Authors note: Wow... this is wierd. I never got so many 'i hate you's' ever before LOL. No, but seriously, i'm loving the reviews and i'm thankfull to all of you. I do have to send out a special thank you to pOoLbEeRtAtToOs, B.Davis, wishinonastar, Broody-N-Cheery-4Ever and jeytonbrucasnaley for your thoughts and for not being tired of my constant questions and babbeling ;)

I hope you like this chapter.

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CHAPTER 12 – I'm Not To Blame

It probably takes Lucas less then three seconds to get to the other side of the basketball court, but to him it feels like an hour. Brooke's lying on the floor but she is conscious and she doesn't seem to be in any pain, at least not at first. But when he sits down beside her she suddenly curls up into a ball, letting out a moan of discomfort. It's probably then that she sees the blood on her thighs because she looks up at him with terror in her eyes.

"Luke…"

Peyton squats beside Lucas and silently points to a gash at the back of Brookes head. He nods but tries to look calm, not wanting to scare Brooke, even though inside his heart is racing. And when she curls up over even more, holding her mid-section and starts crying in pain he just looses it, hearing himself scream; "Call an ambulance!"

He picks her up as gently as he can and gets her over to the bench. Nathan is beside him, ash-grey in the face and looking like he is going to start crying any second.

"I'm sorry Brookie…" Nathan repeats over and over. "I'm so sorry… I didn't mean to…" He doesn't even seem aware that his own lip is bleeding.

Rachel sits down on the bench, cradling Brooke's head in her lap. She's stroking her over the hair, silently reassuring her and pressing a towel against the back of Brookes head. But it's really not the blood coming from there that scares Lucas the most. Around them everything seems to be chaos but Lucas is concentrating on Brooke and blocking out the sound of Whiteys voice screaming out orders and the rest of the cheer-squad's hysterical chatter. He forces his eyes away from the trickle of blood still coming from underneath her skirt, not wanting to think about that this probably means the end of her pregnancy. Instead he looks right at her face. Her green eyes look a little glazed over. Unfocused.

"Listen to me pretty girl" he says trying to keep his voice calm and steady. "This is going to be okay. You are going to be okay."

She bits her lip but she nods bravely and he kisses her forehead. And then suddenly the ambulance personal is there.

"Please…" He looks up at the paramedic and his voice sounds desperate, echoing back into his own head. "She's three months pregnant. I think she's having a miscarriage…"

The gym goes quiet once more and when he looks back down at Brooke, her eyes are closed.

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It's been over an hour and the friends in the waiting-room have stopped talking all together. The air in the room is strangely tense and Lucas just paces around mechanically, stopping at the nurses desk every five minutes to ask the same question.

"Any word yet about Brooke Davis?"

But the nurse shakes her head every time and answers; "No but I'm sure the doctor will be with you shortly…" And he keeps pacing.

In the corner of his eye he can see Nathan sitting across the room looking out the window. He looks pale and Haley sits beside him stroking his back and whispering words that Lucas can't hear. As he watches the scene he feels like he's having an out of body experience. Nothing seems real.

"I think it was me" Nathan whispers with a cracked up voice.

"It's not your fault…

"But my knee crashed right into her belly Luke… I'm so sorry…"

His own brother might have caused Brooke to miscarry. And if he had, how could he forgive Nathan for something like that? This wasn't supposed to happen. Not now. Not at all! He and Brooke had been happy the last couple of weeks. And Brooke had been so exited before the game, smiling that gorgeous smile that he loves so much. The smile that always made it impossible for him to say no to her.
But this time he should have. He should have told her not to work out so hard at cheer-practice. He should have told her not to be down at courtside but instead up with Haley who was watching the game with the rest of the school. He should have kept her safe. And most of all, he shouldn't have hurt her.

He pulls a hand through his already untidy hair and looks over at the nurses desk once again. What could be taking them so long? Even if Brooke lost the baby it would be okay just as long as she was safe, he thinks. But if she wasn't…

No. He shakes his head and returns to the pacing of the corridors once more. He has promised her that she's going to be okay. And she has to be, because the last time he talked to her she had been angry with him and he needs to explain to her. To tell her he's sorry.

A hand touches his shoulder and he turns to see Peyton's worried face.

"Have they told you anything?"

He takes a step back so that she doesn't touch him anymore and shakes his head. "No nothing…"

"She's going to be okay Luke, I know she will… And I'm sure the baby will be safe as well."

Watching the curly blond girl, he knows she's only trying to make both him and herself feel better, because there is fear lingering in her eyes. She looks almost as scared as he's feeling but still he just wants Peyton as far away from himself as possible. He takes another step back as she reaches out her hand towards him.

"Don't touch me Peyton…"

His voice isn't angry, just very tired. She looks at him a little confused and hurt but also as if she somehow understands. Even so he still feels he should try and explain.

"…I know that you're worried about Brooke, but I'm not the one to comfort you… For once I have to do the right thing and concentrate on her, okay? It's not you. I just can't talk to you right now…"

Peyton nods, putting her hand that's still frozen in mid air back into the pocket of her leather jacket.

"Can I at least get you some coffee?" she asks in a low voice and he shrugs.

"Okay."

He sits down on one of the puke-green plastic chairs and watches her walk off with her hands deep in her pockets, before returning his eyes towards the door they had taken Brooke through earlier.

"There are so many strange beeping noises in a hospital" he thinks. "And there is always this eerie silence, like everybody in the entire building is holding their breath".
His eyes constantly darts around, waiting for someone to come tell him what is happening, but when he looks over to the door he's surprised to see his mother.

"Mom…" he says, hearing his voice crack and feeling like a little lost kid.

She rushes up to him and pulls him into a hug. And he realizes that he is. Lost, and far too young to deal with this. Her arms gives him back some of his strength though, and when she pulls away and looks at him he manages to keep the tears from falling.

"Haley called me" she says. "I came as soon as I could… Is Brooke and the baby alright?"

He can't answer that and neither can anyone else it seems. But then a doctor comes through the door and Lucas recognizes him as Brookes own, the one they saw two weeks ago.

"Lucas. Are Brookes parents here?" The doctor looks around in the waiting-room.

"No and they wont be anytime soon. They're somewhere in Asia." He has been trying to call them a million times since arriving at the hospital but there hasn't been any answer. "How is Brooke? Is she going to be okay?"

"She's stable. The bleeding stopped on it's own and we've sown up the gash in her head. But she does have two broken ribs and a severe concussion… She must have taken a really bad fall…"

"Yeah…" He doesn't know how to answer that. Telling the doctor that his brother and another guy ran Brooke head first into a wooden bench with full force at a basketball-game sounds like a really strange explanation, especially since the injuries made it sound like Brooke had been beaten up by an entire basketball team.

"And what about the baby? Did she miscarry?" he asks instead with a slight tremble to his voice and he feels his mothers hand on his shoulder.

"No. Brooke is still pregnant but there was a small tear in her uterus and that's what caused most of the bleeding. We won't know for sure if the baby is okay until for another couple of hours. Blunt trauma can easily cause a miscarriage when it occurs this early in a pregnancy. But as soon as we'll know anything more I'll be sure to tell you…"

"Can I see her?" He's voice comes out shaky, probably from the emotional relief of knowing that at least Brooke was okay, and the doctor nods.

"Yes, but she might not be so responsive. We've given her pretty strong pain-medications. And you should limit her visitors… what she needs right now is rest."

The doctor reassuringly pats Lucas' shoulder and points out the direction towards Brookes room before rushing of into the other direction. And seeing the doctor leave Nathan stands up.

"What did he say?" he asks with a look of desperation in his eyes.

Lucas' voice is cold. "She's okay for now but they don't know about the baby… Apparently blunt trauma to the abdomen often causes miscarriages…"

He leaves them all standing there, and as he walks off he sees Nathan slumping back into his seat while covering his face in his hands. And Lucas knows he's being unfair leaving Nathan to think that he is the cause of all this. But the clouds of guilt hangs so low over his own head that pushing them over to Nathan is the only thing that makes it possible for him to breathe. Brooke is his girlfriend and he is the one that should have been protecting her. Nathan had only been running like the freaking energizer bunny during the game because he himself couldn't focus. If he had, maybe this wouldn't have happened at all.

"Things you should abstain from though are alcohol, raw food, any per scripted medicine uncase you checked it with me, jacuzzi's. And of course stress, physical or mental…"

"And of course stress, physical or mental…"

"…stress, physical or mental…"

The prenatal doctor's words echo's in his mind. He had been watching Brooke like a hawk these last weeks, seeing to it that she didn't do, eat or drink anything that she shouldn't. And then in the end he had just served her a huge portion of stress on a silver platter.

Rachel catches up with him half way down the corridor. She's not known to be the most sensitive person and usually she just seems self-centered in situations like these, but tonight she's been quiet and pale, keeping close to Mouth. She grabs him by the arm.

"Lucas… wait…"

He turns to face her and he sees her bottom lip trembling like she's going to cry.

"She's alright, isn't she?"

"I don't know yet Rach, but the doctor says that she'll probably be fine."

"What if she loses the baby? Oh Luke, I'm sorry… If I hadn't switched places with her this wouldn't have happened."

Everybody seems to carry their own feelings of guilt in this, he thinks. Although this time he can't even pretend that it's Rachel's fault, especially seeing that her eyes are red from crying. He feels with the redhead. She's certainly proved to be more of a friend to Brooke lately then he thought possible.

"Don't blame yourself Rachel" he says "she didn't want to stand next to Peyton and you helped her out. You weren't the one who made her angry at Peyton, I was… I'll come out and get you in a little while and then you can see her, okay?"

She nods quietly and turns to go back to the others in the waiting-room. He pushes open the door marked 214 and walks into the silent room, not knowing what to expect.

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Peyton slowly walks down towards the hospitals main-entrance cafeteria. Her hands are deep in her pockets. She hates hospitals, hates them with a vengeance, and if it wasn't for the fact that her best friend might be really hurt, she would have just gotten out of here. But that's not an option.

It's kind of a relief to get out of the waiting room for a while though. Being around all of her friends (or maybe it is Brooke's friends, she thinks) makes her a little uneasy. Lately she's been kind of distanced from them all. Nathan and Haley are much closer to Brooke nowadays and Rachel and herself have never really been friends to begin with. And Lucas… yeah well, Lucas isn't in her life at all anymore.

She sees Rachel coming up behind her and slows her pace.

"Have they said anything about Brooke?"

Rachel looks at her unfriendly. "Yeah… Lucas is with her now, but they still don't really know about the baby… Why do you ask? I mean, you don't care, right?"

Peyton sigh and tears are pooling in her eyes. It kills her not to be able to comfort Brooke through this like Brooke has been comforting her so many times in her life. Brooke had been right earlier. She hasn't really paid much attention to Brooke's problems this last year. But in between everything that's been happening to herself, with her dad and Ellie and the shooting, she's honestly forgotten about Brooke.

"Fuck…" she whispers "this is SO not okay!"

Rachel frowns. "What?"

"This that's happening… Brooke and Lucas don't need this! Brooke deserves to be happy…"

Rachel raises an eyebrow looking suspicious and says "Since when do care about Brooke?" but her voice isn't as cold anymore. Maybe Rachel's also feeling that this isn't a place for arguing.

She must be because then she says;

"Look Peyton, Lucas said that the doctor told him that Brooke would be fine. That's most important, right? I'm going to get coffee for Nathan, do you wanna come?"

She nods, and as they start walking she finds herself telling Rachel about what had happened before the game.

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Lucas walks into the room quietly. Brooke is lying on the side with her eyes closed and at first he's sure that she's sleeping. But when he gets closer to the bed her eyes slowly opens. And a wave of emotions crash over him.

"Pretty girl…" he whispers while gently stroking her hair. "You had me so scared…"

She looks alarmingly weak, not at all like her usual strong self, and he leans down and kisses her face softly.

"The baby, Luke?" Her voice is low and raspy and he can only hear her when leaning in over her.

"It's still there Brooke… but they don't know if it will be okay yet…"

"I'm sorry" she whispers and his chest fills with pain when he understands that she blames herself, just like he does.

"It's not your fault. And we don't know yet, the baby might still be okay…" He can see how scared she is and he just wants to make her feel better but there's nothing he can do.

"How Luke? The baby can't be okay, you saw how much I was bleeding…"

He nods. He had seen that. And when looking down to avoid her scared eyes, he sees some of her blood still on his shirt. That's when he realizes that he is still in his game-jersey and basketball-shorts. He strokes a few strands of hair away from her face and puts them behind her ear. It's like he has this warm knot in his chest, like a big ball of burning tears, and he suddenly feels like crying so badly. He's still looking down, trying not to cry, when he hears her voice;

"I talk to it sometimes… when I'm alone…"

He looks up but she's not looking at him. Her gaze is turned to the window and her voice is calm. "…but today I didn't…"

The tears finally come. He can't stop them. "It shouldn't be this way Brooke…" he cries "We're just kids. You're just a little girl Brooke… you shouldn't have to go through this… I'm sorry baby, I swear, I'm so sorry."

All the guilt he's feeling makes impossible for him to say anything more, but surprisingly Brooke takes his hand and pulls it up to her cheek. Her green eyes lock into his blue.

"If I loose the baby, then you're not to blame for it…" she says softly.

And with that he carefully climbs into her bed and puts his arms around her. None of them says anything more. And while his tears are falling freely, Brooke's eyes are dry. Silently they just wait.

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See, the brucas-baby is still there. At least for now ;)
I know that you didn't get any of Brooke's thoughts in this chapter but you will, don't worry.
Tune in for next chapter in the next couple of days. Same bat-time, same bat-channel LOL
And as allways, please review.

/Lynn