smoking a joint and watching a very familiar song on MTV.

I'm becoming less defined as days go by
Fading away
And well you might say
I'm losing focus
Kinda drifting into the abstract in terms of how I see myself

Fuck, Nine Inch Nails, I hadn't heard them in awhile. I turned up the volume and sat back, marvelling at how even the office scene in the video matched my situation perfectly. I clicked the record button, so I could listen again afterwards, I fucking loved Nine Inch Nails.

Less concerned about fitting into the world
Your world that is
Cause it doesn't really matter anymore
(no it doesn't really matter anymore)
No it doesn't really matter anymore
None of this really matters anymore

No, fitting in was more Tanya's priority than mine. She never went anywhere without at least two hours spent in front of a mirror. I missed the kind of girl who would dance around the office to that little bubblehead Britney Spears as if she were the only one in world. Tanya was high-maintenance where as Bella was just herself, and I found that far more sexy.

Yes I am alone but then again I always was
As far back as I can tell
I think maybe it's because
Because you were never really real to begin with
I just made you up to hurt myself

I finished the joint and picked up my scotch, nodding along to the music when my phone rang and Emmett's name popped up on the screen. I smiled and answered

"Hey bro!... How's things?" I asked feeling a lot more cheerful.

"Edward, good to talk to you man. Yeah, I'm sweet as. How's France and uh, 'what's her name again'?"

I rolled my eyes; he knew her name was Tanya.

"Tanya Emmett and she's fine. So what's up with the call? It must be late over there. Or early."

I could hear Emmett shuffling around and I heard Jasper whisper, 'Just fucking tell him Emmett!'

"Tell me what Emm? What's wrong? Has something happened to Mum?" I asked sitting forward a little anxious. Fucking weed was spooking me.

"Settle down bro, I see that stick is still firmly up your ass fucktard. No, Mum's fine, looking forward to coming to see you, we all are." He finished quietly.

"I miss you guys too." I said simply.

"Yeah, alright don't go all soft on me. Listen, the reason I called is…. . Jesus, I mean I know you're with 'what's her name'…"

"Tanya." I interjected impatiently. I wished he'd get to the fucking point, I was getting pretty fucking nervous and the weed wasn't helping the paranoia.

"Yeah: her. Well, I know you're with Tanya now, and maybe you won't want to know this but… I saw Bella."

My breathing stopped and my whole world ground to a halt. I could hear a strange roaring noise in my ears.

"Edward? You there man? Hell, I'm sorry bro, I wasn't sure if you would want to know or not, then Jazz the idiot, told me I should call you and tell you."

I heard a scuffle on the other end of the line and Jasper cursing out Emmett for calling him an idiot, but didn't pay much attention. All I could focus on was that he had seen Bella.

My Bella.

I heard the front door open, and Tanya's shrill voice call out in greeting.

The image of Bella in my head shattered at Tanya's voice.

"Uh, no that's great Emm. I hope she's doing well, tell her I said hello when you see her next." I said keeping my voice even. Inside my head it was chaos. Tanya was now standing in front of me with her hands on her hips and a frown on her face. I didn't want to talk about Bella in front of Tanya, it felt so wrong somehow, like it would taint my memories of Bella.

"Yeah, if I do. I think she's avoiding me. Which I blame you for by the way. Thanks for costing me my best friend."

"Hey, who is it?" Tanya asked nosily. Emmett spoke before I could

"Oh, fuck is that 'what's she called'? I'll talk to you later bro. Take it easy ok? We'll be there soon and then we'll sort this shit out ok? Me and Jazz got your back."

"There's nothing to sort out Emm. I'm fine, look I got to go, talk to you later ok?" I said, as Tanya continued to scrutinize me. Sometimes she could be super intense and it made me a little nervous.

"Ok Edward, bye," Emmett said and I hung up the phone, looking at Tanya angrily.

"It was fucking Emmett! Is that alright? Tell me though, how is it any of your business who I talk to Tanya?"

Her jaw clenched before she plastered a smile on her face.

"I'll refill your drink shall I?" She purred, leaning over me so I had a perfect view of her cleavage.

I just closed my eyes; I really didn't want to see it.

I turned up the volume on the television and looked around her, watching the digital image of Trent throw himself at the glass.

Now I am somewhere I am not supposed to be
And I can see things I know I really shouldn't see
And now I know why, now, now, now I know why
Things aren't as pretty
On the inside

I sculled the drink Tanya had poured me back and motioned for another.

Things certainly weren't pretty on the inside...