Two chapters in a day...Aren't you lucky !
*~Edward~*
(4 days later)
I woke today even worse than I had at the beginning of the week...My father wasn't talking to me and I had avoided Bella like the plague along with Emmett and Alice, I never thought about how my actions could have affected Bella and I had been an idiot to her already...It's unacceptable to act that way towards someone like I had to her on her first day and then explain to them that you want to start again....As if they would just click their fingers and it would all be forgotten. How would I be able to start again with her after this...When I had been such a bastard to her, I felt so incredibly bad...What was worse was that my birthday was a couple of weeks away and I didn't want to feel a year older because Bella was even more mature than me and she was a year younger, I had nothing to show for it.
I wanted to explain about the way I was; I dipped in and out of things and I do a lot of things without thinking and then disappoint my parents...I had never seen my dad so angry and the fact that he said he was disappointed in me made it even worse than if he had said that he was angry. I had let my parents down and I felt horrible about it...I lay on my back the light gradually coming through from the outside.
After Tuesday night, I hadn't gone out again...I was grounded along with Emmett and Alice and now I would have to find things to do in the house – it's no hardship because mom taught me how to do the necessities and I would have to get on with them and maybe try and do things in between....Mom was still in her bed, her cold now getting better yet she was feeling the effects still and so that would give me something to do.
I climbed out of bed and went into the bathroom....Desperately missing my cell phone, I showered letting the warm water soothe me standing under the spray and taking it all in...Every muscle and every part of my body warmed and even when I got out...I still felt terrible.
I changed into trackies and a long t-shirt..I wouldn't be going anywhere and I needed to be comfortable...I walked out of my room and down the stairs, walking down towards my parents room I had heard my dad go out earlier this morning and I figured that Emmett and Alice wouldn't be up yet, Bella was usually up earlier than me but she stayed in her room until she had something to do.
I approached the door, slightly ajar and saw the daylight coming through the opened curtains and underneath the door...I pushed the door lightly in case my mum was still asleep and stepped in.
Mom was sitting up reading a book, her nose still red and her hair slightly messed up, she had her glasses on and the pattern on her pyjama bottoms creeping out from the top of the duvet...She looked up at me and smiled.
"Edward" She greeted me...That smile..Mom always knew how to make me smile back at her only this time I was guilt-ridden..Mom had no idea about what had happened in the week as she had not been around and I didn't think that dad would have told her she gets more upset than he does when either myself, Alice or Emmett do something reckless. I smiled a little at her, just wanting to cry. Mom lowered her glasses further down her nose and studied me as I stood with my hands in my pockets.
"Edward, is something the matter sweetheart"? Mom asked me and I crumbled...The tears I fought back released from my eyes and fell down my cheeks.
"I got drunk the other night, mom" I choked out as mom exhaled...Taking the glasses off her face and placing it on the book in her lap and then picked up both items and put them on the bedside table...I could tell that she was still stiff by how slowly she did it but I was too busy waiting for what she was about to say..Ready for the lecture.
"You better come and sit down...Edward" she said patting the empty spot next to her; I walked over with my hands buried in my pockets and sat by her feet....Not wanting to sit next to her just yet.
"Bella saw me...She helped me go to bed" I admitted as she listened patiently. "Alice dropped me off and left me with Bella...I was so out of it, mom and I didn't realise that I would be hurting Bella"
Mom was silent...I took that as an indication to carry on with my explanation.
"Dad heard us...He was angry with me, Emmett and Alice and we have let him down, mom" I choked out trying to hold back the sobs that were desperately wanting to escape.
I couldn't read my mom's expression as we sat in awkward silence for a few moments...
"Edward, come here" She said to me as she grabbed one of my hands and pulled me up to her...I turned my body round and crawled up to the empty spot next to her putting my face in her lap as she let go of my hand and stroked my hair....The way she used to do when I was a kid and I forgotten how much I had missed her doing it.
"I am not going to say that I am not disappointed in you, Edward" my mom said as I nodded into her lap...She had every right to be angry at me like my dad had been.
"I'm so sorry, mom...I didn't mean to do it to Bella or to you and dad" I spoke into her stomach...feeling my voice vibrate on her body from my voice.
"I know, Edward" she soothed me...Why did she have to soothe me?....For the first time in my life I wanted her to be mad at me and throw things and shout at the top of her lungs...I was so confused about everything and I didn't want to be anymore.
"I am so confused, mom" I sobbed as she continued to run her fingers through my hair.
"What are you confused about, Edward"? She asked me her voice comforting and smooth.
"Everything...Sometimes there are days when I want to be independent and do what I want...Things that are unacceptable and then some days I want to be a good guy and be nice to people" I explained as she shushed me trying to calm me down.
"It's called growing up, Edward...You'd be surprised at just how much people jump from different ends of the spectrum until they find themselves" Mom replied and I buried my head in deeper.
"I don't like how I get moody...How people want to kill me on those days, I know inside it isn't the way I am and I know I have let my mom down" I said.
"Edward, your mother would be proud that you have come in and explained all of this to me today and she would be proud of the young man you are turning into-" Mom stated
"That's the point...I don't like who I am turning into" I broke her off
"You need to find yourself, Edward...You made a mistake and you have acknowledged that which shows courage...There is one thing left to do now" mom replied no change in the pitch of her voice.
"What's that"? I asked into her stomach.
"You need to change it, make it up to Bella and your dad somehow...You already know how to treat people like a Gentleman, Edward...I have seen it and you will find the answer of how to do that inside of yourself you just need to let it lie for another week or two...Work your way back in" mom answered me and I nodded into her stomach again.
There were a few more minutes of silence as I twisted my body from her stomach to lay on my back the back of my head now resting on her stomach as she stroked her face this time.
"Do you remember how much you used to love this, Edward"? Mom asked me as she ran one of her fingers down my nose.
"I missed it" I replied back..smiling a little in contentment..."There is something else, mom"
"Let's have it" she said as she twirled a lose strand of my hair around her finger.
"I met Bella before you introduced us" I said...Cringing at the memory.
"You did"? Mom asked
"It was in school...She hit me with a door and sent my things flying...I went to school that day although I had a really bad morning and I took it out on Bella" I said in a whisper.
"How, Edward"?
"I yelled at her...Said something like how I didn't want to hear her life story as she apologised to me and...I demanded that she pay for replacements" I said tears filling up my eyes again.
"Wow, Edward that explains so much" Mom replied and I tilted my head to look at her face.
"What do you mean"?
"Come on, Edward a stranger would be able to see the tension in that room when I introduced the two of you...That is why I walked out, I could sense the uncomfortableness from Bella but then I convinced myself that maybe it was because she was nervous...It seems I was wrong" she told me and I closed my eyes...Mom always saw the good in people and in this case she had been proved wrong by my own stupidity.
"I felt bad after I had done it, mom...I wanted to aplogise the next day if I saw her and then I found out who she was...Bella was sick, she had thrown up because of me and I knew then that I had to explain myself somehow" I said putting my hands up on my face and rubbing it a couple of times.
"I didn't know that she was sick...What did you do"? Mom asked as she placed her hands on mine and pulled them away from my face.
"I got a flannel and found her...She allowed me to clean her face up and I took the opportunity then to explain myself. I thought that I had gotten somewhere...We talked and I gave her the book that my mom left me because Bella had said to me that it was one of her favourites. I could see her being my sister and I could see us growing a bond but then I went and ruined it by getting drunk and allowing her to see me like that" I explained.
"Your dad told me that she had been upset...But not for the reasons you have said, Edward" mom said and I exhaled loudly.
"I know we have upset her...I just wish I knew how to make it up to her" I said as mom lent down and kissed one of my cheeks.
"You will, Edward...I promise you...You will find a way" I smiled under her mouth and pulled my arms up wrapping them around her neck and pulling her closer into my neck so I could lean my forehead on hers.
"Are you really angry with me, mom"? I asked her as I held on to her.
"No, Edward...I should be but I'm not...I can see good in you, I always have done I just think now that if you truly want to change yourself then you have to get started straight away...It doesn't do anyone any good to hold on to the past, Edward" Mom replied in her soothing voice.
I nodded and released my arms from her neck...Still keeping my gaze on hers.
"I love you, mom and I am sorry" I said as she stroked my cheek lovingly.
"I love you, my angel...I forgive you" She said as I sighed in relief.
"Is there anything I can get for you"? I asked her as I pulled myself up off of the bed.
"No thank you sweetheart..Your dad left me with all the things I could need when he left this morning" She replied and I smiled at her one more time before opening the door and walking out.
I would now have to wait for Alice and Emmett to come home later so we could all discuss what we were going to do about apologising to Bella.
*~Bella~*
Ahhh!
I winced at the bathroom cleaner as it hit my eyes...Causing them to water. I had neglected the bathroom for the past week and I didn't want to keep it the way it was..I had scrubbed all the floors by hand even though I knew that Esme had kept a mop in the house..I was grateful in any way I could as long as I could pass the time. I dreaded running into Edward...I had missed mealtimes with the family since Wednesday and always came down later to have my leftovers when everyone had gone to sleep. It had become a routine that had strangely suited me perfectly...I wasn't angry at Edward, Alice or Emmett anymore and even though I had wanted to walk up to them and talk to them the way that I had been used to there was always something holding me back a kind of awkwardness that I felt was best if I stayed away from.
Carlisle had been extremely protective of me this week and I couldn't ask for a better father figure in my life...Esme had been ill and I was sad for it because I know that she would have comforted me if she could. I finished cleaning the bathroom until it was practically glistening before putting the cleaner back into the cupboard and walking over to the sink..I splashed cold water on my face a few times as the sting deceased and walked out of the bathroom and back in to my bedroom.
I glanced over at 'Persuasion' sitting on my bedside table and I was very tempted to pick it up and carry on where I had left off last night but I didn't feel like it...I wanted someone to talk to.
I opened my door as quietly as I could manage before peering out into the doorway towards Edward's bedroom door, it was closed and I couldn't hear any sound of movement. I crept out into the hallway on tiptoes as I closed my door with care and then made my way down the stairs...I know who I wanted to see and I knew that she would be there for me.
I crept down to Carlisle and Esme's room and slowly walked in to find Esme on the bed, reading from a book her glasses secured on her face and her legs out flat in front of her...She looked different without glasses she looked younger without them but it didn't change the fact that she was beautiful inside and out. I tapped lightly on the door and smiled as her eyes met mine.
"Hello, Bella" She greeted me warmly as I waved timidly at her.
"Is there anything you need, Esme"? I asked as she lowered her glasses from her face.
"I don't need anything but I wouldn't mind some company.." She replied as I turned to close the door after me and crawled into the bed beside her...One of my arms on the pillow with my head resting on top.
"What are you reading?" I asked as she chuckled under her breath.
"Jude the obscure" she replied and I gasped a little.
"I didn't know you read Hardy, Esme" I exclaimed and she giggled putting the book down next to her side and put the glasses on top of her head.
"He is a genius when I am ill, Bella" She answered me and I giggled. "How are you now, sweetheart? You feeling any better...Carlisle told me that you were upset" she said and I wrinkled my nose.
"A little...I don't know really...Everything is kind of a mess at the moment" I replied and Esme hummed back at me.
"This wouldn't have anything to do with Tuesday night would it"? She said and I shot my head up to face her, she looked calm...How did she know about Tuesday...Carlisle said he wasn't going to tell her.
"Bella, its okay...Edward told me earlier on" She replied and I breathed an inward sigh of relief.
"It's not just that...I would like to open up more now that my home life is secure...Maybe get a job or something" I trailed off
"That's great news; Bella...Would you like me to help you search for some when I am fully recovered?" Esme offered
"That would be great, thank you" I replied as she smiled at me.
"Have you met any new friends, Bella"? Esme asked...I had almost forgotten that she hadn't been around for my first week at school.
"I have four people that I sit with at lunch" I stated as she giggled a little "What"? I asked her.
"Thank god you haven't been persuaded to sit at my other children's table" she replied and I giggled at her remark...Esme wasn't fooled and she probably knew a lot more about her other children than they did.
"Yeah...They seem nice, when I get a new job I will put a deposit down on a new car and get my permit so that I will be able to go out with them outside of school" I said revealing the things that i had been thinking about in detail for the last couple of nights.
"That sounds like a plan, my love" She said cheerily.
"Yes, here's hoping that I follow it through" I said with determination.
"By the way, Bella...You can ask me to be quiet after I have said this and I will completly understand as much as I may not like my son's attitude in general sometimes...He is a good guy deep inside"
"I know that, Esme" I answered her.
"Do you really, Bella?" She asked and I looked up into her face again.
"Esme I have gone through my life hating my mum for over half the time because of the way she is and hate takes up too much energy...As much as hate clouded my vision of my mom I never stopped loving her...It's the same with Edward, it's true that we haven't known each other long but I already have a connection with him...The same as I do with Alice and Emmett. They are my family and there are times when we don't like the people in our family but we stick by each other when something happens and I want to have that with all of you" I explained.
Esme exhaled and turned her body round slipping underneath the covers with me and laying on her pillow..Our eyes now connected closer.
"You know what, Bella? You never cease to amaze me" She stated with a smile.
I chuckled nervously "What do you mean"?
"I know that when bad things happen in life it can change a person...but with you...You have a ground-ness about you that I don't see in Edward, Emmett or Alice, you have morals and you know your own mind...To have that and still be so young is nothing short of amazing" she explained and I felt my blush reach my cheeks.
"I just hope that this can all be sorted soon and we can all start again...I am aware that you have already given Edward two chances but I am asking you for one more...He will come through Bella he just needs the time to sort out how he is going to approach it"
"I understand Esme" I cut her off not wanting her to say anymore...She didn't need to justify Edward's actions only he himself could do that.
I climbed out of the covers and walked back out the door when I halted myself and spun back round.
"Thank you, Esme" I said
"You're welcome Bella" She said as she picked up her book again and I left her alone in the room once more.
Hmmmm...What to do? What to do?
Not knowing where I was heading I got to the living room and walked into the kitchen...Seeing as Esme was still ill maybe there was a chance that I could make dinner today...Carlisle had made it for the past four nights and I figured that as I was a part of this house too I should make dinner every now and then to earn my keep.
I wandered over to the fridge and opened it glancing at it's contents...There wasn't much there but there was however mince, tomatoes, onions and garlic...With these ingredients I knew what I could make but I needed something else.
I closed the fridge door and scanned around the kitchen opening and closing different cabinets when I had finally found what I was looking for...Pasta!
I would make Spaghetti Bolognaise...I used to make it for myself when my mum wasn't hungry and I had forgotten to take the recipes I had jotted down over the years with me.
I turned on the kettle and was about to pour the dry pasta into a saucepan when the door rang.
I walked over and opened the door to a guy that had a beaming smile on his face.
"Hello you must be, Bella" he greeted me.
This guy was medium-height...A few inches shorter than Emmett...His hair was raven black and pulled up into spikes on his head he had an olive tone to his skin and he looked muscular underneath his top. I had no idea about who he was so I just stood there awkwardly trying to find something to say.
"Is Edward around, beautiful?" he asked me
"Upstairs" I choked out and I moved out of the way to let him in...He stood in the living room for a few moments before turning to me.
"Shall I go on up"? he asked with a smirk and I smiled wryly.
"Of course" I answered.
"I am Jacob by the way...Jacob Black" He said as he stopped at the foot of the stairs.
"Nice to meet you, Jacob" I replied as he turned and walked back up the stairs again.
I carried on with my making of the dinner allowing the sounds of the animals outside to soothe me.
*~Edward~*
I had been thinking for hours about what I was going to do when I was taken out of my trance by a loud knock on the other side of my door.
"Yeah"? I answered and was surprised to see Jacob enter my room and close the door behind him.
"Hey man"! He greeted me with his wide smile.
"Hey Jake..What brings you here"? I asked him, sitting up fully to face him head-on.
"I was around." He replied.
"Did Bella let you in"? I asked knowing that she was downstairs making dinner as the scent had been making it's way up to my room for the past hour or so.
"She did, indeed...You never told me what a looker she was, Edward" He said cheekily.
"I guess it slipped my mind...Dude, that's my sister" I answered him...Wondering inside whether I was still allowed to call her that.
"Sure, sure you said that" he replied as he made himself comfortable by my feet on the bed.
"Hey could I borrow your cell"? I asked
"Yeah sure" he replied reaching out to get it and handing it out to me "what happened to yours"?
"My dad took it...Long story" I added as I dialled.
I asked both Alice and Emmett to meet me at home because I needed to talk to them, they agreed which I have to admit was something that I found a bit strange at first but I guess dad's words hadn't gone unnoticed.
I gave the phone back to Jake and apologised to him that he needed to go because I had to sort something out...I said that I would meet up with him before school on Monday to explain. He accepted the meet and then went back home.
Now all I had to do was to wait for Alice and Emmett.
*~Bella~*
Finally finishing my dinner I put it all together in a pan to heat through...I wiped the sweat off of my forehead and poured myself a glass of water.
"Hello"! I nearly choked on my water as Carlisle's voice had come out in the middle of nowhere, I placed the glass down on the side and turned to see him walking into the kitchen.
"Bella...What are you up to?" he asked me with a cheeky grin on his face.
"I made dinner...I figured since you were planning to be home late that I would save you the trouble" I explained and his smile got wider after I had spoken.
"That is so very sweet, Bella...I did plan to be home later but I finished earlier than I expected...It smells great" he exclaimed as he went to the glass cabinet and grabbed a glass..I moved out the way so that he could pour some water into it.
"I have already had mine" I lied "So I have left it for you and Edward, Alice and Emmett if they wish to have some" I explained as he took a sip from his glass.
"Well..Seeing as you have made this for us, I will ask one of the others to do the dishes tonight." He explained...I was about to protest when he scowled at me "We are all in this family together, Bella and we should all earn our rightful place in this house" he said and I held my tongue.
"Would you do me a favour"? Carlisle asked me as I made my way out of the room.
"Of course" I answered.
"Would you put my briefcase upstairs in mine and Esme's room, please? Although try your very hardest not to wake her if she is asleep" He asked.
I nodded "Sure" I said as I grabbed his briefcase from the living room...Straining a little due to the weight of it but made my way up to Esme and Carlisle's room.
Esme was asleep when I had gone into the room...I leant over and put the briefcase behind the door and walked back down the corridor to my room.
I had no interruptions and I got to where I needed to be the way I wanted it...I climbed onto the bed and pulled my diary out from the drawer of one of the beside tables and gasped when I had opened it and found that I hadn't been writing in it as often as I was used to.
I added in my entry for the day before picking up persuasion again...Maybe Jane Austen could make me feel better and allow me to escape into her world for a while.
Okay...Short and sweet, I have received reviews from 'laceycrazy08', 'GoldenPhoenix 12' and
'Bhekie'...Thank you for taking the time out to give me your honest thoughts about my story, all my reviewers are amazing so far!
I will be updating some time tomorrow...*Fingers crossed* now that I am on the right track with the story now and where I want to go.
Tunes for this chapter were:
Imogen Heap – Can't take it in
Lithium – Evanesance
What have you done – Within Temptation
Thank you for reading!
.S. x x