Back....Back....Back!
I am SORRY about the cliffy but it had to be done...Everyone has to love a bit of suspense :D and I did it because I can...!!
Wow the MOST reviews I think I have ever received for the last two chapters...So here is my list of THANKS....
*Raven Jadewolfe, Cullengirl08, Kiss007, Sylvia Cullen, ajayee and laceycrazy08* = LOVE
*TwilightFreak13* - I am SO happy that you are enjoying AML and I thank you so much for taking the time to review it and you are VERY welcome...x
*Rawwr* - As always my little Scottie I am sorry that you got lost on the convo..!! I didn't mean to confuse you...I promise!
Edward's remark of 'me too' was COMPLETLEY intentional on my part for TWO reasons...One was because he was about to kiss Bella in the same chapter and you can't say 'I love you' to a person and then be unfaithful to them...I do NOT condone Edward's behaviour in any way possible but it just made the kiss more real....Also I figured that because Edward's mind was so full of Bella that he would probably FORGET to say it back to Jessica as well....But we all know that we do not want E/J... it's E/B all the way :D!
*Katie Lou Lou* - Thank you for that LOVELY review...I appreciate it...I am sorry but I had done two updates yesterday and I was SOOOO drained but I hope this helps...x x
*EllaJ 18* - Lots of love to you for those thoughts....You MADE my day....x x x
*~Edward*
Pacing around the landscape grounds outside was tiring...I had the freezing cold not to mention that I was now harbouring thoughts for my younger sister that were far from normal....Jesus I don't know which was worse...The fact that I was almost-dying from Hypothermia or the fact that I loved my sister.
Oh no not the kind of love that is SUPPOSED to exist between siblings....You know like a NORMAL brother and sister...I felt for Bella what I had always wanted to feel with Jessica however now fate clearly had other plans for me...Someone up there hates me.
I had been waiting for Jess for over half an hour...I could no longer feel my fingers...Or my toes for that matter...Fuck me was I screwed in more ways that one.
How the hell do you now go about telling the girl that you lusted over for months on end that in actual fact it is not her that you want to be with...You want to stop being with her to be with your...YOUNGER sister...How was anyone going to take that well??
Edward you have a choice now my friend...You can just tell Jessica that you want to go back with her to my house or you can end it and admire from a distance....There was no way in hell that she would go for a guy like me I had screwed up so much with her that she probably couldn't stand the sight of me now.
Admiring from a far....Or having a girlfriend that you are unhappy with....Weighing scaled situation would show Bella far in favour.
Like hell did I love Bella....I am sure that I have been in love with her since we met I was just so concerned about making sure that she forgave me all the times I screwed up that I didn't see the bigger picture...she was so beautiful and so caring and just everything that I wished I could be and more...I just needed her all the time...I didn't care about anyone else in the same way.
Is that sick?
I could just imagine the look on my father and mother's faces....It's not worth thinking about what they would think of me having these feelings for Bella....I didn't care though I would have all I needed in my life if Bella were in it.....What the hell was I going to do now?
I turned abruptly at the sound of car tyres squealing against the road...Jessica's car was there as she stormed out...Okay fair enough I had rung her at a very ungodly hour but I couldn't wait anymore...I would spend the whole night thinking about Bella and not be able to sleep because I would also be worrying about how I was hurting Jessica.
"WHAT THE HELL?!" Jessica shouted ploughing her way across the field...With the right shoes this time...The sound of her voice bouncing off of the trees and trailing away with the wind...Oh god it was now or never.
"Edward...What is the meaning of this?" Jess had now reached me...Her hair in a mess and her face free of all makeup...Why didn't I find her beautiful like I had done before? This was all because of that stupid kiss that Bella wanted to learn on me... There I was playing the big 'I AM' saying to Bella that I wasn't going to fall in love with her when she kissed me...It was all a recipe for disaster...I should have walked away.
Now what the hell had I done....Kissed Bella because she had looked so irresistible and the fact that she had complimented me putting her heart and soul into what she was saying had also heightened my desire for her...How could I have done that to her when she was clearly vulnerable, stuck in a god-forsaken awful place all alone at night and with no one she knew in the hospital to join her apart from a staff nurse and my dad...Who in actual fact hadn't been on the best terms with Bella anyway...She was still upset with him even if she hadn't admitted it to anyone.
"I'm sorry, Jessica" I said whole-heartedly as she placed her hands on her hips.
"Well what was it that was so important it couldn't wait, Edward?" Jess was angry and she had every right to be...But I needed this...I needed to prove a point to myself.
"Kiss me, Jessica?"
"What?!" Jessica exclaimed
"Please Jessica....Kiss me" I pleaded...When she hadn't moved I had closed the distance between us striding towards her and grabbing her hair in my hands and crashing my mouth onto hers...Jessica was still until I parted her mouth with mine and she then melted into me...Running her hands through my hair and moving her tongue along with mine.
I knew it...It doesn't feel the same.
How could I have not noticed this before?!
I pulled her lips from mine with a heavy sigh.
"What's wrong, Edward?" Jessica asked me as I turned my back on her to run my hands through her hair. There was only one person who I enjoyed kissing and one person who I would spend my whole life kissing if given the choice...That person was Bella.
"I am sorry, Jess" I said unable to face her.
"Sorry... Sorry for what?" She said to my back...I swivelled around my hands on top of my head and looked at her.
"It's not the same"
"What are you talking about Edward?"
"God why does this happen now?"
"What....What's happened?"
"I'm so sorry Jessica"
"Sorry about WHAT? Edward you are really worrying me now" Jessica almost yelled.
"I can't do this, Jessica"
"What can't you do, Edward?"
"I can't do this...Us....I can't so it anymore, Jess"
Jess opened her mouth to say something and then shut it after a few seconds...I was sure that the realisation had just hit her.
"Edward...Please say you are not breaking up with me?"
"I am, Jess....I don't want to be with you anymore" I said my voice instantly starting to crack...This was proving to be one of the hardest things I have ever done...I felt the tears prickle at my eyes...I had never felt so much like an arsehole than in this particular moment in time...I had done many things to Bella but I knew that doing this to Jessica was even worse and completely unnecessary...There was a small part of me that wanted to have the feelings that I used to have for her but Bella....Bella was my life, she is the reason I live and have breath in my body I just don't think I could function without her and I most definitely couldn't live in a world where she didn't exist...I had it bad.
"You did NOT just drag me out here at THIS time of night to break up with me?!" Jessica exclaimed...Jesus did she look different when she was angry...Almost like completely different person and it was strange how she was my girlfriend and yet I had never seen her angry or upset and now I counted myself lucky that I hadn't seen this sooner.
"Jess...I am sorry" I said...I didn't know what to say...This was low even for me.
"You're SORRY...Is that supposed to make me feel better, Edward?"
"No of course not...What do you want me to say, Jess?"
"I want YOU...I want to be with YOU...I want you to say that you don't know what you are thinking because you are clearly unable to sleep"
"I can't do that, Jess...I would be lying to you"
"So instead of lying you drag me out here in the freezing cold for hours?!"
"Yes"
"Do you have any kind of conscience; Edward...Is there someone else?"
"I don't know whether I have a conscience...I already feel so awful about doing this to you, Jessica"
"Then DON'T do it...I can go home right now and we can forget about all of this"
"No, Jess"
"So there IS someone else...There has to be?"
"Jess?"
"No don't deny it...Don't you DARE lie to me...You owe me the truth at least"
"I can't say this anymore nicely, Jessica"
"There is no NICE way to break up with someone, Edward?"
"Well excuse me for being new at this"
"Don't make this all about you"
"Why the hell would this be about ME? I am doing this for BOTH of us...I would be unhappy if we carried this on any more and you need someone who loves you back"
"I love YOU....Edward"
Fuck....Fuck......Fuck......Fuck ME!! Kill me now...Someone...Anyone...Please!
"I am flattered, Jess....You keep going on at this and you are making me sound like the bad guy"
"Hold on...Who is breaking up with whom, Edward?"
"Jess...Please!"
"I KNOW there is someone else...Edward, tell me...NOW"!
"No"
"So there is...Who is she...Or HE?!"
"Stop being ridiculous, Jessica"
"I am being ridiculous when all I want is the truth...Come on, Edward be a man for once in your life!"
"Jess...I am warning you"
"What...What are you going to do...You have already broken my heart, Edward"
"Jess-"
"It's amazing how you can love someone one minute and then hate them the next...Is she pretty, Edward...Does she make you feel good?"
"Stop, Jess-"
"NO I WON'T STOP YOU TELL ME RIGHT NOW WHO IT IS YOU ARE REPLACING ME WITH....WHO HAS GOT WHAT I HAVEN'T...YOU ARE BEING SUCH AN ARSEHOLE EDWARD AND THIS IS REALLY LOW...YOU OWE ME THIS MUCH...TELL ME...TELL ME-"!
"I AM IN LOVE WITH BELLA" I cursed under my breath and hung my head in my hands when I had let my true feelings slip out...I turned my back on Jessica in shame.
"Wait...Bella...Bella...YOUR SISTER, BELLA?" She exclaimed.
I said nothing biting my lip preventing the words from wanting to spew out about how much I felt for Bella and how much she meant to me.
"Oh this is precious....You mean to tell me....YOU ARE DUMPING ME SO YOU CAN HAVE A BIT OF HANKY PANKY WITH YOUR OWN SISTER!"
I flew back around to face her...If it were possible Jess would have been turning purple at this point.
"Keep your voice down!" I warned
"NOW YOU ARE TELLING ME TO KEEP MY VOICE DOWN...ARE YOU ASHAMED OF YOUR FEELINGS, EDWARD?!"
"Jess there are people who are trying to sleep"
"So was I until I was dragged down here"
"You know what I don't have time for this" I said as I began to make my way back to the hospital behind her..she watched me go past her with an open mouth of shock.
"That's it Edward walk away from your real issues...Go back to the girl you love!"
"Shut up Jess"
I had nearly reached the front gate of the hospital before being pulled back around by Jessica and I hadn't registered anything in my brain before Jessica swung her fist around...Landing on my lip..I cowered backwards from the impact and touched by dripping lip with my hand.
"That's less than what you deserve...I NEVER want to see you again, Edward...You make me sick"
I walked away from her and back into the hospital...The air was eerie and I couldn't deal with the pain from my lip for much longer.
I got to the reception and found Tess there again...she gave me a studying look before I released my hand on my face...She gasped in horror.
"Good gracious what happened to you?" Tess said as she handed me a tissue from behind the desk.
"Girlfriend" I said taking the tissue and dabbing my lip with it.
"You usually go around hitting each other?" She said as she got up to stand in front of me.
"No I broke it off with her"
"Ah...Well let's see what we can do with that lip" she said as she took my hand...If I wasn't so tired then I would have pulled my hand away.
The two of us went further down the corridor when we came to a halt.
"This is the medical room...I think we shall find what we are looking for" Tess said as she turned the key in the lock and opening the door...The light automatically switched itself on as we entered the room causing me to squint slightly under the brightness.
"Have a seat" she said gesturing towards an iron bed at the back of the room as she went over to the cabinets..I sat on the bed still holding the tissue on my lip.
Tess had rummaged around the room as I looked out the open window behind me...There wasn't much of a view there just seemed to be more of the hospital out there...God this place was never-ending..There must be more people staying and getting treatment here than I realised. Tess tapped me lightly on the shoulder and I looked back round at her...She was holding up an ice pack in one hand and a tube of cream in the other. I took the tissue away from my lip...The tissue sticking to the open wound a little before Tess slapped the icepack on it.
"Ow!"
"Is this a habit of yours Mr Cullen...Breaking up with your girlfriends at this time of night?" Tess asked me smiling a little at my obvious display of pain.
"No...I hope not she was the only girlfriend I have ever had"
"Well...You better not turn it into a habit you may end up with broken bones next time"
" I deserved it" I said as the numbness began to swim in my lower lip from the ice.
"At least you can take a hit...I have to say that this girlfriend of yours has a good aim"
"Um..Thanks" I said sarcastically.
"I am a woman...I am biased and I admire any woman who can hit a man when they have done wrong...It's nice to have a bit of spunk"
"Yeah well maybe if you were a man I would stand a better chance of getting you on my side"
"Would me being on your side be a good thing Mr Cullen?"
"Can you please not call me that and yes it would...It wouldn't make me feel as bad"
"At least you have a conscience...Edward" she said smiling as she said my name
"So you on the night shift?"
"I am afraid so" Tess replied as she removed the ice from my face "that should help with the swelling and this cream should heal the split" she added putting the ice pack down and opening the tube.
"How is Bella...I am very sorry for my sudden exit by the way"
"She is fine...As much as could be expected from a patient" Tess placed a drop of cream on her finger and stroked it across my lip...It stung a little but not as much as it would not if my lip had not been numb beforehand.
"Yeah well I have done Bella wrong a good few times...Lots more than I care to think about"
Tess put the lid back on the tube and went over to the cabinet taking the icepack with her.
"We all make mistakes, Edward...She cares a lot for you" Tess said as she put the things in their proper place and turned on her heel to stare motionless at me.
"I care about her too"
"That's good...It's a sign of a good brother" Ah yes brother...If only she knew.
"Thanks" I said to her as she nodded.
"Well that is you sorted Edward" Tess opened the door...I got up from the bed and walked out of the room without another word and back down the corridor with Tess following behind me.
I stopped once I got to the desk...Tess sat back down on the chair behind it.
"Can I go and see, Bella?"
"She will be sleeping and besides we don't allow visitors here at this time" Tess replied.
"Please"? I pleaded...Tess studied my face before biting her lip and sighing.
"Okay...I can only allow an hour though...I am prepared to be leanient considering you have been through the wars however do not make this a usual thing" she said and I smiled appreciatively at her.
"Thank you" I said
"Go for it" she said with a wink...I walked back down the same corridor and round to another one before reaching Bella's room.
I opened her door carefully to find her asleep underneath her duvet this time...She looked so peaceful and so bloody beautiful....Peaceful as well almost as she slept. I tiptoed over to her bed and lay myself down on top of the duvet on the empty side my face close to hers..She hadn't stirred as I lay down further to get a better look at her face.
How could I have not seen how I felt about her before? How could someone so amazing as she was still remain to be amazing when she was suffering inside?
Bella had a strength that even I couldn't imagine to own inside of her...She was truly a human being who had a REAL woman's heart.
I loved her....I am in love with her so much it hurt.
I had gone back home after my hour laying beside Bella as she slept...I was grateful to see her at peace like that even if it was only for an hour.
I turned my keys in the front door carefully and closed it after me..The house was silent as I locked the front door behind me and went up the stairs.
I stopped outside of my own bedroom door before walking straight past it and up to the next floor.
Alice's bedroom door was slightly ajar...I opened it and left it as the way it was...Alice was sitting in bed reading a magazine...Her face turning up to face me.
"Edward?" she greeted me with a wide smile...It is true what they say that pregnancy can fully radiate a woman..I had always thought Alice was pretty but now she looked beautiful and I was slightly ashamed that I had never noticed her natural beauty before now.
"Alice...Can I talk to you for a second?" I said...Feeling the tears on the rims of my eyes again...bloody emotions!
"Of course...Come and sit down" she said patting the bed and putting the magazine on the floor...I paced over to her bed with my hands in my pockets and sat on it with the right side of my body facing hers.
"Are you okay, Edward?" she asked me concerned.
"I have just been to see Bella" I said
"They let you see her this late? That was nice of them"
"Yeah...I also broke up with Jessica today" I turned to look at her...She had bitten her lip and given me an apologetic look.
"I'm sorry, Edward"
I crawled further up the bed to where she was sitting...I lay my head down on her lap being careful not to squash the baby growing inside of her...I put my a free hand on her stomach feeling the start of life in her.
"Edward what else has happened?" Alice said as she stroked my hair lovingly...Her breath falling onto the side of my face.
"If I tell you something, Alice..Do you promise not to tell anyone...Not even Jasper?"
"Of course, Edward...What is it?"
"I am....I'm....I've fallen for Bella...I am in love with her" My head had suddenly risen and fallen as Alice took in breath above me...There was a moment of silence.
"That would explain why you broke up with Jessica"
"Yes...It was awful, Alice...Why would Bella go for someone like me anyway?"
"You'd be surprised what feelings can do to a person, Edward"
"I just don't know what to do, Alice"
"You need to let things carry on for a while...You may be surprised or you may not but everything will be okay Edward if you and Bella are meant to be together then it will happen" Alice soothed and I snuggled further into her chest.
"I love you, Alice"
"I love you too, Edward...I will always be here for you" she replied kissing my head and then continuing to play with my hair.
I knew that whenever anything went wrong in my life...
I would always have Alice...
And I was forever grateful to her for being there.
*~Bella~*
(A week later)
"That's it then, Bella....You have taken all your classes and completed your course...How do you feel?" Oliver asked me cheerfully.
"Much better now thank you" I replied
"You know that if you should ever need to come back again...The door is always open"
"Thank you" I said giving him an appreciative smile.
Oliver stood up folding his paperwork and my record under his arm "if I do not get to see you again, Bella...I wish you all the very best of luck with the rest of your life" he said holding his hand out to me...I took it and gave it a firm shake.
Dr Owens left without another word as I grabbed my bag from the back of my bedroom and walked out of my room and back to Tess.
"Are you ready, Bella?" Tess acknowledged me with a smile..I nodded.
"Thanks again for doing this, Tess"
"That's no problem, Bella...I have finished my shift for the day and besides I think it's nice that you want to surprise your family"
We walked out of the hospital in silence and climbed into Tess's car.
I didn't allow myself to think anything...I didn't want to...I just wanted to go home and be with my family.
The journey was silent as I pictured the look on everyone's faces as they saw me come through the front door...I didn't care that I had exited the house on bad grounds or that I may now have a rocky-relationship with my dad and our old relationship was something that I may never get back again. We pulled up on the driveway and I suddenly felt the old familiar butterflies I got when I first came here to meet my new family...It was strange just how much had changed and just how far I had come.
Yes I was now in love with Edward but being in love had done me a favour and it had given me a purpose to get better and not allow myself to think that I could live in the grounds of Sandgrove forever and wallow in my own pity.
Once again Edward had saved me, in a way and I really hope that one day I could save him and do the things that he had done for me in the past two weeks.
Tess turned off the ignition and looked at me.
"You nervous, beautiful Bella?"
"A little...I just hope they are pleased to see me out so early"
"Of course they will...Don't be silly they all love you...It doesn't take a person with a PHD or a medical degree to figure that one out...You are loved here"
"I do love it here...I can't imagine being anywhere else"
"Well what are you waiting for?"
I smiled at Tess and climbed out the car taking my bag with me...I was about to close the door when I decided not to and leaned back into the car.
"Thank you again, Tess"
"Just promise you will come and visit me soon...I am lonely without our chats" she said.
I nodded...I had found a friend forever in Tess that much I knew was certain...I closed the door and blew Tess a kiss as she drove away.
I was about to walk across the gravel to the front door when the front door opened and Emmett stepped out.
The minute his gaze fell on mine...The biggest smile filled his face.
"EVERYONE...BELLA'S HOME!" Emmett called into the house as he began to run towards me...I dropped my bag and ran towards him.
I flew into Emmett's open arms as he swung me around squeezing me tightly...It was true I did have lack of oxygen but I didn't care. I wrapped my legs around Emmett's waist once we were still as he attacked my head with kisses...Before I could stop them tears from my eyes had fallen onto Emmett's shirt...I heard footsteps from the direction of the door as I looked up from Emmett's shirt and saw Rosalie and Alice staring at me hand in hand with the same smile.
Emmett placed me down as Rosalie and Alice had made their way over to me...Both of them opening their arms out to me...I sank into them as both the girls wrapped one of their arms around me together.
There was nothing that they needed to say...Nothing needed to be said...Being with them and back in my own home again was enough without having to say any words...Rose and Alice had began to giggle slightly probably as overwhelmed as I was in that moment.
Once my sister and my now best-friend let go of me I looked back at the house into the beautiful eyes of my brother...I stayed still as he approached me a lot slower than the rest of my siblings...He stood in front of me his face tense before smiling and lifting me into his arms...I scissored my legs around his waist so grateful to be in his arms again...If I were to die now then it would be happily...He wrapped one of his arms around my waist whilst the other snaked through my hair...He lowered me down and kissed my cheek as I planted a kiss on his as well as catching a glance of one of his fallen tears as mine had continued to fall.
I was in Edward's arms for what felt like an eternity before he put me down and took my hand...Taking me into the house...I looked behind me at Alice and Rosalie who were smiling at me and Emmett who...Bless him...had my bag over his shoulder.
We all stepped into the living room as Edward released my hand...Carlisle and Esme had come into the room from different directions...Esme had her hand over her mouth and Carlisle had given me a loving smile...I didn't know which parent to go to. I decided to walk over to Esme as she was closer...I wrapped my arms around her as she allowed a sob to escape her chest as she held me back just as tightly.
"God we missed you, Bella...We are all so proud of you" Esme whispered and I smiled leaning back slightly to kiss her on the cheek..She kissed my forehead in response before stepping back and allowing me to turn and walk over to Carlisle.
Carlisle had opened his mouth to speak but I had stopped him by wrapping my arms around his shoulders and kissing the side of his neck once as he snuggled back into mine...I didn't want him to feel guilty about what had happened and I wasn't mad at him anymore...It was true that things would a little awkward to start off with...However I was prepared to have an open-mind.
I left the room and went up the stairs to my room leaving my family downstairs and not caring about my bag...I threw myself on my bed and rolled around the duvet – the giggles escaping my body.
My bed...My room....!
My home!
(Night-time)
I had always thought that I would fall asleep as soon as my head hit the pillow once I had got into my own bed...However I couldn't sleep. I had intentionally stayed up late so that I would be more tired when I went to bed but once I had washed my face and cleaned my teeth I didn't feel so tired anymore.
I leaned my ear out from underneath the covers...There was no one downstairs anymore because I could no longer hear the TV. I got up and swung my legs over my bed to place them on the floor I put on the clean pair of socks that Esme had kindly put in my slippers and walked out.
I opened the door to Edward's room into the soothing sounds of only his breathing being heard...He had been in my bed before so I think it was time that he owed me. I stood above his lying body looking at his stunning face...His jaw clenching occasionally and his adam's apple bobbing up and down as he swallowed. I pulled the duvet slightly not wanting to wake him and climbed in snuggling in the warmth of both his body and the bed itself...I turned so that I was facing the wall of the bedroom and snuggled into his pillow.
As if by magic, Edward had turned his legs brushing against mine as he then moved his chest so that it was resting against my back...One of his arms wormed around my waist...I pushed my body closer to his...His head snuggled into my neck and I shivered underneath his warm breath that brushed my neck.
This is what life was made of...This was my own personal heaven.
I could spend the rest of my life wrapped up in Edward's arms.
It broke my heart to know that there was a possibility he would never know how much he meant to me and how much I wanted to be his.
Therapy taught me how to look at the positive things of a negative situation or at least attempt to try and find them...
The positive side of my growing feelings was that I was now back home.
With my family...
Where I belong.
Okay...Xmas chapter will be up tomorrow...!!
I REALLY hope you liked this chapter...It was REALLY hard to write...I have had my first struggle when writing a chapter for AML...I hope I don't get it again .
Review and tell me what you think.
Lots of love Beebies!!
.S.
X x x x