Next chapter up for you...!!
My thanks again go to the people who have reviewed last chapter...'hmwhitlock2000, cullengirl08, jaclynheartz, DodgerMcClure, laceycrazy08 and Raven Jadewolfe'...THANK YOU x
Short and sweet from me...I will let the characters speak for themselves...I believe and hope that this is the chapter you have all been waiting for...This is where AML again lives up to its 'M' rating.
I do NOT own Twilight...I OWN AML (I also own a FAT research paper on Bertolt Brecht for college..!)
Songs for this chapter are: 'The day I fall in love' – Dolly Parton and James Ingram
'An Angel' – Declan Galbraith
'I'll be – Edwin McCain'
'Colourblind – Counting Crows'
*~Bella~*
(Friday morning)
I was simply happy from Carlisle's announcement a few days ago..He deserved every award or achievement going because he was a FANTASTIC doctor...There is a slight possibility that I was biased because I had been one of his patients but hey..Credit should be made where credit is due and ALL of it should go to Carlisle.
Dear Diary
Amazingly...I am happy right now and I have never said that before..Everything in my life seems to be working out at the moment and there is always a first for everything. As you know I have always been afraid of change however right now I would take on anything that life throws at me because I have the people in my life who will give me the support and strength that I need.
Edward is amazing as always...Our relationship is growing and I feel more comfortable in myself when I am with him...He makes me feel so much bigger than the world around me like I can face it all again if I were ever to go back and revisit my past...I can't regret the fact that I was taken away from my mum as much as I wanted to at the time because it brought me to Edward and the rest of his family to think if my mum wasn't suffering with her own personal issues of her own I would never have fallen in love or experienced what love is.
Love for me is like an ocean..It can be calm and beautiful some moments and the next it can be rough and difficult...The current that exists in the ocean is the constant pull that I feel with my desires to take mine and Edward's relationship further..It is all very well, diary, that he states he will wait for me but I do not want him to wait too long for me to get my head around all of this. I should embrace it and I should feel like there is nothing better than him in my world because there isn't and I know that now...Fear holds me back and that fear is the current, it is ever-changing. I am close to being there, diary..I know I am and I just need to hold on to the fact that Edward will be there waiting for me like he always will until we finish all of this. I will also make the decision to go back to having the brother and sister relationship if our relationship were to end.
Carlisle got promoted...He told us last night of course he didn't mention what position he was now but he also didn't specify that he would leave Sandgrove so maybe he will take Dr Albertson's position as head doctor or at least be a doctor of the same level...I am so happy for my dad, diary more than words can express..He deserves it for all the hours he puts in and he never once complains when things get hard...I hope in the future I can take on the same attitude in everyday life I will have no reason to moan about how things haven't gone my way because I wouldn't be where I am or who I am now.
Life is good, diary at least for this particular moment in time...I shall update again soon!
Bella x
It was probably the LONGEST diary entry I had ever written...When I would feel sad I would write very little about my thoughts and just write down the facts and symptoms of my emotional state...My diary was still my security blanket even after I have abandoned it somewhat in the search for my purpose in life...My reason for living and still continuing to exist...I have found it now and my diary needs to know that I am okay.
I had put my diary back in my bedside drawer when I was interrupted out of my thought trance by a knock at my door.
"Come in" I said to my closed door...I positioned myself on the bed crossing my legs underneath me to make myself more comfortable..I looked over at the door as it opened and smiled when I saw Emmett peer his head around from the other side.
"Hey Bella-boo...Can I talk with you?" Emmett asked...Wow this was a change..Emmett rarely spoke to me about things that would only include the two of us...I welcomed it because he was the only person I hadn't properly spoken to before...I had talks with mum, dad, Edward, Alice and even Rosalie and Jasper..Emmett was the only one left.
"Of course brother bear!" I exclaimed patting the empty space by my feet...I had secured Emmett his own nickname after he had insisted that he would always call me by mine. Emmett closed the door and sat down next to me on the bed he wrapped his arms around his legs as he brought them up to his chest and faced me head-on.
"I have some news of my own, Bella...I was going to tell dad later but I figured you would be the best person to talk to about it first..Seeing as you have always been there for all of us-"Emmett trailed off covering his mouth with one hand...I leant forwards and touched his hand gently.
"It's okay, Em...You can tell me" I stated he brought his hand down and clasped it in mine hard and brought both of our entwined hands to rest on his knees.
"I am going to propose to Rosalie"
My mouth opened into a wide 'o'...I hadn't meant to gawk but I couldn't help it...I didn't know what to say...I had already been feeling so happy about Carlisle that now Emmett had decided to take the next step with his girlfriend I was ecstatic..As happy as anyone could be.
"Emmett...I don't know what to say" I choked out...Fresh tears filling my eyes from my overwhelmed emotion.
"You think it is wrong...I am going to fast-"Emmett trailed off but I shook my head frantically at him.
"No...God I am sorry, Emmett...I am just so...Happy right now" I choked out..Emmett gave me wide smile.
"You think I should, Bella?"
"It's not for me to decide because I do not live your life for you, Em but as your sister I have to say YES" I exclaimed...I wrapped my arms around his shoulders as he moved his knees and hugged me tightly back..I heard him sigh deeply and I hoped to god it was out of relief.
"I love her, Bella and I want to be with her for the rest of my life" Emmett said into my shoulder and I gasped letting more tears fall down my cheeks and onto his shirt.
"Then that's all that matters" I choked back...I kissed his cheek and tilted my head so my forehead was resting on his cheek.
We stayed like that for a good few minutes before I broke away from his hold.
"Do you have a ring for her, Emmett?" I asked wiping the tears from my face.
"Of course I do" he exclaimed with a smile.
"Can I see it?" I asked...He reached into his side pocket and pulled out a small white box..It was similar to the one Rosalie and Emmett's present to me but the colour was different as mine was a dark blue. I took the box from him and opened the lid...I gasped at the redness of the stone shining in the light.
"It's a ruby" I stated
"How do you know that?"
"My mum's birthstone is a ruby...She always had one around her neck when she used to go out and see her friends...I was envious of it that I will always remember"
"So you think Rosalie will like it?"
I closed the box and looked up at him.
"You're an idiot if you think that she won't, Emmett...She loves you even I am certain of that"
Emmett took the box from my hands and put it back in his pocket. "So...Shall I say my congratulations to you now?"
Emmett smiled "You really think she is going to say yes?"
"I have never been sure of anything...She would be silly not to...I would say yes to you with a ring like that"
"I don't want her to say yes to the RING, Bell...I want her to say yes to ME"
"She WILL the ring is just a bonus on top"
"You really are the best, Bella"
I shook my head "I would never propose to someone in the fear of getting rejected...What you are doing and what you want to do show courage that I could never have, Em... I really mean that"
Emmett kissed my cheek and hugged me tightly again I sank into him and brought my head down to his shoulder and kissed it in response.
Wow things just keep getting better and better don't they?
*~Emmett~*
I left Bella's room feeling better than I had done in a long time...Alice had always said that Bella was god's gift to us and I always brushed the comment off and changed the subject because I believed then that no one could be that fantastic but now I couldn't have been happier to be proved wrong.
I was lucky that my dad was off of work today..As he had his party later maybe his bosses had finally cut him some slack about how many hours he worked and let him rest before the big occasion...I was looking forward to it. Okay I was ALWAYS excited about a party but one that is being thrown in honour of my dad's work was something else...I had never felt proud of someone besides Rosalie but now my dad had broken all my boundaries...I was so pleased for him as we all were...I just hoped that he was pleased by what I was deciding to do with my life.
I went down to my dad's office my hands hidden in the security of my pockets...I felt butterflies swarm my stomach and I was beginning to feel queasy as I grasped the door handle and walked in to see my dad at his desk...There was never a time when he wasn't at his desk...He had a sofa near to the door of his office but I had never seen him use it...I closed it behind me and walked towards him wanting to leave again...I had to do this, though...If I didn't I would NEVER pluck up the courage to do it. I kept Bella's comments in my mind when I saw my dad take his glasses off his face and put them down on the desk.
"Hello Emmett...I thought you were out with Rosalie today" my dad greeted me with a smile...I sat down at the empty chair opposite him keeping my hands in my pockets.
"No I needed to speak to you first" I said meekly.
"Okay...What's the matter, son?" Dad asked as he lay back further in the chair.
"I don't want you to think that I am rushing into this, dad because well...I have gone over it endless times in my head that I have driven myself mad-" I trailed off get to the point, Emmett you idiot!
"I am sure I wouldn't think anything bad of you, Emmett"
"Don't say that dad...Not at least until you have heard what I have to say" I stated..My dad nodded twice in understanding and kept his silence...I took a deep breath.
"I am going to propose to Rosalie, dad" I confessed biting my lip.
Dad was silent as it was probable that he was letting my words sink in...It was torture waiting for him to say something or at least have a definite expression on his face..I lightly touched the box in my pocket in an attempt to calm my thoughts down.
"Why on earth would I be mad at you for that?" dad asked me...I didn't know how to answer that...I only let my thoughts go back to the past when I first fell in love with Rosalie and had told my dad about it.
"You have always said that a person needs to be secure in his own life before he takes the next step into marriage"
"It's true I said that when you were starting out your relationship with Rose, Emmett because I needed you to understand that you must allow yourself to completely love someone before you make a decision so big...Marriage is no laughing matter and it is not just a piece of paper as I have heard so many times in my line of work...It's a commitment and a large one at that"
"I am ready for this, dad...I have never loved anyone but Rose and I know that I never will...I want to be with her forever" I confessed.
Dad stood up and walked over to stand in front of me....He held out his hand...I looked at him wearily before standing up and taking his hand in mine...I was about to shake it when dad took away his hand and wrapped his arms around my shoulders...Patting me on the shoulder hard the way that men usually do when they show any kind of emotion. I hugged him harder...I didn't feel awkward like I usually did when I hugged my father...I had always been used to hugging my mother and in all honesty I used to prefer showing my love to my mom that way because she was a woman and women feel things a lot more than us men do. However I welcomed this change...It seemed like everything in my life was working out at last.
"I am so proud of you, Emmett" my dad said into my shoulder. I pulled away from him.
"So you're really not mad?"
"No of course not...Emmett you are finally becoming a man...A man who I am very proud to call my son" he answered.
Our little moment was interrupted by mom opening and closing the door to my dad's office she had began to walk further into the room when her glance rested on both myself and my dad..She stopped on the spot.
"Oh I am sorry, Emmett...I did not mean to interrupt" mom said her voice echoing through the room.
"You weren't interrupting anything, darling" my dad replied as I shot her a smile in agreement she walked forwards again and reached us staring at each of us.
"What is going on?" Mom asked.
"Do you want to tell her or should I?" my dad asked me.
"Mom I am going to propose to Rosalie" I said...The largest smile crept the corners of mom's mouth as she covered her it with both her hands.
"Really?!" She exclaimed...Her voice muffled slightly by her hands.
I nodded once with a smile as she gasped in happiness...Tears filling her eyes..I rolled my eyes at her and grabbed her by one shoulder pulling her into my chest and hugging her with as much strength as I could without hurting her.
"Emmett that's fantastic!" she gasped out in my grasp I kissed her head and smiled at my dad who was obviously feeling the amount of love in the room.
Mom pulled away from me and stroked my cheek lovingly. "Can I see the ring, Emmett?" she asked...I reached into my pocket and gave the box to her..She opened it and gasped again uncontrollably.
"Oh Emmett it is beautiful..She is going to love it!" my mom stated.
"So I have both of your blessings?" I asked both my parents.
"Emmett it is usually the woman who needs the blessing-"my dad started.
"I know...But I want both your approval on this...I wouldn't go through it knowing that both of you weren't okay with it" I broke him off...My mom lifted her eyes from the box and looked over and dad they both smiled and looked back at me.
"Emmett we love you...We will support you in whatever it is you do and right now..I can speak for both myself and your father when I say that this is....Amazing...Of course we approve!" mom answered...I bit down on my lip fighting back my tears of happiness. Mom closed the box and gave it back to me as I put it back in my pocket again.
I put each hand on one of my parents' shoulders and leaned in to hug them both..They wrapped each of their arms around me.
"I love you guys too...So much" I said in their chests.
Now I can do it...For real!
I just hope that when I did ask Rosalie she wouldn't reject me.
*~Bella~*
(Later)
From the beginning I had four dresses that Alice had given me and one that Esme had given me at Christmas..I had worn three of them already and so I had the choice of choosing one of them seeing as Alice wasn't here. I had a choice of three colours...Green, Ivory and Blue...They all had looked good on me and the heat from my body from taking them each on and off was now prominent but there was one that I liked above the other two and that was the Ivory one...It was a strapless bodice with no zip or fastening with a flowy bottom...It came to just above my knees which was handy because all my dresses that I had worn so far had been that length and I wouldn't want to wear a dress that was any shorter or any longer than that.
I had already done my hair..Curling it at the ends..Alice was going to be here later and so I decided to wait for her so she could do my makeup..I had no idea what colour eyeshadow to wear with a light coloured dress as I had worn only dark coloured dresses before.
I stood in my bathroom turning around in the mirror and looking at myself...I couldn't see the bottom of the dress because the mirror wasn't a full-length one but I would have to ask Alice if I could use hers before I go just to make sure that it was all correct. I smiled..My reflection copying me..I had always felt a bit strange not wearing makeup because with a dress it was kind of a necessity to look good but I felt pretty now more than I had ever done before.
The door to my bedroom closed snapping me out of my analysis..I edged to the doorway to find Edward staring at me intently.
"Edward...Are you okay?" I asked stepping out of the bathroom to look at him properly.
"I needed to see what you were going to wear" he answered...I walked towards him and stood in front of him so he could see the whole of me.
"This is what I am wearing...I will be wearing makeup so I will look better-" I trailed off.
Edward closed the gap between us and grabbed my face pulling me up a little to connect our mouths..I responded eagerly wrapping my arms around his shoulders..He moaned deeply as he moved his lips to the side of my neck.
"You look amazing, Bella...So beautiful" he whispered and I smiled taking his lips in my own again..Edward's hands moved to my waist as he caressed them lightly..I ran my fingers through his hair receiving another moan from him...The vibration tickled a little as I smiled against his lips and then broke away from them.
"Are you not getting changed?" I asked him quietly still cocooned in his arms
"Jasper will be here soon with Alice...We deicide together what to wear once we have seen what our girlfriends are wearing" he smiled cheekily and I rolled my eyes at him.
I released my hold on him completely as I walked over to my chest of drawers...I pulled out the box that held the locket Edward had given me and walked back to stand in front of him.
"Will you put this on me?" I asked handing the box to him...He smiled and took it opening the lid and taking out the locket...I turned around and lifted my hair as he put the locket on me..I touched it holding into place as he clasped the back and let it fall to just below my collarbone...Edward kissed my neck causing my hands to release my hair completely...I tilted my head to rest on the side of his...Edward wrapped his arms tight around my stomach as he continued to kiss my neck.
"I love you" I said in a whisper.
"I REALLY love you" Edward answered and I laughed a little at his remark.
"Are you making fun of me?" I teased remembering that I had said exactly the same thing he had just done when we had our first date.
"Hell No" he answered I tilted my head back to give him more access as my hands stroked his on my stomach.
"Okay...Lovers moment over!" I heard Alice shout as the door to my room banged against the wall...Edward grunted quietly so only I could hear before releasing his hold on me..I instantly missed his contact with me. He turned around as I walked a few steps away from where he was and also turned to face Alice.
"Ah Alice I was wondering when you were going to show up...Excellent timing as usual" Edward remarked as I bit down my lip to hush my laughter.
"Little bro you need to get changed and besides...Bella is already dressed therefore I wasn't interrupting anything IMPORTANT" Alice answered. Edward sighed in defeat and walked out of my room...He turned to smile at me..I smiled back before Alice closed the door on him.
"I must say, Bella...That is an excellent choice!" Alice chimed sitting down on my bed and analysing me "come on give me a twirl!"
I spun around feeling slightly inadequate.
"Yes...I am very proud that you could pick out a dress without my input!" Alice exclaimed with a beaming smile.
"Thanks...Listen Alice, would it be too much to ask you to do my makeup for me?" I asked her.
"Nothing would be too much to ask, Bella..Especially from you...Of course I will" she said skipping to my chest of drawers and pulling out my makeup bag "go and sit down, beautiful" she added and I obliged smoothing out the bottom of my dress before sitting on my bed.
It didn't take Alice long to finish...I smiled up at her as she studied the final look.
"You know, Bella...I have yet to meet another person as beautiful as you are...I am not just saying that because you are my sister, either"
"This is coming from the girl who looks good in ANYTHING"
"Oh silly Bella, I don't look good in ANYTHING...I have to FEEL good before I know I look good...Luckily I have a boyfriend who always thinks I am beautiful...Just like you now do!"
"I can't disagree with that." I stood up smoothing out my dress again "so how is everything going?"
"I am going to take a wild guess and say you are talking about the baby...Yes, everything is going great I just have to wait for the little one's appearance now!"
"I still think it's fantastic that you are doing this, Alice...I don't think I ever could"
"Never say you wouldn't be able to unless you are in the same situation...People change, Bella you'd be surprised. Now we have about another hour and a half to kill before we need to go..Dad and mom have gone out..Something about celebrating by themselves before they join the party I couldn't quite hear everything my mom said on the phone. So you wait here and I will come back and get you" she finished.
Alice turned on her heel and walked to the door but gasped when the door opened near to the proximity of her face..I looked up instantly the door opening startling me also.
"Sorry" Rosalie said as she peered her head around the corner "I didn't hit anyone did I?"
"It was a close shave but it's all okay" Alice sang as Rose stepped in the room.
"I need to speak to Bella for a moment, Alice...Are you going to be in your room?" Rose said...Everyone wanted to speak to me today...Was I really good at giving advice?
"Of course..Come up when you are ready" Alice replied she kissed Rose on the cheek and walked out of the room..I heard her footsteps trailing up the stairs before everything went silent.
"Is it okay if I have a word, Bella?" Rose asked me wearily.
"Why would you even ask that, come and sit down" I answered receiving a small smile as she closed my door and sat on the bed..I continued to stand to the side of her.
"I need to know if Emmett has said anything about our relationship to you this week, Bella?" Rose began...I stiffened..I had completely forgotten that I knew what Emmett's plan was before Rosalie did. This did feel slightly awkward.
"No...He has just been his usual self...Why do you ask, Rose?"
"He seems distant...He's been going out and not telling me where he is going and usually I wouldn't mind but I am so very easily paranoid, Bella...I am frightened that he will find another girl and leave me because I am not good enough for him" Rose choked on her breath...Tears filling up her eyes...I ran quickly to the bathroom and pulled off some toilet paper before walking back in my room and handing it to her.
"Thanks" she said with a smile..She dabbed her eyes lightly with the paper.
"Can I sit?" I asked her...She looked up at me.
"Why would you ask me if you can sit down..It's your room"
"I know but I'm aware that some people might not like to be crowded when they are upset"
"Oh no...I came in here to ask your opinion, Bella...I would prefer it if you DID sit down...When people stand over me it makes me feel nervous"
I smoothed out my dress and sat next to her.
"Why would you even begin to think that Emmett would be unfaithful to you?"
"I don't believe he would...I mean I know he wouldn't but it's all me...It's all my issues with myself that make me like this"
"Rose...It's true that I haven't known Emmett for as long as you have but honestly it doesn't take a mastermind to know that he is crazy about you"
"He's been distant though, Bella. I am scared that I have done something"
"People get distant when they have a lot on their mind and Emmett like Edward as well doesn't like to show others how they feel because they do not want to cause concern...It's annoying as hell but sometimes it is necessary"
Rose sniffed "I forgot about you and Edward...How is that going by the way?"
I sighed "Emmett told you?"
"No..Alice did...She knew that you two had feelings for each other and she told me...Just before Christmas"
"We weren't even going out before Christmas..Oh I swear that girl can read minds!"
"I am sorry..I should have waited for you to tell me yourself"
"Oh no...I mean it would have been nice to tell you but it's okay...However I don't think it's right I talk about my relationship when you are upset, Rose"
"Please, Bella?"
"It's going great" I admitted simply "That's all I can say really...I have no other words for it"
"You make a really beautiful couple"
"Not as beautiful as you and Emmett are together" I stroked a strand of hair away from her face.
"So it's just me being paranoid?"
"In all honesty..Yes"
Rose chuckled a little "I figured as much"
"Don't hurt yourself like this though, Rose...If something was wrong with Emmett I am sure that he would have told you...He loves you too much to keep secrets from you" Oh no...Wrong choice of words, Bella!
"Thank you Bella" Rose sank her head on my shoulder and I wrapped one arm around her shoulders around her "thank you so much" she finished..I leant my head on hers and allowed the silence to hush over the two of us.
"Now I think it would be best if you went and re-did your makeup..Or at least get Alice to do it because she will never let you out of the house looking like that"
Rose leant back up from my shoulder and stood up "I agree...Thank again, Bella. I love you"
I was a little taken aback by Rose saying that she loved me but snapped out of the thought quickly.
"I love you too" I said as she exited from my room.
I exhaled deeply and threw my whole body back so I was lying on my bed.
Things can just get stranger and stranger.
Alice came back in my room some time later.
"Okay darling sister...We need to go!" she sang...I was already browsing through the bottom of my wardrobe to find a pair of heels. "The silver ones, Bella" she added. I picked up the heels and put them on as quickly as I could before grabbing a white coat from my wardrobe and hanging it over my arm.
I walked out of my room closing it behind me..Alice took my hand.
"You ready?" she asked me and I nodded..We both walked down the stairs successfully as we were both in heels. Rosalie was wrapped around Emmett in the far corner of the living room near the front door and Edward and Jasper were waiting for us at the bottom of the stairs.
"You look great, Bella" Jasper said...I waved at him and smiled before reaching the bottom of the stairs Alice let go of my hand and went over to Jasper..I looked over at Edward who looked like he had just seen a pig fly in the sky. I let out a laugh at his expression.
"Edward..Stop gawking at me and take my hand" I teased...There was a little laughter in the room from the others at my remark..Edward flashed me a smile before taking my hand.
"I am sorry...I couldn't help it" He whispered...I nodded in understanding.
"Okay let's go" Alice said as well all made our way out of the front door...Three couples hand in hand with each other..She locked it once myself and Edward were outside.
Alice and Jasper went in her car and Rose and Emmett went in his jeep...Edward led me over to his Volvo and opened the passenger door for me...I curtsied a little with a smile and climbed in. Edward climbed in on the drivers side and turned the key in the ignition and drove out of the driveway.
"So how far is it to the hall?" I asked looking over at him.
"About twenty minutes"
"We could have walked, then"
"In this weather...No way I am not having you die on me because you have caught Hypothermia...Besides I really want to dance with you again" he flashed me his crooked smile and once again I melted into silence for the rest of the journey.
I didn't have much time to take a look at the hall properly from the outside as Alice had dragged me into the entrance by the hand the minute I stepped out of Edward's car...Edward had made the wiser decision of walking behind with Jasper, Rose and Emmett.
"Wow it looks amazing in here!" Alice sang...She let go of my hand as she went to look around...I hurried back to Edward and clasped his hand...Security washing over me again as I did so.
"I swear that girl needs a leash" I whispered into Edward's ear as he laughed and wrapped on arm firmly around me.
"Stick with me my love and you will be safe" he said kissing me on the forehead..We walked further into the hall together hand in hand.
For the first hour of the party I had been meeting various people...They were all people who worked with Carlisle but had found out from him about how I ended up being adopted by him...Of course they were also full of praise and questions to ask me about my new family. I had lost Edward half-way into the mingling session as we had been uncontrollably torn apart, him by Esme and me from Carlisle.
I breathed a sigh of relief once I had met everyone and went into the small kitchen to grab a drink...I saw Emmett standing there with a pint of coke in his hand.
"Bella-boo...How is it all going?" He greeted me cheerfully.
"Great" I answered with sarcasm "actually I am glad I caught you...Where is Rosalie?"
"She went off with Alice somewhere..Why what's up?"
"Rose came in to my room earlier saying that she was worried how you had become distant"
"Oh, Jesus" Emmett sighed putting his coke down.
"I don't want to alarm you but she said that you haven't been telling her where you have been going and so she now feels paranoid that you may be seeing other girls"
"God that girl...She still doesn't realise that there is no one else for me but her...Was she VERY upset, Bella?"
"No just scared more than anything"
"I had to go into town a few times to get the ring...That is all I did, Bella"
"Emmett I believe you...You don't have to justify yourself to me...I didn't tell her about what you were planning but I think you need to tell her"
"Of course...Thank you sweetie" he said kissing me on the cheek and leaving the room. I poured myself a drink and looked ahead at where I had just come from.
I saw Alice and Jasper in a passionate embrace in the middle of the room...I threw away the thought of why Rosalie wasn't with her out of my head the minute it had entered and studied the sight in front of me.
So much love between two people...It radiated off of them..Jasper had one hand on Alice's tummy and one hand round her shoulders..She was giggling at him for something her hand placed on his chest...It was like those moments in films where everything would suddenly turn to slow motion and there would only be music filling the scene.
Looking at them...There it was...The click!
The same click that Alice had told me about when she decided to take things further with Jasper...I wanted Edward in that way...I needed him in that way. I wanted us to be like Alice and Jasper a year or two down the line except I don't think I would be pregnant like Alice was...That would be a little too fast for me. I wanted to get physical with my boyfriend and the emotions overtook me in that moment..I put down my drink and walked out past Alice and Jasper who hadn't noticed me and went in search for Edward.
I found him in the garden looking up at the sky...I walked over to him and tapped his shoulder..He turned around to smile at me.
"There you are, baby..I am sorry that I lost you" He said...Oh god I WANTED him...I had wanted him before but never this much.
"Edward...I am not feeling too well...Could you drive me home?" I lied to him...I didn't want to say what I wanted to do in fear of embarrassment or rejection from him.
"Of course sweetheart...Get your coat and I will talk to mom and dad" He said kissing me lovingly on the cheek and left me...I breathed in the fresh air once and then made my way back inside. I took my coat off of the rack by the hall entrance and turned around to put it on..Edward was walking towards me.
"Everything's sorted...You don't feel sick do you?" he asked me
I shook my head "no just a headache" I answered simply. He took my hand and took off his coat from the rack with his free hand before leading me outside.
I felt really bad about missing Carlisle's party but I needed Edward...I really did need him and I only hoped that he would need me too as he has said to me before.
*~Edward~*
I climbed out of the car with Bella's hand tightly around mine...I walked into the house both of us silent and released her hand to go into the kitchen...I browsed through the medicine cabinet taking out a bottle of Tylenol and a couple of paracetimols...I picked the contents up and turned to see Bella who was in the doorway giving me a confused look.
"Edward..I am not ill" she stated...I stood there motionless with the contents in my hands...She was fighting back a smile as she moved gracefully towards me...She lifted her hands and took the contents from my hands and reached behind me to put them on the kitchen side...her hair tickling my nose...I breathed in her strawberry smell...God did I love that smell...Her eyes reconnected with mine.
"I don't understand-" I began but was broken off by a small giggle from Bella's mouth.
"I needed to think of something..An excuse to come back here, Edward"
"But...Why?"
Bella caressed one of my cheeks and leaned up to my ear..."I am ready, Edward" she said simply.
Fuck me...Did she just say that?
"I want to make love to you, Edward" Bella whispered..Kissing my ear and the side of my neck.
Hell yes she did! My knees buckled slightly as my desire began to grow again...I kissed her head once and then moved down to her mouth and ravished it showing her that I was okay with her statement seeing as due to my shock I was out of words..She responded with a moan.
I had nowhere else in the world I would rather be and the fact that I had probably hurt her countless times in the past for what I thought was going to be something better...There was nothing better...There was just us now...Fighting the world and finding ourselves together.
"My beautiful Bella....I want you so much" I whispered...pulling her away from my mouth so I could look at her properly....
I placed both my hands from around her waist and around both sides of her face pulling her gaze closer...She smiled at let out another sob.
"I have never felt like this and no one can ever make me feel like this Edward...I had my doubts because we are adopted and part of the same family but hell, Jane Austen married off cousins all the time in her books. I can't live without you, Edward and I do not want you to wait for me anymore...I want you, I need you and I always will...I love you so much" She finished more tears escaping her eyes.
I pulled her lips to mine again and kissed her hoping to show some of the desire I felt for her, she responded with as much enthusiasm wrapping her hands in my hair making me groan into the confined space of her lips, I parted our lips and my tongue seeked entrance into her mouth as she happily accepted it our tongues dancing together again as if they had never been apart. I could never get enough of her taste, her smell, everything that she is and the fact that she wanted me after all that had happened in both our lives makes me happier than anything. I broke away from our kiss, a slight moan at the loss and held her closely to me.
"Bella...I have done things to you in the past I shouldn't have and I will spend the rest of my life trying to make it all up to you Bella I promise. I want to be the only one to touch you, to kiss you, to be with you, Bella." I ravished her mouth again not wanting to have her justify herself to me anymore, she never needed to if anything it was me that needed to do the justifying right now...I disconnected my lips from hers moving down to her neck planting kisses from the edge of her jaw to the hollow at the side..She leaned her head back moaning in ecstasy giving me more access as she wrapped her arms tighter around my head.
"Will you do something for me, Edward?" She asked as I continued my trail from her neck to the top of her chest, above the round lining of her top. "Anything....There is nothing I would deny you Bella, what is it my love? You only have to say.." I said between kisses.
"Will you make love to ME?" She asked, through pleasurable moans.
I stopped and brought my head back up....God there was nothing I wanted and needed more but I had my own reservations...I needed her to be ready because this was going to be a big step for the both of us.
"Bella...Are you sure"? I asked in reply, my desire for her straining in my trousers at every moment I was in her arms.
"I have never been so sure of anything, Edward. I need you and want you so badly...Please?" Bella pleaded her eyes transfixed into mine. I smiled.
"Yes" I replied before kissing her lips with fervour.
*~Bella~*
Edward's lips were on mine, our tongues connected with passion and devour no one kissed me like Edward did...No one would EVER live up to him..I pulled both my arms away and moved them to his muscled chest undoing each button carefully due to how badly I was shaking, Edward noticed my unsteadiness and put his hands on my shoulders and rubbed them lightly...Sensations went through my body like a forest fire, boy did this man have talented hands...Something as simple as rubbing my shoulders could make me want him anymore than what I already did.
Once his shirt was successfully undone I tugged it off his shoulders, smashing my lips to his and parting my mouth as he then walked forwards, gripping tightly to the skin at either side of my waist and then pulling me into a bridal-style carry...Never once disconnecting our dancing mouths...I moaned into him as he placed me gently onto the bed and then climbed on top of me pushing some of his weight onto me and sinking me into the bed but it was not uncomfortable.
"Bella" He whispered his voice filled with lust as he attacked my neck again with kisses "I love you so much...I love you, my beautiful girl....Tell me you love me, Bella"
"I love you, Edward" I answered immediately through moans of desire...I trailed one hand down my stomach whilst the other one rested in his hair and pulled the hem of my dress upwards, Edward who was ravishing my neck clasped his hands underneath me and across my spine lifting me upwards slightly so I could move the dress to my neck...He released me and removed the rest of the dress himself, the warmness from both our bodies resting on each other...Skin-to-skin.
Edward leant up onto his elbows and examined my body.. I screamed at myself as I felt anxious under his lustful stare...He looked into my eyes and smiled my favourite crooked smile that instantly relaxed me.
"If I haven't told you before Bella.....You're stunning" He exhaled as he brought his lips to mine...I wrapped both my arms harder around his torso and we moaned in turn, he always knew how to make me feel beautiful and was he beautiful?! Inside and out, Edward was one of a kind and now we were as one together...Just as it always should have been.
Edward kissed my forehead and trailed his way downwards to my covered breasts, kissing and massaging them in turn...My body arching upwards as the pool of my pleasure got my senses more alive...He took his time with me, worshipping my body as I did his...Feeling his obvious desire on my leg I smiled inwardly knowing that we could both please each other in this way
Edward worked his mouth on my breasts and the valley in between them setting my whole body alight from bone to skin....I clutched his hair in my fingertips and kissed his head repeatedly as he worked me as well as he would do his piano....Moans escaping from my mouth uncontrollably almost to the brink of embarrassment...But this was Edward...He was My Edward....He had always belonged in my heart and that was something that was never going to change for the rest of my life...I would always need him and there was no chance in hell that I would ever be able to live without him.
Edward moved from my breasts down to my stomach..His long fingers massaging my hips as he kissed all the areas of my stomach...I felt myself getting hotter and hotter and my desire for him increasing in the confines of our own haven...I put my hands over my face as Edward moved to the bottom of my stomach...My tummy tightening instantly.
"Bella don't hide your eyes from me" Edward whispered...I didn't know whether I was doing anything right...If my body was doing the right things or if I was supposed to be doing something other than laying here. Edward grabbed my hands and pulled them away from my face.
"I'm sorry, Edward...I don't know how to do this" I choked out through defeating tears..Edward stroked my face and kissed me lightly.
"We'll learn together, Bella" he answered..I gasped in shock.
"Edward...You mean you've never...With Jessica?" I stuttered...Edward knew what I meant however as he shook his head once.
"I only thought I loved Jessica but I wasn't prepared to go this far with her without feeling like I loved her completely...Turns out I didn't...I fell in love with you instead"
A sob broke through my body "I am sorry"
Edward took my head in both his hands "You have nothing to be sorry for, Bella...You have no idea how long I have waited for this...To find someone as amazing as you to share this with...You will never fathom how much I need you, Bella"
"I think I have a fair idea...I want this more than anything Edward"
"I am scared too, Bella...I have heard that a young woman's first time can hurt and I don't want to hurt you...I would rather die a thousand deaths than hurt you again"
"Do you think I care about it hurting?" I touched one of his cheeks with my hands. "You ARE my life, Edward...I would rather die than not be with you"
Edward kissed me again enhancing the passion and love that we both had for each other in that moment my hips automatically thrust upwards..The feeling of Edward's desire on my stomach..Edward moaned as he disconnected our mouths.
"Don't be afraid my Bella...I am here and I will take care of you" A tear escaped my eyes...I believed him...He spoke to my soul and the insecure girl inside of me. "I love you" Edward kissed my forehead "I adore you" he moved his head down and kissed along my jaw line "I want you" he kissed the crook at the side of my neck...I threw my head back the minute his mouth touched that part of me "and I need you" he kissed my ear. "Do you trust me, Bella?"
"Of course I do" I breathed out clutching his shoulders tighter in my hands.
"I will make you feel good, Bella...I promise" He whispered in my ear..Causing me to flinch slightly.
"I know you will. Edward" I answered intentionally keeping my voice steady....Edward moved his lips down to my breasts again and kissed them as beautifully as he would my mouth...His mouth was like a siren waking up my whole body to him..In one touch he could do so much to me and have such an effect on any thought or any speech I had...I was pleased I waited for this...I wouldn't have been ready before now...Edward trailed one of his hands along my back and unclasped my bra...I put my arms out to let it fall from my body completely...Edward then kneaded my now-exposed breasts with both his hands caressing them lovingly...I arched my back again.
"Edward...Please?" I begged although I had no idea what I was begging for....He had moved from my breasts now to my stomach kissing every part of me as he went never leaving anything untouched.
"What is it, sweetheart?" He mumbled through his kisses and his voice sent pleasure to my very soul.
"I need you" I choked out...Suddenly realising that I was now crying. Edward looked upwards at my face and instantly took his hands and rested them on the side of my face.
"Are you alright, baby? Do you want me to stop"?
I shook my head violently as more tears escaped from my eyes "I just feel overwhelmed right now, Edward...I have seen this in my dreams but I would never have imagined it would really be happening and now I am ruining the moment and-"Edward stopped my rambling with a finger to my lips stroking the bottom and the top never breaking my eye-contact with him.
"Bella...If you are not ready for this, I will wait for as long as you need until you are ready...I will wait for you, Bella if you do not want this I won't mind...I want you to be happy and if that means having to wait then I will do...I would do anything for you, Bella" He said kissing my forehead, cheeks, jaw and nose.
"Edward...I want this...I want to be one with you. As corny as that sound right now but I am sorry if I am unable to perform as well as I should...I want to please you" I stopped as he then looked at me, confusion and almost shock in his face.
"You do...If you never believe anything I say, Bella then at least believe that" He replied completely still now although still on top of me holding himself up with his hands. "I would never leave you and I don't want you to EVER think that I will because I won't...I love you too much, baby....Right now it's just us...Just Edward and Bella...I will make sure that no harm comes to you ever again because I am here and not because I want to have sex Bella...This isn't about just having your body...I need YOU" He confessed as I felt my whole body relax under him. He kissed my nose and moved back down to where my feet were taking my heels off of my feet...I lifted myself up and he completely removed them placing them somewhere on the floor.
"God, Bella" He growled as he kissed up my claves and the front of my thighs...I squirmed underneath him almost to the point of injury but this was what Edward did to me and right now...I couldn't care less.
I shivered suddenly as his thumbs hooked the sides of my one remaining item of clothing. "Ssh...It's alright baby, I'm right here" I could feel Edward all over me and not because his breath had landed on my stomach causing Goosebumps to appear in its wake but he was in every fibre of me...I never thought that something like undressing would feel so erotic and pleasurable. As I was now lying completely nude in front of him, I heard a sound of a zipper being pulled down from the foot of the bed...It was now dark and there was no light and only the sound of light rain hitting the windows and filling the room...I grabbed a blanket from above my head and placed it over my exposed chest...I wondered whether Edward had left the room and I didn't want any of my family coming home unexpectedly to see me like this on the bed.
"What are you doing?" I heard from the foot of the bed...I jumped a little when Edward put his hand on my foot and then climbed back onto the bed.
"Bella...Don't ever hide yourself from me...Ever!" He growled yanking the blanket from my hands and across the room...I giggled at his sudden outburst until I realised that he had taken his trousers off and was now just in a black pair of boxers...I moaned as his desire pressed on my leg and he attacked my mouth again.
I hooked my hands to the top of his boxers as he moaned into my mouth...Pulling them down as far as I could I kept my mouth on his, not wanting to break our contact..I then lifted my legs up and hooked my toes where my fingers had been and pulled the boxers down the rest of the way and off of his legs onto the floor. Edward then pulled upwards to face me...Or bodies fully exposed to one another and he kissed my eyelids tentatively.
"Bella...Are you sure?" He asked his breath on my face.
"Yes...Please Edward, make love to me..." I gasped out still getting over the effects of his sweet scent on my face...We had come this far and I needed him more than ever.
"It is going to hurt at first sweetheart.. I promise to be gentle..I love you, so very much my Bella" He said kissing my face again.
"I don't care, Edward...This is what I wanted...The only person I want is you" I said with some now, steadiness to my voice as he then moved himself towards my entrance. I lay there holding on to his arms preparing myself for the pain, I had heard that losing your virginity is painful but I trusted Edward and I knew that he would never intentionally hurt me.
Edward pressed himself into me, the burn instantly hitting my lower body, I squirmed a little trying to escape the unfamiliar sensation but it only made it worse...I lay there as still as I could fighting back the tears as Edward pulled back out and in to me again a little further...He pulled out and in again once more as he moaned contently, the pain was now beginning to subside and all I felt now was pleasure...I hooked my legs around his waist as an indication for him to continue he filled me one more time until he was completely in and then he was still, pulling his face up and gazing at me again.
"Are you okay, my angel"? He asked, the warmest sincerity in his face...I nodded and smiled a little as I pulled him closer to me...We found our rhythm together and moaned simultaneously as we filled one another as much as we could manage...This was what it was like to be connected with another person..We were one now, making our own perfect shape and there was nothing I was enjoying more. Edward was patient with me and it didn't take long for the knotty feeling to come into my lower stomach...I was close to an orgasm and I didn't think I was going to be able to carry on much longer.
"Edward" I gasped pulling myself up to kiss his neck, he moaned at my contact but kept his rhythm.
Edward grabbed my arms and pulled me upwards so that I was now on his lap...We were now at a new angle which felt even better than before. I felt his warm breath on my face as he lay his head into the crook of my neck...I kissed his hair repeatedly showing as much love as I could for him in this moment.
Sweat was building on our bodies and our breathing jagged under the soft murmurs of the air and rain outside of the house...Could I feel any more complete?
Edward caressed my stomach, my waist, my sides anything that he could touch as I continued my attack in his hair with my fingers and my mouth.
"I love you Bella" Edward said through climbing moans...I knew he didn't have long to go and I was beginning to subside myself as I felt a knot in my lower torso...It felt odd but really good at the same time..Like it was something I desperately needed to shift...Something I needed more than anything.
"I love you too, Edward...Don't stop please" I cried out...I couldn't speak anymore as my breathing was too heavy.
I moved my mouth back down to his neck, savouring his moist skin under my mouth..I used one hand to trail my fingers lightly along his Adam's apple and at the hollow at the base of his neck.
"Edward" I moaned unable to carry on...I suddenly felt bad because I didn't have the stamina to make this moment last any longer...It was Edward, it was all Edward...He was the one who made me feel like this and no one else.
"It's okay Bella...Let it go" He stammered as I then let go...Floods of happiness and pleasure swirled all over my body as I rocked it out...Orgasms were GOOD! Edward came soon after the warmness of his orgasm filling me up entirely as our ragged breathing slowed down.
I grabbed his hair and pulled his head to me...I kissed his forehead, his eyes, his nose, his jaw and his cheeks in turn as he caressed my cheek with one hand.
"Thank you, Edward" I said now moving down to kiss his shoulders. Edward said nothing as he placed his hands on my shoulders and gently pulled me down with him to the bed so our bodies were still connected...His breathing was on my face as he kissed my face in various places..I leaned my head further upwards to put more force on his mouth.
Once Edward's breathing had calmed down completely he pulled out from me...I gasped at the pain that was left in my lower stomach...It was uncomfortable but I have had a lot more physical pain in my life that had been a lot worse than this. I tried to clench my muscles in my abdomen to make it go away but it only made the pain more prominent...I but down hard on my lip hoping that it would go away...Edward must have noticed this as I felt his index finger brush my tears away in turn.
"Are you in pain baby?" he whispered soothingly.
"A little but I will be okay" I answered. I jumped when Edward suddenly moved so that he was laying down on his side his weight being held up by his arm...He pulled the cover away from my stomach but left it just below my hipbones...He used his free hand and put his palm on my lower abdomen...I gasped as the pain shot through me once again...He moved his hand lightly across every part of my tummy...pushing his fingers deep into the muscles...It was the same way that massage people were paid to do...It could have been erotic and if I wasn't concentrating on how good his hands helped the pain then he would have set me on fire again.
He kissed my stomach three times when he finished before looking up at me.
"Does that feel better?" he asked.
I moved my body carefully to find that the pain had almost completely gone...I smiled at him. "Much...Thank you. Edward" I answered him appreciatively.
"You're always welcome, my Bella" he whispered capturing my lips and kissing me deeply once again...I wound my fingers in his hair again and pulled his mouth further on mine..Thankful to be in his arms fully and for the fact that he had once again treated me so well after something that made me feel so grown up...I felt more like a young woman than a girl now and I knew I wouldn't be able to hide the smiles tomorrow.
"We should get back to the party" I stated with a little moan.
"I told dad that you weren't feeling well...He understood and so he told me to take care of you and as your carer I advise that you stay here with me" he answered with his crooked smile. Edward moved back to his original position on the bed and took me in his arms again...I moved closer to his body.
I chuckled lightly "Of course I will stay with you...I would stay with you forever" I answered wrapping my arms around his shoulders and fluttering my eyes closed.
I have officially died and gone to the most beautiful heaven imaginable...I finally indulged in the physical side of a relationship and I was no longer scared...I was happy that I had the courage to do it and I would always love Edward for giving himself to me as I had done him.
This is what love is...Complete love.
I was loving the change in my ocean's current...I hope it stays that way.
I have NEVER written a lemon before so I hope that it lived up to everyone's expectations...I was going to wait a little longer but I wrote the lemon before I wrote ANYTHING else in AML and I didn't want to wait (Much like Bella, really). Now E and B have CONSUMATED :D!
I will update again tomorrow...I need to thank 'Katie Lou Lou x' for her review as I have just received it..As always she is an amazing support like every other single person that reviews AML.
Lots of love
.S.
X x