Okay seeing as I don't want to pee anyone off...Here is what is going to happen!!
I love ALL of you for the support as usual....You people are spectacular!!
I do NOT own Twilight...I OWN AML!
*~Bella~*
I began to shake uncontrollably as I tried so hard to steady my breathing...Oh god what did he think of me now? I have only seen that diary maybe once or twice and I had never secured what I had written to memory...Edward continued to stand there with my diary in his hand up in the air...Jesus say something Bella...Edward please say something!!
I looked away from him and continued to attempt and try and write again but having no luck with my useless, shaky hand. Goddamn it what the hell was I supposed to do.
"Can I sit down?" Edward asked...I looked up at him again...My chest was really rising now and I had no idea how to calm myself down.
"Sure" I managed to say..No Bella what are you doing...You don't want him to sit down...But if he doesn't sit down he will leave and I don't want him to leave...By inviting him to sit down it means that you are okay with him being here...But I love him...JESUS CHRIST someone help me!
I continued to look down at the diary...I had made a little scribble for the evidence that I had actually written anything..I saw Edward sit down next to me from the very corner of my eye...He sighed as his body made contact with the bed...I sunk further the weight of him affecting the position of my bed slightly...Good GOD! Edward I am so in love with you...Please don't be angry anymore...I want to be with you...Way to keep your cool, Bella!
"I didn't read all of it...I got to when you went to England the first time around and I didn't want to read the rest" How the hell was I supposed to know what I had written...Oh no he has probably read all the troubles I had during puberty..I can't help it I am a woman and I started changing..Who wouldn't be scared?
"Where did you get it?" I choked out...I was on the verge of hyperventilation now...If I suffered from asthma I would be in big trouble now..Why are you thinking about having asthma? God Bella what is your problem! Say you love him, say you need him...Make him yours again!
"Emmett" he answered frankly...I twiddled with the pen in my hand desperate to find some kind of distraction. "Bella, please look at me?" he asked.
"I can't" Oh great here come the waterworks again...If there was an academy award for crying then I would win hands down! Bloody tears...I hate you!
I threw my diary on the floor and climbed out of the bed altogether...I went over to my window keeping my back to Edward as I covered a hand with my mouth...I looked at my woodland view...Why is it you find something distracting to look at when you are listening to a good topic? A topic that you end up kicking yourself for missing and when you desperately need a distraction from a situation where you are going to explode from emotion...You get nothing! This really was a cruel, cruel world.
"I have really hurt you haven't I?" Edward asked me from the direction of my bed...I sighed into my hand but continued to stare out...Nothing..No animals..No wind...Jesus! "Shall I begin to explain my behaviour Bella, or would you like me to leave...It is after all your room" No! Don't go...Don't leave me...Please! Why can't I find my voice? Where the hell is my voice when I need it! "Bella"? he called my name again...I loved the way he had said my name I have always loved it...It's great when you are confronted with someone who you really wanted to hate but then in your head you are singing their praises. I found my legs and turned my body around...I took my hand off of my mouth and leant them on the window sill behind me.
"I was angry...Angry at you because you left me" I know you are...My beautiful, fantastic boyfriend I would do anything to take it back! "I realise now that I have gone the complete wrong way about it...I didn't want to read this, Bella...Not at first...It was yours and I somehow didn't want an explanation from you...I figured if I try and block you out of my head then it would be better for me..I wanted to forget you, Bella" his words hit my heart like a bullet from a gun.
"Then why didn't you?" I choked out...I was thinking that I should say it with some kind of sternness or anger but instead it came out completely flat.
"I couldn't" he answered...I ran a hand through my hair.
"You know what, Edward...Why don't you just break up with me because honestly...Anything is better than this?"
"So what you're just gonna leave it all there before I have had a chance to really explain things?"
"You never gave ME a chance to explain anything...Basically telling me to fuck off in the hospital when I was worried sick about you?!" Okay this was NOT how I wanted the conversation to go.
"It was wrong to say that"
"Yes...It was. I keep going over this in my mind and I try and weigh out options and it's impossible, Edward....THIS is just too hard!"
"Don't you think it has been hard on me too, Bella?"
"I never said it wasn't hard on you...I was willing to accept the fact that you didn't want me and now I would rather know for definite because then it can all start"
"I didn't come in here to make a decision about us...I came in because I wanted you to know that I had read the diary...That is it"
"So what did you find in there that made you come running to me?"
"I found things I never thought I'd see...I saw a part of you that I hadn't seen before"
"Edward I was a screwed-up child okay and a lot of the stuff in there...I didn't mean most of them...That's the thing about diaries..You can let your imagination run wild...The stupid immature mind of a child just wanting to be loved that is all...No more no less"
"You never told me any of this"
"I didn't want you to think that I was still the way I was back then...My mom was a drunk...She never took care of me the way Esme and Carlisle do....I had a new life, a new meaning and a new purpose."
Edward was silent...But I carried on...Cue the word diarrhoea!
"Sandgrove taught me so much about myself the first time around...I was fifteen and alone...The only possession I had was that diary...The one memory of my mum I would ever have again because at that point I didn't know whether I would see her again. I wanted her, Edward..I wanted her so badly that I had countless sleepless nights. Then I met Carlisle"
"Bella, please you don't have to-"
"I DO, Edward...I have never said anything of what I am about to say to you to any other living soul" I kept the tears falling down my face...I didn't recognise my own voice but I couldn't bring myself to care...To WANT to care. "Carlisle was like...A lighthouse leading in a deserted boat...If that is the best analogy..I looked into his eyes and I saw that he was capable of so much love and the way he spoke about all of you...I wanted to meet you even though you wouldn't know me from Adam. You all sounded SO perfect coming from his mouth and his mind...The kind of person that I wanted people to talk about in the same way....When Tess told me about the adoption it broke my heart to think that I would never set eyes on the one person who put my needs and my health first for once...It was always about my mum..Even as a child I would be in a nursery and I can still remember the looks...Sympathy written all over the other mum's faces..That's stayed with me ever since and the one thing I always held on to was the idea that maybe my mum would forget the drink..Somehow she would have a reality check and realise that the one person she had in the world needed her. It never happened. I wrote in that diary because I needed a friend...I noted down everything and anything that entered my head and I know that the diary is probably about seventy percent bullshit imagination...But the other thirty was real and that thirty percent has come alive now that I am here and that I have been adopted by the most incredible family...Even now somewhere deep inside of me I still don't think that I deserve any of you. So when I had the time to register in my mind about my adoption..I started about my new family and you know the only person I wanted them to be like was Carlisle. I held on to the fact that he was going to be my friend when I would leave and build my own life path...It broke my heart, really, Edward but I stayed strong..I had to...My new family were going to love me because they had chosen me...Carlisle told me briefly about the Masens but there was something in his eyes...I kind of twinkle if that makes any sense..I trusted him fully because he must have met them already and at that time I would have taken his word over anyone else's...The child with the vivid imagination found some sense and a dose of reality when she felt her heart breaking having to say goodbye."
Edward's breathing had picked up...I was really choking out my words and I was in and out of sobs as I did so...However it felt relieving so I kept going.
"Then...Everything that I was hoping fell into my lap when he said that he was going to be my dad...I never had a father and my mum never had a boyfriend or a partner in all the time in my life so I didn't know what it felt like or what troubles would lie ahead but the fact was...It was Carlisle and my heart just flew up in the air and I felt like I was floating..I was happy, Edward...For the first time I felt REAL happiness and elation...I would join his family and meet his kids, the people who I ended up envying even though I had never set eyes on them...You could have all been ugly and have the most awful personalities in the world but I envied you all the same. Then I couldn't wait to come here...I was excited to leave the hospital I was secured in...Even though it was a horrible world in there anything was better than being with my mum. Then Carlisle's wife and children entered my life and I have never looked back..Not even when I have said things or one of you had said things that could be doomed unforgiveable...I found myself unable to not forgive you all when you did things wrong to me and in a way, you helped me...Not just you, Edward but Alice and Emmett too..You made me realise that I am a forgiving person and I am loyal to people and I never realised I had that before. I thought that no one in their right minds could be as amazing as Carlisle was, but good god was I wrong! Emmett on first impression reminded me of a teddy bear who loved sports...He had a good soul at least from where I was standing...And then there was Alice-" My voice broke when I mentioned Alice name...I clenched my stomach hard and wrapped my hands around the top of my arms...Come on Bella, you have come this far...Don't back out now. The tears fell harder as I thought about my late sister.
"Alice was so welcoming...So much like the girl I wanted to exist in me...There was nothing she couldn't do...She designed, she accessorised, she beautified every living soul on this earth and she soon became my best friend...In e...Every way and she was MINE...She was MY sister...Nothing felt better. Alice was my guardian angel...The soul sent to me from fate to protect me from any harm and I loved her, Edward...I loved her so much and I loved her so quickly after I met her...She had me from the word 'hello' I was always going to stick by her as she did me and fill out my duty as a good younger sister...And you know it never mattered that I wasn't realted to her by blood because if I was I would never have got to know her in the same way. I miss her, Edward...I miss her everyday...She had so much strength in her final hour that even soliders in a world war could never possess...I wanted to be there for her in every way but she was slipping....Slipping away from me and I couldn't stop it...-" I trailed off...Change the subject, Bella...Too sad...Change it!
"Esme...Esme was the perfect image of what a mother should be..She has an earthly quality as a mum that is so inspiring to me...She took me in as one of her own even though she knew nothing about me...She had probably heard from Carlisle about my life and yet she didn't judge me...She didn't judge me or my mum and that meant so much to me that I can't express it in words. Esme was so much like Alice and that's why I took to her...I fell for both of them in a family way and I was waiting, Edward....I was waiting for fate to come and steal it all away from me and crush anymore hope I would ever have about being free and living my life away from my mum. Everything happened so quickly...I was a sister...I was a member of a REAL family...A unstoppable family unit...The way you all looked at each other in my first weeks here will forever be in my mind...So much appreciation...So much life and light in your paths...I thought I would never be able to live up to the expectations you set as a family."
This was proving to be harder as I went on and on...I looked at Edward who now had tears rolling down his face along with me...I continued not wanting him to say anything until I got all of this out.
"Then school started and even though I had gotten so used to the way the English educate people..I was nervous that people from America would treat me the same way...I was doomed wrong. Alice was there for me and I found something in myself that I had been searching so long for..Acceptance and identity. I belonged...In this strange, weird and different country I belonged...I have never been happy in my own skin because I had never had my moment to shine...I could here. I slowly made friends that I admit I haven't spoken too for so long now but at the time...They accepted me and so I accepted them the same way I did with all of you...Friends and a family..A whole new life. When Mike Newton came onto the scene...I didn't see him as more than a friend when we had met but Alice and Rose were both adamant that he was the one for me...I didn't like him in that way at first but I enjoyed the idea of being liked in that way...It gave me a new found confidence even if I was terrified inside that he would reject me. I held onto him...However I wanted to do it in my own time and when various people started pushing me to ask him out I crumbled...Which is why I was vomiting in the school that time...I was probably pictured as something perfect to Mike a image that was probably as rare and as beautiful as a piece of artwork in an established museum. I am not perfect and I refused to think that I was going to be something that I am not in the mind of another person because I wanted to be myself. I had been liked as my own self and I was not going to change for anyone...That's probably the only one good thing that my mum had ever said to me...That as an individual given a chance to live on earth would only excel in being themselves because my mum had said that she would rather not be hated for something she isn't but liked for who she was...Flaws and imperfections included. It was only at your party when there was a small part of me that had wanted to take things to the next level because what was the harm..Where was the harm sure I may experience upset and trauma but I had been through a whole lot worse beforehand. Mike was a great guy and he still is...I would never say one word against him because I was the one who broke things off with him...Depression took over my body like petrol to fire and it took me to so many depths of despair that it felt like I was being drowned in quicksand...With no one who would be able to save me even if they attempted to pull me out of it. Tess was my angel then, she still is and I am grateful for her...Showing me that I needed to have a purpose...A target to pull myself out of the quicksand...Eventually I did and I lived life again...I had been given a second chance, Edward to carry on life but on my OWN terms and no one else's. I was unable to drag Mike along with me because if I had recovered at the time he would always have that memory of me...The image of me lower than rock bottom and I knew that things were never going to be the same again. So life went back to normal and that was how it was for the most part."
Edward's tears continued to fall down his face...I didn't want him to be upset by me...I needed to prove to him that he was the one meaning in my life. I took another deep breath wiping my nose and my eyes with the sleeve of my pyjama top.
"And then you...Edward....You, Edward Cullen proved to be the big brother I ended up loving the most as a sister...You were unpredictable and there were times when I hated you and there were times when I loved you...You were the person I had the strangest relationship with and you know..I didn't care...I wanted to be a good sister to you. I know you have done me wrong in the past and you have made decisions which I could never have condoned or agreed with but you were still my brother...I never had a brother – there was only me in my world..Me and my mum and that world left my mind long before I came here and lived my life as a Cullen. When I first met you...I pictured this misunderstood guy who needed a good break in life...A guy with aspirations and who possessed the knowledge to make something of himself...Then when I met you everything changed...You were so much more than I imagined you would be...You had your flaws but you were human and I admired you so much because you weren't afraid to do what you wanted even if it may have hurt your parents to see you do it. You welcomed me too...In your own way and when you got drunk the first time you apologised to me with such sincerity that I couldn't ever refuse you.
You proved yourself loyal to me and you made up for all your wrong in the best way that you knew how. When my mum died and I was in England there was never a moment where you escaped my mind. I never told you much about my life for three months when I went back there...I don't really have much to say...I made the decision to go back and be with my mum because I would never be able to live with the regret of never having to say goodbye to her properly...Deep in my heart it was the right thing to do and I can't bring myself to regret what I did or regret that my mum stopped our moment in the garden because she needed help and all my worries and all the memories of when I needed her all went away and I no longer mattered. England was dull, dreary and it wasn't the same as when I had last been there. My mum couldn't move for most of my time there and I was a faithful and needed nurse for her...I hope that wherever she is she appreciated me for it because it drowned me in both physical and mental pain and my body went onto autopilot so I did things automatically without any thought. Then I suppose you could say that I found God...Not in the way that meant I had to change my faith but when I entered the church I hadn't been in since I was a child something changed inside of me...Talking to the same vicar as my childhood opened my eyes to see the view that my mum's life was not meant to be lived and as much as I might have wanted her to live forever and ever and maybe even be immortal you know like vampires."
"Bella...I don't want this to be upsetting for you...I can hardly bear to see you upset" Edward rubbed his tears away from his face...He was releasing emotion just as much as I was and it made me feel a little more better...This was working.
"Please...I need to finish this, Edward" I pleaded...He nodded and held back a sob of his own.
"She died...It should have felt like the world had come crumbling down on me but I was more determined about proving people wrong...The various people that had watched my mum and I through the years and pitied the poor child who never owned anything valuable..Get angry about the mother who had clearly chosen alcohol over her own child that she had given the gift of life too...My speech was all about that and when I had finished and I heard the applause I could sense that my mum was watching over me..Clapping too and it was amazing...I was no longer sad for her I was happy that she was somewhere where the alcohol could no longer have a hold on her life as it had done for so many years...Even before I was born. Then when I felt relieved...You showed up and you stayed with me...I had wanted you for so long and you were there...It was a helping hand from someone maybe from my mum I don't know whether I believe in spirituality...I had you and it was without a doubt the happiest moment in my life when you showed yourself to me at the graveyard. I came back home to my family...I really belonged then if I had ever doubt in my mind before then it was made definite when I came back home to the open arms of my siblings and my parents."
I took a deep breath and paced back and forth in the small space between where I was standing and where Edward sat...I took my hands off of the sill and put them in my pyjama bottoms and I looked down at the floor. "I need to also explain why I left for England after I lost Alice...I didn't chose to go there because I wanted to leave all of you and if there was some way that you could see into my mind for only a short amount of time...You would know that it broke me in two to have to leave you...I had been so distant with you because I didn't want to deserve your love because I DIDN'T deserve it...I had been the one to let Alice go without having any control over it...I was the only one who was there with her from the minute she collapsed and the minute she gave birth to Danny and I was screaming inside the whole time...I pushed myself to stay strong for her, Edward...I vowed to stick by her the minute I saw her positive pregnancy test and I broke it. I wasn't able to see her live through it and be at one with her family where she truly belonged...My life had been so great up until that moment and then life snatched her away from me..My angel...My amazing sister taken away from the world and I wondered for so long...Why didn't they take me-" I continued to sob but if this was going to be the best way to get everything out in the open and onto the table maybe Edward and I could make a justified decision together.
"Why did they take the person who HAD a purpose who needed to live because she had a family waiting to love her like so many people have done in her life...It never crossed my mind to end my own life or to kill myself and I still don't know why I hadn't thought about it...Instead of causing harm on myself I escaped...I desperately needed a new view on life and I never did it out of selfishness and I never did it to hurt Carlisle, Esme or Emmett and especially not you but I had to do it and I have never been so sorry for anything in my life when I saw how hurt you were and how you had turned to drink because of what I had done. If it weren't for me you would have never got into that accident-"
"Bella you are not entirely to blame" Edward added his voice affected with his falling tears.
"But the MAJORITY of it is...Give me that much, Edward...I deserved your anger and I deserved the hurt that you were feeling and so I was willing to accept it"
"I should never have acted in such an unjust way, Bella...I may have been angry but I could have gone about it completely differently"
"I have never blamed you...Understand me here...I did wrong...I wanted to come back the minute I left the airport but it was too late and so I had to get into the frame of mind for the fact that I would probably never see my family...Or never see YOU again and that broke me too, Edward...I hated being away from you and then Emmett came after me and I realised that I had a reason in life...I shouldn't be sad anymore..Alice wouldn't have wanted me to be sad and so I kept the idea of her in my mind and Emmett gave me the extra push I needed and so I came back...I never expected to have open arms...I knew that but when I heard you were in the hospital...I just couldn't take it...I couldn't bear it-"
I couldn't stand still anymore..I put a hand over my mouth to stop a threatening sob and ran fast outside of the room...I had no idea where I was going I just went down the stairs..Running down them as fast as I could almost falling over more than once and I grabbed the front door handle and ran out...Enjoying the open air on my face...It had begun to rain quite heavily as it showered around me...I ran over the driveway and across the road putting a hand on the lamp post opposite the house...I breathed out my sobs as the rain fell over my neck...I was probably going to catch pneumonia but I couldn't care...The sobs were too violent and too hard on my body and I couldn't function right.
"Bella?" I heard Edward shout from behind me...I spun around in haste putting a hand up the minute I saw him come closer to me on the green of the woodland.
"Don't come near me...Please Edward...I just need to compose myself quickly" I said he stopped his movements inches away from me and I took one last deep breath.
"You know, Edward when I fell for you...I fell for you so hard...I loved you so much and I failed to realise that you were the one I was supposed to be with...I broke things off with Mike because he could never be you...He could never make me feel the way you do and I have said I love you, Edward more times then I begin to know or count on two hands but you don't understand the EXTENT of how much I love you....Mike was never going to be you and when we kissed each other the night of your birthday before Jessica hit me...I pulled away from him because he didn't send the message through my body he didn't make me want him...He didn't make me feel complete. You know my life has been so misshapen and I pretended to be upset when you broke up with Jessica because I didn't want you to know that I desired to be in her shoes...I wanted to be the one you loved and cherished for however long we would end up being together and if I had ever ruled my own life then it would be forever because I dream about being with you forever. Through my depression I said earlier that I needed to find a purpose...I did....It was YOU. I recovered all because I needed to be with you and I was going to tell you the night of Carlisle's party and I was so scared that you would reject me...But you said you loved me and everything fell into place...I needed that I needed you and I would spend the rest of the time I had left on earth telling you that"
Edward was silent...I didn't know whether he was still showing emotion because of the rain...I carried on pouring my soul out completely in front of him.
"You are the best person I know, Edward...You are my reason for living, you are in every thought I ever had and you were in every dream...I loved you before and I have never stopped loving you even when you threw me out of your hospital room and ordered me out of your room last night...I love you more than my own life and I will ALWAYS feel that way about you...I am not the best person in the world...I don't like my body and I will never be beautiful and I do not know whether that means anything to you, Edward. You're my life...I would rather die than stay away from you and I cannot bear the thought of having to leave you....I don't want you to leave me, Edward and I am so so sorry from the bottom of my heart for making you angry...I would give away my soul to change that and turn back time to change it...You have to believe me because I love you...Edward...I love you SO much" I let a loud sob escape my body...I crouched my body down...The weight of my emotion taking its toll on me...I was about to hit the floor when a pair of hands lifted me back up...I was guided into Edward's arms slowly...He let go of my shoulders when I was upright and put his hands on each side of my face...Forcing me to look into his beautiful eyes once again once my eyes made contact with his I thought I was going to melt on the spot.
"Bella listen to me" he said as I continued to cry and if I was looking down at myself I would be dying of humiliation but I couldn't say no to him...I needed him so much it was unreal. "I should be the one apologising...I have been an absolute prick to you and you NEVER for one moment deserved that...I plunged your self-esteem through the ground when I acted that way"
I heard his words and the sternness of his voice "don't feel sorry for me, Edward...Just because you have read some poxy words on pieces of paper that doesn't mean that you know me well enough"
Edward gripped my face harder...I buckled a little under his hold.
"I NEVER read that diary because I pitied you....I NEVER expected for you to welcome me into your room with only one silly sentence for an explanation...And I NEVER expected you to bear your soul to me the way that you have done...Jesus, Bella...I thought that I was going to mad at you for a long time and deep down I hated it...I was in denial about my real feelings for you giving Emmett the answer of how I could make it by myself...I can't...Bella I can't"
"I want to be mad at you" I choked out
"I wouldn't blame you for a second if you were"
"I know....I miss Alice, Edward"
"I know that too...I miss her so much that I find myself constantly aching and the one person I always want to reach out to is YOU, Bella....I hated it when you wouldn't let me in and I will not lie because it hurt, Bella...I wanted to help you even if it was just to lend an ear but by GOD I never expected this from you"
"How do I know if all this is true? That I won't wake up tomorrow and find myself battling with my heart and my head over you?"
I was silenced then by Edward's mouth tenderly connecting with my own...There it was...The fire...The need the desire..Everything that I lived for just in one kiss from Edward. I kept my hands at the side because I didn't want him to think that I had buckled under his ways as I had once done...I disconnected our mouths even though it did pain me to do so in my inner core.
"You hurt me" I confessed..Edward stroked one of my cheeks now...The two of us were now extremely soaked my the rain and I could feel the lace in my bra getting heavier because of it but I ignored it.
"I know...Bella you are the most amazing girl in the world...The most amazing thing in my life" I let out another sob at the sound of his words...This all sounded so real!
"Edward-" he put his index finger on my lip.
"You have done enough talking...I never stopped loving you my amazing Bella...You live within me...You are the other part of the soul that I have been waiting for..For so long"
I tilted my head keeping my eyes closed...This was the only way that I would be able to digest everything that he was saying to me...I could tell with Edward when he was being genuine and whether he was just joking around and now he sounded genuine. I couldn't get my head around it.
"I can't leave you...I don't want to break this off because you mean FAR too much to me to just be my sister...I have had a feeling that I have always loved you I just never realised it...The moment you entered my life Bella was the day I will FOREVER be thankful for...I must have some angels up there as well because you changed me...You made me a better person...You made me feel like I was worthy in a family where I had always been considered the academic and nothing more...You were the light...My shining light and my one true and only love"
My knees were really giving out now but I attempted to stay strong...I had already shown enough emotion.
"You say that you once envied us but right now, Bella...I envy YOU....Your strength, your soul, your sensitive nature, the love you feel for others and just everything that you are. I could never have known that I would be blessed for meeting someone like you but it seems like fate had it differently. I acted the way I did because I was angry but also because I missed Alice, Bella...I never should have made you feel like that and I never want to leave your side because I know we are meant to be. The night I made love to you, Bella was the best night of my life...Not just because I am a man and because of that we are deemed to just want sex...I said to you that night that it was never about sex or having your body..I needed you and by god I did...I have always wanted you from the day I realised I loved you and I always...always will. Bella you are so incredibly beautiful and you're right I don't care about having the most attractive woman because you are worth fifty of them, Bella...You have had to grow up so fast and that is something I will NEVER begin to understand because compared to your life my life belongs in that established museum. I am so sorry, Bella...So VERY sorry for all of this"
"Do you really mean this? I mean really?" I choked out.
"I love you too more than my own life...I would go to the end of the world and back for you as I have said before..Bella you complete me...I am nothing without you...I could never be anything without you and I need you so much!"
"Edward...I love you" I sighed out through tears...Before he could reply I crashed my lips to his...Edward responded with as much enthusiasm as he wrapped his arms around my shoulders and held me close to him...I put both my hands underneath his arms on his back. I connected our tongues and felt the elation as they caressed and danced together...Oh god nothing was better than this...Edward meant more to me than ever before and I was floating on air once again. Edward moaned deeply in my mouth as he moved his lips away from mine.
Edward moved his mouth to my forehead...My favourite spot then trailed down to kiss my cheeks...The tip of my nose and down to my jaw...I sighed and pulled him closer to me...Could anything be better than this?
"I love you my beautiful, amazing courageous girl...I adore you so much" he whispered against my jaw as he moved his way down to my neck..I kissed the top of his head wanting to keep this moment forever.
We stood together in the rain for a few minutes as Edward left the heat that now radiated from my skin.
"I am so sorry...So sorry" Edward sighed as I pulled his head back up and stopped his apologies with my mouth caressing every angle and every part of his amazing mouth...I loved him god did I love him even more so in this moment I didn't care that he had been a bastard or that I had felt my heart breaking because I was mended again then and there he stitched me back up and allowed me to move again.
"No words, Edward...Please I have missed you and your touch so much" I sighed moving my mouth to his neck. He lifted me up completely as I wrapped my arms around his waist...I continued to ravish his neck as he walked back to the house..He climbed the steps and opened the front door we were now probably ruining Esme's carpet but I didn't care I was Edward's in every way and I wanted to embrace that. Edward climbed the steps as I moved from his neck to the bare skin before the v-neck of his shirt restricted me..He opened my bedroom door and put me down onto my feet...he disconnected our mouths.
"Bella...I need to get you dry" he sighed out..his voice husky..I shook my head violently.
"No" I sighed back attacking his lips again...He pushed the door closed with one hand and when I heard the door close I moved my hands to the hem of his shirt and began to pull his top up...With some difficulty due to the fact that it was soaked through but I managed and never disconnecting our mouths he lifted his arms as I took it completely off of him and he attacked my mouth even harder...We were both having the need for each other that much was certain. I backed away to the bed and felt the side of it hit the bag of my legs. Edward's hands pried with the straps of my pyjama top.
"Please, Edward?" I pleaded against his mouth...He took the straps down my body kissing both my arms as the straps left my skin...he then pulled my top completely down my body and it landed with a squelching noise onto the floor...I pulled us both down on the bed and welcomed Edward's weight on me once again as I enjoyed his mouth and the feeling of his tongue on mine. I trailed my fingers along the waistband of his pyjama trousers and thanked myself inwardly that I wouldn't have to worry about belts or zippers. I pulled them down his legs but hooked my legs up and trailed them down his legs the same way I had done before and the same way that he had loved. He groaned as his trousers left his body and he then moved his hands around the back of me I pushed on his chest as he took his mouth off of mine and looked down at me.
"The front" I breathed out and he smiled kissing me again as he popped open the clasp on my torso and led the straps down..I pushed up into him...Eager for him to touch me I felt his desire on my leg and I moaned uncontrollably pleased that I still had the same effect on him.
I threw my head back in ecstasy as Edward kneaded my bare chest and moved down to attack it with his mouth...I wrapped my hands in his hair pushing him closer to my skin...I needed this and I was certain that he needed it too.
"I love you with every inch of my being, Bella" Edward groaned out against the valley between my breasts and his words sent flames to my core..I bucked into his hips again as I caressed his hair with my fingertips..My moans were increasing once again.
"Bella...Are you sure...I want this more than anything but if you don't want to-" I put my index finger up against his lips.
"Ssh...I need you, Edward" I breathed out.
"I will be right back" he said as he climbed off of me...I groaned inwardly at the loss of contact but I knew what he had gone to get. I kicked off my shoes and pulled off my socks whilst he was out of the room and was left only in my underwear minus my bra...Panties as the Americans called it as I had been used to calling them knickers.
I lay back down on the bed...breathing in and out...This didn't seem real but hell even if it was a dream I was going to make it memorable. Edward opened the door again and closed it behind him..He had also gotten rid of his socks and shoes and instead of lying over me...He grabbed my hips and pulled me into the air...I scissored my legs back around his waist and he stood up with me in his arms..I hooked my feet around his boxers and pulled them down as I feverently caressed his mouth in mine...He kicked them off the rest of the way and stood out of them as they too landed on the floor...He then used both his knees to climb onto the bed with me still wrapped around his waist like glue and he had managed to put his legs out in front of him as I was still in hold...Once I landed on his lap I sighed as I felt his desire on me...He gently put me back on the bed so I was lying straight out on my back and he them put his weight on his knees but came down with me to balance his upper body on his arms...He kissed around my stomach and caressed my hips with his hands before he looked at the last remaining piece of clothing on me...he put his fingers on the waistband but instead of pulling them down my legs he ripped them in half the sound filling up the room...I smiled as he threw the two pieces of material over his shoulder...I lifted my legs immediately as he nestled in between them...I stroked my fingertips along his chest.
"I love you, Bella" he said before thrusting into me...My body instantly fell down a few inches from the pillow and I sighed as he fit himself into me as quickly and as easily as 1,2,3. I held onto his neck forcing him to look at me as he filled me up completely...Every angle never went untouched...I lifted my legs up and hooked them around his back as he grunted above me...How I had missed sex and I didn't even realise how long it had been since we had done it.
I held onto the moment even when I was beginning to climax...I grasped his neck for dear life as he hit me in the sweetest spots imaginable...His thrusts got harder and I knew that he was close himself but I was determined before to let go but now I clenched my stomach and held on as best I could and for as long as I could. I could feel the beads of sweat on Edward's neck.
"Hold on for me, Edward" I gasped out as he nodded his jaw clenched.
"Anything for you" he gasped out in reply...I pushed my hips up further to meet his every thrust and pull. "I have missed you so much, Bella" Edward added.
"I missed you too just a little longer..Please?" I pleaded.
"Okay...Oh Christ!" he moaned...It was a bit mean to keep him holding on but I needed to keep this moment alive and I was surprised how now I had a lot more stamina to last. It was a good five maybe seven minutes before I couldn't hold on any longer..I instantly let go letting the waves of ecstasy take me along in my current...Edward came too as his arms buckled slightly.
We rode out together and Edward never stopped kissing me as he lifted himself off of me and snuggled in next to me...I put my head in his chest as my breathing began to slow...Edward moved his body to the side and I knew what he was doing...I would have to clear out the bin next to my bed on his side in the morning that was for sure.
So there we were...Nothing else mattered anymore.
Edward was mine and I was his again.
I have never been so much happier in my life.
There...All done are you happy?
I am sorry I didn't put the lemon warning up but I wanted it to be a surprise and AML is rated M anyway...I didn't plan on a lemon but Bella deserved it for showing such courage!
This is NOT the last chapter even though it may sound like it.
I said that I was emotional after Alice's death but this has got to be the HARDEST chapter I have ever written...I am so drained after writing all of that and I cried for Bella because what she was saying was so real.
So I am going to leave you with that lemony goodness and enjoy my birthday tomorrow...I know it was wrong to leave on a cliffie so I hope this gets me back in your good books.
Give me a FANTASTIV birthday present with reviews...Seeing as I have done TWO updates today .
Love you all
.S.
X x