Author's note: Guys… I got 59 reviews for last chapter! 59! You are all so amazing that I'm about to die! And can you believe that I had written personal thank you's for each and every one, just to have them get lost in cyber space 
So now its late and I'm choosing to update and hope that you won't be too sad… this is after all the chapter you've been waiting for, right?Very short; special thanks to Ellie,Cami,Emma and Hil (who btw has a birthday today). And to Stef, for finding just the perfect song for me. To all you others; I LOVE you! All my FF-girls and boy, and all you amazing reviewers… gah… THANKS for being wonderful.

Title and lyrics comes from the song 'She' by Elvis Costello.

Enjoy

-

CHAPTER 37 – She May Be…

She may be the song that summer sings
May be the chill that autumn brings
May be a hundred different things
Within the measure of a day

-

Okay, so being in labor isn't fun, Brooke decides, but it's definitely not as bad as people had wanted her to think. Definitely not. Karen had said that it would hurt like hell, and it kind of does, but not really worse than really bad menstrual cramps.

She kind of feels empowered of it all and maybe that's why she also feels a little annoyed with Lucas' almost hysterical behavior when they finally reach the hospital. Mouth keeps laughing nervously, Rachel is mostly silent, and Lucas… well, as soon as they're out of the car, Lucas just runs around her like a headless chicken.

"Baby, just stand still here… I'm gonna get you a wheelchair. Just wait…"

Her blond boyfriend hurries forward and she sighs. Starts following him across the parking lot and wonders why the hell he's being like this. She's not handicapped. She's pregnant – yes, and she's also in labor. But she can definitely walk the distance to the entrance, and when he returns, meeting her halfway, she just looks at him with a raised eyebrow and asks;

"Do you want me to push you in that?"

He shakes his head no in a confused manner.

"Well then we don't need it because I sure as hell won't be sitting in it."

She adds a smile to reassure him that she's still okay. She's still fine, not in an overly amount of pain and definitely not mad at him. He smiles back, seemingly a little calmer, but he still nervously runs his hand through his hair.

"I just feel like I need to do something…" he mumbles and shifts his weight from the left foot to the right. "I'm feeling a little useless, Brooke…"

"You're here" she answers and leans against his shoulder for a couple of seconds as a contraction peaks. "As long as you don't leave me, we'll be good."

And about half an hour later, when Lucas has finally found Dr. Shandwick and she has been brought into a room and changed into the required hospital gown, she finally realizes that this is it. There's no turning back now.

She – Brooke Davis, 18 years old and newly graduated from high school – is going to squeeze a living person out through her pelvis.

The pain of the contractions is getting a little worse and by now, when the craziness is subsiding a bit, she's starting to feel nervous and a little scared. The problem is that Lucas seems so petrified that she feels as if she really needs to stay calm for him.

"Well…" her doctor says and pulls down her gown over her thighs again. "You're only four centimeters dilated Brooke, and normally I would have sent you home again for a couple of hours, but since your water broke I want you to stay here. It might not be until the morning before anything starts to really happen, so take the opportunity to try and rest some."

Rest?

She looks at the older man incredulously as he writes something down in her chart.

"What do you mean? Like… uhm… like sleep?"

Dr. Shandwick nods and smiles.

"Yes. I would advise it. And I remember that when we talked about you birth-plan, you said that you wanted an epidural for the birth so I'll get someone to come and administer that. That'll take away most of the pain from the contractions so I'd take the chance to get some 'shut eye' if I were you. It's almost 7pm after all and you probably won't get that much sleep later on tonight."

Lucas fingers intertwine with hers and she shifts her attention from the doctor to her boyfriend. And when the doctor leaves the room she asks;

"Luke… Are you tired?"

She really hopes that he isn't because she doesn't think she can stay calm if he falls asleep and leaves her to wait this out on her own. Thankfully he looks at her as if she's crazy.

"Tired? Not one freakin' bit. I'm way too nervous."

"Me too…"

He rubs the palm of her hand with his thumb and she looks around the room when his cell phone suddenly starts beeping. And she breathes through a smaller contraction while he answers his call.

"Hi mom. Finally!"

He lets go of her hand and walks over to the window. Rubs the back of his neck with his free hand in a typical 'Lucas-gesture' that tells her he's feeling nervous or stressed. "I've tried calling you for an hour, mom. Brooke's water broke and we're at the hospital… When can you get here?"

She listens in on the silence and tries to hear what Karen is saying but the sound is too faint. Instead she turns to Rachel and Haley that have just entered the room. Haley rushes over to the bed and instantly starts fussing around her.

"Oh Tigger… Are you alright? Are you in pain? I'm sorry I couldn't get here sooner but we had to drop the twins off at Debs and then Nathan had to put gas in the car and then I wanted to buy you something from the gift-shop but I wasn't sure if you were allowed stuff in here before the birth…"

She smiles back faintly at Haley and starts to feel a little panicky. Too much is going on around her. Rachel smirks at the sight of her in the hideous gown and the ridiculous knee-high socks that the nurse has made her wear, and she sticks her tongue out at the redhead. 'Just wait…' she thinks. 'One day you'll be in this position andI'll make fun of you.'

And then Lucas comes back to her side, and he and Haley starts discussing whether or not laughing-gas is a good option for pain-relief. Rachel curiously plays with the buttons controlling her bedside lamp and bed and then the nurse comes into the room, carrying a syringe.

For a second her breath gets totally caught in her throat and when she hears the gasping sound on her left side, she knows that Lucas has seen it too.

Lucas is scared shitless of needles, she knows this. And usually she laughs and tells him that he's ridiculous and that there's nothing dangerous or scary with getting a little shot. This time though she wishes that the tables were turned and that he would tell her that this is okay, because the needle on the syringe in the nurse's hand is the biggest one she's ever seen.

"Hi" the nurse says sweetly and smiles. "I'm Diana. I've come to give you the epidural."

"Hi…"

She cautiously watches as the girl comes closer and instinctively shrugs away. A contraction comes and suddenly she thinks that maybe she should just have this baby without the epidural. It doesn't hurtthatbad and the laughing gas that Haley talked about suddenly sounds like a much better choice.

"If you'll just sit up for a bit… After I've put in the catheter for the Epi, the pain from those will lessen in a couple of minutes."

'Diana' points towards the monitor next to the bed where the peak of her contractions is shown in bright red numbers.

"Where are you putting that?" she hears Lucas ask weakly as the nurse starts to arrange the tiny tubing that'll probably go into her, and in the corner of her eye she sees him point towards the needle.

"In the lower back. I'm not going to lie, it may hurt quite a bit. But it'll be worth it and its over quickly."

Lucas grows pale and Haley nods reassuringly alongside the nurse. Rachel however chuckles and she knows why. The redhead is thinking the same thing that she's thinking; if the nurse said it would hurt 'quite a bit', then it would be fucking painful. They always made it sound a lot less bad then it really was.

"I changed my mind…"

She says it without thinking but realizes as soon as the words leave her mouth that she means it. "I wanna do it naturally. No epidural… just that gas…"

The pain's not that bad. What were a few cramps compared to having a 7 inch needle shoved into her back? And it couldn't get that much worse, right? People wouldn't keep producing babies to left and right if it were that bad to give birth to them.

"Are you sure?" 'Diana the nurse' asks and she nods in an effort to look confident.

"Sure. This'll be a breeze."

She
May be the face I can't forget.
A trace of pleasure or regret
May be my treasure or the price I have to pay.

-

It's 2am now and Lucas is starting to get a little worried. It's been almost eight hours since they came in to the hospital and still there's no sign of their baby entering the world.

Brooke is exhausted already and she hasn't even been allowed to start pushing yet. She had been tough up until a little while ago, even though he could clearly see that the pain was a lot worse then she led on. And not that he doesn't understand why she refused that epidural, hell he would never have let anyone get close to him with that needle, but he really wishes that Brooke would have let the nurse give it to her.

He hates seeing her in pain.

The first couple of hours she seemed to have been entertained by having their friends in the room with her, but by eleven o'clock he asked Nathan and Mouth to go hang out in the waiting-room instead because he could see that Brooke was no longer comfortable with having them there. She was getting tired and restless and it was clear to him that she couldn't get comfortable in her half-naked state when the guys where in the room.

Nathan and Mouth happily obliged, probably feeling awkward as well, and when they went Rachel went with them, mumbling something about getting coffee.

And then by midnight Brooke started fussing and complaining about feeling nauseous, and before they knew what was going on, she almost threw up on the night-nurse who just smiled and happily announced:

"Perfect! Now we know that the baby is in the birth-canal."

Brooke in turn snapped for first time and yelled:

"I really can't see why the hell you seem so amused by that!"

After that the mood changed completely in the room. Brooke clung to him and didn't want Haley in there either, and the last hour his pretty girl seemed to retract more and more into herself.

By now there's no longer any talk about this 'being a breeze'. And with the contractions coming stronger and closer together, Brooke's toughness is shrinking by the minute.

"I don't want to do this!" she whines as another contraction wracks her body, "Lucas, get me out of here!"

He shuts his eyes for a second and rubs her back when she hunches over and sucks in air through clenched teeth. Watching her being in this much pain is too hard and yet he knows it's still going to get worse before this is over.

"Brooke, you need to calm down," he says as calmly as he can, but truthfully the words are more directed towards himself. He needs to calm down.

The nightshift midwife steps in, seeing that he probably looks like he's about to faint, and urges his girlfriend on softly. "Just breathe Brooke… You're doing fine. Take deep breaths and blow them out slowly… It's time for you to start pushing soon. Just hold off a few minutes longer."

But Brooke's grip on his hand tightens again, so much that he thinks that the bones in his hand are going to break like little twigs. How could such a little girl be so strong?

"Fuck breathing!" she sobs angrily, "Do you… even… know how… much this… hurts?!"

The nurse grabs her other hand, probably feeling sorry for her, but Brooke just pushes her away.

"Ican't do this!" she screams as another contraction peaks. And when it stops she frantically grabs his t-shirt and pulls him down towards her. Still out of breath she says; "Luke, didn't you hear me? Just pay what ever we owe them… and get… me… out of here!"

He shivers at the pain on her face and wipes the damp strands of hair away that have plastered themselves to her forehead.

"I'm sorry baby… I wish I could, but I can't."

In his head he can think of a hundred cheeky responses that he could have given to her request if the situation was different, but this is not the time for jokes. "You have to push the baby out first Brooke" he says instead. "She can't stay inside of you…"

It doesn't even seem to be any pauses between the contractions now and she looks so tired. When the next contraction starts to build, tears actually fall down her cheeks, and he tries to channel some energy into her by their intertwined hands, wishing that he could take her place for a while so that she would be allowed some rest.

"You won't leave me will you?" she whines, desperation in her eyes, and he strokes the tears away with the thumb of his free hand.

"I wouldn't dream of it. I'm right here. I'm not going anywhere until you get through this."

The doctor comes into the room and Brooke leans back on Lucas for a few seconds to try and get her breathing back to normal. The doctor checks hers and the baby's vital-signs and then he smiles.

"So Brooke, you're ten centimeters dilated and fully effaced. It's time to do this now."

Lucas feels Brooke's body tense up and he holds his own breath. This is it. Their baby is about to be born.

"If you feel an urge to push, just go with it," the doctor continues.

But Brooke whimpers in response. "I told you, I can't… I'm too tired…"

Now Lucas kneels beside the bed and looks her in those green eyes. "Hey…" he says as calmly as he can. "This is not you Brooke. You're a fighter, you always fight…"

"But I'm scared Luke…"

"I know you are, but we've been waiting for this for nine months and now it's so little left. You can do this baby."

He squeezes her hand as he once again tries to channel his own energy into her. He knows that she is tired but even so it surprises him somewhat that she seems so weak. He has almost expected her to be angry.

The doctor tries to get through to her as well but she just whimpers through the contractions.

"What do you need pretty girl?" he asks desperately. "Is there anything I can do?"

Brooke sobs. "Get Karen for me?"

He wishes he could. But his mother is at home with a sick baby and was still trying to find a babysitter the last time he called her. She had said that she would try to get Deb to take Keith as well as the twins, but he hadn't heard anything after that and now his cell phone lies turned off in Haley's purse.

To be honest, he too kind of needs his mom at this point, but there's not much he can do to get her to come.

Brooke curls up as if to brace herself from the pain of the next contraction and he shakes his head, feeling completely helpless.

"I can get Haley…" he tries. "Or Rachel…"

She doesn't answer and he looks at the nurse and doctor for help. "What should I do?" he asks silently. "Can't you give her anything for the pain?"

When the doctor shakes his head he sighs and leans in over Brooke again, placing butterfly-kisses on her face. When she finally decided that the pain was too much and that she wanted the epidural, it was apparently too late to give it to her, and the laughing-gas just seemed to make Brooke nauseous.

"One big push, Brooke" the doctor says and glances at the monitor with the baby's heart-rate. "Just give us one big one, and then you can rest a bit…"

It worries him that the man looks so serious. It makes him wonder if maybe something isn't right. This time though Brooke actually tries but sobs loudly when it becomes too much for her.

"Just try some breathing baby" he soothes in order to calm both himself and his girlfriend. "Come on… I love you so much. Soo much… so much…"

"Shut up!"

She closes her eyes hard and finally pushes for the second time as the contraction peaks, and just as he is about to start talking again she grabs him by the collar of his shirt and pulls him towards her face.

"I said shut up!"

He stands with his mouth open, surprised by the sudden anger that seems to have surfaced out of nowhere. Brooke really sounds furious. And she's obviously not done either because she hisses;

"You are never having sex with me again, you hear me! Never! This… is the… first… and the last time… I'm ever… doing this!"

The anger seems to fuel her strength because the doctor looks pleased. "That's good Brooke!" he says, ushering her on. "Keep pushing, a couple of more pushes like that and you'll have your baby in no time…"

But it's as if Brooke doesn't even hear it. She's still holding his sweater and he's actually starting to become a little scared.

"I…" he tries. "I'm sorry?"

The contraction passes and she sucks in air between clenched teeth before adding "You should be. Do this to me again and I swear I'll make 'little Lucas' a head shorter…"

He feels himself growing a little pale and forces a weak smile. But the doctor winks at him and mouths;

"Don't worry. They always say that… They never mean it. "

Yeah? Well the doctor obviously doesn't know his girlfriend.

She
May be the beauty or the beast.
May be the famine or the feast.
May turn each day into a heaven or a hell…

-

So this is what it feels like to totally rip apart? To have your insides repositioned and pushed to the sides of your ribcage in order to push out a baby that still didn't fit through that tiny hole? The last eight hours has surely taught her the answer to that question.

"I can't do it!" she yells again, but this time she directs her anger towards the doctor. He should see that it would never work, shouldn't he? He's looking right between her legs.

But they all just keep telling her to push. And she would if it didn't hurt so fucking much. Then again, not to push was turning into a not so pleasant experience as well since it feels as if she'll explode if she doesn't.

She grabs Lucas' hand even harder and when the new contraction builds and she again starts to push, she realizes that the sobs and whimpers she's used to get through the last hour doesn't work anymore. So without thinking she lets the last piece of control go and simple opens her mouth and screams. Forces every muscle in her body to help with the pushing.

And that's when she feels it. What has seemed like an impossible mission for hours suddenly feels doable. She can actually feel the baby inching out of her for every second she keeps pushing with the contraction.

It's as if the room disappears around her. Time stops. And the only thing she can concentrate on is the connection between muscles and brain.

Breathe.

Push.

Breathe.

Push.

She has no idea how much time that passes. And when Lucas talks to her again she can even see his lips move, but the sound is drenched by her concentration.

Breathe and push.

Then suddenly the feeling of being sliced in halves disappears. The pain that she thought would actually have her faint seconds ago falls away. Sounds and space returns and she hears the sound of a tiny baby crying.

Her baby.

"Let me see her…" she breathes out with a voice that doesn't even sound like her own. "Is… is she alright?"

She looks at Lucas who just stares at the doctor and she follows the path of his gaze.

Her vision is blurred with tears, but she can clearly hear the nurse.

"Congratulations! You have a beautiful baby girl…"

-

She…

Nothing in the many educational videos in parenting class has prepared him for this moment. The tiny baby that the midwife has placed on Brooke's chest is neither bloody nor wrinkled. She is completely perfect.

In a daze he watches the doctor put a clamp around the umbilical cord and even though he's really not good with blood and stuff like that, he manages to cut the last thing connecting this tiny new person to his girlfriend.

He actually does his first duty as a father. As a dad.

His new daughter isn't crying, she just flexes her little fingers as if trying them out and looks up at him with big eyes so light blue that they almost seem turquoise. Her hair is dark and thick and curls a little since it's still damp. Her little mouth looks just like Brooke's and even though his daughter hasn't found her ability to smile yet he knows that she will have her mother's dimples.

"So this is our baby…' he thinks and touches the little soft cheek with his finger. 'This is our Emma…'

His chest feels too tight for his heart but it isn't until he tastes the saltwater on his lips that he realizes that he's crying.

"Luke, we made her…" Brooke whispers in awe. She is still watching their newborn daughter and to him Brooke has never been more beautiful than in this moment. Even though she is probably tired beyond words and she is flustered and sweaty with her hair plastered to forehead, she still seems to be glowing.

Her eyes have never been greener, her dimples never deeper, and her cheeks are colored a perfect shade of rose. And with both Brooke and Emma close to him he feels so happy that he is about to explode.

"Thank you" he whispers back and her eyes are filling with tears now too. He's not even sure if he's talking to Brooke or some higher power, all he knows is that someone needs to be thanked, because in this exact moment his life is perfect. So he keeps repeating "Thank you so much… thank you so much…"

He's so proud of her that he chokes on the words and she reaches up and caresses away the stray tears on his face before she pulls him down and kisses him. The kiss is soft, yet almost desperate because right then there's just so many emotions that neither of them can express.

And when his lips finally leave hers she covers his cheek with her small palm and simply says;

"I couldn't have done this without you."

She may be the mirror of my dreams.
A smile reflected in a stream
She may not be what she may seem
Inside her shell

--

Nathan walks back and forth in the waiting room.

"How long can it take, huh? The nurse said Brooke had the baby over 45 minutes ago…"

Haley laughs. Her husband isn't the most patient person in the world. Never has been.

"Let them have a moment sweetie" she tells him. "They just had a baby. Let them cope with that first."

And just when she says that, Lucas comes through the door, smiling so widely that it's a wonder that his face is still in one piece. He looks happier than she's ever seen him. Tired, yes, but at the same time completely ecstatic.

"I'm a dad!" he exclaims and laughs. "6 pounds and 5 ounces. Did you hear that Hales? I'm a father!"

She gets up and she hugs him for several minutes. He looks like he's been crying and she feels so proud of him. Then she lets go and lets Nathan congratulate him, and when her husband and best friend hug, she feels the tears come as well, because she can still clearly remember a time when the brothers hated each other.

Then Lucas moves on to hug Rachel and Mouth and that's when Karen comes back from the cafeteria. Lucas freezes for a second before almost launching himself into the open arms of his mother.

"You've gotta see her mom…" she hears him mumble with a voice that's cracking up more and more for every second. "Brooke, Brooke was so amazing…and Emma, she's the most beautiful baby in the world…"

And when entering the room minutes later, Haley is almost prone to agree. She's a mother herself and of course she's partial towards her own little boys. But the baby in Brooke's arms is gorgeous. She's almost doll-like in her features, with unusually long and dark eyelashes for an infant.

"Wow Tigger…" she whispers and she feels new tears coming. "Look at you… and look at that beautiful girl…"

Brooke's bottom lip trembles, and for a second her brunette friend looks at Rachel that's coming up behind her.

"Rachel… are you crying?"

Haley turns and to her complete surprise she sees that the redhead furiously wipes her eyes.

"What? No, I'm not! I just got something in my eye…"

Brooke lets out a mix between a laugh and a sob from the bed and carefully lifts the tiny baby towards her blond boyfriend.

"Lucas… take Emma. I need to hug my friends."

And after that the tear-fest just goes overboard.

She who always seems so happy in a crowd.
Whose eyes can be so private and so proud
No one's allowed to see them when they cry.

-

Sometimes Brooke wonders what she has done to deserve someone as wonderful as her boyfriend. She wonders how it can be possible for him to know her as well as he does, sometimes to the extent that he almost knows what she needs before she even figures it out herself.

And this early morning, on the day of their daughter's birth, he had done it again.

He had looked so proud when he brought his mom and their friends into the room and introduced them all to their daughter. And while she cried and hugged Haley and Rachel, he stood beaming and watched his mother hold her first grandchild. Karen then tried to pass Emma to Rachel who had declined with a scared expression and crept up next to her on the bed, so Haley held the baby instead.

She had felt blissfully happy with them all around but also extremely tired and sore, and then, exactly 20 minutes after Lucas had brought them all in to congratulate her, he had done something that really surprised her.

He actually threw them all out.

And she did nothing but watch in total adoration, because being the wonderful boyfriend he is, he had just read her mind…

"Well it was great to have you here, guys" Lucas said and got up from his spot next to her on the bed. "But we'll see you all tomorrow, right?"

Karen looked surprised but she took the sleeping baby from Haley and handed her over into her son's outstretched arms.

"Uhm… okay. But are you sure that you and Brooke won't need me here for a little while longer? I can stay, I mean Deb is watching Keith and…"

Lucas shook his head, looking a lot more secure than she felt herself.

"I'm sure mom. Brooke and I can handle this. It's great that you came but its 4 am and we're all exhausted. I'll call you when we wake up, I promise."

Haley smiled proudly from her chair in the corner and nudged Nathan who looked as surprised as Karen.

"But…" he mumbled. "I didn't even get to hold her…"

"You will tomorrow, bro."

And within minutes they all scattered out of the hospital room, leaving her, Lucas and Emma alone. She watched as Lucas closed the door behind them and breathed in the scent from the baby in his arms.

"Thanks boyfriend..." she said, sounding even more raspy than usual. "I love having them here but I'm so tired and I want Emma back."

He came back over to her and kissed her forehead while their daughter started fussing.

"She's probably hungry" he said softly and handed the baby over before promptly crawling into the bed beside her. "You wanna try and feed her?"

And that's when she kind of froze.

She loves the idea of having it just be the three of them and she loves Lucas for understanding that, but when he watches her right now, waiting for her to feed their child, she suddenly wants all their friends to come back in and interrupt. Because truthfully, breastfeeding isn't something she particularly looks forward to. She doesn't even know how to do it.

The tiny warm baby in her arms suddenly stirs and yawns. Squints her beautiful blue eyes just like her daddy and that little puckered baby mouth starts trembling a little.

"Oh no… no, don't cry Emma" she whispers.

But Emma doesn't listen and seconds later the room is filled with the tiniest little cry, one that sounds more like a kitten than a crying baby. And the sound instantly tears at her heart. But there is also another problem. If Keith's late night crying had made her breasts ache, then that was nothing compared to this.

"Shh…" she hushes and strokes her daughter over the soft head of brown curls. "It's okay…"

Lucas arm feels safe behind her back and she slowly unbuttons the hospital gown, suddenly feeling almost shy.

"What if I do this wrong?" she whispers, half to herself and half to Lucas and the baby, but her boyfriend just kisses her temple in a reassuring way.

"You won't, Brooke. You're her mother… and you heard what the nurse said; Emma hasn't done this before either, remember?"

He might be right, but the thought that both she and Emma are being new at this is even more frightening. Yet she pulls her gown aside and carefully tries to get the crying baby to take the nipple. She tries to remember what that weird lady had said in parenting class, but she and Lucas had skipped most of the sessions, and she only remembers something about the importance of sterilizing the nipple… But that was the rubber-nipples for the bottles, right?

The tiny baby in her arms flings he little arm out and scrunches her face in preparation for new tears, so she simply catches the hand and rubs the tiny palm with her thumb. Ten fingers and ten toes, she thinks, and once again she thanks someone that everything had gone alright and that Emma is healthy.

"Here, baby…" she murmurs softly and pulls the little girl closer. And that's when it happens.

It's easier than she thought and it's only seconds before she feels Emma latch on and the crying sound stops. It feels weird, totally different from anything she's experienced before and when her daughter starts sucking, she simply looks up at Lucas in shock.

Lucas has an equally bewildered expression on his face and he runs a finger over Emma's cheek softly.

"Wow…" he whispers. "I really thought that would be harder… you look like a total pro doing that, Pretty girl."

Now she giggles, even though she's so tired that she feels like she's been run over by a train. Her body aches in places she didn't even know she had and her eyelids are heavy.

"I thought it would be harder too…"

It's not really comfortable, and she cringes a little when the baby sucks harder, but it's a wonderful feeling to know that at least she can feed Emma. Out of all the mistakes she and Lucas are prone to make during the upcoming months, at least her daughter won't starve.

And she can't stop being amazed that the little girl in her arms is their creation. The button-like nose, the chubby little cheeks and the amazing sky-blue eyes. The tiny fingers and toes. The entire baby is simply perfect.

"I can't believe she's here now" she says softly, looking up at Lucas, and he looks back at her with that face that tells her that he's going to starts crying all over again.

"She looks just like you, you know…" he answers with eyes full of love. "I just really hope she hasn't inherited your temper."

She laughs but makes a face when Emma once again takes another grip on her nipple and Lucas frowns.

"You okay, baby?"

"Yeah, it just really isn't that comfortable. Maybe I'm doing it wrong? I thought this was supposed to be all motherly bliss… You know, sitting in a rocking chair, looking serene and breastfeeding your baby…"

But now Lucas is the one laughing.

"Babe, I love you… but 'serene' isn't really your thing, right?Bouncy is more your thing… Plus, we don't have a rocking chair."

And when she thinks about it, he's right. They don't.

She may be the love that I can hope to last
May come to me from shadows of the past.
That I'll remember till the day I die

-

"Look at you guys" the day-nurse says with a smile when she enters the room at 9 am. "You seem to have it all covered."

Lucas smiles back at the woman and agrees. They do, don't they?

Breakfast is eaten, his mom has called four times so far and Brooke has already been up on her feet.

As the nurse checks Brooke and asks questions about how his girlfriend is feeling, he leans back into the armchair with Emma against his chest. His daughter has pretty much been attached to Brooke's breast for the last three hours but he's okay with that. A more beautiful sight than his little girl snuggled up against Brooke has probably never been seen.

"So did you change the first diaper yet?" the nurse asks and he suddenly realizes she's talking to him.

"Huh?" he says and looks at Brooke for confirmation. "Ehm… no…"

"Well I guess you should then. Your girlfriend has done quite the job, don't you think? I'd say this task is yours."

In the corner of his eye he can see Brooke's smug smile and he laughs. He should have known that she'd get herself out of this one. It wasn't more than a couple of weeks ago when she had confidently told him that she would never change a nappie. Ever.

"Go ahead Luke" Brooke giggles and her eyebrow gets that little quirk that he loves. So even though he happily takes on this assignment, he mutters a little for show. Just to make this moment even better for his pretty girl. Then he stands and brings Emma over to the changing table.

He has actually changed his little brother's diaper once just for practice but when putting Emma down on the flat surface he realizes that the difference in size between the two babies is huge. His little brother is a big boy, probably over 13 pounds by now, and his daughter is just half that size.

Carefully he picks at the little pieces of tape that holds the diaper together and he's overwhelmed with the same wish to protect Emma that has been plaguing him since the first time he saw her a couple of hours ago. If he takes the diaper off, her little backside will be cold. If he doesn't, then it'll stay wet and it will be uncomfortable for her.

He contemplates the problem while he looks at his baby and relishes in how much she looks like Brooke, and when he finally starts to actually take the diaper off, he hears a laugh from the door.

Nathan.

"Jesus bro… 3 minutes and 22 seconds just to figure out how to detach the tape? Wow, your kid is in deep shit…"

-

She
May be the reason I survive
The why and wherefore I'm alive
The one I'll care for through the rough and ready years

Brooke lies in the dark room and listens to the sound of Lucas' breathing. After coaxing with the nurses Lucas had been allowed to stay the night and they had both gotten into the small bed and drawn the blinds. And even though he sleeps while she is still awake, just having him here calms her nerves.

Their first day together with Emma is almost over. So many new things, so much emotion, happiness and worrying about doing stuff wrong, and her head is spinning.

It's close to eight in the evening now and she's actually been in the hospital for over twenty-four hours, but it still feels like time has no value in here. Their hospital room feels like their own little bubble where only her, Lucas and Emma exist and new stuff is important here. Stuff that she would never have thought she'd care about before.

A beautiful tiny yawn.

The first time Lucas counted Emma's pink little toes.

Watching her baby sleep on Lucas' chest.

The little baby girl, that she still hasn't really comprehended is her daughter, lies at her breast and the sucking noises when she breastfeeds mixes with Lucas' soft snoring.

'So this is the sounds of my family' she thinks and the realization that she now has her own family both calms her and makes her nervous. It's new, scary, and yet in a way it feels like it's what she's always wanted.

She should probably be asleep too. She hasn't slept more then half an hour here and there, but even though her body still feels sore and spent, her head isn't tired. And as long as Emma isn't sleeping, she won't either. She can't stop looking at her baby. She so afraid of doing something wrong, but at the same time it all just feels so natural.

A couple of minutes pass and Emma is still sucking contently when she thinks of something.

"Lucas…" she whispers, and he instantly stirs beside her.

"What's the matter baby?"

His voice is sleepy and soft, like a rumble from deep inside his chest, and it's very comforting.

"Do you think that it's possible that I'm overfeeding her?

He laughs softly and crawls closer to her, snakes his arm around her waist and snuggles into her shoulder.

"I guess if you do, she'll barf all over you… and then we'll know."

"Shut up!"

She laughs and when her chest moves with the laughter, Emma opens her big blue eyes and finally let's go of her sore nipple with a soft 'pop'. Carefully she moves her over to Lucas and buttons her night-shirt. "Burp her, will you?" she asks and sits up. "I need to go pee."

She takes her time. Brushes her teeth and washes her face. And ten minutes later when she comes back into the room she stops in the doorway and just stares in awe.

Lucas stands in the middle of the room with their tiny daughter leant against his shoulder, swaying a little as he sings a really lousy version of a children's lullaby. His singing voice sucks, but the sight makes her heart swell in her chest. Lucas is a father and that meant that she had to be a mother now, right?

"Luke…" she whispers softly and he turns towards her and smiles.

"What's up pretty girl?"

She realizes that she looks like shit. The bathroom mirror had told her that first hand when her reflection looked back at her a couple of minutes ago. Her hair is messy, the oversized hospital gown is flecked with breast-milk and she wobbles like an old lady when walking because her pelvis still hurts like hell. But he looks at her as if she is beautiful and she smiles back and walks up to him. Pulls a hand trough his short messy hair and rubs Emma's back softly with the other.

"I just thought of something…" she whispers and looks into those familiar blue orbs.

"What, baby?" he whispers back with smiling eyes.

"I think we'll be okay."

And she actually means it.

-

Me, I'll take her laughter and her tears
And make them all my souvenirs
For where she goes I've got to be
The meaning of my life is:
She

-

Author's note: LOL 'She' may be the only BL baby we'll get if Mark doesn't pull through… and now she's here: Emma! LOL

Tell me, was it too sweet? ;)

See you all soon and THANKS again. Your feedback is my lifeforce…