A/N: Well well well, I'm beyond overjoyed that you kids are finding as much enjoyment in my little story as I am. Thank you for being patient with the looming conversation. Don't worry... its coming. And trust me when I say, it will be worth the wait =]. Enjoy & please don't forget to review (and maybe tell a couple friends *wink wink*)

In other news: i have found a beta =] she is a little busy at the moment and I was pleased enough with this chapter to post it without her help but every chapter succeeding this one will be beta'd. I will reveal her in the next chappy.

Chapter Warning: things get a little heaty, so make sure you are mature enough to handle it.

Disclaimer: I don't own twilight, but thank god for that because I would never want to be the woman responsible for the incline of every womans already impossible expectations of men. Jus sayin =]

Chapter Four:

You Have Got To Be Kidding Me

The hospital smelled like death, and in the reeking cocktail there was some definite colostomy bag coupled with regurgitated cherry jello. As I inhaled every minute scent invading the air a shiver ran up and down my spine, it gave me a huge case of the willies to be in, on or around any kind of medical facility. Whenever you enter a specific location that is well connected in your mind with dark memories, its entirely too hard to envision your surroundings as anything but horrifying.

When I was younger I had ended up with a serious case of the flu and needed to stay under supervision a couple of days. Charlie almost petitioned the station to be able to be in my room twenty four/seven. I argued that I was a big girl and didn't need a babysitter, I had nurses to tend to me who were running around like cockroaches, nothing was going to happen to me. He finally left for the night and I was all by myself.

My hospital room was completely empty and cold. I had never felt so alone in all my life. I was relieved but at the same time, I get bored easy and found little to entertain me.

I ventured out of my bed because I wasn't attached to anything, no IV's or monitors, nothing to leash me down and I happened to be a curious child. I had to sneak around the nurses station and eventually ended up down the hall at a room that was occupied by an elderly woman.

She introduced herself as Jane and said that she also had some flu symptoms but that they were still trying to figure out the real problem for her uneasy breathing. Then she died right in front of me. Kid you not. I didn't sleep for days and would wake up crying in the middle of the night for months after. You don't come back from that. Ever.

But here I was again, torturing myself for my best friends comfort. I would like to say that it didn't bother me too much, that somehow I had grown up since my little episode but I'm not going to lie, it did. Screw my pride. If god saw to it I made it out of here with my heartbeat in tact, I would probably lead the next sermon at our local church.

I was waiting for the elevator to open, the quiet dinging resounding in my ears. Finally, with a sweeping motion the metallic sea parted and out walked this guy who apparently, like me, was in a god damn hurry and wasn't paying good enough attention to the rest of the universe because we almost knocked each other out cold.

Our chests met full force. It nearly took the wind out of me but before I could even react, he had maneuvered around me and was half way down the hall.

Unbelievable.

"Jackass! Watch where you're walking!" I yelled frustrated at his retreating back.

He had dark brown hair that was shaggy and out of order on his head. I realized that it was highlighted because the sun coming in through the windows changed the color as he walked. Looked like something he paid big money for. Funny I thought only homosexuals were that particular about their precious locks.

I didn't get a good enough view of his face to describe it in detail. He couldn't have been much older than me though because his overall appearance was definitely something from my generation. His scent had shot up my nostril as he so rudely collided with me, smelled like something you got at Abercrombie. Should a known. Asshole scented cologne to match his asshole overpriced hair color.

His hoity-toity loafers hit the marble flooring one right after the other. They complemented the gray pea coat and tight jeans he wore, not electric boy band tight, but model tight. Fitted I suppose you could say. The whole picture cemented my fancying him as a total fruitcake.

He never turned to meet my cold stare. I just kept watching him walking away, stunned by his complete lack of manners.

What an asshole.

I shook my head and thought a moment on what the hell was wrong with the world these days. He didn't even apologize, it infuriated me. That guy had definitely made the list. One of these days I was going to receive a get out of jail free card so that I could murder anyone of my choosing, that prick had just earned himself a one way ticket to the top of the bill.

I turned to see that the elevator door was starting to close so I extended my hand and hurried to stop it, stepping in and finally completing my annoyingly strenuous journey onto the damn thing.

I let out a long breath as I tried remembering what floor the ICU was on, no one had informed me of where Dr. Cullen was located in this god forsaken place, so I was just winging it. I decided to press four for good measure. The thought of possibly checking a sign or two had escaped me. I felt like a royal idiot.

As the floors dinged away, the feeling of the gravitational pull shifting that happens when you're on an elevator reminded me of something, then I realized that it felt much like when I had kissed Alice. As if my soul had left my body for a brief period. Like I had been lifted into the air just to be released at the right altitude.

The image played again in my head at the reoccurring sensation. Her beautiful lips that I had swollen with my teeth, her smell of strawberries and honeysuckles that invaded my nose and completely engulfed me into the beautiful sea of all that was Alice.

I caught myself as these thoughts passed through my head, fuck, I was starting to think like such a mo. Maybe I could catch that guy downstairs and we could hit up the fairy club together. I inwardly laughed at the suggestion. Over my maggot eaten decaying dead body.

After I had stepped off I made my way to the closest nurses station, I finally found one and asked a woman who was middle aged but carried a polite smile. Her heart shaped face was topped with some serious curly red hair, it was like fire springing out in every direction. Her face was set off by a small pattern of wrinkles. She was the type of woman who didn't need makeup to look beautiful, even in her older age. Her name tag read "Victoria". She seemed nice enough on the outside and when she spoke it confirmed her apparent gentle nature.

"Oh honey, no, I'm sorry, you are only one floor away though, try level 5." Her smile never betrayed her face. It made me wish I could stay around her inviting aura all day. Definitely an improvement over Mr. Twinkle-toes earlier. I knew I had to focus on the situation at hand though. So onward I pressed.

This ordeal had quickly turned into an exhausting task. I was about to resign and just wait for her at the apartment. Its not likely they would be that excited to see me, this was a family matter and I had no place being here.

Suddenly Alice's hopeless expression from earlier registered in my memory again. This time I had to hold my chest for a second while the image attacked it remorselessly.

That's it. I wasn't leaving here until I at least made sure she was okay. Just one quick "hey hows things" and like meaning in a Beavis and Butt-head episode, I'd be out of this bitch.

I made my way back to the elevator bank and then up to level 5. As I arrived onto the floor Esme was walking towards me. I stopped her with a gentle tug.

"Hey Esme, whats going on?" I tried not to sound too frantic, inside the worry was boiling over.

Her eyes seemed tired and withdrawn, her expression when she realized who I was changed into one of disapproval. Great, even when the woman was in turmoil she still kept her hostility towards me in tact.

With a tone that I didn't appreciate, she finally answered my question, "Carlisle's angina acted up suddenly, he was in a lot of pain, he'll be fine, it was a little sketchy for a while because no one around this hospital knew how severe it was, took forever for them to get the tests back, bunch of brainless apes if you ask me."

At least this was good news, even if she had a bad attitude. I had had no idea Carlisle had any kind of heart condition, the pain of being secluded from that information hit me hard and just as quickly left without further registration in my mind. Now my thoughts focused on Alice, I needed to know that she was doing alright.

"Where is Alice?" I hoped, as I inquired, that she wasn't going to give me a hard time. My fingers fiddled with my neck, scratching lightly then moved to my ear, tugging and rolling my earring in a clockwise circle. I uncontrollably flushed as I realized how antsy I was becoming.

She kept the same voice and simply offered "room 34" then her attention went to her Blackberry and I become instantly invisible.

My heart seemed to be my own personal GPS as everywhere I went I felt the pull to keep going in the right direction. I walked down the hall watching as all the numbers as I passed, 32... 33.....

Finally I arrived at 34 and stalled, I didn't want to just barge in, with my luck the whole entire hospital was probably helping Dr. Cullen use the bathroom, making it a public event. Just what I needed, to get a peek at Dr. Mini-Cullen.

I overheard Alice speak then, she was talking almost too quietly to make out, I leaned in closer to the door, flushing my body against it. I didn't want anyone to catch me spying. This way I would be able to just push through in case anyone appeared down the hallway.

She sounded so sad, and that tug on my heart immediately intensified. My body started to get unsteady, it was as if I couldn't control the desire to push the door open. I felt possessed. I was so unhappy with the way this was beginning to make me feel. I was not an uncontrollable person. I had to get my a hold of myself.

Alice left out much dialog as she spoke, a simple "how are you feeling" and "she just went to make a phone call". I strained then to hear what Carlisle might be responding with.

I started to feel silly because its not like she was going to open up the flood gates about our little altercation. Although in my heart I knew that's exactly why I was spying, to hear even the slightest hint that she had something to say about it. I knew she wanted to talk earlier but, I would have rather heard her opinion while she mentioned it to someone else, uninhibited by her relationship with me.

Fearing that I might be intrusive, even if what they were talking about didn't hold any significance, I decided to retire. As I was turning back on my heels about to leave, I heard the faint mention of my name. It fell from Alice's lips and burned through my ears straight to my core humming my conscience to life.

They had started to talk about me.

I leaned back in, quiet as a mouse, I was really interested in what they could possibly be saying. Never in a million years would Calisle be voluntarily talking about me. So I deduced that it was most likely Alice who brought it up.

He was the first one I could make out of the two, he sounded so weak and I felt sad, I couldn't imagine how I would react if Charlie ever was in this position. Laying there surrounded by wires and machines, how helpless I would feel sitting beside him. Paralleling our lives left me unsettled.

"Well, darling, maybe moving out is a good idea, if you're not happy there your always welcome home. You know that, Edward has decided to stay for a little while. He is so stubborn you know, there is really nothing wrong, everyone is making a big deal about nothing."

Moving out? What was this about moving out? I prayed to god that he was not honestly talking about Alice.

Not. My. Alice.

I heard her respond but had to press my ear impossibly further against the door to actually understand

Just above a whisper it came "Daddy, I think we are all just worried about you, we love you so very much. Thank you for the invitation, it really means a lot to me." she paused a second and sighed finally emitting "I love you" all the depression in the world could not amount to how I felt at the sound of those words and how they were involved in this situation. I started to choke up.

He seemed to feel the same sentiments as his voice broke "I love you too princess"

My heart froze and I could almost hear the icy decay as it shattered inside my chest when I finally came to terms with what they had just said.

She was not happy.

She was leaving me.

What was I thinking?

How could this have happened?

My eyes closed tight as I tried processing the gallons of thoughts running a muck in my head.

How is it in such a short amount of time I had managed to make a complete mess out of everything I had going for me?

I've come to the portal of a life that didn't involve my best friend. What was worse was the feeling that this was entirely my fault. My heart felt so hollow now, like some stranger had chiseled away at any interior contained within.

My breathing caught in gasps and I was holding back the beginnings of tears.

I needed to get away from here.

So I took off from the hospital, practically running towards my vehicle. I passed all the sick and dying residents, and in some strange way, I wish I could trade places with them, anything to change this feeling that was now eating me alive. The pieces of my heart flew away in the wind as I ran.

So I ran faster.

When I successfully made it outside I stopped for only a moment to breathe but it only felt as if I was breathing in pure gasoline. I heaved with the desire to feel calm.

People walked around me giving me wondering stares. I just ignored them and started to walk again.

As soon as I had made it safely to my car, I fumbled with the keys as they clinked and protested against the keyhole. Finally giving way I unlocked the door and slid in.

The tears flowed freely now and I was so worked up that it was difficult to steady my breathing. I leaned my head against my steering wheel and tried to revive myself. My hands found my face as I wiped away each pair of new tears.

Nothing had hurt this much, and what was more irritating was that I had no idea what I was getting so worked up over.

It was only Alice, she was my best friend. Nothing more. I cared about her. I knew this. I had let it go to far today, that was not me. This was not me.

If she wanted to not be around me anymore, it was logically understandable. If I had lived with someone for so long and been so close to them, trusted them with every ounce of my life, and one day they decided to go Ellen DeGeneres on my ass, I would probably take the first train to anywhere they weren't.

Still there was this pain in my heart, something I couldn't deny. I struggled to comprehend it. Losing just a best friend shouldn't hurt the way this hurts.

Regardless of any emotion that I was feeling, I figured I should get a move on before someone walked by my window and asked what I was doing. To which my only response would be something along the lines "Oh don't mind me, just having a mental episode. Nothing to see here. Carry On.'" Then of course I would only feel even more like a royal ass. Not to mention a complete lunatic.

As soon as I felt comfortable enough to drive I joined the keys with the ignition and took off, not towards our place, I couldn't be around the home that reminded me of what I had just forcibly slipped through my fingers. So I took the highway that would lead me back to Forks, Washington.

***

We had all been attending college in Seattle so it wouldn't take me long to drive to Charlie's house. Tears stained my face continuously the whole three and a half hours. I must have looked a mess. I didn't care, I needed to be in an environment that wasn't completely construed and unforgiving.

I hadn't turned on the radio at all, I needed the peace and quiet. I needed some time to think. I had hoped to lose myself inside my brain and attempt to figure a few things out. But I found it so entirely difficult that I just ended up focusing on my driving. It was dark now and the light illuminating from my car reflected on the yellow paint on the road and it just kept coming in a steady reoccurring stream.

I was counting them as they passed, it helped the time go by faster than I could believe.

Before I knew it I was pulling up into Charlie's driveway, I noticed all the lights in the house were off, but you could make out a soft glow from the television in the living room.

I shut off the engine and checked the visor mirror for any signs of damage to my eyeliner. Holy hippopotamus, I looked like Marilyn Manson on crack.

I reached inside the glove compartment for some tissues and tried wiping away all the evidence of my emotional breakdown. Satisfied, I finally exited my car and made my way to the front door.

A familiar ringing reacted as I pressed the door bell. I hoped that Charlie was still awake. I wasn't even sure what time it was now, I had been so completely absorbed in my own head that I had blocked the waking world out. Realizing this I searched inside my bag for my cell phone

1:30.

Shit. I got anxious as the colossal mistake I had just made came into a clear view. Charlie was going to think I killed someone. Great.

A few minutes went by and I reluctantly started to feel easier about the time. Maybe he didn't hear the doorbell. Maybe god would give me a two-fer.

I decided that it hadn't moved him. I turned to leave and immediately the door opened. I halted halfway down the first step.

Geez god, thanks for a whole lot of nothing.

I turned on my heel and offered a huge smile in the direction of the doorway. There he was, my dad, rubbing his eye and muddling over a reason for the travesty that had befallen him.

Charlie looked more than disgruntled, his hair matted to one side of his head, He scratched at his chest through his worn out white t shirt. I noticed he was wearing the blue argyle pajama pants I had bought him for Christmas last year. His eyes narrowed trying to make out who I was through the darkness. He cleared his throat and with an almost illegible confusion asked "Bella?"

I tried to sound as cheerful and non phony as possible which I'm almost positive only hurt my cause

"Hey dad!"

I ran out to embrace him trying to keep up the facade that everything was alright, attempting to keep him unknowing and relaxed. He squeezed me back and pulled away from me, immediately searching my eyes.

I rolled them as It came to me what he must think and snapped "I'm not high" I couldn't stand that my actions as of late has been received this way.

He chuckled, his voice was really scratchy. I could definitely tell he had been deep in sleep before his psychotic bitch of a daughter had decided to turn his world upside down. I moved away from him guilt ridden and attempted to mentally come up with a good enough excuse.

"Well then, do you have any idea what time it is honey?" his hands found his hips and he took an authoritative stance. He didn't fool me though. I don't remember the last time a visit from me was any kind of burden to Charlie. Even if I had never came at an unreasonable hour of the night before.

So quickly it came to me that out of my mouth it poured so natural and fitting "Yeah I know, I'm really sorry but Carlisle had to go to the hospital and I didn't want to spend the night in the apartment alone. I just figured you wouldn't have a problem holding me up for a bit"

A small understanding smile came across his face, he couldn't say no to me. Charlie worried so much about me living on my own that I'm sure if I had told him that Alice had left for a few days and hadn't thought to ask him, he would have been furious. Relief came to me finally.

I hated lying to charlie, and I was honestly surprised he ever believed me at all. I always made it up to him by cooking him really tasty meals anyway. And believe you me, I was going to cook him a kings banquet for surrendering me my safe haven.

That thought cheered me up a bit, I hadn't been able to be real kitchen efficient as of late, with juggling my crazy school schedule and study time, not to mention work.

I could almost taste the strawberry scones I envisioned as my first breakfast while visiting home. Suddenly though I was pained again as my folly hit me.

Strawberries....

Then the tug once again screamed in protest to my thinking. It was not a welcome visitor anymore, not that it ever had been, always confusing the hell out of me and making me question my sanity. I was successful at masking my reaction from Charlie. He cleared his throat again and eyed me.

"So.. are you going to come in or have you just decided to camp out on the porch?" his smile came and felt uneasy

I really needed to cut this crap out. I probably did look like I was coked out. I quickly sashayed through the front door, past Charlie and into the familiar aroma of home.

We didn't say more than goodnight after that and I made my way up to my old room. Stepping in I noticed the lights that hung on my wall were lifeless, I reminisced about their welcoming glow and how it always made the world seem magical. I walked over to the outlet and plugged them in, instantly I was exuded with a calming sensation. Finally I could be away in my own world with no disruptions.

Just me, my comfortable bed, and my magic glowing walls.

I changed into some sleep pants I had left in my dresser, along with an old high school t-shirt. I honestly couldn't tell you the origin of the shirt, because I didn't even recognize it but I decided that it was possibly a souvenir from one of Jacobs games.

Remembering Jacob then, I realized how much I missed him, I figured that a Jacob/Bella play date was exactly what I needed to keep my mind off this whole ordeal. I would call him tomorrow and see if coming down to good ole Forks was at all doable.

For now though I needed to rid my conscious of all the dirt that had piled into every crevice, creating a cave of unwanted feelings. I crawled under my comforter and within minutes I was fast asleep.

***

I awoke with a start, the dream had left me with chills and my sheets were soaked with sweat... and something else.

Jesus king of the Nile Christ. Why were my underwear so wet?

A million explanations ran through my head, I had never in all my life wet the bed, not even at slumber parties when your friends would play pranks and stick your fingers in water, not even then.

I examined them hesitantly and could feel my blood raging near the same vicinity.

Then it kind of hit me. Pop-fly right to the temple.

I didn't comprehend that girls could, in all the worlds honesty, really have wet dreams. I had paid enough attention in Health class to understand that a girl could pretty much do everything a boy could do when it came to the fluids category, save the part about creating babies with it, but no where did anyone mention the details of female nocturnal emissions! Sure, you heard about these things every now and then when someone mentioned porn or the like. But never speaking on a reality basis. Not in the real life world.

What on earth had I been dreaming about?!

I sat still for a second and was grossed out. I mean really grossed out. This was sheer perversion. Not to mention embarrassing, because I honestly was not the most sexually adventurous person in the world. These kinds of things didn't happen to me, ever. They happened to the weirdos one would see stretched across your TV screen being interviewed by Oprah.

Just then Oprah's voice rang in my head as a monologue streamed through "So Bella, tell our audience what its like to be the only girl who isn't dating Hugh Hefner in the world to have had a wet dream." Fuck my life.

I spent several more minutes sitting and trying to wake up enough to remember my dream. It was still so foggy that putting the pieces together seemed to be impossible. I rubbed my eyes and decided that sitting in my juices...

As the word ran through my head then, I felt like vomiting. Even thinking it made me queasy, nevertheless getting out of these underwear was number one on my list of things to do. I let my legs fall to the floor and stood straight. I strolled over to my dresser but disappointingly found not one trace of an acceptable replacement. I ran my fingers through my hair and sighed in defeat. Welp, guess I'm going commando for the rest of the evening.

I checked the clock on my nightstand that read 3:48 am.

I gently removed my lower lingerie and hid it under my bed, as I had no laundry basket left in here and didn't want the evidence found out by anyone. Tomorrow I would figure out what to do with them. I replaced my pajama pants and decided that a drink of water probably wouldn't hurt.

But before that, I needed to use the facilities, and ode to my surprise, that was a whole adventure in itself. Seems that my outer labia was completely engorged and sore as all the blood had pumped right to it as I unknowingly dreamed. When the stream came it was neither steady nor releasing, I just felt like I was hit with an unexplained painful orgasm that wouldn't finish itself and give me that last burst of peace. It taunted me and I found myself groaning as it hit me.

I was left breathing heavy and trying to string myself back together. I got up and splashed some tap water on my face. Then I breathed in deep the hand towel that was hanging adjacent to the sink.

Making my way down the stairs as quietly as possible, I noticed the television was never shut off. I crept into the living room and examined the barren space. Charlie wasn't occupying the couch or loveseat, so I cut the power off of the big blue screen.

Just then I heard a bird squawk loudly outside and I jumped in freight, letting out a small surprised shriek, stepping backward and running into the coffee table with my pinky toe.

I started whispering "ouch ouch ouch" repeatedly.

Fuck that really hurt, I began to hop up and down on one foot and held my bruised toe for comfort. Rubbing it soothingly. The commotion I was making did not equal up to a glass of water in my opinion. I was a determined little thing though, so I continued into the kitchen and finally found my prize.

It felt cold and refreshing as it met my tongue. I moaned with contentment. Tastes like victory.

I set the glass down in the sink and headed back to bed, only now I was fully coherent and most likely wouldn't get much more sleeping in. Still, I didn't want to pace around so I resigned to at least tempting another nap before morning.

I tested my sheets to make sure that my panties hadn't somehow decided to be undependable. Satisfied with the lack of condensation there, I slipped back into bed.

Then as if waiting for me to return to the scene of the crime, the visions from my dreams danced again in my mind playing like a movie on the back of my eyelids as soon as I had rested my head down and closed them.

I saw Alice in a black lace bra that had a corset like tie in the very middle, her hips were adorned with matching knickers, I recognized them as the very same pair from the tickle extravaganza.

And I recalled that in my dream I had thought it was so sexy that she had put on this deliciously naughty smile on her face when she saw my expression as I took her appearance in.

Alice strut over towards me and pushed me down onto the bed, just rough enough to make me feel intimidated but also intrigued. She lifted her right knee onto the bed so it was on the outside of mine, lightly brushing up against it.

My face was almost perfectly horizontal with her waist and I got the view of everything that she was displaying. She smirked as she noticed me staring and lifted her arm to my shoulder, lazily letting it hang there for a second while her opposite met her hip bone with extreme authority.

Alice's face started inching closer towards mine. Her eyelids laid gently in a downward cast. She would flutter her lashes a few times and smirk all the while.

I could hear her as she started to speak, although not too clearly because she was attempting a sultry seductive dictation. It was working. The words melted out of her mouth like honey. Successfully encompassing my heart in their warmth.

"Bella"

I swallowed hard with an exaggerated gulping sound to make the effect embarrassingly apparent within the dream.

And with a broken voice all I could manage to mumble out was "Yes?" I sounded like I should be a pimple ridden teenage boy in the middle of my first make out party, being asked if he wanted to spend seven minutes in heaven.

It didn't seem to phase her as she kept her grin in tact. Her eyes were smoldering into mine, daring to dissect my entire reason for being. I clung to the thoughts that were running through her eyes. So expressive and domineering. I was completely helpless.

She moved her perfect face even closer now and finally brushed her soft lips against mine, barely letting me get a small taste of them. She pulled back only slightly and an evil smirk extended from one dimple and ran all the way to the other.

What a fucking tease.

I wasn't letting her get away with something like that, that easy. Without giving her time to protest I grabbed her hair into my fist and pulled her towards me, clashing her lips with mine in a thunderous rage. I maneuvered mine to fit hers, and bit her lip reminiscent of the assault earlier in the day. Deep down in the center of her chest came a small moan, so perfect and so Alice sounding that it elicited a matching one from me.

I dared to part her mouth and let myself taste the entirety of it. Her breath mirrored the way she smelled, they combined into the most perfect sensation. My nose and tongue were in a sensory overdose coma. The taste and smell of strawberries being injected relentlessly.

She moved backed reluctantly to gasp for air, her chest taunted me as it heaved back and forth, dangling like a toy in front of a cat. Waiting, begging to be played with.

Her fingers ran through the baby hairs on the back of my neck twirling them and insisting my head towards the overcast of her bra.

I inhaled deeply, and the intoxicating smell was leaving me with only lust. My lips met her skin and I kissed every inch of the area she wanted me to, her hand on my head guiding me over the surface of her chest. The scent of my breath on her skin as I finished each brand on her left me in a euphoric place.

Breathy and wild she met her mouth to my ear, barely touching to the skin, and begged "Bella... fuck me"

I threw the pillow across the room, and with the utmost frustration, inwardly cursed the heavens. I had definitely had a wet dream, and this was going to be a long night.

_________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Chapter End Note: Yeah don't try and tell me that hasn't happened to you. So I don't want to hear it =]

Chapter 5 is half written. Thank you for your patience. Don't forget to Review