Author's note: This is an update that's been way overdue. My 5-parter 'You look good in my shirt' got in the way, and to all of you that read and reviewed that; THANK YOU AGAIN! But as promised; Here is the latest chapter. Title of this is from a song by John Legend.
-
CHAPTER 32 – We're Just Ordinary People
Girl I'm in love with you
But this ain't the honeymoon,
passed the infatuation phase
We're right in the thick of love,
At times we get sick of love,
It seems like we argue every day...
When Lucas arrives to school on Tuesday morning Rachel is waiting for him in the parking lot. She's leaning against her big black car, arms crossed over her chest, and she keeps watching the clock on her wrist. She wears her usual bored smirk, but when he parks and gets out she pushes herself off of the hood and struts towards him.
"It's about time…"
He looks into the ground and slams the car door shut.
"Hey Rachel…"
He hasn't really talked to the redhead since she came over to his house four days ago, the same day Brooke left to live with her, and he still feels a little embarrassed about their talk. She however doesn't waste any time. She tosses him the small object that she's been holding
And he clumsily catches it.
"Give that to Brooke" she says and starts walking towards the entrance.
He looks down on the little jar of pills and instantly recognizes it as Brooke's iron supplements. She takes two every morning, he knows this because he's always the one reminding her to take them, still he doesn't understand why Rachel is giving them to him.
"Rach?" he calls out and she turns.
"She forgot them and you have class with her. Besides… You are the boyfriend, not me."
He makes a face. He doesn't even know if Brooke would call him boyfriend anymore. But Rachel ushers him on.
"Come on now Luke. Remember what I told you and it'll be fine… And you're the one that always tells her how important it is that she takes those, right?"
"Yeah…"
He shoves the little container into the pocket of his jeans and mumbles a quiet 'thank you' to Rachel before she disappears into the school. And after hoisting his backpack higher up on his shoulder he starts yet another school day the wrong way; by walking up the steps an in through the entrance alone.
The corridors are slowly emptying and he crams his bag into his locker and grabs his geography books. On the inside of his locker door he keeps pictures of him and Brooke, silly pictures of kisses in photo-booths, and of course copies of the different sonograms. He looks at them for a second before shutting it again and he thinks about the talk he and Rachel had.
With all his being he hopes she's right.
"Lucas is in the shower" he heard his mother say as he walked from the bathroom towards the kitchen, and he stopped and waited to hear who she was talking to. "I'm guessing you're here to see him and not me."
For a second he hoped that it was Brooke that had returned but then he heard Rachel's voice.
"Yeah, I need to talk to him for a bit…"
He could picture the redhead nod and frown, probably already with a plan on how to chop off his balls. His mother's voice on the other hand just sounded tired and worried.
"Would you like anything to drink while you wait? I've just made coffee…"
"Thanks."
Probably another nod and then the pouring of coffee, because there was a silent pause and then the clinking sound of china hitting china. After a while he could hear his mother sigh;
"How is Brooke? She came over to your house, right? Lucas said she was going over to you."
"Yeah she's still there, but I don't think it'll be for more than a couple of days."
Even if he was still standing hidden in the hallway he could hear on Rachel voice that she wasn't entirely sincere, she just didn't want to upset his mother. Or maybe she didn't want to say too much because she wasn't sure how much about last night that Brooke wanted his mom to know. But then she added;
"She was pretty sad though…"
He needed to see their faces and he silently sneaked closer in the hallway. Peeking in through the kitchen door he saw his mom nod
"I'm glad she has friends like you Rachel. You've done a lot for Brooke these last six months. And since I'm guessing that you're here to yell at Luke, I just want to inform you that I've already gone off on him twice about this whole debacle. I did not raise him to act like this."
She shook her head sternly for emphasis and to his surprise he heard Rachel stifled a giggle. "You know miss Roe, your son is actually an okay guy. I just think he had momentary laps of judgement. Usually he's almost too nice to Brooke. He spoils her rotten…"
Squirming a bit in the empty hallway he finally fake-coughed and stepped in through the door. He couldn't bare eavesdropping when Rachel was saying nice things about him. Not since he really didn't deserve it. 'Usually I'm nice' he thought as both of the women looked up at him. 'But this time I wasn't. And they both know it…'
Unconsciously he scanned the room for a possible third person, although he knew he wouldn't find who he was looking for. His girlfriend.
Rachel glared at him coldly, as if she knew what he was doing, and huffed;
"She's not here. I left her at the house."
He sighed. "Rach, you wanna go for a walk? I could use some air…"
She raised an eyebrow and looked down on her feet, as if silently contemplating if her Jimmy Choo's would stand for it, but seemed to decide that a stroll around the block would be fine because she shrugged.
"Sure…" she said and stood up. "Thanks for the coffee Miss Roe."
His mother smiled warmly at Rachel but he could still feel the tension that had created it self in the room since he stepped in. It was clear that she wasn't happy with him at all.
"You're welcome Rachel. And give Brooke a big hug from me. Tell her to call me after she's rested a bit."
"I will."
Lucas said nothing. He just walked straight out through the front door and Brooke's redheaded friend quickly put her cup away in the sink before following him. At first he walked fast, almost making Rachel have to jog to keep up, but once past the driveway he slowed his pace and let her catch up with him.
"Is she alright?" he asked hesitantly, even though he already knew the answer and for the first time he actually looked up and met her eyes. "She isn't, right? Has she been crying?"
She looked back at him, probably searching for any kind of regret, and she must have found it because her harsh look softened a bit. "Of course she's been crying, you idiot" she sighed. "What did you think? That she would just laugh it off when you practically called her a whore?"
He hung his head. "I didn't say that..."
"No, but you implied that she used to be a slut and that she'd never change, wasn't that the bottom line, huh? That you still think she runs around like a little tramp?"
The redhead arched her eyebrow in an almost sarcastic way and he flung out his hands in a frustrated gesture.
"I didn't know what I was saying! I was shocked and angry and everything just kept piling up and... I don't know..."
He felt helpless and trapped with no way of re-tracing his steps. He'd already realized he was out of line in his fight with Brooke, he understood that the second he had seen her hurt expression both in the car and in the kitchen that night. But he had been way too upset to be able to stop himself. The jealousness had made the venomous words roll off his tongue far too easy and he wanted to take them all back. But if he couldn't even get Rachel to see that he hadn't meant it, then how the hell would he convince Brooke?
"What was piling up?" Rachel said and interrupted his thoughts. "You two having a baby? Because you know, if that's what's bothering you, then you should have said something earlier. Now you're both kind of stuck in this situation…"
He gave her an angry look, feeling like that last remark was uncalled for, but as usual Rachel didn't seem to care. "You need to get your act together Lucas" she continued. "Brooke's hormonal and tired and she needs you right now. If you just get her to listen she'll come around."
"But how?" he whined. "How Rach?"
"Make a grand gesture. On the inside Brooke is still a romantic girl… Force her to see that running from you is futile. Make her understand that you're sorry…"
The class hasn't started yet and he walks in and puts his books on the empty desk right behind his girlfriend. It's weird how from the back it's not even noticeable that she's pregnant, she just looks like she always has when sitting in class. And then if she would turn, that gorgeous basketball-like belly would be ever so prominent. Inwardly he sighs. It's been four days since he held her and equally long since he felt Emma's kicking under his palms.
But in his heart it feels a hell of a lot longer.
His classmates talk amongst each other but Brooke's playing with her cell in silence, empty expression on her face as if she is far away in dreams or thoughts. She's flips it open and closed absentmindedly a couple of more times, but as if though she senses him she finally looks up.
"Hi…" she says silently and he squats beside her chair.
"Hi baby…"
He touches her knee and hands her the jar of pills and the bottle of juice he found in his bag. "You forgot to take these…"
She makes a disgusted face. "I hate those" she mumbles but she still takes the container out of his hand. "They taste like dog-poop…"
He smiles but then the teacher steps in and the moment is over. For a second it had felt at least somewhat 'normal' but now Brooke's attention is already directed away from him.
"Take them anyway Brooke…" he says silently and strokes her arm. "You need them."
She just nods and turns towards the teacher, and sighing he sits down in his seat. Watching Brooke put the jar in her bag without even opening it. On top of everything he doesn't want her to faint because her iron-levels are too low, especially now that he's not with her all the time to catch her. What the hell was he going to do?
-
Haley sits a little further back in the classroom and she watches the scene between her two friends take place. It pains her to see them like this, both of them struggling, not being able to communicate. And in some ways it frightens her, because the last time Lucas got scared and stopped communicating, Brooke kept pulling back until one day when she just dumped him.
And this; watching Lucas be the caring boyfriend that he's been for the last six months, makes it all even harder. Because she knows how confused Brooke must feel.
'I need to talk to Brooke after class' she thinks. 'They can't keep this up and somebody needs to push them back together…'
Then her thoughts are broken by the sound of a cell phone and she instantly assumes it's Brooke's since Rachel's not in this class, but to her surprise Lucas is the one that retrieves his phone and silently says; "Hello?"
The teacher frowns looking annoyed and Haley leans over and hisses "Luke!" to get his attention but her childhood best friend just keeps talking in his cell, he even gets out of his chair, and now Brooke is watching him too.
"Yes this is Lucas… Oh, okay. We can? …Today? Alright…"
He slips out of the half open class-room door and the last thing Haley hears him say is; "No, I'll be coming alone. I'll meet you at one o'clock…"
She watches him push the door closed behind him and she can't help but wonder what he's up to. When he had said 'We can?' he had looked the happiest she'd seen him since Friday night when that stupid tape got re-discovered. She looks over at Brooke and notices that the brunette wears the same curious expression as herself, although Brooke's is also mixed with some insecurity. And Haley frowns. 'Come on Tigger…' she thinks and puts her pen down hard enough to make Nathan, who's sitting next to her, flinch in his seat. 'Give Lucas some credit, he's the freaking love of your life!'
"We're switching!" she hisses to her husband and he looks back at her confused.
"What?"
The teacher clears his throat and looks at them with one eyebrow raised, and she lowers her voice even more.
"You're talking to Brooke during lunch-break. I'll take Lucas…"
"But Hales…"
Nathan looks tired, having been at the hospital with their boys until 2 AM while she finished off her valedictorian speech. But she's had enough of this.
"Just do it Nathan. This circus has to stop."
---
Nathan usually does what his wife tells him. Not because he's whipped but because he knows that she's brighter than most and she's usually right about these things.
But this time he feels hesitant about following her instructions because in all honesty he doesn't want to sit down and share some kind of heartfelt talk with Brooke. It's not that he doesn't like talking to Brooke; he loves his brother's girlfriend as if she legally was his sister-in-law, but talking to Lucas had been easy. Even though Lucas had been angry it was still a discussion that had come naturally. That had been needed…
As he walks towards the cafeteria he has an uncomfortable feeling churning in his stomach. Mostly because talking to Brooke about this entire mess probably means that he has to talk to her about the tape. And since they never talked about it, not even three years ago when it happened, he doesn't feel that thrilled. But also because he feels guilty in a way… if he hadn't slept with her that night then this wouldn't be taking place.
Last night while sitting with James in his arms he had shared these thoughts with Haley and she had just told him to stop.
No one's to blame… It's in the past Nathan. This is an issue between Brooke and Lucas…
Maybe Haley was right, but still…
He sees Brooke sitting with Rachel in the far corner of the cafeteria and he drags his feet. Rachel looks up as he steps up beside them and she smirks at him.
"Hey Scott, looking for me?"
"No…" He scratches the back of his neck. "Uhm… Brooke, can I talk to you for a sec?"
Brooke looks up now too and nods and Rachel moves out of her chair before even asked.
"I'm going over to Mouth and Skills" she says and touches Brooke's shoulder, nodding in another direction of the cafeteria. "Come over when you're done."
Nathan sits down in the now empty seat and sighs inwardly.
"So…" he says, trying to figure out what it really is that his wife wants him to accomplish by this, "How are you feeling?"
"Pregnant…" she mumbles and smiles. "And you? How are Josh and Jamie? I haven't seen them in a couple of days."
"They're fine. Growing like weeds…"
The smile in her eyes when she asks about his kids makes him happy. "One of the nurses said that we'll probably be able to take them home next week."
"Wow Nathan, that's great!"
They're both silent for a couple of minutes and Brooke watches him curiously. Finally she breaks the silence and asks;
"What's on your mind Nate? Is it Lucas or Haley that has sent you over?"
He squirms. "Maybe I just wanted to check up on you…"
"Liar…"
She smiles and puts her hand over his on the table. And for the first time he meets her eyes for real.
"Seriously Brooke, you don't look so good. Are you really okay?"
She's pale and that's weird to him since her nose and upper cheeks are covered in tiny freckles from the sun. And the food on her plate is untouched. Brooke usually cleaned the plate faster then a grown man. Even faster than himself.
She shrugs. "I guess… I mean, not to sound bitter but I messed the bed up and now I have to make it…"
"I think the saying goes; You made the bed and now you have to lay in it…"
"Whatever… you know what I mean."
He does. "I'm sorry about that Brooke…" he says and sighs, this time audibly. "This has totally been blown out of proportion. If either of us had known back then…"
She cuts him off saying; "Then I would still have slept with you. If someone would have told me an hour before we went into your bedroom and got naked that three years later I would be head over heals crazy in love with your brother, it wouldn't have mattered. I was drunk, horny and curious."
She rubs the upper half of her belly, probably because the baby is kicking her.
"That night I wanted to sleep with someone. I don't know, there's probably some Freudian explanation to this that Haley could figure out… Low self-esteem, instant gratification… Maybe I even wanted to sleep with you. The point is that I don't regret it. And that's why Lucas and I are in the situation we are today. Because I'm refusing to be sorry about this the way he likes me to be. He wants me to regret my past and I don't."
She looks at him stubbornly, jutting out her chin and crossing her arms over her chest, and he wants to laugh in a way because he knows now why Lucas is so screwed. There never any use fighting stubborn Brooke, because when she sets her mind to it she is determined as hell. He settles for a smile and he turns his hand and intertwines his fingers with hers.
"I'm not saying that I regret it either Brooke. Even though it feels weird to think about it now since you're more like a sister to me. I just regret that it created this much drama… I want you and Lucas to be happy. Plus, you're pregnant. And this puts a lot of stress on you."
She leans her head onto his shoulder and he leans his on top of hers.
"Don't worry so much Nate…" she mumbles. "You have your own problems."
He still holds her hand and he squeezes it gently, suddenly not feeling bad about this at all. Brooke is his friend and nothing has changed.
"Yes I do. And right now you're one of them." With his other hand he pushes her plate closer to her and picks up her fork, loading it with some pasta. "Here, eat your food" he says and lifts it. "Otherwise I'll have to feed you."
--
Lucas never went back to class after that call. Instead he had gone out to his car and started the two and a half hour drive up to Chapel Hill. He of course would have wanted to do this with Brooke, but because of the current situation, that option was more or less impossible. And he wasn't giving up on her as easily as she might think.
So when stepping out of the car again on Robertson Lane he is determined to at least give this an honest shot.
Nr. 5046 is located in an old stone house and he walks up the front steps. In many ways the neighbourhood reminds him of their own little hometown and as he steps into the apartment he instantly feels that it's the right place. It's light and spacey, just the way Brooke likes it, and within their price-range it's a lot better then he has expected it to be.
"Is it okay if I look around a bit?" he asks politely and the real estate woman that has met him by the door just nods and smiles.
"Of course. Just tell me if you need any help or have any questions, I'll be in the kitchen."
"Sure. Thanks"
It seems to be a calm neighbourhood. As he walks through the empty apartment he can hardly even hear the passing cars outside. And from the big window in the living-room he can see a park across the street. Lots of trees and grass and complete with swing-set and monkey bars, even a sandbox from what he can see. It would be so perfect for Emma…
He passes through the rooms slowly, following the tapestry and the windowsills with his fingertip. The smaller bedroom could be turned into a perfect nursery, they would after all live here for some time. That is if they moved at all… if Brooke even wanted to go with him…
Sighing he sits down on the wide windowsill in the bigger bedroom. Brooke should be here with him. After talking with her this morning in school he misses her even more. He's so deep in thought that he doesn't even hear the real estate lady coming into the room and when he finally looks up she's standing right in front of him.
"Jeez!" he says flinching. "You scared me…"
"Oh, I'm sorry. I just wanted to see if you had any questions."
She smiles at him warmly and he looks back out the window.
"Yeah… well, I'm just curious… That park, are there any hoops there?"
"Hoops? Uhm… what is that?"
She looks perplexed and he excuses himself, explains that he means basketball-hoops and now she nods.
"Yes I think so. Do you play? I hear the school has a pretty good team. I remember that your girlfriend said something about you two attending UNC when she first called about the apartment…"
He meets her eyes now. Blue like his own.
"Yeah… I used to play but I had to quit. I just thought it could be nice to shoot some hoops on a Sunday once in a while. It's nice with the swings and stuff though… Me and Brooke are having a baby in less than two months so..."
"You are?" the woman says, now smiling broadly. "Then I have to introduce you guys to the couple downstairs. They had a baby last week and they're about your age."
She takes out a couple of papers from her binder and holds them out for him to look at.
"This is the cost-estimate. The rent isn't that high but there is a two rents deposit before hand. I remember Brooke saying something about money not really being an issue but you might want to look it over."
He probably frowns unconsciously and she must see it because she hesitates.
"Or are you still not sure that you want this place? I have a couple of other apartments in the area if you want to look at them. None so close to the school though…"
"No I want it…" he mumbles. "It's just the thing with the paragraph about the bank-credit… Brooke is the one with the loaded bank account and I was hoping to sign this today…"
"Well that's an easy thing to fix. Let's just call Brooke and have her tell me her bank account number. Usually I want a signature from the right person but I'll make an exception since she's too pregnant to take the drive up here."
He blushes. His plans of doing this as a surprise is all lost if the woman calls Brooke. For all he knows Brooke might even tell her they don't want the place, and sitting here in the apartment has made him even more sure. He's going to get Brooke back. No question about it. And when she forgives him they're still going to need a place to live… Preferably this one.
He swallows and looks up at the lady in front of him. She seems nice. Maybe if he's just honest she will understand. She waits for a response and he takes a deep breath.
"Okay… this is how it is…"
----
Brooke on the other hand stays the entire school day. Not because she wants to; just like the last three days she just wants to go home and mope in Rachel's bedroom, pull the covers over her head and pretend like she was someone else. But she stays because Nathan, Haley and Rachel seem to have made a pact on keeping her busy and her mind off Lucas.
They keep her entertained all throughout her afternoon classes and when it's time to head home, Haley asks her to go with her to the hospital and see the boys. And she gladly comes along, seeing that has been a couple of days since she last saw the babies.
As soon as they're settled down in the Neonatal Unit Haley picks up Joshua from his crib and places him on her chest. The still tiny infant yawns and Brooke can't help but to break out in a smile.
"It's almost freaky how much of a perfect mix between you and Nate the boys actually are..." she says in awe. And it's true. Haley's button-like nose and wider mouth, and Nathans dark hair and rocky temper are just some of the things. Probably it will show even more with time.
James starts crying, now left alone in the crib without his brother, and Haley sighs.
"Would you push that?" she asks and points at the call-button for the nurses. "They'll come in and pick him up for me. I don't want to get up now when Josh is finally asleep…"
Brooke pushes herself out of the chair and reaches for the little red knob but then she hesitates.
"Maybe I could hold him?"
Haley nods thankfully. "Would you? He'd love it. Just support his head…"
When asking she had almost expected Haley to say no. She takes a deep breath before she carefully sticks her hands down into the clear plastic crib. She hasn't held any of the boys before, it's just been Haley, Nathan and the nurses since the babies were born so premature. And she suddenly feels nervous. What if she would drop him? Or if he didn't want to be held by her. But the tiny kitten-like cry tears at her heart and she slowly puts one hand behind his neck and one under his little diaper-clad butt.
"I'm picking you up now Jamie…" she whispers, half to the baby and half to herself. "Don't be scared…"
He weighs almost nothing and she carefully carries him back over to the chair. For a moment she contemplates on putting him on her chest like Haley has done with Josh, but realizes that the task of turning him midair seems risky. Instead she settles on just sitting down and holding him in her arms. He kind of rests on her big belly and she giggles at the sight of him nuzzling into her and falling back to sleep.
"Look at you tigger…"
She looks up at the sound of Haley's soft voice and sees her friend smile proudly towards her.
"Am I doing it right?"
"You're doing it perfect. See, he's already sleeping again."
She looks back down at the tiny baby and the tears well up in her eyes. Because seeing the little face looking so content by just being held makes her think about Emma and about how she can picture her being a mixture of herself and Lucas, just like Joshua and James are splitting images of Nathan and Haley.
"You're thinking about Luke, aren't you hun?" Haley says with an even softer voice, and however quietly, Brooke can't help but let out a sob.
"Yeah… I miss him so much. It's all just so hard…"
Haley shakes her head. "No it's not Brooke. He misses you too. Like crazy. You just have to let him explain. I'm not saying that the feeling of being hurt will pass within seconds but you can work it out. I know you can."
She only sighs in response and strokes the fuzzy head of Haley's son, but Haley seems to have gotten tired of this whole mess between her and Lucas because she continues;
"For some reason both of you seem unable to understand that you are supposed to be together. You should just call him and get him to come back here. You need to get this straightened out."
Carefully not to wake up Joshua Haley reaches into Brooke's purse and pulls out her cell phone. She then hands it over and says; "Just call him Brooke. Just get it over with…"
Brooke hesitantly reaches for it but before she can take it, it starts ringing and she pulls her hand back. She wants it to be him, especially after the quick conversation they had in class this morning, but he had just disappeared after that and she feels as though if it isn't him calling now, then she'll be too disappointed.
"You answer it…" she mumbles and shifts James a little to relieve the sudden pain in her lower back. "I don't feel like talking."
Haley sighs but does as she's told, and Brooke focuses back on her thinking as soon as she hears Haley say; "Oh, hi Karen…"
---
It's dark already when Lucas starts the drive back down to Tree Hill. And it's not until half way home that he pulls out his cell phone from the glove compartment and turns it back on.
Instantly it beeps, telling him he has several missed calls. Twenty-two to be exact.
Frowning, he dials the number to his voicemail. Obviously someone really wanted to get in touch with him.
You have five messages…
The first one is from his mom. She sounds a little strange but simply asks where he is and if he could possibly call back when he gets the time.
The next one is from Haley, also asking him where he is and telling him it's important that he calls back. The third one being about the same but in this Haley adds; Brooke's looking for you…
He almost drives off the road when hearing the last sentence. Brooke wants to talk to him? That's a change. The last couple of days she's wanted anything but. And then he hears the fourth message;
Seriously Lucas, where the hell are you. Both Haley and I have called you for hours. I'm leaving for the hospital now. Call me! Or just get there…
Brooke. And it hits him. Something is wrong with the baby. Brooke has six weeks left before she's expected to give birth but for some reason she has must have gone into labor, and now he's missing out on the birth of his child.
Pushing the gas-pedal down into the floor he disconnects the call to his voice-mail, cutting the fifth message off before it even starts. Then he calls Brooke's cell on speed-dial. The signals pass but she doesn't pick up.
"Fuck…" he mumbles and slows down for a bit while a police car passes him in the inner lane. What if something happened to Brooke before he had time to get to the hospital? She's still angry at him and just as the other night, when she left and he couldn't find her, he's scared shitless that he's not going to get the chance to make all this right again.
He re-dials but still no answer so he calls Haley instead. Nathan picks up on the third signal.
"Hey Luke. What's up?"
He has no idea why his brother is answering on Haley's phone but he sounds out of breath.
"Nathan? Where's Hales? Is she with Brooke?"
"Brooke? I have no idea man. I just came out of the shower. Haley forgot her phone at home. I think she's at the hospital with the twins… What's wrong? You sound a little stressed out…"
He sighs and gas-pedal down harder again now that the police-car is out of sight. Haley never forgot her phone and it's just typical that she's done it today.
"Brooke has gone into labor" he answers and turns left up on the highway. "And I can't reach her. I need to know if she's alright."
His voice is shaking a little and Nathan swears.
"What?! Oh hell, not more premature babies… Where are you?"
"I'm on Route 65 going south, probably still twenty minutes from Tree Hill Memorial."
"What, On H65? Where have you been? Never mind, I just have to grab some clothes but I'll meet you there, okay? And don't drive like a crazy person Luke. You getting killed won't help Brooke at all…"
He knows that Nathan is right. Still he pushes the car to go faster, already driving 80 miles over the speed-limit.
"Just meet me there…" he mumbles, trying to concentrate on the driving. "And call me if you hear anything."
---
Fifteen minutes later he runs down the halls of Memorial Hospital. He knows where the maternal-unit is now after visiting Haley and he doesn't even stop in the reception area. Instead he runs down the hall to find the right room on his own and then suddenly he hears something that makes him halt. The sound of Brooke's laughter comes out of one of the rooms on the left side, followed by the sound of a little baby crying, and his heart drops and flies at the same time.
Brooke and the baby are both alright… but he has missed Emma's birth.
He stands still for a couple of seconds, trying to collect himself enough to take the step through the door and he hears the low sound of his mothers voice. Thank god, at least she had been with Brooke through this. But at the same time he knows that if Brooke was angry before, then now she might never forgive him. Not since he has promised her over and over during the last weeks that he would be with her every second of the delivery.
He finally pushes the door open and steps inside. But the sight that meets him is definitely not the one he has expected.
"Oh, thank god…" he mumbles and keeps staring at Brooke.
And then his mother waves at him from the bed and happily says;
"Luke! You came! Come over here and meet your little brother."
---
I hang up, you call…
We rise and we fall…
And we feel like just walking away
As our love advances
We take second chances
Though it's not a fantasy
I still want you to stay
Brooke watches as Lucas just stands in the doorway, looking completely frozen. He keeps starting at her with a face of pure relief and when he finally turns and looks at his mother he seems to do it against his will, as if taking his eyes of her is actually painful.
He behaviour can't be explained in any other way than plain… strange…
"Come here hun" Karen ushers again, but Lucas looks back at her instead and slowly takes the few steps over to the chair in which she's sitting.
"Brooke…" he mumbles and his hands cup her face gently. "Thank god you're alright…"
Then his hands fall down to touch her belly instead, and she feels confused. Of course she is. Why wouldn't she be? Yeah, she's a little pissed off that he didn't answer when whe called him earlier, mainly because she had been really stressed about the fact that she and Haley had been the ones that had to get his mother to the hospital, but Karen should be his main priority, right? She had after all just given birth to his little brother,
She looks at the little baby on Karen's arm and after a couple of seconds his gaze follows hers. And then he stands back up and walks over to his mom, silently saying; "Sorry mom, I really wanted to be here for this…"
Karen just smiles and reaches up to stroke his cheek and Brooke's heart aches. She wants to do that. But for some reason she can't. This whole 'distance' between them had just kind of gone too far.
She watches him and Karen interact around the newborn baby-boy and sits silent while Lucas holds him proudly. Then it finally gets too much for her and she decides to take a walk down to the cafeteria to grab some coffee. Lucas and Karen needs the time alone and it seems as if as long as she's in the room he can't concentrate.
But as she starts to get out of the chair he looks over at her.
"Brooke, can I talk to you for a second?" he says and she meets his eyes, feeling hesitant. And he adds; "Not to fight… just talk… please?"
She sighs but agrees. "Sure… lets go out into the corridor."
He follows her silently. She can feel his eyes piercing into the back of her head, and she can sense how nervous he is. The expression on his face when he came rushing into the hospital room earlier had been one of pure guilt and at first she didn't understand why. He shouldn't feel guilty towards her, if anything he should feel guilty for not being there for his mom. But then when they've gotten on a safe distance from his mothers room he hugs her awkwardly and whispers;
"I was so scared Brooke. I thought you had gone to the hospital… I thought that you went into labor, not my mom, and I wasn't there for you…"
And she finally understands.
He looks totally devastated and she feels for him, she does… But there has been enough 'talking' between them lately to last a lifetime and she's tired. Drained.
"Lucas…" she starts but he shakes his head.
"No Brooke, listen to me… I've done something today. Something for you and me and Emma, and I want you to have this…"
He stretches out his hand and opens it, palm up. And in the middle of it is a key.
"What's that?" She says, unable to not feel curious. "What did you do?"
He clears his throat and she notices that his earlobes are getting red, as always when he's nervous.
"It's for our home Brooke. The place you wanted. The two bedroom apartment by the park…"
His face is covered with tense expectation and she wants so bad to reach out and take his gift, but she's still afraid.
"You got us the place on Robertson Lane?" she asks silently and he nods with a faint smile.
"Why? I don't understand…"
"Well, we're going to college in three months and we need a place t o stay in…"
The effort of keeping his tone light and cheery is see-through and she wishes that she could just open his head and look into his brain. That she could read his mind and know what he's really thinking.
The key is still in his open palm and she watches it for moment before she finally averts her eyes and takes a step backwards.
"I don't know Lucas… I'll think about it…"
His smile falls and she hates herself for doing it but she still takes another step away from him.
"Say goodbye to you mom from me" she offers and pretends that she doesn't see his hurt body-language. "I'll see you at the doctor's tomorrow morning…"
And then she turns and walks off, tears burning in her eyes.
A home with Lucas, a real home, is all she's ever wanted. But with her background she could never take that key if she doesn't know he's sure. And as she walks over the parkinglot, back to her car, she keeps hearing Lucas words in her head. Words from their first pregnancy-scare;
"I just figured that I'd be older, financially stable… and in love."
She's gotten over the 'being too young'-part, and the financial thing doesn't matter to her at all. But she needs him to be sure about the 'being in love'-part.
Otherwise she can't do this.
I know I misbehaved,
And you made your mistakes,
And we both still got room left to grow...
And though love sometimes hurts,
I still put you first,
And we'll make this thing work,
But I think we should take it slow
---
The next morning Lucas is up even before the alarm-clock goes off and he makes it to the doctor's office half an hour early. He hasn't really slept, thoughts of Brooke raging his mind. However heartbroken he had been when she just left the night before, it also worried him that she seemed so distant. And he can't help to feel that on top of it all, she isn't feeling well physically.
The fact that she didn't take the key he had offered her is also eating away at him, but it doesn't change the fact that he's never giving up on her. If they had gotten this far they would eventually make it even further. He has to believe that in order to get out of bed in the morning.
The waiting-room is already filled with people and he tries to read a couple of pages in his book but he can't seem to concentrate. He's the only guy sitting by himself and people are looking at him strangely. On top of that he can't stop looking over at the door.
And then she suddenly walks in, with just two minutes to spare. He instantly gets to his feet and walks over to her and her eyes keep away from his as she silently mouths a "Hi…"
Before he has the chance to answer, the nurse calls her name and she starts to walk towards the back-room. He follows her, unable to not put a protective hand at the small of her back, and as they enter the office she looks up at him.
And in a way it looks as if she want's to say 'I'm sorry'.
-
Brooke sits on the examining-bed and tries to look as if she's listening to the doctor. But she's not. Instead she's watching Lucas.
He looks tired, like he hasn't slept for days. His blond hair is messy and starting to get a little too long again and his forehead is wrinkled.
'Always brooding…' she thinks and half-smiles sadly. 'And always looking so damn good doing it too.'
The doctor smalltalks politely and she answers when it's requested but the atmosphere in the room is a lot more tense than usual. And when the doctor steps outside for a couple of minutes to drop her bloodwork off at the lab she glances at Lucas again through the corner of her eye.
"Are you alright?" he asks silently and she nods. But in truth she's not. Just being near him hurts like hell.
"And you eating and sleeping enough?"
She sighs and looks away again. Him being his usual caring self just makes it all worse. But then she sits up straight and tries her hardest to keep her facial expression emotionless, not wanting him to see that she's lying when she answers; "Sure…"
His eyes instantly turn sad.
"No you're not Brooke…" He reaches for her hand and she lets him take it. "Does Rachel keep late night snacks for you if you wake up in the middle of the night? Does she know that you need an extra pillow to prop up you legs with?"
She swallows but keeps her stoic pose. No, Rachel didn't know these things, and not that her redheaded friend wasn't taking care of her, but just these four days had made her very aware of all the daily little things that Lucas used to do for her. She hadn't really realized it before.
"I already told you" she gets out, "I'm fine…"
The doctor steps back in and he looks at them as if he can tell that they're not the same as usual. He blinks a couple of times behind his thick glasses and clears his throat.
"Uhm… miss Davis… I'm sorry it's taking so long. Your iron-levels are way too low and lab is trying to figure out why. In the meantime I need to see another patient real quick… Would you mind waiting just a little bit longer?"
She fakes her usual dimpled smile and shakes her head. "No problem. We're not in a hurry."
He disappears again and they're back to the tense silence. At least until she feels Lucas hand carefully touching her arm.
"Brooke… talk to me, please…"
This time she can't bare to look away. His voice is too pleading and she looks up and meets his sad baby-blue eyes.
"What do you want me to say Luke? I'm tired and I really don't want to fight. Honestly I just want to get this sonogram over with and then go home and sleep…"
"Home? You mean…"
His voice is suddenly hopeful but she shakes her head.
"No, I meant to Rachel's house."
"Why?"
She sighs. "Because we're still not okay Lucas. You're angry and I'm disappointed and…"
Now he is the one vigorously shaking his head.
"I'm not angry Brooke. I was wrong, I've realized that now. And I wanna explain."
"What's there to explain? You think that I'm still a slut, I already got that part. There's no need to tell me again. What's the reason for talking about this anyway? We'll just end up fighting…"
She hears how bitter she sounds but she can't help it. She hadn't slept more than four hours last night since Emma kept kicking her ribcage from the inside and Lucas hadn't been there to calm the baby with his voice. Her mind had been going over the events of last night over and over and she couldn't stop thinking about what he had done. Getting them that apartment had been the biggest thing he had ever done for her, and it proved that he wanted to be with her, didn't it? But then again, what would happen the next time something from her past popped up? Then he would probably just freak out again, and she is way too tired for that.
But her blond brooding boyfriend just keeps staring back at her stubbornly.
"The reason? God… You seriously don't understand how much I love you, do you?" he says with a low and calm voice that sends shivers down her spine.
"I thought I did…"
"No, listen Brooke."
He puts a finger under her chin, pushing it up softly so that she has to look at him. "I love you more than life itself, okay? You just shouldn't have left me in the dark about this Brooke… people get hurt in the dark…"
Hearing him ramble, she just sighs heavily. Tiredly.
"For once Luke, could you just shut up and listen to me?"
"No! And here's another reason that you might never understand: You need me…"
He looks at her with pain in his eyes and reaches out to touch her cheek before adding in a whisper; "…but I need you more…"
She looks away. His blue eyes are too intense and her resistance is too low for her to be able to meet them and not crumble in front of him. She doesn't want to do this here. If anything, she doesn't want to do this at all because every time she's close to him she's reminded of how incomplete she feels when she's not.
"Baby…" he almost whispers, "Can't you at least look at me?"
The lump of sadness that has camped out in her chest for days grows bigger and she swallows and keeps staring out the window. Why couldn't he just give up and let her be?
For several minutes they just sit there in silence. She can feel his eyes on her face even though she's not meeting his gaze and she grows so accustomed to the silence that she flinches when he finally speaks.
"Someone once told me that people who are meant to be together always find their way in the end…"
"Lucas I can't…"
"The same wise person told me that true love is hard… It's not this fairytale-life that never knows pain. It's when two souls face the pain together… and diminish it with unconditional love. You said it yourself Brooke. Remember? At Nathan's and Haley's wedding…"
"I remember…" she sighs. How can I not? But unconditional love means that you love someone no matter what, Luke. It means that my past shouldn't mean anything to you… And what you said to me in that fight was not just spur of the moment things. They had meaning to you. You meant what you said and its okay for you to feel like that. It's just that I can't love you the way I do and have you look at me like that… it hurts to much…"
His bottom lip is trembling and she wants to reach out and line it with her thumb. To make it stop. Because he seems so close to tears and she knows that if he starts then he'll bring her over the edge too, and then she'll never stop crying.
"Maybe I did mean it, then. Maybe I was immature and stupid and honestly didn't understand that I freaking need you in order to live Brooke. But I need you to let me take those things back. Because I can't function without you. Can't sleep or breathe or feel…"
Small teardrops stick to his eyelashes like dewdrops on grass in the early morning. And when she silently shakes her head, the first one falls. In slow-motion she watches as it slides down his cheek, changing its path as it meets the stubble on his jaw.
"Please, Brooke…"
He looks as if he's going to break down any second and she wants nothing more than to wrap her arms around him and hold him. Comfort him like he had comforted her so many times in the past. But she just needs to close her eyes to remember the way he looked at her the other night.
"You can't just take something like that back Luke…"
"Why?"
"Because you just can't. Maybe if this had been the first time…"
He looks back at her confused, probably because he doesn't remember. But she does. She remembers exactly how hurt she had been the last time he came right out and called her a slut. And just like the other night, when he told her that he wasn't sure if she had ever changed, his mocking voice from junior year can now be heard clearly inside her head;
"By the way… it's not like I'm the only guy you ever slept with!"
They had been alone out on the schoolyard and she remembers clutching her cell phone in her hand, still waiting for the planned parenthood-clinic to call back. He seemed angry at her, probably because he was just as shaken by it all as she was, but being sixteen she could only focus on her own anger at him for cheating, and on the fear of being pregnant. He squinted, leaned forward as if testing her, and she hissed back;
"What's your point?"
"How do I even know it's mine?"
She watches him now and the difference between how he looked at her then and how he looks at her now is huge. Then he had almost seemed disgusted. Now his eyes are still brimming with tears and she almost hesitates before twisting the imaginary knife.
"Pregnancies, even scares, seem to bring out the honesty in you…" she says silently. "Maybe you want a paternity-test just like my dad? I mean, with me being so slutty, how would you even know it's yours?"
She uses his own words and his eyes grow wider.
"No Brooke… don't do that… that was a long time ago…"
"Yeah" she whispers. "It was… but isn't that the point? Things never change, right?"
Then she pushes herself of the chair and starts to walk away from him, thinking that she doesn't care about the tests or the sonogram, she just wants to go down to the Neonatal ward were she knows Haley will comfort her. Maybe even down to Karen. But he's right behind her, pulling her arm, carefully but still enough that she has to turn back around to face him.
"Don't walk away Brooke, please. Yell at me, hit me… Do anything! Just don't walk away… When you did that last night you broke my heart."
His voice cracks and she lets out a shaky breath. He looks like a lost little boy; lonely, scared, sad.
"Then explain to me…" she ushers with a trembling bottom lip. "Explain…"
Her voice is breaking too and she takes a step towards him, feeling hot salty tears start to fall down her cheeks. He pulls her to him and holds her, lets her cry against the soft material of his worn t-shirt, and when he finally talks it's not much louder than in a whisper.
"I never meant to hurt you, pretty girl… and before you say anything; I know that it hurts the same anyway. I'm just so scared…"
"Of what? Of me? The baby?"
He sighs deeply, making his chest rise and fall against her own.
"No… Of not being able to handle this. Of being a bad father, of not being enough for you…"
He really sounds scared, and in the middle of it all she just wants to kiss him and make all this go away. And even though he's shaking it feels so good to have his arms around her.
"Is that what this is all about?" she whispers. "Do you think that I will leave you for someone else? For Nathan? How could you ever not be enough for me Luke? You're the only solid thing in my life. Why do you think this is so hard for me, huh?"
He remains silent, watching her with big blue eyes, and the look in them is begging. She blinks and the tears come pouring out again powered by all the tiredness and frustration she's kept inside the last few days.
"This is so damn hard because I love you, you dumbass!" she cries. "Because you're my rock, and when you say stuff like the things you told me that night, my heart breaks! And my heart was already broken by you!"
"I'm sorry Brooke… You have to believe me…"
She cries and cries against his chest and he hushes her softly, slowly running his hand up and down her back. And she knows that deep inside she does. She believes that he's sorrier than he's ever been.
He kisses the top of her head, over and over whispering; "I love you so much…" And as the sobs slowly dies out and her breathing starts going back to normal she pulls back a little to look at him. His beautiful face is wet with tears and she can't do this to him anymore. She can't keep torturing either herself or him this way.
"Give it to me again…" she whispers, and he looks confused.
"Give me the key Lucas."
He lets go of her and retrieves the small key from his back pocket, and she takes it out of his open hand and puts into the pocket of her own jeans. His face visibly relaxes and before she kisses him she wipes her face with her sleeve and says;
"Don't ever do this to me again…"
This ain't a movie, no
No fairytale conclusion y'all
It gets more confusing every day
Sometimes it's Heaven sent
Then we head back to Hell again..
We kiss, then we make up on the way.
---
Author's note: BL on the mend :D
As always all the reviews from you guys make me feel like the happiest person alive, and every time one lands in my inbox it just makes me want to spit out updates for you all.
Right now I'm gonna go work on finishing up the next chapter.
Love /Lynn