A/N: As always thank you to those of you who took the time to review all feedback is truly appreciated. Also thank you to those of you who added the story to your alerts/favourites. Greenaway and I would also like to thank you for your patience in sticking with the story even though there has been no Bella & Edward action for a long time. we needed to use these first chapters to set up the rest of the story. There is this chapter and one other before we see Edward and Bella meet again. We have decided to reward your patience by updating twice this week so you can get your Edward & Bella fix that much quicker. So today we are dealing with the aftermath then on Thursday we'll update again so that on the following Monday you can have your heart's desire... (this does come with a warning but...The path to true love doesn't always run smoothly, but then again true love never dies no matter what adversity its faced with... :)

Disclaimer: S Meyer owns Twilight, Greenaway & Cinnamontwist101 own An Angel at my table, Rod Stewart owns Broken Arrow.

Bella's POV...

I woke with a start; Jake was holding me close to his chest his arms wrapped protectively around me. I sighed deeply as I considered my predicament for a moment. It was then the reality of what I had done crashed over me.

Not only had I just made the second biggest mistake of my life I had crossed one of the clear boundaries lines I had drawn myself concerning getting sexually involved with Jake. By sleeping with him I had put our friendship at risk. I could only hope that Jake wouldn't want more than this one night.

I knew deep down that it was wishful thinking.

Jake had wanted to be with me like this since we first met but I had never given him hope, but I knew he still had it.

There was no chance of us having a future together.

I needed to get out of his bed and into neutral territory before he woke and I had to face firsthand what I'd done without any time to prepare.

I tried carefully to squirm out of his embrace but as soon as I moved his arms tightened around me and a contented sigh escaped his lips, "Mmm…my Bella."

My breathing hitched and I felt my already mangled heart tear apart again. I knew in that instant that I was going to break Jacob's heart just like Edward had broken mine. I felt sick by the thought and tears trickled from my eyes. I was such a cruel, selfish person.

I never wanted to hurt Jake; he was good to the core and deserved nothing but unconditional love, happiness and good fortune in his life.

I was determined to save my friendship with him; I didn't want him to leave my life.

Although I wasn't in love with him I'd grown to love and depend on his friendship and support and I didn't want to lose him. He was a fundamental to my survival and I couldn't imagine life without him.

I tried to extricate myself from his embrace and after a minute of careful manoeuvring I managed to detangle myself from his arms without waking him. I sat on the edge of the bed and gazed at his sleeping form, his long dark lashes rested against the delicate skin under his eyes and a small satisfied smile played on his lips. A single dark ringlet fell across his cheek and the early morning sun shone on his smooth coffee coloured skin.

He really was as beautiful on the outside as he was on the inside and I smiled, no one would be good enough for him: especially me.

I stood up carefully trying not to disturb the mattress and alert Jake to the fact I was no longer lying beside him. I grabbed my clothes off the floor and tiptoed from the room closing the door silently behind me.

I quickly checked my sleeping children and hurried for the shower, I needed time to think about how I was going to let Jacob down without destroying our friendship. The thought brought a sob from my throat. I stepped under the steaming spray hoping the scalding water would atone me of my sins.

I relaxed slightly as the scent of my cinnamon shower gel engulfed me; I loved the sweet unique smell of the exotic spice. I showered quickly knowing the twins would be waking soon and therefore so would Jake.

I was hoping that he might sleep late and give me more time; that hope was quickly dashed when I made my way through the lounge to check on the kids.

Jake was mucking around at the stereo. He turned when he heard me, a beautiful and jubilant smile playing on his lips, "good morning my honeypuff." He moved straight toward me and drew me into his arms.

I trembled slightly and kept my head downcast, I couldn't bear to look into his warm brown eyes knowing that I was going to wreak havoc and break his beautiful kind and caring heart.

His finger ran along my jaw line and came to rest under my chin he tilted my face toward his and slowly brought his lips to mine. Against my better judgement I kissed him back, I closed my eyes and imagined just surrendering to Jacob.

It could be so easy being with him, we were so comfortable with each other it would be as natural as breathing. Edward had moved on – all my dreams concerning him were nothing but ashes. I knew Jacob could make me happy if I let him.

But then all the reasons I had for not getting involved with him blew through my mind like a chilling breeze destroying the warm image in my mind.

I broke the kiss and took a step back, Jake looked at me knowingly and his face crumpled in pain, "No Bells... please don't…"

"I'm so, so very sorry Jake but I can't…" I choked out, hot tears spilled down my cheeks.

"Why not Bella? Last night was incredible…I…" His voice caught in his throat and I could see the tears gathering in the corners of his eyes and my heart died.

"You know why not Jake." I whispered

"Why? Because you think that you and the kids are a burden on me?"

"Yes that's part of it." I reasoned.

"Please Bells, I don't care that you've got kids to someone else, I love Louis and Apple and I love and want you."

"I love you too Jake but not the same way. You've got your whole life a head of you, there's so much you haven't done yet and I'm not going to take that away from you. I value your friendship above all else Jake. I don't want anything to ruin it."

"So what was last night a mistake to you?" He spat.

Jakes words clawed at my insides and a low sob fell from my lips, I never wanted Jake too feel the pain of knowing what it felt like to be a mistake. "God no Jake, I would never consider what we shared last night a mistake, you're my best friend but…" I heard Apple cry out from her room, I gave Jake a final pleading look as I turned and retreated from the room.

I took my time feeding and changing the twins, Jake never came into help and my throat constricted. I knew the pain he was feeling, I could feel his pain in my bones but I knew I couldn't give him what he deserved, a chance at a life, a chance to travel and to meet people his own age and to have his own children to someone who loved him whole-heartedly and not settle for someone who's heart belonged to another. Even if that other had moved on with his life.

I turned on De Bussys Claire Delune as I read Apple and Louis, J.K. Rowling's 'The tale of fair fortune'.

I spent the morning in Apple's room, I was scared to go out and face Jacob when I knew I had hurt him so badly, my stomach was tied up in knots and my hands shook.

When the kids were tucked up back in their cribs and sleeping soundly I knew I couldn't put the moment off any longer and got up from the rocking chair with a sigh.

I made my way back into the lounge and stopped dead in the doorway, Jakes travel bag was sitting on the couch packed and waiting expectantly, Jake was back at the stereo inserting a CD into the player.

"Jake?"

"I'm going home to the Marae for a while Bells." He never turned around to look at me and I shook with fear and regret that I'd hurt him.

"Please Jake, please don't go." I pleaded.

"Tell me you love me Bella." I knew I shouldn't but I said the blasphemous words anyway.

"I love you Jake."

"Then let's just be together." His voice was as pleading as mine had just been.

"I…Jake…I can't. I'm so sorry I'm such a selfish despicable person, I'm more sorry than you'll ever know."

He choked back his sob, "I'm sorry to Bells...I'll call you in a couple of days Bells."

"Please Jake, please don't leave. I'm sorry...I'm sorry." I didn't care I was begging him and that

"I need time to think Bells…I can't stay here with you right now." He pushed the play button on the CD player picked up his bag, kissed me on the forehead, "I'll see you round Bells."

I said nothing as he walked out the door.

I felt my knees hit the floor and I crumpled into a heap. I rested my cheek on the floor as the song Jake selected swirled around me, making its meaning very clear.

Who else is going to bring you a broken arrow
Who else is going to bring you a bottle of rain
There he goes moving across the water
There he goes, turning my whole world around

Jacob had turned my whole world around. he'd kept me from being sucked into the super massive black hole left by Edward, and who else was going to bring me a bottle of rain?

I wanna breathe when you breathe
when you whisper like that hot summer breeze
Count the beads of sweat that cover me
Didn't you show me a sign this time

Oh god, I did more than show Jake a sign I directly asked him to make love to me. I was so fucked up I deserved to lose him.

I want to come when you call
I'll get to you if I have to crawl
They can't hold me with these iron walls
We got mountains to climb, to climb

I lay on the floor as the image of Jake walking out the door joined the one of Edward doing the same thing. I'd lost the only two men I had ever loved; even though I loved them differently I loved them none the less.

I knew I had to pull myself together, I had two kids who needed me to be capable of giving them the love and attention they needed. I just had to suck it up and once again deal with the aftermath.

~~~~XXXX~~~~

It had been three days since Jake had left and I still hadn't heard from him, the house felt cold and gloomy without him, just like I felt. I thought about calling him but I couldn't bring myself to do it, I was the one who caused him pain and driven him away and I had to respect his right not to want to talk to me.

I settled on the couch with my cup of tomato soup readying myself for another lonely night marking exam papers, while Edward lay in the arms of his soon to be wife and Jacob was who knew where?

I was startled when I heard the key turn in the lock and saw Jake appear in the doorway. He dropped his travel bag on the floor and made his way straight over to me.

"Hey Bells." He sat down beside me and slung his arm around my shoulder.

"Jake you're home…I thought when I didn't hear from you... that you weren't coming back." Tears pricked my eyes, he pulled me close and kissed my cheek.

"Sorry I should have called honeypuff. I got home and had a good talk with Tui and Billy and I really missed you, Louis and Apple, it felt like a part of me was missing."

"Me too Jake," I said honestly.

"So I decided to come home. I love you Bella and I'd proudly have you as my girl but I understand where you're coming from and I'm going to respect your wishes and just be your friend, your best friend."

"Are you sure?" I gave him a hopeful look.

"Yes I want you in my life Bells and if friendship is the way to keep you then what we'll have."

"Thank you Jake, you know I don't deserve you." I knew truer words had never been spoken.

"Yes Bells you do. Now how about I cook you dinner, I bet you've been living on tomato soup since I left."

"Yeah I have." I admitted sheepishly.

My black mood lifted instantly, having Jake back and us sorting out the aftermath of our night together and agreeing to keep our relationship platonic, had me smiling more than I had ever done.

My life felt more balanced having Jake around now if I could only rid my heart of its ache for the unobtainable man of my dreams I could truly be happy.

~~~~~XXXX~~~~

As the months whizzed by Jake and I slipped back into the easy familiarity, our connection was deeper from our night together, and life was easy.

Apple and Louis where changing almost daily, Louis took after me: he had my dark brown hair and my brown eyes. Apple however was growing more like Edward by the day, she had his same bronzed hair which was beginning to twist into a mass of coppery curls and her eyes were the exact shade of emerald green as Edward's were but she had my creamy skin tone and her cheeks had a soft rosy glow.

She was so much like Edward that it hurt to look at her but I couldn't stop myself from spending hours gazing at her in wide eyed wonder.

They could both say a few words like Mum, ake, lalice and wosey.

I was eternally grateful that Charlie and Renee had only met Edward once in passing years ago when I first started working at Cullen industries, anyone who knew Edward would surely guess Apple was his daughter.

The twins were celebrating their first birthdays and we were having a party, something that Jake and Alice were super excited about. They laughed and joked around as they set up the garden for a teddy bears picnic scene with a multitude of coloured balloons, streamers and about a hundred teddy bears of varying size set up on blankets complete with picnic baskets.

Though I had brought the financial quarterly when it hit the newsstands it never had anything Edward. I was sure he'd be married by now and for all I knew his wife could be pregnant with their own child at this very minute.

The thought made my heart throb painfully and bile rise in my throat. Meanwhile Edward had missed out on the first year of milestones with his children, the guilt made me squirm uncomfortably.

~~~~XXXX~~~~

I left the twins in Renee and Rose's capable hands as I dashed into town to pick up the cake and a few other last minute party items I'd forgotten, much to Alice's disgust. I made my way through the supermarket in record time.

I was just loading the shopping bags into the back seat of the car when I felt a tap on my shoulder. I spun around and came face to face with Emmett and Jasper.

"Bella, how are you sweet cheeks?" Emmett booming voice echoed around us and he flashed me a huge smile.

"Oh…um…shit...Hi Emmett, Jasper how's it going?"

"Better now we've seen you. God Bells where have you been? I was saying to Jazz this morning no shit; I was worried you'd moved out of the city."

"Nah I'm still living here I've just been really busy with work." My eyes drifted toward Jasper who had been silent so far and noticed his eyes were resting on the two car seats in the back of my car.

Before I could divert his attention he looked up at me, a slight frown marring his face, "Bells why do you have kid's car seats in your car?"

Emmett looked at the car seats and then back at me. His face a mask of confusion, he went to speak so I cut him off.

"Oh…um I'm babysitting my cousin's twins, they're at home with my flatmate at the moment. It's easier than carting them around; you know a five minute job turns into an hour long drama." I knew I was babbling but neither Emmett nor Jasper seemed to notice.

"Oh thank god Bells. I thought you were going to say they were your kids."

I scoffed at Emmett even though I could feel the slow blush creeping up my face.

"So have you got time for a quick cup of coffee?" Jazz looked at me and then to the open coffee shop across the street.

"We're not taking no for an answer Bells it's been so long since we've seen you." Emmett looked down at me seriously.

"Um…yeah ok, but it will have to be quick, it's not fair to leave my flatmate to deal with double trouble, its bloody hard work."

"We believe you Bells, why anyone would want the whining little snot faced brats is totally beyond me. Fucktards the only bastard I know dumb enough to actually long for sprogs."

My breath hitched in my throat and my heart beat sped up. Did Emmett just say Edward longed to have children? I needed to know more.,. "Fucktard, I mean Edward…" I stammered.

"No Bells you mean fucktard. if anyone has the right to call him that it's you."

"Well fucktard never struck me as the type to want a family." I tried to keep my voice even and the look on my face innocent.

"Yeah I know he comes across all arctic and up his arse and he is mostly, but he really has a soft spot for kids, he's wanted the whole family thing for a while now."

We took a seat at a table and ordered our drinks.

I wanted to know more about Edward but I didn't want Emmett or Jazz to become suspicious, "um…well I read in the paper he got engaged so I imagine he'll get his wish for a family soon enough." I said as casually as I could.

"Oh God Bella I hope not. It's bad enough that he's marrying that social climbing vampire; I sincerely hope they do not produce offspring. That woman is the most revolting hag I've ever had the misfortune to meet." I stared at Jasper in shock, I'd never heard him say a bad word about anyone except for Edward that is, and I'd never heard such venom in his voice.

Emmett nodded his head in agreement, "hopefully they won't make it down the aisle. I'm sure if fucktard doesn't come to his senses and call off the wedding, Mum will surely stand up in the church and object."

"Do none of you like her?" My throat had gone dry and my palms were slick with sweat, but I breathed a sigh of relief Edward wasn't married yet.

"Carlisle does, he absolutely adores the manipulating slag and Edward must do a bit but no one else in the family does."

"She can't be that bad surely?"

"She's worse! no one can understand what Edward's doing with her. it's obvious he doesn't love her and he's definitely not happy." I looked at Emmett and Jazz in confusion.

I couldn't make sense of what they were saying. If Edward didn't love this woman or wasn't happy why would he be marrying her?

My phone beeped at that moment and I quickly checked the message, "sorry Emm, Jazz I have to go. It was really great seeing you again and we'll defiantly catch up again. Tell Fucktard I'm happy for him".

My voice shook a little I turned and saw Jasper watching me pensively. I tried to smile at him but I'm sure it came off more as a grimace.

My attention was drawn back to Emmett when his voice broke the gathering silence, "you shouldn't be happy for him Bells, the guys the world's biggest retard."

"All the same tell him anyway."

I rushed back to the car playing the new information over in my head, Edward longed for a family that thought had my insides tied up in knots of guilt.

Edward wanted children and I was keeping the fact that he was the father of my two angels. And Everyone but Carlisle hated Edward's choice of fiancée. Well I guess that didn't surprise me Carlisle probably handpicked her from most eligible woman in Europe list her for his precious son.

I found myself sincerely hoping Esme would get up and object to their union.

A tiny spark of hope tried to ignite in my heart but I refused to let it catch alight. I had to let go of my fantasies I had of Edward and I being together someday…

Chapter Eight:

Edward's POV

Time seemed to pass by me in a daze, I was not really conscious of it. After my parents and brothers left, I hit the booze and drugs hard. Felix and Demetri were worried about me, and I noticed they kept finding excuses to stop by the Penthouse or accompany when I went out to a bar or the Lounge. They were practically my fucking shadow these days, and I had my suspicions that they were keeping Emmett and Jasper updated on my going ons. I didn't confront anyone about it, I really didn't care enough.

Tanya was on wedding fucking overdrive and had been since I had proposed. She had a guest list of over three hundred people, a dress being personally designed by Vera Wang, the best catering, a fucking orchestra for the reception, limos, tulle and assorted other bullshit that gave me a headache every time she tried to talk to me about it. She tried to involve me, but I shut her down every single time.

I didn't give a fuck about the wedding; it was all just a means to an end.

"Edward what do you think of this colour for the theme?" Tanya asked me. This was the tenth fucking question about the colour of fucking tablecloths and napkins.

I was losing my mind. At that precise moment, the stereo decided to belt out that horrible little Britney number that had become my personal favourite and shameful friend, 'If U Seek Amy'.

My irritation with Tanya progressed swiftly onto fury, when she began shoving fabric samples at my face for fucking napkins. "Tanya I don't give a fuck, ok? Just choose whichever goddamn one you want." I yelled, grabbing my coat and storming towards the door. I needed to fucking get out of here, and I could hear the Opium Lounge calling.

"Then I'll just pick shall I?" She called out as I slammed the door behind me. Fuck her.

She learned pretty quickly after that, and basically just told me how things were going to be. I think it suited us both better that way.

At one point I intervened when she tried to cut Irina out of the wedding party. Tanya's dislike for her sister had exploded, and she was convinced Irina and I were having an affair. It was fucking laughable, it was that ridiculous.

I had told Tanya, that if she tried to pull that kind of bullshit, she could cancel the entire fucking wedding. I was not fucking standing up there without my best friend. At the mere mention of my calling off the wedding, Tanya backtracked and Irina was back in the wedding party.

I don't know how many fucking times I needed to tell the vapid bitch I was marrying that Irina and Demetri were together, and that Irina was like a sister to me, she just wouldn't fucking listen.

I had sorted out the little issue regarding Irina and Demetri's contracts with Cullen Industries. About five and a half thousand dollars of mine later it was sorted. My lawyers had drawn up new contracts for both of them, which allowed for their relationship. It was airtight, and in my authority to do, especially with the billions of fucking dollars my team was bringing into the company. Nobody would dare complain.

Irina and Demetri were shocked I had been working on this, and even more surprised when Irina worked out I had done it at my own expense. They wanted to know why it was so important to me, and I told them honestly that I loved them and wanted them to be happy. I didn't tell them about Bella and Irina could tell I was holding something back. She didn't press me though; they both signed the new contracts and sat there for a moment, speechless.

Irina had broken first, getting up and pulling me into a hug. "How long have you been working on this Edward?" She asked me sniffing. Demetri just sat there looking at the contract in awe.

Not only could they pursue a relationship with each other, but they both had promotions and pay rises. Felix and Kate also got pay rises and new contracts, though only for salary changes.

"Long enough, you know lawyers they'll drag it out as long as they can." I joked, but Irina didn't laugh. She just looked at me and smiled.

"You're my best friend Edward, you know that? I'm so glad you came here." and she hugged me again.

Irina and Demetri moved in together and got engaged soon after. I was so happy for them, but it also made a part of me sad. I wished things had worked out like that for me and Bella, that there had of been someone fighting for our side as well.

I wondered every day about Bella, I fantasised about her, I jerked-off to the images of her in my head. The only way I could fuck Tanya was by pretending she was Bella. Bella had saturated every part of my life; there was nothing she had not touched in some way.

I finally came clean to Irina one night over a bottle of wine and a couple of pizzas at her apartment. I told her all about Bella and the incident at the office back in New Zealand. I confessed to her how I had called Bella a stupid mistake and before I had even finished my sentence, Irina punched me square in the face.

"Ow! What the fuck was that for Irina?" I said holding my cheek.

Irina sat back and glared at me, shaking her knuckles out while holding onto her wrist, "You dick. You called her a 'stupid mistake'? Are you kidding me? And you really don't see why I punched you for that? That was for women everywhere, lover-boy, you're just lucky this Bella never chopped your junk off for that shit! I've half a fucking mind to do it myself, wait while I get my carving knife."

Had it really been THAT bad a thing to say? Bella had to know I didn't mean it.

Didn't she?

Irina had cussed me out for a little while longer and threatened my 'junk' more times than it has ever been threatened before. She finally wrapped her arms around my shoulders and leaned her head against mine.

"You'll get your happy ending one day Edward."

I don't think she was talking about Tanya.

The wedding drew closer and Felix and Demetri were determined to get me to change my mind. They told me I was making the biggest mistake of my life and I would regret it forever, and they weren't the only ones singing that song.

The list of people who shared that opionin was growing. Even self-absorbed Kate had said something to me about it. That one had surprised the hell out of me, Kate pretty much ignored me outside of work and the times she did talk to me, the conversation usually revolved around her.

My brothers told me I was a fucktard, and I should just get my ass on a plane and come home. Emmett even threatened to go and steal my Aston Martin. I told him I would kill him. Seriously, I would without a moment's hesitation, that car was my baby.

My mother didn't really speak to me about the wedding or Tanya at all, on the odd times we did actually speak. Since her visit, things had been a little strange between us and I knew it all came back to Tanya. I knew my mother was against the wedding, but I hoped one day she would come around. Maybe when the first grandchild arrived she would change her tune about my choice of wife.

Carlisle was ecstatic, and continuously went on about the joining of the Denali's and the Cullen's. There was no response he required from me, I had already done my part.

The wedding drew ever closer and I grew more withdrawn from everyone. All my thoughts were of Bella and how different this experience would be if it had of been with her instead of Tanya.

Jasper called me once, to try and talk some more sense into me, but I was determined. This was the only shot I had as far as I could see and I couldn't let it pass me by. I wasn't joking when I said I saw two outcomes for me, basic survival or death by an opium cocktail no doubt. I was just trying to move forward.

I mean, Bella had probably already moved on. I'm sure she would have an army of men lining up waiting for her. I wanted to kill every single one of them.

There was a knock on my office door and I looked up to see Irina poking her head inside. "Hey Edward, Demetri and I are off for the night, he's taking me out to dinner."

"Have fun. Don't do anything I wouldn't do." I said trying to make my voice light.

"Bye Edward." She sing songed as she left. The room plunged into quiet. The silence was deafening me. It was heavy and oppressive, weighing itself down upon you.

I packed up and decided to go home myself, anything was better than sitting here.

When I got home the place was blessedly empty, I imagined that Tanya would be somewhere with Kate pouring over last minute wedding details. It was two weeks away and Tanya was single minded, you either got out of her way, or she ran you down. This wedding was a huge deal to her, all her dreams coming true. She was getting the partner and the children. I was just getting the children and I kind of resented her a little bit for it.

We had decided that we would try for children after we were married. Well Tanya put her foot down and decided, and since I didn't have to actually carry the child or give birth to it, I agreed it really should be her decision. So we were going to try for a honey moon baby. It felt strange, imagining my future with Tanya when I did not love her.

I tried to love her, I really did, but I couldn't make myself fall in love with her.

I sat down and poured a drink, picking my phone up and calling Emmett. They would arrive in Paris a couple of days before hand, everything was organised. They were staying in a hotel this time, their choice. I wished I could join them.

"What's up Edward? This had better be good news, like 'Hey Em, just calling to tell you I broke off my engagement and I'm coming home.'." Emmett said to me answering the call.

"Fuck you Emmett. I just wanted to check in and make sure everyone was good for the wedding."

"Yeah, we'll be there man. You know we wouldn't let you down." He said seriously

"Thanks Emmett. I appreciate it." I really did.

"Hey you will never guess who I ran into the other day when me and Jazz were at the supermarket..."

"Who did you run into at the supermarket?" I imitated his excited tone. He was not amused

"Bella," He said simply.

I froze, all the laughter leaving me at once. Why? Why now? Was this a sign? I needed to know more, I had to hear more.

"How was she?" I asked my voice a little hoarse.

"She's doing well; she was babysitting for her cousins twins when we saw her. She was in a rush she'd left them with her flatmate. We did manage to convince her to have coffee with us. She looked well, different somehow though. I don't know. She heard about your engagement, by the way."

I had been sitting there so wrapped up in the recount of his conversation with Bella, it took me a minute to realise what he had said.

Bella knows I'm getting married? What did that mean? Did it mean anything? "What did she say about it?" I croaked my throat completely dry. Emmett didn't answer for a moment.

"She said to tell you she's happy for you." He said quietly. I hung up the phone, there was my answer. She was happy I was getting married, moving on. She didn't want me and maybe she never really had.

Stop crying. You made the decision to move on, so it shouldn't bother you that she has too.

I was confused and tired. Things had been a mess for me for so long now, I was running on empty. The only thing I could focus on was my upcoming wedding. I just needed to make it through that, and then everything work be ok, it would work itself out.

Or so I hoped.

A/N: Please feel free to show us your love, frustration or just whatever random thoughts you have about this chapter/story we thrive on your feedback :)....