Hi guys...I am back again with chapter 5
I am aware that some people have favourite this story and put them onto alerts...THANK YOU SO MUCH for that, I am always apprehensive about new chapters because I am a newbie and all that but I appreciate the support...Immensely. x x
Songs for this chapter: 3
*Midnight Hour – Running Away*
*Reba McIntire and Linda Davis – Does he love you*
*Michelle Featherstone – Go on, my child*
*Rascal Flatts – My Wish*
*Maybe by Yiruma was also a very good emotional instrumental for this chapter*
*~Bella~*
(A month later)
Well its official...I have been at Sandgrove for a month now and I already feel like I belong for the first time in my life. I loved my mom and we had fun together but I was never sure what kind of mood she would be in when I got home and whether I should go and hideaway or stay with her and talk. Dr Carlisle Cullen has been amazing to me; Opening up to me and giving me the choice to open up in return...His children were so lucky to have someone like him in their lives and I hoped that my new family would offer the same support and love me in the same way.
I haven't met any other people in here – Its not because I don't want to it's because I wouldn't know what to say...They are suffering from bigger issues than me and I don't want to make them uncomfortable...Instead I stayed in my room and put in regular updates to my diary...Which was now getting very full.
I was adding tone to my latest drawing when there was a soft knock at my door...
"Come in" I answered freely, I am used to people now coming back and forth and in and out of my room...Well I say everyone I didn't have any visitors and the only people who did see me were Carlisle and Dr Albertson but their visits were more medical-related. The door opened now finally free from the squeak which Carlisle had sorted out for me with a can of oil one morning....It made me sleep a lot better than I had in my first week here. Tess poked her head around the corner and gave me a wide smile.
"Hello Beautiful Bella" She greeted me cheerfully "Can I come and talk to you for a second?"
"Yes" I replied. Grateful for the company.
Tess walked in and took the same seat from the corner of the room...I smiled inside at wondering just how many people have sat in that chair before I came here and also how many would occupy it when I left...Tess sat down and sighed before placing her hands in her lap to sit more formally...I giggled at her as she seemed to have done it to make me laugh, it is very hard to keep a straight face when you are around Tess...Every time she is happy it is infectious and instantly rub off everyone else and I was no exception.
"Now Bella Notte...I have some news for you" Tess started a look of excitement in her features...Did she just call me Bella Notte? I don't know what that means but it is a new name for me all the same.
"There has been a development in your adoption process...It appears that a family has been approved and they will be your new family as of next week!" She squealed smiling in anticipation for my reply.
I couldn't find any words...I was so grateful for the chance to have someone who wanted me in their family but it dawned on me that I would be leaving Dr Cullen and that thought alone was unbearable.
I felt the tears prickle in my eyes as I blinked rapidly to get rid of them...Tess grabbed my hand from the top of my diary and took it into hers.
"Bella, honey don't cry...There's nothing to worry about you are going to a fantastic family one of the best in Forks" She rubbed my hand in comfort but I was too busy looking down at the bed sheets to notice.
"Please look at me, Bella?" She pleaded the worry flowing out in her voice...It took me a few minutes to find the strength to move...I felt numb and not in a good way. I looked up at Tess who was biting her lower lip no doubt trying to fight back the tears herself...There was no way that she was able to feel my pain but I loved her for trying to understand.
"Is there anything I can do for you, Bella? I can't imagine how scared you must be feeling right now-" Tess began until I finally found my voice and broke her off.
"Where's Forks?" I asked...I needed to show interest in my soon-to-be new family, maybe that would make saying goodbye to Sandgrove a bit easier....I hope so!
"Forks is a small town...About half an hour from here not a very big population I would say around three thousand two hundred people but that is just a guess" Tess explained gripping my hand tighter.
"What are they like...The family?" I asked Tess.
"They are very highly respected...I believe the head of the family is in medicine as well...I can't remember what his first name was but his surname is Masen...There are three children around the same age as you and they go to the local school – there is another school on the La Push reservation a few miles away but all of the children go to the main one as it is closer to where they live I would imagine".
Isabella Marie Masen...Hmm I don't think I would want to have another person's name in front of the two my mother gave me...God I wished that she was here....Could she be thinking about me right now as I was thinking about her?
"Are you afraid, Bella?" Tess asked changing the subject of our conversation.
"No" I answered shaking my head a little..."It's just I will miss Dr Cullen he has been so nice to me and I have been in good hands here" I said trying to steady my words.
" I understand, Bella it is only natural that you would latch on to someone given that kind of support...Rest assured that once you leave you will be in contact with Dr Cullen" She said.
That is true, I could get hold of his number from someone when I left but it wasn't the same thing as being with them every day.
"Well I best get going with my round...Dr Cullen will visit you later on, Bella" Tess put the chair back in the corner and blew me a kiss before walking out the door and closing it after her...I sunk back onto my bed and rolled over to my side.
How on earth was I was going to be able to say goodbye?
( Evening)
I woke up dazed and groggy stretching myself out and pulling myself up to seating...I gasped loudly as I saw that Carlisle was sitting in the seat at the foot of the bed.
"Sorry Bella, I have only just come in...I was about to wake you" He said with a crooked smile I shook my head trying to restart my heart somehow.
"That's okay Dr Cullen...I knew that you were coming, I am sorry you came here to find me asleep" I tried to explain until Carlisle held up a hand to stop me.
"It's quite alright Bella I have seen a lot worse when I enter a patient's room...believe me."
"So what can I do for you, Dr Cullen?" I asked
"Well I came here because I need to check your weight again today...So will you come with me to the medical room?" He asked me.
I pulled my legs from around the bed and stood up taking my diary and placing it on the bedside table...Carlisle stood up and left the chair at the foot of the bed...I looked at him and he sensed my apprehension.
"So many people put it back in the corner but we will be coming back here so I figure I would just leave it there" He chuckled as he opened the door for me gesturing for me to step out, I did with him in close pursuit closing the door.
The hallways were no longer as scary as they were when Tess walked me down here the first night and having Dr Cullen with me took the edge off a little. There were a few people whom I didn't know walking towards us they both smiled in turn at Doctor Cullen and then walked straight past...I looked up at Doctor Cullen to find him looking content.
"Are you used to it, sir?" I asked him after a moment
"Used to what, Bella?" He asked looking down at me
"People saying hello to you everywhere you go...Smiling at you all the time" I said...Trying to find the right way to get my head around what I had just said.
"It comes with the job, Bella...When you have been a Doctor as long as I have it begins to take its toll" He chuckled...I remained quiet until we reached the medical room further down the corridor and stepped inside.
Carlisle turned on the light and I squinted a little at the intensity and the effect they had on my eyes, Carlisle wasted no time in walking over to the other side of the room and rolling the scales over to the centre of the room. He looked at me.
"Come and step on here, Bella" I walked over feeling silly that I had remained still and hopped onto the scales...I had never bothered to look at my weight because I never felt the need to...I looked around the room as Carlisle moved the measurement across the scales.
"You are still underweight, Bella...Although you have gained more weight that when you first arrived....Well done for that" I smiled although in truth I hadn't eaten much at all just drank lots of water to keep myself going...I never ate much as a child and it seems like my metabolism is still the same as it was when I was growing up...I didn't mind because I was always slender...I got that from my mom and as for my dad, well I had never met him...I wouldn't know what size he was.
"Okay hop down for me and sit on the bed, please Bella" Carlisle asked, snapping me out of the daydream and I stepped down and sat on the iron bed as Carlisle wheeled over the equipment.
"Do you mind if I pull your sleeve up, Bella?" He asked and I nodded still thinking about my mother. Carlisle lifted my sleeve gently and wrapped the equipment around my arm...He then took out a remote from the side of the machine and pressed a button.
"This might hurt a little but it won't last long" He assured me as the wrap began to tighten...It did hurt a lot but I had them done before in the last month I just don't think that having my blood pressure taken is something that I am never going to get used to.
The tightening ceased as I felt the thumping of my heart in my chest...I breathed steadily not liking the awkward silence.
"Okay...Perfectly normal, Bella." Carlisle informed as he took the wrapping off and pulled my sleeve back down...I shivered under his touch a little and then sobbed quietly...I couldn't help it...I felt bad that I have shown far too many tears in this place but never seeing Carlisle again in the same proximity was torture.
"Bella...What is it? Did I hurt you?" Carlisle asked, worry in his voice.
"I'm....Going to....Be....Adopted" I squeaked out barely audibly.
"Really....That's wonderful Bella" Carlisle replied as I looked up into his face...Tears still rolling down my face and stinging my skin...Carlisle looked genuinely happy, but I didn't want him to be happy...I wanted him to be sad like I was....But he was a doctor and he was only a natural thing that he be happy his patients were leaving his care.
"Are you upset about that, Bella?" He asked, his face burrowing a little with confusion...God if only I knew what he was thinking...Whether it was all an act him being happy for me or whether or not he was being genuine.
"A little...Their name is Masen – That's all I know, really...Apart from the fact that I am going to have three siblings" I replied....Carlisle's face still unchanged.
"Bella...This is one of the best opportunities for you...I can understand how it isn't your mother and your life will be changed in a very big way...But you will be alright, Bella...I know you will" Carlisle answered smiling at me tentatively as he finished...More sobs broke through as my gaze went to the floor...I can't look at that smile...I can't look at him....This is too painful! Why does everything have to be so painful?
How can I feel so at home with a man who I met a month ago...Is this what they call attraction or is it just an amount of feelings which lead to feeling safe and secure in your own skin...I didn't know....I just didn't know.
"How do you know that, Carlisle?" I asked, unable to look at him, still.
Carlisle sighed and grabbed my arm tightly...I was still unable to move.
"There are some things us Doctors just know, Bella. The fact that you have been able to stay here for a month; which I know is not an ideal place to be makes me believe that you will be able to face situations that are much worse...Whether you realise you are strong right now is another matter entirely." Carlisle consoled me as I was motionless under his touch.
"Carlisle...I don't know whether I can" I told him, my voice hitting the floor instead of the air around me.
"Bella, what is it you can't do?" Carlisle asked rubbing his hand along my arm as a sort of comfort.
"I can't....I mean it's not that I can't....I don't think I can say goodbye to you, Doctor Cullen" I confessed to him instantly wanting to bury my face in my hands or crawl into a hole.
Carlisle was silent for a few moments...My heart was thumping in my chest and my hands began to shake violently in my lap.
"Bella..." He began before I cut him off with looking back into his face...I could feel my eyes beginning to sting with the amount of tears I had shed but he needed to know...I needed to tell him grateful I was that he was there for me when other people probably would have chosen not to and not because it was his job but because he genuinely cared and that meant more to me than just having someone check me out daily and never having the closeness that we had.
"Would it be wrong for me to hug you, Carlisle?" I managed to choke out...I couldn't see his face as clearly anymore and I was suddenly grateful because I imagined now that he would be disgusted by my behaviour...This wasn't what patients should do.
Carlisle exhaled again and pulled my arm he had a grasp on and pulled me fully into his chest...His smell...God it was beautiful...Like a mix of lavender and musk...With all the strength I could manage I pulled myself further into him...Crying into his chest and he rocked me back and forth and touched my hair in various parts...I tensed my fingers into his back making the moment last longer.
"Thank you for everything, Carlisle...I will always be grateful for having met you" I said through violent sobs.
"Bella...Meeting you has made my job so much more enjoyable...I will always keep in touch with you and if you are ever on the outside and want to come here anytime – my office is always open to you." Carlisle said as he put his head on mine...His voice was steady and not overcome with emotion like mine was – Maybe that was against what Doctors stood for...Maybe they weren't allowed to show emotion to their patients...How would I know?!
"I am sorry for this, Carlisle...I thought I could handle it but I can't" I placed my head on his shoulder feeling the material of his white jacket underneath.
"You are allowed to cry, Bella...It is only natural and besides we have something here..A friendship almost and you can always come to me if you are in trouble...I will be there for you as best as I can" He told me.
How could someone be so nice to me? Someone who wasn't my own family...I hoped then and there that I would have a father that would be even half of what Carlisle was...I knew there couldn't be another person as caring because Carlisle was one of a kind.
I pulled away finally, needing to in order to clean myself up...Carlisle pulled a few loose strands of my which had caught on my cheeks from the tears and I smiled at him and got up from the bed.
"Are we finished now, Doctor Cullen"? I asked needing to get out of there and write in my diary to take away the emotion fully from my system.
"No, Bella that is it...You have a good night" He replied as I opened the door...Stopping myself in the hallway and turning back round.
"Your family...Doctor Cullen are lucky to have you as their father and husband you know? I hope my new father is like you" I confessed smiling again and closing the door after me.
I near-sprinted back to my room...Why are the corridors are always empty when I am on my own ? It must be Carlisle...He must draw people to him as he had done to me.
I couldn't help thinking that this was wrong...Someone who has a duty of care to you that you have no connections to can almost be like a father to you...Latching on to them wanting them with you constantly...Surely it was.
I entered my room and closed it, instantly grabbing my diary and pen and beginning to write:
9th September 2004
Sorry I haven't written earlier...I guess Sandgrove is growing on me now than what I originally thought...I am scared, Diary...Scared that I will never see Carlisle again after I leave...Do you believe that he will keep his promise? That we will remain friends...I want that more than anything.
What would mom think of him? Would she like him too? Sometimes I feel like she is here with me...Sounds crazy, right?
I hope that Dr Cullen's children are grateful every day for what they have...Never knowing that one of their parents are going to end up with problems that will tear them apart..You know what the strangest thing is, diary? I haven't thought about my mom as much as I have been under Carlisle's care...Is that supposed to tell me something? Or is that awful as it sounds?
Is my misshapen life completing itself now that I have someone who wants me a part of their family? Who knows...?
Goodbye really is the hardest word in the world....I never noticed it before now but I reckon that this is what it's like to finally learn new things about life...There is a start for everything, right?
No matter what happens now...We have each other and we have to keep it that way...You are the only source of comfort I have outside of a family, diary and we have been on this road all the way through.
Write soon
Bella
I closed the diary and placed it back on my bedside table lying down and gazing at the ceiling again lost in my own thoughts...Please like me....Please make my family like me.
*~Carlisle~*
I was unable to move after Bella had left the medical room...I thanked fate then and there that I was finally able to adopt her. Esme had been running around the house preparing a new room for her and Alice was just as equally excited about having a new sister...The boys seemed fine with it although they chose not to talk about it with me when I had offered and that was fine...It was different for them as it was for Alice. Esme had never been able to have any more children as the birth of Alice nearly killed her and if anyone deserves a big family then it is Esme.
The amount of emotion Bella had shown when she was in here had made me happier than ever about my choice to adopt her...This way when I tell her that it would be my family she would be joining, she would be somewhat happy with the revelation – she was right..We had grown a bond...A bond much bigger than I had ever had with another patient and now I could actually have her as a daughter.
I had to use the name 'Masen'...Esme had insisted I use another name as I was apprehensive in the beginning but again, as always she was right...It would make the surprise bigger. Masen had been the name of Edward's mother who died and I thought it only fitting that we use a family name for the duration until Bella found out.
I was taken away from my trail of thought by my phone vibrating in my pocket...I leant to the side and took it out looking at the screen...It was Esme.
"Hello my darling, How are you?"
"Carlisle...Would you say that Bella preferred Lavender or cream for her new bedroom?"
"I don't know, sweetheart I don't usually talk to her about colours...Her diary is purple and that is the only thing she owns so."
"Great! Lavender it is then...Alice is helping me, we have decided to give her the room next to Edward's and before you say anything he has agreed that she could have it"
"Esme...Don't tire yourself out, we have another week yet-"
"Honey...What else do I have to do in the house when everyone goes out? Besides I want to make her feel welcome...Seeing as things haven't been easy for her"
"Okay honey, you paint away although don't keep Alice surrounded in the smell for too long you know how that stuff goes to her head and she is too enthusiastic about life as it is"
"I know, I have it all taken care of my love. What time will you be home?
"Around an hour and a half...Don't wait for me; I know what Emmett is like when he hasn't eaten"
"Okay I love you"
"I love you too, see you soon"
I flipped the phone off and put it back into my pocket
Not long to go now...I thought....Not long at all.
Thanks for reading
.S. x