Authors note: Hey again. The biggest X-mas thank you to all of you for the great reviews! And I love to see that so many new people has found my story.

Just a few short answers: Soundinmymouth: I laughed my ass off when i read your comment "everyone makes mistakes dont worry about it!" lol. TypoKween: I too miss the bp friendship at times but you know that I agree with you on the forgivness-thing. Courtneylovejason: It's nice to see a Naley fan reviewing my story :) Wishinonastar: Maybe this isn't the big dysfunction you were looking forward to, but i have my other story so i'll make it up to you. lol Broody-N-Cheery-4Ever: I don't want to break your heart. lol. Just stick to your guns...

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CHAPTER 13 – Calling All Angels

Brooke rests her head softly against the pillow as she's taking in the nightly sky outside the hospital window. The stars are shining bright and the moon casts shadows along the white walls of the room. "This hospital really needs a makeover" she thinks, "just being in here for more than an hour could make anyone want to kill themselves".

She listens to the sounds of the night. Hearing the breeze that brushes the leaves on the trees, the few cars still out on the streets and the occasional humming of a bird. The sounds are so alive that the contrast to the sterile smell in the room almost feels mocking. She wants so much to drift off into sleep as the darkness surrounds her, but it seems impossible. The bed shifts under her weight as she repositions herself and she tries to free her left arm that is turning numb from her laying on it.

She feels his body against her back. And she can smell his scent; it's so familiar that she would instantly recognize it anywhere. By the sound of the breathing Brooke knows that Lucas has fallen asleep, finally. He's still holding her, ever so carefully as if she was a porcelain doll, and the shoulder of her hospital-gown is wet with his tears. But however much she wants to cry herself, she can't. Her eyes are dry like the Sahara desert.

The pain-medication is starting to wear off and she welcomes the dull ache in her abdomen and chest. The pain reminds her that the baby is still inside her and it makes her focus.

She has no right to cry or to feel sorry for herself. She had done this. This was her own fault. If she had listened to Lucas these last weeks and been more careful like he told her, then none of this would be happening. Instead she had gone about her usual life, thinking that it meant more to her to maintain her social status as cheer-captain… that everything else could wait for her to catch up mentally and to grasp that the baby inside her was for real…

"God, my shallowness really came to bite me in the ass this time" she thinks.

She knows that most of the tears Lucas shed the last hour had been out of his own guilt. And a small part of her hates him for being with Peyton at the game and making her mistrust him. Because if there is ever a time when she wishes that she could lean on him, then that time is now.

But the biggest part of her doesn't care about either Lucas or Peyton. She just wants her baby to be okay. Because deep inside she is so attached to it already, and she has been since the beginning. She has just had a hard time to admit it to herself. Up until she saw the blood.
She wishes that there was something she could do to undo all this. And that she could turn back time to this morning in the classroom when she had been sitting on Lucas' lap, hearing him whisper sweet nothings in her ear. When his hand had been stroking her belly and life had been perfect.

"How's my baby?" Lucas whispers into her ear, and she puts her own hand on top of his, but over the t-shirts fabric, and whispers back; "just fine Luke. Your baby is just fine…"

Well, the baby wasn't exactly fine anymore, was it? Her stupid, childish decisions had made sure of that. And her anger over something stupid she'd seen Lucas and Peyton do, had made her unfocused enough to let this happen.

"If I lose this baby, I will never forgive myself…" she thinks and closes her eyes for a second. Her hand carefully peals it self away from Lucas' hand and she puts it over her lower abdomen. Over the baby that she still doesn't know if she will ever get to see.

"Hey…" she whispers "I'll give anything for you to just stay in there…please… Whatever happens between me and your daddy, remember that daddy is a good guy, okay? And I need you in my future so I just need you to stay put. Do you hear that? Mommy needs you…"

I need a sign to let me know you're here

All of these lines are being crossed over the atmosphere

I need to know that things are gonna look up

'cause I feel us drowning in a sea spilled from a cup…

Lucas stirs in his sleep and she gasps with pain as his arm presses against her broken ribs. He instantly wakes and sits up.

"What happened, Brooke? What's the matter?"

She breathes in and out a couple of times before relaxing again. "It's okay Luke, I'm just sore."

He looks guilty. "Did I hurt you?"

Tiredly she hears herself ask; "When? Now, or back in the gym?" She knows she's being unreasonable, this is certainly not a time for pulling the jealous girlfriend-card, but it's so much easier to be angry with him than to hate herself.
He supports his body-weight on his elbow and watches her.

"I meant now."

"Then in that case, don't worry. I know you didn't mean to…"

She turns her eyes away from his, instead watching the clock on the wall over the door. It's a little after eleven and she has a hard time grasping that just three hours ago she had been cheering at a high school basketball-game. It all feels so unreal. Guilt is mostly a foreign concept to her, as unfamiliar as restraint, regret, and trust. But now it's eating at her, making her angry and guarded. And honestly, in a parallel universe, she would just wants him to lie back down and hold her again, to kiss her and tell her everything would be alright. But she doesn't want to feel better. She doesn't deserve that right now.

The sounds of Train's 'Calling all angels' plays low on the radio and she looks up into the ceiling, thinking that the universe just kept playing tricks with her.

Every time Lucas gets her to trust him enough to love him fully, someone throws a scene with him and Peyton in her face. And what was the higher reason for them making this baby if she was to lose it? She had used to think that this, ending up pregnant at eighteen, was the worst thing to ever happen. But now, when she has finally figured out that she really wants this, it's all yanked out right under her feet.

And there is no place safe and no safe place to put my head

And you can feel the world shake

From the words that I said

I am calling all angels

I am calling all you angels…

"Maybe 'Train' was right, maybe this was the time to call for the angels" she thinks. Honestly, she was going to need to be on their good side if she wanted a miracle. But it might prove to be difficult since her former lifestyle had been nothing close to angel-like.

"Brooke…"

Lucas touches her face, urging her to look at him again, but she doesn't. She knows that he's waiting for her to listen but then he continues anyway; "I can explain about what happened before the game. I found Peyton crying and I just asked her what was wrong…"

Brooke shakes her head and closes her eyes again. "Not now Lucas…" she whispers. "Maybe when I'm feeling better, but not now."

And I am calling all angels

I am calling all you angels…

She tries to reposition herself to make it more comfortable and it hurts really bad to move. Lucas looks at her worriedly before carefully getting out of the bed and standing up. He gently touches her face and sighs.

"I'm going to get the doctor Brooke, I can see that you're in pain…"

She leans back into the pillows that are still carrying Lucas' scent. And he quietly pulls up the cover over her before leaving. She hates to see him go. Even if she knows she's not behaving that way, she really just wants him to hold her. But instead she's pushing him away again, and being alone in the hospital bed she's starting to see a pattern to her life and to her relationship with Lucas.

And there is no place safe and no safe place to put my head

And you can feel the world shake

From the words that I said

"If we get through this" she states to herself "then I have to stop pushing him away like this."

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Rachel steps into room 214 feeling a slight case of déjà vu. Of course, last time she and Brooke had been together in a room at this hospital, Rachel had been the one in the bed. Brooke smiles at her, and even though it's nothing like the usual Broke Davis-smile, Rachel feels a little reassured.
She has expected to see Lucas in the room with Brooke and she doesn't want to disturb, just see for herself that Brooke was awake and at least close to well, but Lucas is nowhere to be seen so she walks up to her brunette friend.

"Way to grab all the attention Brookie…" she says softly to lift the tense feeling of the room. "If you wanted us to hang out or something, you could have just said so. You didn't have to fall to the ground in front of hundreds of people."

Brooke's smile grows a little wider. "I couldn't let Amanda steal the show, now could I?"
She pats the side of the bed for Rachel to sit down beside her. "And besides, the service at this joint is pretty good."

She knows that Brooke is faking the easy going attitude and she does the same to indulge her friend. This is a common trait between them; none of them really ever wants to come of as weak or incapable. And she sits down and nudges Brooke's arm gently, just as a small intimate gesture replacing what would otherwise have been a friendly slap.

"If you say so… but I wouldn't eat the food they give you. It sucks big time!"

Brooke quirks her eyebrow. "Rachel, with that ass of yours you should probably not eat at all…"

"You're one to talk. You know you look like shit, right?"

While keeping up the usual friendly banter, both girls watch each other. And even though few serious words are being said they easily understand what the others eyes are saying. It's clear to Rachel that Brooke is both scared and weighed down by guilt, to an extant where she's totally blocking out the whole scenario. But Rachel finds this completely understandable since it was exactly what she herself had done when Cooper wouldn't wake up.

And after just a few moments she can also see a 'thank you' in Brooke's eyes, probably for the fact that Rachel doesn't pressure her to talk about the baby. Or the eventual loss of it.

"So, I talked to Peyton" she says instead. "That thing in Whitey's office actually was innocent. Nothing happened…"

Brooke shrugs her shoulders and the movement makes her frown with pain. "Yea, I figured that… I just got shocked by seeing them. I know I overreacted but it felt much better when he held his distance from her..."

Rachel nods. "You didn't really need that today, right? I bet Lucas hits himself over the head with it though. I know that I do…"

But Brooke shakes her head and seems to go back inside herself. "It's not that. I just can't deal with Luke right now…"

And that's the closest they get to discussing what had happened. Then Lucas comes back into the room.

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Lucas watches Brooke intently; hoping to discover a hidden clue on how to make things better, but her eyes reveal nothing. As much as he wants to understand, he knows he can't possibly fathom what Brooke is going through. If he is scared, then Brooke must be petrified, he thinks. But then, why isn't she showing it?

When he came back carrying the pills the nurse gave him for her pain, she had been strangely closed off from him. She took the pain-medication after Rachel left, but then she told him she wanted to be alone for awhile and he's feeling hesitant to leave her. Unsure if this is one of all the times where she says one thing but wants him to do the opposite.

"Talk to me Brooke…" he pleads. "Tell me how you're feeling."

"I'm fine. I just don't want to talk."

She keeps staring out through the window. And seeing her so emotionless makes him flinch in the chair. He's feeling like climbing the walls and she just sits there. She hasn't even cried.

"Fine? You call this fine!" his voice is suddenly heated and while gesturing wildly around him in the hospital room, his voice echoes loudly between the walls. "You're in the hospital, we still don't know if our baby is alright, and you just want me to walk out of here and pretend that everything's ok?!"

Somewhere at the fuzzy edges of his consciousness, anger is building up, or maybe it is hurt, or helplessness, or one of the many other feelings he can't seem to process right now. Because however he twists and turns the way she's handling this, he can't understand how she can be so cold. He's whole body has been aching for hours, just by the notion of her being hurt and by the fear of loosing this baby, and she lies there acting like she doesn't care. But she closes her eyes, saying;

"I said I don't want to talk about it Lucas, I just want to sleep…"

He's about to get up and storm out of the room in pure frustration, but something in her voice stops him. A slight shiver at the word 'sleep'. She hates to sleep alone, he knows that.

Looking at her again, he sees her hands fiddle nervously with the hem of the blanket and suddenly he takes in the image of her. Not just the image of his injured girlfriend in the hospital bed, but the clear image of Brooke Davis. She's not meeting his eyes and she bites her lower lip to stop it from trembling. Her shoulders are pulled up tensely almost all the way up to her ears, and the little crease that she always gets when worrying is more than evident between her eyes. He freezes as he realizes that she is scared shitless. That she's using up every source she has left not to break apart completely right at this moment. And this is why she wants him out of here, he thinks. Because it's harder for her to hold her self together when he continuously reminds her. So instead of running out on her he kisses her forehead. And by that gesture, more pain is evoked in her eyes than out of this entire ordeal.

"It's ok for you to care Brooke. 'Cause I can see that you do… Just tell me if you want to talk, okay?"

She nods and when she looks up at him, her eyes seem softer.

"I'll be just outside in the waiting room with my mom, just call me if you need me" he offers and before leaving the room and silently closing the door behind him he whispers; "I love you".

Brooke lets his steady presence soothe the debilitating anxiety she's been carrying with her all night. "He loves me and his just as scared as I am", she reminds herself. And buried beneath all the emotional wreckage she finds this small, but still detectable, glimpse of hope.

I wont give up if you don't give up

I wont give up if you don't give up

I wont give up if you don't give up

When Lucas peaks in through the door to check on her a little bit later, she's finally sleeping.

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Haley pushes the cup closer towards Nathan and he feels her stroking his hair. She knows he's feeling like shit, Nathan can see it in her eyes. But he still feels sure that he's solely responsible for putting Brooke in the hospital, and Haley can't make him feel better.

"Baby… have some coffee" she says softly but he just mutters something she can't hear.

"What did you say?"

He looks up and sighs. "Has Luke been back out yet? He said he was gonna tell us if they heard something about the baby."

Haley shakes her head. "No, do you want me to go ask someone?"

He shakes his head no and continues to look out the window. He's been doing this for most of the evening. Talking feels like betraying his guilt. Instead he listens to the rain that has just started tapping on the windowsill, its gentle rhythm lulling his body into the strangely welcoming calm of the night. His muscles would be stiff later from being in one position for so long but he doesn't want to move. Doing anything other than waiting and hoping could prove to be what jinxed it all, and he doesn't want more on his already heavy conscience.

Karen comes over and touches his shoulder, putting her other arm around Haley's shoulders.

"You guys should head home. Luke called from the room and Brooke is sleeping so it's probably better to see her in the morning. They won't get any answers about the baby tonight anyway, unless she doesn't miscarry during the night."

And I am calling all angels

I am calling all the angels

Calling angels…

Nathan is back in the car before 7 am, heading back to the hospital. He hasn't slept more than a couple of minutes at the time. The thought of how it would feel to raise his child while Brooke lost hers kept him wide awake. If Brooke and his brother lost their baby, all because of him… then what would he do?
And at around five in the morning Haley had told him to go sleep on the couch, finally tired of his twisting and turning in the sheets. But of course, it could also have been because he asked her if it would be possible to give Brooke their own baby, if worst came to worst. His wife had just looked at him then, handing him a pillow and a blanket and pointed to the door.

He gets to his destination in one piece and hesitates outside the room where Brooke resides. But finally he musters enough courage to knock. He has to do this even if she screamed at him or told him she never wanted to see him again.
Brooke's voice tells him to come in and he turns the doorknob to open the door.

"Hey tudor-husband" she says with a still sleepy voice. "What are you doing here in the crack of dawn?"

He drives his hands further down in the pockets of his sweatpants and looks down into the floor.

"I wanted to come here and apologize" he mumbles. "I wanted to do it last night, but I chickened out… I'm really sorry Brookie, you have to believe me…"

He can feel Brooke's green eyes watching him, but strangely not with the anger or resent his been expecting. Instead she's calm and her eyes are soft. She smiles at him and reaches out a hand to him.

"You have nothing to apologize for Nate. It was an accident… Come over here and give me a hug instead of just standing there."

He does like he's told and carefully wraps his arms around the girl in the bed. "How are you feeling today? Better?"

She nods. "Yea, I'm not as sore and the pain in my belly is mostly gone, but my chest still hurts like hell!" Laughing she then says; "How much do you guys weigh by the way?"

He laughs to, even if her every word still hits him in the center of his guilt.

"Probably not enough if you ask Whitey, he's always telling me I'm too scrawny… And talking about scrawny; where's that big brother of mine?"

"He and Karen went to get some plates and things from the Nurses lunchroom. Karen brought food from the café. I mean, no normal person can eat that without puking…"

Brooke points to a tray by the window, containing something that resembled of grayish oatmeal porridge and some jell-o, and he makes a face.

"Tell me about it. I been in here, remember? The food tastes like shit…"

They both laugh again and Brooke holds a hand to her chest as if to keep it from hurting by the movement.

Then a doctor and a nurse steps in trough the semi-open door. Brooke stops laughing instantly and the slight glimmer that has been in her eyes disappears.

"Hello, I'm Dr Taylor. Sorry to interrupt, but we need to do some tests before the morning rounds."

Brooke nods and tries to sit up a little more and Nathan gets up from his seat to make way for the nurse to be able to take Brookes bloodpressure.

"I'll go get Lucas for you" he says silently, seeing that Brooke looks nervous and a little scared. He squeezes her hand and she smiles weakly towards him before he leaves the room to find Luke.

The hospital is a complete maze though, with myriads of corridors and doorways, and he almost gets lost two times before finding the lunchroom next to the waiting room. Lucas is sitting and talking quietly with Karen. They both look like they are in a serious discussion and he doesn't want to interrupt but at the same time he doesn't want Brooke alone with the doctor if there were bad news about the baby.

"Luke… I'm sorry, but the doctor is in with Brooke now…"

Lucas is up at his feet in seconds, giving his coffee to Nathan before scurrying off through the door where Nathan just had appeared. Nathan looks after him, keeping his fingers crossed and begging silently that everything would be okay.

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I need a sign to let me know you're here

'cause my TV-set just keeps it all from being clear

I need a reason for the way things have to be

I need a hand to help me hold some kind of hope inside of me

The gel on Brooke's belly feels cold and she takes a deep breath. Lucas holds her hand with eyes already glued to the computers screen and the doctor mumbles; "Let's see here…"

She tries to find a happy place in her head. But none of her favorite ones work today; not Lucas in the shower, not their weekend in the lodge with their friends, not even Weird Science. Then the black and white picture of her insides show up on the sonogram-screen and it's just seconds before the fluttering sound of the baby's heart fills the room.
She gasps. It's still there. Her baby still has a heart.

Last night, when Lucas said she was still pregnant, she hadn't dared to believe it. She knew that if she did believe it and it later turned out to be a mistake, she would break down completely. So in order to be able to function she's just been trying to keep her heart from feeling anything for almost twelve hours, but now while hearing that beautiful sound, the tears comes pouring.

"Lucas…" she sobs hard, making her broken ribs hurt even more. "The baby…"

And I am calling all angels

I am calling all you angels…

Trough the tears she can see that Lucas is the one being strong now. He's smiling so widely and she squeezes his hand. But then the tears show up in his eyes as well and he buries his head at her side, making her unconsciously run her fingers trough his blond hair, suddenly wanting to hold him close.

"Everything looks alright Brooke" the doctor says reassuringly. "The baby's heart-rate is back to normal and I can't see any signs of more bleeding in the uterus. But because of the tear, your pregnancy will be considered high risk in the closest couple of weeks. The baby is fine but you're not, so you have to take good care of yourself."

She wipes the tears from her face and tries to concentrate on what he is telling her. Lucas' sobbing at her side makes it hard. The tears rush down her face faster than she can wipe them off and for some reason she can't seem to hear a thing besides the quick thumping sound coming from the computer. It's the most wonderful thing she's ever heard.

"High risk, what does that mean?" she asks in a shaky voice.

The doctor points at something on the screen causing the nurse to take notes before turning back to Brooke. "It means that you're not allowed to strain yourself in any way. Your body is fragile and until you're fully healed it's not really prepared to deal with your pregnancy. Therefore we'll have to keep a close eye on you and you'll probably need help to get by around the house. When are your parents coming back?"

Lucas wipes his cheeks with the sleeve of his sweater and looks at Brooke quickly before meeting the doctor's eyes.

"Brooke's parents actually don't live her. They… uh… they live in California."

Lucas statement causes the older man to frown and he pushes his glasses up on the nose before looking at the screen again. "But I can't release you without you having parental supervision at home. I know you're eighteen Brooke, but this is important. You'll need to be on complete bedrest the first week, and even after that you're going to need support."

"I have a roommate" she tries, but the doctor shakes his head. She looks over at Lucas who is smiling even bigger than before.

"Then I guess you're stuck with me and my mom."

And I am calling all angels

I am calling all you angels.

Brooke blinks away the tears and thinks; "See baby, I told you your dad was a good guy…"

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So are you all happy now? Yea, yea... there will be a baby. think of it as a x-mas gift, lol.
I wasn't really as satisfied with this chapter as with the other ones so i would really appriciate your reviews.

Merry X-mas to all of you!

/Lynn