A/N: As always big ups to those who took the time to review please keep them coming it's our motivation. Also thank you to those who added us to your alerts and favourites..xx...I would also like to take the time to thank Greenaway for all her hard work :)...
Greenaway's Interjection: And thanks to Cinnamon who put up with my appalling lack of courtesy (texts that I was unable to respond to and very late emails) and surly behavior with the craziness that has been my life lately. Sorry chickee and thanks for all your patience.
Disclaimer: S Meyer owns twilight, Greenaway & Cinnamontwist101 own An Angel at My Table. Anika Moa 'dreams in my head. Owl City own Vanilla Twilight. The Cherry Poppin Daddies own Zoot Suit Riot (kick ass song by the way, you people need to go you tube that straight away! LOL)
Edward POV
I was waiting at the airport for my mother and brothers to arrive and I was nervous and excited. Excited to be seeing them again, nervous because I would be proposing to Tanya and I was sure their reactions would not be positive ones.
"Edward! There's my baby boy!" I heard my mother screech from the other side of the airport and begin hurtling towards me at lightening speed, throwing herself into my waiting arms. I picked her up in a hug and spun her around as she laughed. I put her down finally, but she wouldn't let me go.
"Aw, come on Mum, people are looking at us now." I teased. She just smiled at me, a beautiful, genuine smile that made my cold heart thaw a little.
"Let them look, I have my son back and I'm not letting go now. You have no idea how much I've missed you Edward." She said, her eyes welling up. I gave her a quick one armed hug before Emmett and Jasper caught up.
"Geez Mum, it's only fucktard!" Emmett said.
"Emmett!" She chastised. Emmett grinned guiltily
"Sorry Mum."
Jasper shook my hand, grinning and while we gave each other a very manly one armed hug.
"Good to see you again Edward, things haven't been the same without you." Jasper said
Emmett punched me in the shoulder and I winced. Fuck he was strong.
"I didn't miss you Fucktard. So where's 'What's her face'?" He said looking around
"I didn't fucking miss you either." I said and returned his punch. "And you know her name is Tanya." I was aggravated at his insistence to carry on that pathetic game.
"Well, where is she Edward?" My mother asked looking at me "I wanted to meet the girl who stole my son's heart." I tensed a little at her assumption of my feelings regarding Tanya. But I didn't correct her, hell, what was I going to say?
'Geez Mum, yeah we're living together and I plan to marry her and father her children, but no, I don't love her and she most certainly does not own my heart.'
No. My mother would not understand. I wasn't sure I understood it even.
"Tanya couldn't make it. She got tied up." I lied.
Tanya had thrown a fucking tantrum when she found out that my brothers would be staying with us in the penthouse. She had talked to Emmett and Jasper on the phone a few times and they clearly didn't get along.
It annoyed Tanya to no end that my mother and brothers loved Irina, and she had become increasingly bitter and nasty towards her sister. Tanya didn't dare do it where I could hear, I wouldn't fucking stand for that, but Felix and Demetri kept me informed.
No, as much as I hated to admit it, I had driven a wedge between Tanya and Irina, and I felt bad for it. Irina told me not to worry, that it had been a long time coming between them, but it didn't erase the guilt.
She also reminded me of her initial warning about Tanya.
"Oh, well that's a shame. But we will see her tonight won't we? Your father said he would be here for dinner, so I thought I could cook my boys a real home cooked meal. What do you think? Perhaps Tanya could help me, give us a chance to get to know each other." My mother queried. I couldn't see Tanya helping my mother cook a big family dinner. I'm not entirely sure Tanya knew how to use a can opener, let alone something like the oven.
We arrived back at the penthouse and Emmett and Jasper went to unpack. My parents were staying at a hotel for the duration of their visit and while I would have loved to have my mother stay, I was glad my father was not under the same roof as me.
Esme went straight to the kitchen and began preparing for dinner, chatting away about how everyone was in New Zealand and how proud they were that I had won International Business Person of the year. She asked about work, and told me how much she liked Irina and the others. She asked me a lot about Tanya, and I knew I was frustrating her with my vague answers, but the truth was I didn't want to waste the time I had with her talking about Tanya.
An hour later my father walked through the door with none other than Tanya, and they were both laughing and smiling. My initial shock at seeing them together was overshadowed by their obvious familiarity. It should have made me happy to see my soon-to-be fiancé bonding with my father, but it didn't. It unnerved me.
"Tanya, what's going on?" I asked a little angry, but I didn't know why. I felt like there was something more going on that what I was aware of . Tanya looked at me with a sugary smile
"Daddy asked me if I would pick up Carlisle from the airport. He was going to do it himself, but got held up, so he asked me." Carlisle stepped forward and shook my hand.
"Good to see you again Edward." He said formally. I shook his hand squeezing a little harder than necessary.
"You too Dad." I had nothing else to say to him and we stood there in silence for a moment until Emmett came bounding out into the room. Carlisle walked away to the bar.
"You must be Tanya!" Emmett said loudly, looking at her. She stared back at Emmett and I saw a flicker of distaste cross her features. Emmett didn't notice and instead came forward and picked her up in a hug. I knew it was all for my benefit and I appreciated it.
Tanya didn't. She screamed bloody murder and Emmett dropped her like she was on fire. He looked at her confused
"What's wrong with you?" He said frowning. Tanya stood back up and glared at him
"What's wrong with me? You just grabbed me!" She stormed. Jasper had come out to see what all the commotion was and narrowed his eyes at a ranting Tanya.
"Uh, it's called a hug." Emmett said "Most people just hug the other back, but hey, you scream. That's cool." He said and made his way over to Jasper.
"My hair is messed!" Tanya screeched and Jasper's eyes narrowed further. Well, his opinion was pretty clear, I guess.
I looked down at Tanya, about to hiss at her to shut her fucking mouth and stop being a bitch, but my father's very pissed off voice echoed throughout the penthouse.
"Edward Cullen!" He roared, storming up to me with an empty bottle in his hand.
Ah, yes. In a moment of pure genius I had decided to save the empty bottle of Chivas. I had then carefully placed it in the exact spot I had found it, as a little present for Carlisle.
He held the bottle up in front of my face
"What is this?" He demanded, his voice furious. I looked back innocently.
"Uh, I give up, what is it?"
He looked like his head was about to explode. Emmett whispered something to Jasper and they both began laughing quietly. I tried to hold back my own laughter, only marginally succeeding.
"I was saving this Edward. It was for a special occasion." Carlisle seethed.
"Well, you'll be pleased to know, it was fantastic. Worth every dollar, brilliant on the way down, mild burn on the way back out." Emmett and Jasper were turning red, trying to contain themselves.
My father muttered something under his breath and stalked out of the room. Jasper and Emmett finally let go and began roaring with laughter. Jasper leaned back against the wall and slid down, holding his sides while tears streamed down his cheeks. Emmett was making great whooping noises when my mother came in looking at us in confusion. Her eyes scanned the room and when they fell on Tanya's sulking countenance they brightened considerably. I began to worry my mother was setting herself up for disappointment where Tanya was concerned.
She wiped her hands on her apron and made her way over to Tanya extending one, which still hand little bits of dough sticking to it.
"You must be Tanya. How do you do, I'm Esme, Edward's mother."
Tanya completely ignored my mother and continued playing with her hair. It took everything in me not to shake her till her teeth rattled.
She was being rude, and I knew it stemmed from the fact that Emmett and Jasper were staying with us. She didn't like it and she was sulking.
"Tanya, my mother is speaking to you." I growled lowly and Tanya's head snapped up. She glanced between myself and my frowning mother. Finally she sighed deeply as though resigning herself to a huge burden.
"Tanya Denali, it's a pleasure to meet you." She said, but her words were empty. She held out her hand, but snatched it back when she saw my mother's hands. Jasper growled and stepped forward, but my mother held her hand up and stopped him.
"I guess you wouldn't want to help me with dinner then, would you Tanya?" She asked with little hope in her voice. I had never felt more ashamed of Tanya than I did in that moment.
Tanya actually snorted and asked my mother why we didn't just call the caterers. Emmett had to hold Jasper back again, and I was getting pretty close to launching at Tanya myself.
"I might go see if Carlisle will fix me a drink." Tanya said and strode towards the bar where Carlisle smiled as he saw her approach. They began chatting instantly, it was disgusting to watch.
Esme went back into the kitchen and the sounds of cooking drifted from the kitchen.
"Seriously Edward? You're going to let her talk to Mum like that? What the fuck is wrong with you?" Emmett bellowed at me. I said nothing. I had no fucking excuses left, I had nothing left. The only thing I had was this plan to marry Tanya and get the family I longed for. That was keeping me together.
"Jasper, feel like doing a line?" I asked, walking away towards the bathroom.
"Are you fucking kidding me Edward? With Mum and Dad in the fucking house? What the hell has happened to you bro?" Emmett asked incredulously.
I just ignored him and went into the bathroom. Jasper joined me about a minute later, shutting the door and locking it behind him.
The irony was not lost on me.
"Edward you can't do this." Jasper said suddenly. I looked at him in surprise, what couldn't I do?
"Tanya. You can't marry Tanya." His eyes were pleading with me and I was a little taken aback. I knew Jasper didn't like Tanya, but this was a bit much.
"Uh, yeah I can and I'm going to. Why the hell would you say something like that Jazz?"
He shook his head and looked at me sadly.
"God, Edward, you really have no idea do you? You're about to commit your entire life to Tanya, you plan on having children with her, yet I guarantee that you haven't once told her you love her."
"How the fuck would you know that?" I growled and set up the lines, snorting one before handing the rolled note to Jasper. He didn't bother to take a hit, he just stared at me
"If you love Tanya then say it. Out loud. Say it!" Jasper demanded.
I tried to say the words, I really, really did. I wanted nothing more than to love Tanya, but I couldn't. There was only one woman I loved and Tanya wasn't it. It was Bella, it always would be Bella, but Bella didn't want me, so what was I supposed to do? Spend the rest of my life pining away for her?
I was angry at Jasper, I was doing my fucking best to move on, it wasn't easy. I didn't need him tearing apart the fragile life I was trying to build. Jasper took my silence as confirmation he was right.
"You're still in love with Bella aren't you?" He said quietly, cutting right through the bullshit to the heart of the matter, just like he always did.
"Who said I was in love with Bella to begin with?" I tried to avoid the question. Just like I couldn't say I loved Tanya, I couldn't say I didn't love Bella, and Jasper knew it.
"You think you have no options Edward, but you do. You don't have to settle for anything, fight for what you want! Go back to New Zealand, fuck Dad, tell him to go to hell! You're a grown fucking man Edward, take responsibility for your life and make your own goddamn decisions!"
I wanted to scream at him that he was fucking wrong, that he knew nothing about me or my life, but I couldn't because he wasn't wrong. He was one hundred percent right and we both knew it. That didn't mean I liked being called out on it. Lucky for Jasper, I was past fighting now, moving on without Bella was like leaving my soul behind and I was just the shell of a man, nothing more than an imitation of the real thing.
"It's happening Jasper. I'm going to marry Tanya and we are going to start a family together. It's the best outcome for all involved." I said in a flat tone. Jasper just looked at me with his eyebrows raised in shock.
"Can you hear yourself Edward? You sound like you're negotiating a business deal, not marrying someone. You know this isn't right, don't do it. Don't propose to her."
"I'm sorry Jasper, my mind is made up." I began to get twitchy from the coke and I started to pace around the bathroom. Damn Jasper! He always did this, exposed me right to the bone and forced me to be honest with him and myself. I was reaching my breaking point.
"I've got to do something Jazz, it just hurts too fucking much. Every day I think it will get better but it doesn't, it just gets fucking worse, and it will kill me if I don't do something Jazz." My voice cracked a little and Jasper pulled me into a bone crushing hug.
"Ah, little brother, why must you always take the hard road?" He rubbed my hair with his knuckles and I pushed away from him, regaining my composure.
"Just be happy for me Jasper, at least when people can see you. That's how I've been living since I came here."
I turned and walked away, out of the bathroom, out of the penthouse and out of the building. I left my mother making the big family dinner for us, I left a justifiably angry Emmett, I left Jasper, who saw me a little too clearly for my liking, I left a father who used me like a pawn in a chess game and I certainly left a woman whom I didn't love but was to become my wife.
I walked about two blocks before I came to a bar. I went inside and drank until everything blacked out.
****************
The next day, I awoke in my bed to find a note stapled to my shirt from Demetri.
'How does every single fucking bar in Paris know to call ME when you pass out there? Do you have fucking business cards printed up for it?? By the way, you owe me for the shoes you threw up on last night. Thanks for that.
Demetri.
I apologised to my brothers and to my exceptionally sad looking mother. I didn't give a shit about how my actions affected my father or Tanya, so I didn't apologise to either of them.
Emmett and Jasper decided to take Mum around Paris for the day before the big dinner at my friend Peter's restaurant.
I spent the day in bed, drinking and smoking some weed, taking anything so I could just feel normal around my family. Seeing them reminded me of my old life and that just opened the door to the hurt, and I couldn't take it anymore.
So I got high, and it didn't hurt so much. I drank and the pain dimmed.
Later that afternoon, I dressed and drove over to the restaurant by myself, meeting everyone there. We sat down to dinner and the chatter was light and amicable. Tanya's father was here along with Irina and Kate, Demetri and Felix had come along as well.
The main course had finished and just before desert was to be served I stood up and grabbed Tanya's hand pulling her to her feet, my head was cloudy with all the substances in my body, slowing my brain, but I managed to pull the ring out of my pocket and shove it on her finger while I said
"Marry me." Wow. That sounded fucking awful.
Oh my god. What have I done? Bella.
I'm so fucking sorry Bella. I don't love her, I only love you. Please forgive me.
Tanya squealed and began bouncing up and down and I took the time to look at the faces around the table.
Marcus looked thrilled, he and Carlisle were clapping each other on the back and laughing away. Emmett had his face in his hands and was shaking his head, while Jasper looked at me in a mixture of sadness and anger.
Felix and Demetri had turned pale and Irina was staring at me as if to say 'this is a joke, right?'. It didn't concern Kate, so she appeared not to care.
I looked at my mothers face last, and when I did, I regretted it instantly.
With one look my mother reduced me into a quivering little boy, distraught that he had disappointed his mother so badly. She did look disappointed, but also very, very sad.
I think seeing her so sad was actually worse.
The night wore on and I learned the beauty of giving Tanya expensive jewelery. When you did, she fucked off to go gloat to all the other little social climbers in the room.
My father was busy talking to Marcus and my poor mother was left there, standing pretty much all on her own. 'Zoot Suit Riot' by The Cherry Poppin' Daddies came on and I smiled as I excused myself from Irina and the others. I walked up to my mother holding my hand out.
"May I have this dance Mum?" I asked with a cheeky grin. I hoped she would forgive me one day, but right now, I just needed to see my Mum smile.
Her whole face lit up and she practically sparkled with excitement.
"Of course you can honey." She said and took my hand. I spun her onto the dance floor and we began a complicated swing number.
We didn't do any overly elaborate moves, but we never faltered in our steps. We gained the attention of the room, and pretty soon there was a large circle around us as we danced.
A whipped up jitterbuggin' brown eyed man
A stray cat frontin' up an eight-piece band
Cut me Sammy and you'll understand
In my veins hot music ran
My mother was so happy as I spun her around that dance floor, I wished I saw her like this more often. It struck me hard right then just how much I had actually missed her and would when she left again.
Zoot suit riot
Throw back a bottle of beer
Zoot suit riot
Pull a comb through your coal black hair
The song ended and I finished by spinning Esme into me and dipping her back on one arm. The room erupted into applause, with Emmett and Felix whooping and whistling while Jasper, Demetri and Irina all yelled a chorus of "Go Mum" and "Go Esme". I stood my mother back up and she shook her head while she smiled up at me.
"There's my son." She said tenderly "I was wondering if I'd get to see you at all this visit."
"I'm sorry Mum." I whispered down at her. I was apologising for leaving when she went to the trouble to make dinner, I was apologising for marrying Tanya, I was apologising for being such a bad son and a failure altogether as a man.
I was simply fucking sorry.
The crowd had begun to disperse and I could see Carlisle making his way over, glaring at me.
"What are you sorry for Edward?" My mother took my face between her hands and forced me to look at her. I wanted to tell her, but my father was getting closer.
"Oh, baby you are so unhappy aren't you?" She said stroking my cheek. Carlisle stopped beside us and pulled Esme into him.
"How about you stop making a spectacle of yourself Edward? And if you cannot refrain, at least don't drag your mother into it."
Esme frowned and opened her mouth, no doubt to defend me, but I cut her off.
"It's been wonderful to see you again Dad." I said snidely and kissed my mother on the cheek before I stormed off towards the bar.
So much for cutting back.
Bella POV
I think I'd only been asleep a couple of hours when I woke with a painful cramping in my stomach I checked the clock on the night stand as I waited for my stomach muscles to relax. I wondered if I had just had a true contraction or if it was a Braxton.
I took deep a deep breath and exhaled slowly as my thoughts wandered to Edward as they so often did I was alone in the dark.
I turned on my reading lamp and took the magazine featuring Edward from my bedside draw, I traced over his features with my finger starting with his brows I moved down his straight nose and out over his well defined cheek bones and down his strong jaw line. I saved his lips for last, tracing my finger along his top lip before moving too his full pouting bottom lip.
I let myself remember how it felt too be kissed by those lips, the desperation and need that was present along with the electric charge that set my soul alight.
I grabbed my IPod and stuffed the buds in my ears I turned it on to the first song I scrolled to and hit play, tears pricked my eyes immediately when I heard the first few lyrics of the song.
You may not remember me
I am the girl with the tear in her eye
Tear in her eye
And I never expected a call from you
Thinking about it now, I guess I did
I guess I did
Because I have all these dreams in my head
Of you and I together waking in each others arms
If I only I could tell you how I feel
Then I wouldn't have to sit here and think about losing you
But it's just a dream
I have in my head
At night I did dream of waking in Edwards arms, it was the dream that was keeping me functioning.
And spending another day missing you
Both missing you
And on this sign there's the two of us
Sinking in the sand of our desperate love
Our desperate love
Cause I have all these dreams in my head
With you and I together waking in each other's arms
If only I could tell you how I feel
Then I wouldn't have to sit here and think about losing you
But it's just a dream
I have in my head
If you could see my heart is bleeding
I'll stay here now and wait
For you to show
Cause I have all these dreams in my head
Of you and I together waking in each other's arms
If only I could tell you how I feel
I wouldn't have to sit here and think about losing you
But it's just a dream
I have in my head
It must be quite sad
That it's unrequited love
If you could see my heart is bleeding
That was about the extent of it, I dreamed about waking in Edwards's arms and my heart was bleeding for unrequited love. I was about to change the song when I was struck with another contraction I waited for the tightening to subside before checking the clock.
It was fifteen minutes since the first one had hit and I decided that if I had two more contractions within the hour I would consider myself in labour. I let my thoughts drift back to Edward.
If only things could have been different between us. I wondered what would have happened if one of us had had the foresight to lock the door. Would we have had a chance to let things develop? Of course things would never have developed. I would never have been good enough for Carlisle's precious Edward.
Over the last few months all my anger and bitterness had faded and I was left with only my unrequited love and a desperate yearning to have Edward in my life. Deep down I wanted him here taking an active role in his children's lives. But I knew that was nothing but a dream.
The next two contractions were stronger than the two before and I gripped the bed covers as I tried to pant my way through the pain. When it finally subsided I grabbed my phone and text a message to Rose and Alice to be ready, I then text my midwife and let her know I was having contractions.
I got out of bed and headed for the lounge I decided not to wake Jacob until it was time to leave for the hospital. I continued to listen to my IPod and think about Edward as I waited for my next contraction.
I noticed my next two contractions were ten minutes apart and I text my midwife to report my progress and I was surprised when she text back that if the next two came at ten minutes apart I should head for the hospital.
I got up and packed my IPod in my hospital bag, I was just about to go and knock on Jakes door when I was struck with another contraction. I cried out in pain as I clutched the table for support.
"Ow, ow, ow…fuck shit…ow…" I jumped in fright when Jakes bedroom door crashed open but even in pain I couldn't help but admire his gorgeous physique as he stood before me in his boxers.
"Bells are you ok, is it the babies, are they coming?"
"Yes." I groaned. Jake rushed to my side and led me back to the couch. I noticed his eyes were alive with excitement.
"I told you they'd arrive today. Ok I'll just get dressed then um…Fuck I've had this planned for weeks and now I've forgotten my plan." I couldn't help but laugh at Jake's rising panic.
"Jake it's all good, you just need to go and get dressed so we can go to the hospital, nature will do the rest I'm sure."
"Ok, do you need anything Bells?"
"No I'm fine."
"Ok…um... I better get dressed." I laughed at him as he ran back to his room only to reappear thirty seconds later dressed and ready.
Rose and Alice were already at the hospital when I arrived and they were wearing identical smiles when they saw Jake wheeling me down the corridor toward the reception area.
Alice rushed forward and hugged me tightly, "Yay Bells the wait is finally over. How are you feeling?"
"Scared," I said honestly.
"You'll be fine honey puff," Jacob reassured me with a pat on the shoulder.
After he'd signed me in he went to wait in the waiting room while I was wheeled into the delivery suite followed closely by Rose and Alice.
"Alice can you text Renee and Charlie and let them know what's happening."
I waved to Jake as Rose closed the door he mouthed good luck and gave me a thumbs up before the door shut.
Renee arrived just as the first baby was crowning, she rushed into the room and straight to my side, "Oh Bella sweetheart how are you going?"
"Good, horrible, I don't know mum all I know is that it fuckin hurts!" I saw Renee's disapproving look at my use of bad language but the pain was so intense I didn't really care and I was glad when she let it pass without comment.
"I know it hurts sweetheart but it's worth it."
"I don't know Mum, is anything really worth this kind of torture?"
"Yes Bella its sweet torture and the rewards definitely worth it." I couldn't answer Renee because another contraction was building and the pain was excruciating.
I was about to lose the plot and tell the midwife I couldn't do this anymore when she spoke first.
"Ok Bella one more good push and you'll have this baby out."
"Oh thank fuck for that." I gripped onto the sides of the bed and pushed with all my strength, I groaned in relief when I felt the baby's head slide out and the intense burning pain ceased.
"Ok Bella wait for the next contraction then one more push and this baby will be born." For the first time since starting labour I could fully concentrate on what was happening in less than a minutes time I would meet my first child.
A terrible guilt flared up inside me when I thought about Edward and how he was missing what may have been the most important day of his life. I shook of the thought as my next contraction started to build, I let it reach its apex before I pushed and I felt my baby slide from my core.
"Bella you have a Son." The midwife cut the cord and placed my son on my chest. I kissed his soft bloody head and was amazed at how much hair he had. Tears of happiness streamed down my face.
I barely had time to cradle him before another contraction hit and the nurse whipped him out of my arms. I tried to concentrate on my son, my miniature Edward as I rode out the pain.
Five minutes later my daughter arrived into the world and even though I was completely exhausted I was deliriously happy. Renee was right; the pain was sweet torture for the reward. I cradled my daughter in my arms.
My tears continued to flow, they were tears of happiness mostly, a few were shed in sadness for their absent father. My heart throbbed, it was such a bittersweet moment. Rosalie took my baby girl from my arms and I frowned, I didn't want to share her.
"Oh Bella how wonderful I have a grandson and a granddaughter. I'm so proud of you sweetheart you did amazingly. Do you have names picked out for them?" Renee was holding my son while Alice and Rose cooed over my daughter.
"Um…yeah…I'm going to call my son Louis Antony Swan."
"Renee's eyes lit up, "Bella that's perfect, and your daughter?" I looked silently at Renee for a moment.
I didn't want to tell her the name I had picked out for my daughter because I knew she wouldn't like it, I however loved it and it had personal significance to me, "her name is Apple La Rouge Swan."
Renee looked at me as if I had suddenly lost all rational thought, "Apple, really honey; are you really going to call her after a piece of fruit?"
Renee was right I was calling my daughter after a piece of fruit, the forbidden fruit and my daughter was the spoils of tasting that sweet delicious flesh, Apple just sounds so sweet and delicious and I loved it."
"Hmm…and La Rouge?"
"I know it's French for red. The name La Rouge reminds me of the rosy red cheeks of children which in turn reminds me of rosy red apples so I think it fits perfectly."
"Oh…Um...ok if you're sure dear."
"I am Mum." I said with total conviction.
"Oh Bells I absolutely love Apple La Rouge it's beautiful and unique." Alice leaned over and kissed my cheek.
"I do too Bella and I really love the French twist to the names." Rose came over and kissed my cheek, I smiled widely at her I knew she was acknowledging that I'd pay homage to the fact that my heart resides in France.
Renee never said another word about my daughters name and headed for the door to get Charlie and Jake from the waiting room. Charlie and Jake were wearing identical proud grins as they came into the room.
Jake rushed to my side, slinging his arm around my shoulder, "congratulations Bells a son and a daughter, I told you they'd come today."
"Yeah I know you did Jake, you are an awesome oracle, you should go into business predicting women's due dates.
"Ha, ha Bells you're such a riot." Jake moved away to look at the twins so Charlie could give me a hug.
I smiled at ,my dad when he took Apple from Rose's arms, "you did real good kid, they're beautiful and I'm sure I'll get used to calling my granddaughter Apple, after all she'll be the apple of her grandpa's eye."
"Thanks Dad." I said. Fresh tears leaked from my eyes.
He handed Apple back to me and I couldn't resist taking a peek at my precious daughter. As I gazed at her I thought she looked like Edward.
~~~~XXXX~~~~
The first month of the twin's life went by extremely quickly and I struggled as I tried to get into the routine of raising twins alone. I was slowly learning all the things you needed to do and what not to do with babies and Renee had spent the first two weeks staying with me to teach me. I was extremely grateful to have her.
Once Renee left, Jacob insisted on getting up for every feed so he could burp and change one baby whilst I was feeding the other. It was something that made me feel guilty I didn't want Jake to put himself out for us. "Jake you should be in bed you've got a lecture tomorrow you need to get some sleep."
"You're the one who needs to sleep bells and if I help you'll get back to bed quicker."
I smiled at him gratefully, "thanks heaps Jake."
"No worries honey puff like I told you before I'm here to look after you."
I put the twins back into their cribs and bade Jake a goodnight, as I stared down at the sleeping forms of my children my heart throbbed painfully, Edward should be here with me tucking our babies into bed.
I laid down in bed and switched on the radio, lost in thoughts of Edward and how much I missed him.
The stars lean down to kiss you,
And I lie awake I miss you,
Pour me a heavy dose of atmosphere.
Cause I'll doze off safe and soundly,
But I'll miss your arms around me
I'll send a postcard to you dear,
Cause I wish you were here.
I'll watch the night turn light blue,
But it's not the same without you,
Because it takes two to whisper quietly,
The silence isn't so bad,
Till I look at my hands and feel sad,
Cause the spaces between my fingers
Are right where yours fit perfectly.
I'll find repose in new ways,
Though I haven't slept in two days,
Cause cold nostalgia chills me to the bone.
But drenched in Vanilla twilight,
I'll sit on the front porch all night,
Waist deep in thought because when I think of you.
I don't feel so alone.
I don't feel so alone.
I don't feel so alone.
As many times as I blink I'll think of you... tonight.
I'll think of you tonight.
When violet eyes get brighter,
And heavy wings grow lighter,
I'll taste the sky and feel alive again.
And I'll forget the world that I knew,
But I swear I won't forget you,
Oh if my voice could reach back through the past,
I'd whisper in your ear,
Oh darling I wish you were here.
Did I want Edward to know he was the father of twins? Yes you do! I was shocked by the small but loud voice in my head, you do want him to know he's a Dad he has a right to know his children too.
I sighed deeply and grabbed my cell phone and scrolled down to Edward's number, I picked up my bedside phone and dialled, my heart pounded in my chest as the connection clicked in and the phone began to ring.
I was just about to chicken out and hang up when I heard Edward's beautiful velvety voice on the line, "hi you've reached Edward Cullen please leave a name and number and I'll return your call as soon as possible."
I committed the sound of his voice to memory before I hung up, maybe it was a sign that I couldn't get hold of him, I was acting totally impulsively and a bit recklessly and I needed more time to think about it. I fought against the confused thoughts swirling in my mind and forced my eyes shut I needed to sleep more than to think at the moment.
Before I knew it the twins were stirring and I rolled out of bed with a groan to follow the same routine I had done four hours previously and the four hours before that and so on.
I met Jake in the lounge looking bleary eyed but he was smiling widely, I laughed when I realised that he was just as in tune with the twins routine as I was.
Once the kids were fed and back in bed Jake headed out to buy me breakfast while I got another hours sleep, the smell of warm Danishes infiltrated my senses and my eyes snapped open. Jake was standing in the doorway with a breakfast tray with my favourite apricot Danishes and a hot cup of cinnamon scented tea.
He had also brought me a copy of the New Zealand Herald my favourite national newspaper, "hey thanks Jake this is awesome."
"No worries honey puff it was nothing. I'm going to be late home tonight I've got classes all day so I won't be home until about eight."
"No worries Jake I'll be fine."
"Are you sure Bells, I'll ring you later and check on you alright?"
"Sure Jake, have a nice day." He flashed me a bright smile as he retreated from my room.
I sat back against the headboard and nibbled on a Danish as I unfurled the paper and read the front page headlines, my heart skipped a beat when I turned the page and saw Edward smiling back at me. I didn't immediately register the woman next him in the photo I was too busy drinking in every detail of his beautiful face.
I thought he looked tired, he had purplish shadows under his eyes and though he was smiling in the photo I noticed the smile never reached his eyes. I stared at him for another moment before I turned my attention to the woman sitting next to him; she had shrewd looking blue eyes and her strawberry blonde hair fell in soft curls around her face.
I guess she was pretty in her own way, she was perfectly groomed in the photo without a hair out of place and the design of her clothes was classic and elegant. My eyes drifted to the headline above the photo and I felt my world crashing down around me when I read the words.
New Zealand's Financial Whiz Kid gets engaged…
I scanned the article and every word cut deeper into me until my heart lay shredded and bleeding. I felt numb, sick, I felt like I was going into shock, the little flicker of hope I'd been nurturing died leaving it dark and desolate.
Edward had moved on and found someone else. At last I had my answer, I was like he said, nothing more than a stupid mistake. He hadn't been lying awake at night thinking about me, he'd been out living his life and he certainly didn't love me like I loved him. I felt so empty, cold and more alone than I'd ever felt in my life.
I spent the day on autopilot attending to the twins and doing my chores, I couldn't stop the relentless tears from streaming down my face as I bathed the kids and got them into bed, "I'm really sorry my sweet little cherubs but Daddy won't be coming home for us." I kissed each of their sweet little faces and turned out the light.
I grabbed my duvet cover and IPod and headed for the couch, I pulled the thick quilt over my head and stuffed the buds in my ears, I really needed an escape from my head for a while.
I fought against the overwhelming grief fighting to engulf me, if I could just hold out until Jake got home. I checked the clock and it was seven thirty, I was gutted that I had to hold it together for another half an hour.
I felt myself slip a little deeper into my pain when Jake didn't get home at eight or nine and when he wasn't home at ten I couldn't stop myself from slipping over the edge and falling into the abyss.
I was sobbing uncontrollably when I heard Jakes car pull into the driveway, he walked through the door took one look at me on the couch and rushed to my side.
"Bells what's the matter are you alright?" Jake pulled me into his arms as I sobbed into his shoulder. "What is it Bells?" I could hear the note of desperation in his voice.
"Oh Jake…I feel so alone…" He pulled me tighter against his chest and buried his face in my hair. It felt so good to have his arms around me holding me tightly.
"I'm so sorry I'm late Honey I got caught up with study, I should have called."
" It's...ok Jake...really I'm... just being silly."
"No you're not Bells."
He pulled back from me and tilted my head with his finger so I was looking directly up at him, "you never have to feel alone Bells, I'm always here for you." We stared at each other for a long moment before we both leaned toward each other and our lips met.
I tried to forget about everything else and concentrated on the way my lips moved against his and how nice it felt to be close to someone. I followed Jakes lead as he pulled me deeper into the kiss.
Though there was no spark it still felt nice to be wanted and without really thinking about it I decided to lose myself, "make love to me Jake."
I felt his breath catch in his throat as he registered my words, "are you sure Bella?" He looked at me seriously studying my face carefully.
"Yes I'm sure, I don't want to be alone tonight." Jake brought his lips back to mine and I let myself melt into the kiss, I was determined not to think about anything else tonight but the fact I needed to feel loved and wanted.
I let Jake take my hand and lead me to his bedroom he kissed me softly as he undressed me and laid me gently in his bed. His smile was beatific as he gazed down at my naked body below him.
He climb up next to me, his arms wrapping around me and pulling me close, "You are so beautiful Bella." I shivered and kissed him, his soft had slid over my breast, massaging it against his palm rolling my nipple between his finger and his thumb.
My hands ghosted along the hard plains of his stomach and down to his already hard cock.
"Ahh…Bella…"Jake sighed as my fingers curled around him and I pumped him gently.
Jake was an attentive lover he held me close as he whispered how beautiful I was. His strokes were gentle and his lips never left my body as he rocked against me. I let his words wash over me as I hooked my legs around his waist and pulled him deeper into me.
I let myself get lost in the feelings of being touched, of being caressed, of being loved and all too soon I could feel the flickers of pleasure intensifying in the pit of my stomach. Jake noticed the change in my breathing and upped his tempo each of his thrusts burying him deeper in me and bring me closer to my release.
My fingers locked around his neck and pulled his mouth to mine as I let my orgasm wash over me.
"Thank you Jake." I whispered as I held him close. I studied his face as he took a final thrust and let his orgasm carry him away.
I couldn't deny how beautiful he was as his eyelids fluttered closed and my name fell effortlessly from his lips. My hands slid along his waist as the last of the tremors rocked his body. I pulled him closer so that he was pressed tightly against me.
He looked into my eyes with a smile, "you never have to feel alone Bells, I'm always here for you honey." Jake smiled. He buried his face against my neck his lips roaming over my neck.
"I know." I whispered
I felt safe and warm and loved as I drifted off to sleep in Jacobs arms...
Thanks to you all who review. I know Edward seems selfish, but hes just a mixed up dude who was born with a silver spoon in his mouth. But he does have his good points and lets not forget his absolutely fuck awesome car! Dont tell Cin I said that, she hates the car...... LOL