Chapter 30

"Why?" I asked curiously.

He slowly looked back up into my eyes making my heart flutter in my chest, "I wasn't there."

"Huh?" I asked confused.

"I saw everything you went through," he said slowly, "When you were pregnant…and I wasn't there…for any of it."

I bit my lip to keep myself from shouting at him. How many times did I tell him not to blame himself? How many times did I tell him that everything was fine? How does he not get any of that in his head? I looked back at the screen and stayed quiet as I waited for him to press play.

After a couple more seconds he pushed play and it started up again.

Carlie's first word:

"Hey baby," I said with a smile on my face. I remembered that day. My mom was the one holding the camera. Carlie was in her crib and I was leaning over her with something in my hands; you couldn't see it but I knew what it was.

"What are you doing?" my mother asked me.

I looked over at the camera for a second before I looked back at Carlie, "I just want to try something," I whispered back. I brought the picture of Edward up and showed it to Carlie. "Who's this?" I asked her with a smile.

You could hear her sweet baby giggle. My mother moved closer so she could get a look at Carlie's face. She was smiling up at the picture and reaching for it with her small hands. "Who's this baby?" I asked again.

She reached up and snatched the picture from me. She looked at it more closely and giggled again.

"What are you–?" I cut my mother off.

"Shh," I told her. I already knew what was coming. Her small giggle filled the air again before it died down and with one hand she held the picture and the other one touched it. It was so surreal to watch a baby do something an adult would do.

"Da-Dee," she sounded out. I remember I had been teaching her how to say it. I had always wanted her to say daddy first.

"Oh my gawd! She said her first words!" my mother exclaimed in excitement. I looked over at Edward to find a smile on his face. He was happy. He just experienced what it felt like to hear your child's first words. And to top it off her first word was referring to him.

He looked over at me with a grin. I wrapped my arms around his midsection and rested my head against his side as we continued watching it. We watched the first time she crawled, walked, said a sentence and etc. I was half asleep when the movie finished.

My eyes snapped open when I felt myself being lifted up from the ground. My arms wrapped around Edward's neck in a death grip before I relaxed and rested my head on his shoulder. "Mmm I bumped into Alice and Jasper today," I mumbled out.

"They still live here?" he asked surprised.

I had my eyes closed so I didn't know where he was taking me. Most likely to our room, "Yeah…they're married," my mind was a bit foggy from sleep so everything I was saying was being mumbled out. I was surprised he understood what I was saying.

"When did they get married?" he asked. His steps were higher than usual so I assumed we were going up the stairs.

I sighed, "Eight years ago."

"Wow," he replied back.

I sighed a small chuckle out although it sounded out of place because I wasn't fully awake to actually chuckle, "They have a kid."

"I kind of figured they would," he replied back.

"It's a boy," I told him as I tried my best to stay awake.

"What's his name?" he asked curiously. Or so I thought it was curiously…I was so half asleep that I couldn't really differentiate his tone.

"Jacob," I sighed out.

"Which one of them does he look like?" he seemed amused to me.

"Alice," I replied back. I realized that he wasn't taking big steps anymore. Right when I realized that I noticed that I wasn't in his arms anymore. I opened my eyes a bit and looked around for him. I looked to my left to find him half lying down, half sitting next to me.

"Bella," my eyes closed again as I waited for him to finish, "I want a baby."

My eyes snapped open and I sat up immediately. Am I having a nightmare? Am I hearing things? I was definitely awake now. I looked over at him pretty sure that horror was written all over my face, "What?"

"I want a baby," he repeated.

"Yeah I heard you the first time," I said in a bit of shock. I stayed quiet as the horror filled me quickly.

"Well?" he asked.

"Well what?" my voice was an octave higher than usual.

"Do you want to have a baby with me?" he asked.

"No," I replied back quickly. I looked over at him to see hurt written all over his face. I sighed as I swung my legs over the side of the bed, "I can't."

"What do you mean you can't?" he was angry now.

I stood up and turned around to look at him, "I can't do that to her!"

"To who?!" he asked confused as he got off the bed himself.

"To Carlie!" I replied back in frustration.

"This has nothing to do with her," he said in a hard firm voice.

"It has everything to do with her," there goes that word again.

"How?" he asked as he crossed his arms over his chest.

"You've obviously haven't thought this whole thing through," I replied back as I turned my back to him and sat on the edge of the bed.

"What's that supposed to mean?" I stayed quiet, "How does this affect her?" he asked.

I clenched my jaw before I looked down at the ground, "You don't see it do you?" why would he? He hasn't seen a lot of things lately.

"See what?" he asked a bit frustrated.

"If we had another baby…what do you think would happen to Carlie?" I asked softly.

"What do you mean?" his voice was moving towards me.

"You guys barely started bonding. A baby would ruin it," I told him.

He sat down next to me and sighed, "I'd love Carlie just as much as I love the new baby."

I shook my head sadly, "No," I paused and looked up at him, "You wouldn't," I whispered out. He seemed to be trying to read something on my face. "Like you said before…you weren't here."

"I'll be here this time Bella I promise," he said as he took my hands off my lap and into his hands.

I looked down at his hands and shook my head, "That's the problem."

"How is that the problem?" he asked.

"You'll be here for it."

"For what?" he asked.

I was getting frustrated at how clueless he was. I yanked my hands out of his and stood up, "For everything!" He was surprised about my outburst and I could see a hint of sadness. "You'll be here for the pregnancy! You'll be here when it's born! Don't you see how that would ruin her?! You'll be attached to the new baby more than you are to her because you would have been there for all of it!"

I took in breath and calmed myself down, "You wouldn't realize it but you'd grow distant. Like she wasn't even there anymore. And you wouldn't mean to do it but that's how it would happen. You'd care and love the new baby more than Carlie. And I don't care how much you want one because I am not doing that to her," my was voice was stronger than how I felt.

I was scared. Scared that my reaction would send him packing away. Scared that somehow I was already pregnant and Carlie didn't have a chance. And most importantly; Scared that I would crumble to the ground for something so small.

Maybe I ruined everything just because of the way I reacted. Maybe I'm too late and I've already lost him.

A/N: So now you know. I like everything she told him. And you all have to admit that she's right. Please review because I would really like to know what you thought of this chapter. By the way this is the last episode for this installment. The next installment will start right where this one left off and it's called 'Carry Me Through'.

Thank you.