Hey Beebies!
I do NOT like Bella's behaviour either...This was how I USED to be with death in my life...I ran away from things and then suffered later on in the long term so it was kind of a representation on me...Don't be too angry at her she needs a MASSIVE reality check right now...Whether she stays in England permenantly to find her life is a different question altogether.
Thank you to 'LucasTillGirl, Dodger McClure, Miss. Ally Lautner, Raven Jadewolfe, haylee, Katie Lou Lou x and laceycrazy08' for reviewing last chapter...xXx!
I ALSO need to thank 'Shin Maxwell' for adding AML to her C2....Xx!
I do NOT own Twilight....I am playing with Ms Meyer's characters and making them my OWN in AML.
Songs for this chapter: 'I miss you' – Jamestown Story
'Going Under'- Evanescence
'Wish you were here' – Within Temptation
*~Bella~*
I stirred as I felt something hard on the side of my face...I fluttered my eyes open and saw the colour brown in front of me...I lifted my head and my upper body which was also stiff due to the hardness underneath me..I looked around dazed to find myself in the church...the one I had come to during my mother's last days.
"I found you outside..I bought you in" A voice echoed through the church..I twisted my gaze to the side and saw the vicar sitting next to me "hello again, Bella" he added...I moved my legs off of the seat and put them on the floor so I was upright...I rubbed the side of my face which had a strange numb feeling flowing through my skin. "I guess I should ask you why you are here?"
I rubbed the top of my head and sighed...I had never felt so uncomfortable in my life...I guess it would be wrong to say that I missed my bed...I had made my bed now by coming here and taking the easy way out so I would need to lie in it...Live with my decision.
"A long story" I choked out my voice affected by my tiredness and pain.
"I have time" he replied and I looked over at him...I lifted one leg back up on the seat and rested my arm on it as well as resting my head in one of my hands...I looked away from him so I wouldn't blurt out too much under his stare.
"My adopted sister died...I escaped my life in America to come back here" I said frankly
"Was that the best idea?"
"No...It doesn't feel like it...But I made a choice and I was a coward" I said sadly...I knew that what I had done was the worst thing I could have ever done...You need a rough sleep on a church seat to realise that!
"Why do you think you are a coward?"
I looked at him then and rolled my eyes "I ran away...Who runs away from their problems?"
"People who are scared to live"
"It's easy for you to say...You haven't done it"
"Well...Seeing as we may be here for a while you might as well have this" he reached next to him and handed me a bottle of water..I looked at him "it's okay...I fetched it for you personally" he assured me with a small smile.
"Thank you" I said appreciatively taking the bottle and drinking from it...The fluid immediately soothing my dry throat...I had drunk more than half the bottle when I finished and put the lid back on.
"I thought you might need that...How did you end up outside here?"
"I honestly don't know...All I remember was standing outside my old house and seeing people in the living room watching the TV all snuggled up together...It broke my heart a little to see that people were now living in my house but it was only a matter of time"
"So you must have walked here and fell asleep outside?"
"I must have done"
"I would like to help you, Bella...Could you explain everything to me?"
"Honestly...I would but I do not want you to spout God's words...I have no interest in a person who has all the power in the world and yet he takes away the one person who was meant to live in the world and make everyone else happy"
"Ahh so your sister's death has made you feel like there is no higher power?"
"There shouldn't be a higher power"
"If no one died then there wouldn't be any room for new generations"
"So Alice died so there would be another generation?! That makes sense"
"Okay let's try another way...If you do not mind my asking...How did she die?"
"Her name was Alice...She died giving birth to her son"
"Did her son live?"
"Yes...He has his father, Jasper now"
"So...Did you ever think that Alice died to let her child live?"
"That doesn't even make sense!" I exclaimed running a hand through my hair
"Of course it doesn't...You were not in Alice's shoes. Look, Bella death is a way of life..Not all of us have endings that we consider to be utterly happy and sometimes we need to learn how to find inner strength in ourselves...Without suffering there wouldn't be any compassion"
I got up from the seat to stretch out my legs "Yeah well tell that to those who are suffering" I remarked and walked over to the steps leading up to where the organ sat...I sat down not having a lot of energy in my legs...I rested my head on them.
"I am sorry that you are finding it hard, Bella" the vicar said from a distance...I let some more tears fall from my eyes in the privacy of the dark...I had done wrong doing this and I knew it.
"Bella?" I shot up from the darkness to look at the end of the room where the aisle began and saw Emmett standing there...I rubbed the tears from my eyes with the back of my hand to do a double-take..What was he doing here?
I looked over at the vicar who seemed to have some interest in the new visitor. "Church doesn't begin till two my friend" he said to Emmett.
"I am here to see my sister" he stated simply...I could vaguely see his jaw clench along the bottom of his face and I knew then that he wasn't happy...He had every right to not be happy with me..I wasn't happy with myself.
"THE brother?" the vicar looked over at me...I knew what he had meant by his question...The last time I was here I was speaking about Edward however I had said that he was my brother who I had fallen in love with and then we got onto the not so comfortable topic of sex. I shook my head and the vicar nodded in understanding and stood up.
"I will be in the back if you need me" he said to me and made his way up the steps to where I was still sitting and walked straight past me...I didn't look back instead I kept my eyes on my brother still standing a distance from me with his hands in his pockets.
"It's a nice church, Bella" Emmett said...However the tone of his voice wasn't pleasant...There seemed to be a hint of sarcasm there which I was expecting...I clenched my stomach to calm my emotions down.
"Hi Emmett" God Bella is that all you can say?! What else can I say? This was awkward!
"No time for niceties, Bella" he replied striding towards me...I wrapped my arms around my legs and rested my head back on them looking at the floor of the church this time around instead of the darkness. "Would you care to explain, yourself?" Emmett was in front of me and I couldn't bring myself to look up at him.
"Go ahead and say it, Emmett...I am a coward" I choked out still looking at the floor. Emmett sat down next to me and I scooted over the step a little to have some kind of distance from him I could sense his anger in the air around me and it wasn't nice.
"That's one way of putting it" he spat and I bit down hard on my lip.
"What are you doing here?"
"I should be asking YOU that same question...What the fuck, Bella?!"
"You have every right to be angry at me"
"Angry?...No I am not angry...try FURIOUS!" he exclaimed.
"Furious, then"
"So are you going to have the decency to explain why you didn't come to the funeral and how you have disappeared off the face of the earth when we come back for only a shitty note as a goodbye?!"
"I can't do it, Emmett"
"What...Can't do WHAT Bella?"
"I cannot be in that house when Alice isn't there...It's not the same"
"A fucking plus, Bella!"
"Emmett-" I started
"No....You listen to me and have the balls to look at me as I am saying it"
I looked up at him slowly through my teary eyes...I was somewhat thankful for the tears as I couldn't see his expression properly.
"You leave the people who love you more than ANYTHING in the world...You leave your BOYFRIEND who would go to the ends of the flaming earth for you and for an explanation all I get is 'I can't do it'...We ALL can't live in that house at the moment, Bella....I don't think you grasp what other people are feeling...The world does not evolve around you and your issues...Are you that self-indulgent that you only think of YOURSELF?!" at Emmett's outburst I stood up and walked half-way down the aisle before stopping..I put my hand over my mouth as I stared at the back wall of the church. "Oh that's it...run away from this, Bella...Like you always do?!"
I turned around then and glared at him "Stop saying that I am selfish...Do you think I WANTED any of this to happen?!" I exclaimed my voice getting higher in volume.
"NONE of us WANTED this...Get a grip, Bella!"
"Right...Okay let's recap shall we...Were you there when Alice was giving birth...Were you there when she was dying...Were you there when my mum constantly chose alcohol over me...No hugs since I was a baby and no love growing up..Why do you think that I escape? That is ALL I have ever done and that is all I could EVER do in my life"
"Yeah...You've had it rough and that's fair play but Bella...We need you!"
"Why? So you can send me back to Sandgrove the minute I walk back through the door...I refuse to go back there, Emmett...Have you ever been in a psychiatric hospital in your life?!"
"No!"
"It's isolation...Pure and simple...Hours of being alone with only your fucked up mind to comfort you...Speaking to people who will NEVER get you on a personal level and instead spout things from a textbook that they spent years revising!"
"What about Edward?!"
"Edward is my life" I choked out the thought of Edward being in pain shooting pain through my stomach.
"You have got a pretty messed up way of showing it!"
"I have never ALWAYS had him....I have spent ninety-five percent of my life on my own..Fending for everyone else but myself..Aren't people allowed to make choices purely for THEM once in a while?!"
"Yes but not when they abandon their families to do it?!"
"The only REAL family I have..Who I am connected to by blood is GONE and there is nothing I can do about it...Now one of the other amazing people in my life has gone"
"That's life"
"I FUCKING HATE MY LIFE...I DON'T WANT TO LIVE IT KNOWING THAT THE PEOPLE I LOVE ARE GOING TO LEAVE ME!"
"Bella...Calm down!" Emmett stood up and I backed away from him further.
"You can call me every name under the sun, Emmett but I will still love you all the same...I know that you are mad at me but I NEVER did this intentionally to get away from all of you...I couldn't live being there...If I were to stay there then I would have intentionally hurt myself"
"Edward would never have let that happen, Bella"
"That's the point....I can't look at him...I can't touch him...I can't let him touch me...I am so ashamed...I'm ashamed of feeling helpless...It should have been me that went instead of Alice!"
"Don't say that, Bella!"
"It's true...I didn't have a baby...I didn't have the prospect of having a family of my own to live for...I was never as enthusiastic about life as she was..WHY THE HELL DIDN'T I GO INSTEAD!"
Emmett strode towards me but I hadn't realised he had done so until he grasped my shoulders tightly in his hands. "Bella...Stop this...Please?!"
"I LOVED HER...I LOVED HER SO MUCH" I wailed...My legs fell from underneath me and I fell to my knees...Emmett had fallen with me and was now crouching in front of me...My sobs flew out of my body like fireworks...My sounds were also echoing off of the church walls.
"Bella...You need to come back...Come back with me?" Emmett whispered quietly...I shook my head violently.
"I can't...I have made my bed and I must lie in it" I choked out
"We ALL love you, Bella...We love you so much...You can't leave us now" Emmett said a plea to his voice...I felt myself tear in two with my head and my heart battling inside of me.
"I love you guys too but I can't make a decision to come back here and then go back expecting to be welcomed back with open arms"
"Isn't the thought of coming back to people who love you better than dooming your life to isolation?"
"Carlisle will send me to Sandgrove and I can't take the risk...If I thought he wouldn't that doesn't necessarily mean that he wouldn't actually do it...I have depression, Emmett...I am useless"
"You're not useless, Bella...You are breaking our hearts, here...We can help you get better...We will love you and support you in all of this"
"I need you all so much but there is a part of me that can't do it"
"We need to be strong together...Please Bella?" I weighed the decision in my head.
"Do you really want a coward in the family?"
"I thought you were a coward, Bella...But you're not...You don't mean to escape things it's natural to you"
"Mum and dad will hate me"
"They don't...They may be angry with you for a while but we could never hate you, Bella...You just need to prepare yourself for some cold shoulders if you do come back"
"What would you do if I said no?"
"I would say that you shouldn't expect open arms if you ever decide to come back again" there that was what I needed...The thought of never being able to go back to the Cullens' hurt me more than having the option to stay here alone. "Will you come back?" Emmett added.
I looked over at the organ even though I had no idea why I had decided to look over there...The vicar was standing there.
"Bella...Think about it simply...Life alone or life with love...Things will be difficult but you have to pull together as a family...It's the only way you are going to get through it" the vicar said...I turned to Emmett and nodded a little...He smiled and wrapped his arms around me tightly...I sunk my head into his shoulder feeling apprehension about the rest of my family when I got back...They had every right to be angry at me and so now...I would have to face up to the reality of my decision.
I was scared...And in a bad way.
*~Rosalie~*
Esme and Carlisle had left me in Port Angeles to stay in a hotel for the night...We had lunch together just the three of us as Edward had still been asleep when he had first left...He was suffering after Bella's disappearing act and we all felt helpless in our own ways because we weren't able to make him feel better the only person who could do that was BELLA! Stupid girl needs to sort herself out and come back to him!!
Carlisle and Esme were also finding it hard living in the house like everyone else and I had insisted that they stay away for a few nights...I assured Esme that I would look after the house when she was away..Seeing as Emmett wasn't going to be coming home anytime soon...I walked back to Emmett's home allowing the cold air to be a kind of comfort to me...I opened the door when I had got to the house and closed it behind me
I gasped as I saw Edward pouring whiskey into a glass tumbler.
"Edward..What are you doing?!" I exclaimed.
Edward looked up at me "Hey, Rose...I can't b...believe I gave this up..for..B...Her...It's amazing stuff!" Edward was slurring and I instantly felt the panic inside me.
"I think you have had enough" I said wrapping a hand around the bottle before Edward smacked his hand on mine...Hard.
"This...is....our...b...booze...Fuck off!" Edward said gripping the bottle fully.
"So you are just going to drink yourself sick...Not on my watch you don't!"
Edward laughed at me...Belching occasionally from his intake of alcohol "you know...I can feel nothing..in my..h...ead it's like air. My girlfriend..has...fuck...fucked off..and my sister is..dead...Let's all have a party...let's...all...forget...about..our..pr...problems!"
"Yeah because that is the best thing to do right now, Edward!" I shot at him in sarcasm. Edward got up staggering then hugging the bottle close to his chest. "Who the hell are you anyway? Emmett isn't here so why don't you do me a favour and LEAVE ME ALONE!" Edward yelled tears filling up his eyes.
Before I could say anything else he had stumbled out of the kitchen and up the stairs...I wanted to call Carlisle but then I figured if Edward slept it off then he would be okay in the morning...Except for the hangover of course.
I sat down on the kitchen chair and put my head in my hands.
If only Alice were here...She would be able to kick her brother into shape...Better than I could.
I needed Emmett badly...I wished he was here with me right now.
*~Emmett~*
I hugged Bella close to me as our plane started to fly high into the clouds.
"You made the right decision, Bella" I said to her after the plane had straightened out.
"I don't think I have"
"Why?"
"I can't bear to see Edward hurt by what I did...The thought of it makes me want to be sick"
"You will have to give him time, Bella"
"Have you ever hated yourself so much you couldn't bear to have Rosalie touch you or vice-versa?"
"No...I can't relate to that"
"Have you proposed to her, yet?"
"Yes...It wasn't planned that way..I had set a scene of my own..A more romantic one as it were but she was upset and about to leave me"
"Why?"
"She thought I was having an affair and cheating on her"
"Oh I remember her saying to me that she was upset about how you were being distant"
"She told you?"
"Yes...She cried and said that she thought there was no one else for her but she was prepared to let you go if you ever came out and told her"
"I would never have left her, Bella"
"I told her that...I told her that she was being paranoid"
"Rose has been hurt more than the normal amount of times by other men..I remember our first date..How nervous she was"
"I can understand being nervous about having a first date...It's a big step...So did she say yes?"
"Yes!" I beamed
"Congratulations brother bear!" she said hugging me tighter.
"Thanks...So since you have touched on the subject of embarrassment on first dates...I realise that as well as being embarrassed about that..So is having sex for the first time" Bella released herself from my hold and looked up at me.
"I hope you are talking about yours and Rose's first time" she stated I smiled mischievously.
"Rose and I didn't lose our virginities together..I do know of two people who did, though"
"Emmett" Bella sighed.
"Oh come on...We have loads of time to kill!" I whined unable to keep the smile off my face.
"I don't want to talk about it"
"You don't have to talk about it in DETAIL...Just tell me how it felt"
"Why? So you can make fun of me?"
"No way...Edward had his heart on exploring the acts of sex with Jessica Stanley but how the tables have turned...!"
"I am not saying anything"
"Bella...You will have to speak to me about something otherwise I will go mad!"
"Fine pick something else besides sex, then!"
I wrapped my arm back round her and she leant her hand back on my chest. "Lets see..."
"You honestly can't think of anything NORMAL to talk about?!"
"No...I got nothing" I said with a cheeky smile to throw in...Bella rolled her eyes.
"You're hopeless"
"Face it though, Bella you wouldn't have your brother bear any other way!"
"You have a point" I laughed and sighed resting my head on hers.
"I will answer your questions but you do NOT laugh at me...Or at Edward..Understand?"
"Scouts honour, Bella...So how did you feel?"
Bella groaned and hid her face in my shirt...It didn't take a prodigy to know that she was blushing in that moment..I felt the heat from her skin through my shirt. "Amazing" she muffled in the shirt.
"Sorry, Bella...I didn't quite hear that" I teased.
"Amazing" Bella said louder in my shirt.
"You don't have to hide, Bella...I promise I will not say anything"
"I am sorry but it isn't the best subject to talk about with your brother..!"
"I had high hopes set for my little brother when he took the first step into manhood..If you would be so kind as to excuse the pun..He can be a jerk sometimes but he loves purely"
"Carlisle told me that as well"
"Looks like I will have to shake hands with Edward when we get home!"
"It's not like getting a degree in education, Emmett and don't you dare! I want to keep what Edward and I do between us"
"Where is the fun in that? Look, Bella...When a man and a woman-"
"Em just stop!"
"You can at least let me finish, Bella" She moaned in defeat but then silenced herself..I smiled a little in victory as she wasn't able to see my face. "When a man and a woman love each other and perform the act of love-making it increases what we know as endorphins..These fly around your system for days afterwards and can have a multiple affect on the way you act and speak"
"Thank you, professor" Bella said sarcastically
"So did he come?"
"Emmett?!" Bella was getting annoyed now...I loved teasing her just like I had done with Alice when she was alive.
"Okay was there a finale?"
"You can't change the way you say a question so you get an answer!"
"I can because I am ME!"
"You remind me of Edward sometimes"
"What can I say? He learnt from the best...Right okay how about I make this a little easier..Instead of saying yes or no you nod or shake your head"
"Fine!" Bella groaned...She waited a few seconds before nodding.
"Did you?" I heard Bella sigh in embarrassment..She nodded again.
"Very good...It has been known that some women don't come on the first time..You two must have really wanted each other, huh?" Bella nodded and I chuckled. "You left dad's party to do it didn't you?" Bella nodded. "Wow...Lying to have sex with your boyfriend...Bella I am impressed!"
"It wasn't like that"
"Oh then would you shed some light on it for me?"
Bella took herself out of my hold and looked up into my eyes...She bit down on her lip "have you ever looked at Rose and...Wanted her...I mean REALLY wanted her?"
"All the time"
"I mean when you first went out?"
"Oh sure...I wanted her after our first date finished however I waited for her..We weren't virgins but considering she had her heart trodden on before I wanted to prove like I wasn't like the rest of the arseholes she had gone out with before me"
"That's what it was...Instinct. Alice told me about it and I didn't believe her until it happened"
"She was always too mature for her own good"
"I miss her, Emmett" Bella rested her head on my shoulder and I leant my head on hers.
"I miss her too, Bella" I sighed.
"Do you think anything will ever be the same again?"
" Honestly..No but I DO know that things will get better"
"How can you be so sure?"
"Because our family are fighters..We have always done everything together..We will get through it"
"I love you, Emmett"
"I love you too Bella-Boo" I said kissing her head.
I laid that conversation to rest...For the rest of the trip I tried to find something to amuse myself with whilst Bella lay asleep in my arms...I was lucky to find that the plane did have TV screens at the back of the seats...I constantly chose to watch re-runs of 'Family guy'...I could never get bored of that show...The sad thing was that Rose had stopped me watching it around her because she didn't like the crudeness of the jokes also that there were only two women in the main family and the majority of the other characters were men.
She doomed it sexist.
To be honest...Rose could be a prude sometimes...
But now she was going to be my wife I would have to make amends to certain things.
*~Rosalie~*
(Much later)
I hadn't realised I had fallen asleep until I heard the front door close...I fluttered my eyes hard to get my vision clear and stood up from the chair...I looked to the stairs and to the front door.
"Emmett?" I called...But the house was silent...It must have been me hearing things in my sub-conscious when I was still asleep...I was tired at the moment..More so than I had ever been in my life...I guess that is what emotion does to you. I walked up the stairs and leant my ear up to Edward's bedroom door..There was no noise from inside so I assumed then that he must have fallen asleep...Probably the best thing considering his head will pay for it all in the morning. I trudged up to Emmett's room and threw myself down on the bed so that my stomach sunk into the duvet...I was about to crash my head down on the pillow when my phone vibrated in my pocket...I groaned and flipped myself over onto my back and reached in to my pocket and accepted the call once it was in my hand.
"Hello?"
"Hi Rose...It's Jasper"
"Jasper? What's wrong is everything okay?"
"Yes don't worry Danny is fine...I was wondering if I could stay with you at Emmett's tonight..Mom is still away on her weekend trip and I do not want to go home to an empty house"
"Oh of course...Emmett is away too at the moment-"
"Away? Where's he gone?"
"He went to get Bella...She went back to England the day of the funeral"
"Oh Jesus...I hope he brings her back...I want Danny to meet his godmother"
"After not showing at Alice's funeral you are STILL going to make her godmother?!"
"I understand why Bella went back to England...She escapes things...It's not hard to see..She isn't a bad person and she loved Alice."
"That doesn't condone her behaviour!"
"Rose go easy on her..She has been there for all of us when we have needed her and now it looks like she may need us"
"You have more reason to be upset than she does"
"That's not fair Rose and you know it...I have already lost the woman I loved...I don't want two other people I care about fighting either...I need you all right now" My heart sank at Jasper's voice beginning to break on the other end...I sighed.
"You're right...I am sorry Jazz...I guess this whole thing is just getting to me"
"It has got to all of us...I am glad that you told me Emmett is away I have been trying his cell a few times today but it has always been off...I tried to call Carlisle and Esme on their phones but they are switched off as well"
"Yes well they are having a few nights away...But seeing as I am in charge then of course you can come and stay!"
"Thanks Rose...I appreciate it. Will you explain this whole thing with Bella to me later on..The nurse has said that I can hold Danny for the first time"
"Sure I will...See you later, Jasper"
"Bye"
I hung up and threw my head back to the pillow.....Jasper now has a lot on his plate with a child to look after...I put my head in my hands as my phone fell from my hand to the duvet.
"A beautiful face like yours should never be kept hidden" I threw my hands off my face and shot my upper body up to find Emmett standing in the doorway.
"Emmett?" I sighed out in relief..He walked towards me and leant down to capture my lips in his...I melted into him and wrapped my arms around his neck...I moaned into his mouth...I was so pleased to see him.
"I take it you have missed me?" Emmett teased against my mouth
"Shut up" I breathed and kissed him again...I ran my fingers through his short hair as he cradled my face in his hands....I grabbed the collar of his shirt and he put his hand on top of mine to stop me.
"As much as I would love to do that now, Rose...I have managed to bring Bella back" he said...I backed my head away from his lips and bit down on my lip "Rose please just go and see her for me...She is in her room" he pleaded.
I could never deny my Emmett anything...As much as I might not want to see Bella right now once again I had been persuaded to do what Emmett wanted. I nodded and kissed him again before walking past him and out of the room.
I opened Bella's bedroom door to find her leant over her suitcase on the bed...She jumped back a little startled at my sudden and abrupt entrance in the room...I saw the look on her face of fear and I saw red.
I strode over to her and slapped her hard across her right cheek..She brought her hand up to her face and looked back up at me just as quickly as I had hit her.
"That's the least that you deserve!" I spat in anger as she nodded.
"I deserve that" she said
"Well we are on the same page!" I spat back
"Rose...I'm sorry"
"Sorry? Why are you sorry to ME? What about Edward? Or Alice? Or Jasper? Don't you think you should say sorry to them?!"
Bella took her hand off her cheek and put her arm down to the side. "I know I did something stupid"
"You know for someone who is stating the obvious, Bella you score off-the-chart!"
"Is there really any point in trying to explain?"
"What? So you can play the victim?"
"I am NOT the victim"
"Well done again, Bella!"
"Rose..Please?"
"No you listen to me...Edward has already hit the booze because of you AND Carlisle and Esme can't stand to be in this house so they have gone to stay in a hotel for a few days...YOU on the other hand decide that to escape this house you leave the FUCKING country!"
"Edward's....Drinking?"
"Are you at all surprised, Bella...You broke his heart!"
"I know I have...Do you not think that I am sorry for that?!"
"If you were sorry then you would have at least acknowledged the fact that Edward needed you...He has needed you for the past fortnight yet when he tries to hold you...You throw it back in his face!"
"It wasn't like that"
"Really then what was it like? You got bored of being with him...You realised that you didn't love him anymore and decide that you want to be as far away from him as possible...Am I getting warm?!"
Nothing could have prepared me for when I had finished speaking...Bella slapped me hard across the cheek the same way that I had done her...I threw my head back and lunged towards her..She grabbed my shoulders and kept me at a distance from her body..The girl was strong I give her that.
"How dare you say that, Rose...I love Edward more than I do my own life!"
"So you fly thousands of miles to show that love do you?"
"I hated myself...I couldn't have him touch me and I couldn't touch him...I wanted to believe that he understood what I was thinking but he can't read minds...I know that, Rose!" Bella's eyes were shining with fear and her bottom lip was trembling.
"Oh go on girl, bring on the waterworks...That is what you're good at isn't it!" Bella released her hold on me but I pushed her with as much force as I could against the wall...I held both my hands on the top hem of her shirt. "You have done SO wrong Bella Swan...You have a lot of making up to do in this family...That is if they can stand to have you back" Bella attempted to release my hold by pushing her body forward but I won and pushed her back harder against the wall. "I think that you should also go and see Alice...Seeing as you were such a coward to not say goodbye to her!"
"ROSE?!" Reality hit me as Emmett's voice boomed through the bedroom...I felt his hand pry mine off of Bella's shirt as Bella instantly straightened herself out. "What the fuck are you doing?!" He said to me his arms around my wrists lightly.
"I reacted..." I choked out...I hated it when Emmett was angry but it was harder now because he was angry at me.
"Where's Edward?" he said to me sternly.
"In his..room" I stuttered as he released my hands and left the room...I heard Edward's door open from the across the hall but it slammed shut again almost instantly..Emmett ran back into Bella's room.
"I have just got a call from Forks hospital...Edward has been in a car accident"!
*~Bella~*
(Song for this part of the chapter is 'forgiven' by Within Temptation)
All the rage that Rose had felt for me had now disappeared as Emmett came back into the room...He had asked her where Edward was...I looked on as Emmett entered the room after looking in Edward's.
"I have just got a call from Forks Hospital....Edward has been in a car accident!'
I felt my knees buckle from underneath me...I put a hand on the wall to steady myself...
Car accident....Car accident.....Edward has been into a car accident.
I wanted to scream...My eyes had filled up with tears as I put a hand over my mouth...I couldn't feel my body...Not my Edward...Not now.
"Rose...I need you to call Carlisle get him and Esme to forks as soon as possible...I will wait for you in the car with Bella." The minute I heard my name I looked up at him...He held out his hand and I saw Rose run from the room. I took his hand and he wrapped his arm around me...I leant myself on his weight my tears falling from my eyes onto the staircase carpet. Emmett grabbed both his and my coat in one hand when we had got to the front door and put the coats over his shoulder and opened the front door with the same hand...I would have helped him if I had been able to have any feeling left in my body or in my mind...All I saw was pain and panic!
I heard the front door close and Emmett turned us round....I only saw Rose's feet as they approached us.
"Edward's car is still here...I will have to take that one instead" Emmett said "Rose hold Bella for a minute" I felt Rose hands grip round my shoulders harder than usual but I ignored the pain...All I could think about was Edward and how much I had hurt him by what I had done.
I stood there hunched over slightly still gazing at the gravel on the driveway...The front door closed again and Emmett's feet came into my view...I couldn't look up it was like my body was stuck in this position my whole body locked together. Emmett's hands were back on my shoulders as he led me towards the Volvo...He opened the back door and helped me inside fastening the seat belt around me...The car smelled of Edward...My Edward! I leant my head against the window.
What have I done?!
About twenty minutes later...Emmett had stopped the car and reversed into a parking space...He climbed out and closed the driver's side door and opened mine...I took my weight off of the window before he opened it.
"I'm sorry Emmett I can't-" I started.
"It's okay, Bella...I will do it" he said with an assuring smile...He unbuckled my belt and pulled me gently out of the car...I put my weight on him again as he lifted one of my arms to wrap around his shoulders..He kicked the door closed and walked up to the hospital...I saw Rose for a brief moment holding the two coats before she drifted behind us.
"I am looking for Edward Cullen...I am his brother and these are his sisters" Emmett said to the elderly woman behind the reception desk.
"He is in Oak Ward...This floor room 202" she said and Emmett turned to Rose taking me with him..We were both looking at Rose now.
"Rose..Take Bella I need to speak to a doctor" Emmett said..Rose nodded and took one of my hands again her grasp was tight but I didn't care.
Rose literally dragged me to the ward we had got to the double door entrance when she spun me around so that we were face to face.
"This is all your fault, Bella...I hope for you own sake that he doesn't die!" Rose spat as she opened the double ward doors taking me with her...She had found the '200' mark much easier than I could have done...Had she been here before?
We got to room 202 and she sat me down on a chair outside of it before standing above me.
"I am going to go in and see if he is alright" she stated...I nodded through more tears as she went through the door and closed it behind her.
I put my head in my hands and cried into them...I had never been so regretful in my life before and I ached so badly...I ached for Edward.
"Bella..Where is Rose?" I heard Emmett ask me...I looked up from my hands.
"In there" I said and he sighed before walking in there...I rubbed my eyes and sniffed in the emptiness of the corridor.
"You may go in now, Bella...Rose and I are going to see Jasper" Emmett said forcing me to turn back to face him. I wanted to ask him what was wrong but then I figured that it would be too painful...I knew nothing about medicine and all I wanted was Edward.
"Thank you" I said to Emmett as he took Rose's hand and took her down the corridor..She looked behind me to glare at me for a moment before turning back round.
I stood up a little unsteadily and took a few deep breaths to keep my balance...You have done this to him, Bella...No one else...Now you have to face what you have done!
I opened the door to the room and felt my stomach drop and my heart rise into my throat...There was Edward blooded with various cuts on his beautiful face..He also had a large purple and blue bruise covering one of his eyes...His bare torso was showing however there was a large bandage wrapped around his waist...His eyes were closed and all I could hear was the beeping of his heart monitor.
I felt my heart break once again as I looked at my boyfriend...My amazing boyfriend broken both emotionally and physically...How could I have left him like I did...Rose was right I WAS only thinking of myself!
I sat down on the chair my mouth still in an 'o' shape as more tears fell from my face...I put my hand out to hold his hand but stopped before my skin made any contact with his...It wasn't right to touch him now when I had pushed him away so many times recently when he tried to touch me...He would probably never want to see me again but I would be there for him until he recovered...Whether he wanted me to or not...I had done Edward a serious wrong in the way that I had acted and I owed him majorly.
"Edward?" I choked out meekly....He was still, motionless...Broken..I scrunched up my face as more sobs came through my abdomen "Edward I am so sorry!" I exclaimed.
I put my head a few centimetres down from his hand and cried into the hospital bed duvet...No other sound but the beeping surrounding me.
What had I done?
How was I going to make it up to him?
Will he ever forgive me now?
Another short one...I am still reeling from chapters 32 and 33...!
R+R Please my gorgeous people?...Keep me going....I love you all!!
Thanks for reading!
Love
.S.
X x