Chapter 5: The End

AN: Okay, so I'm finally finished with my trial exams thank god, for those of you that don't know..it's the final exams of school, before you take the big tests that figure out whether you get into uni or not.. anyway.. point being, I'm back and ready to go. Thought I would add a couple of songs to this, finally getting into it.

Bonkers- Dizzee Rascal

Paranoid- Linkin Park

Shameless- All Time Low

The End- Jason Reeves

EPOV

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

I wanted to hit something and breakdown into an emotional wreck, What like the fucking girl you are? Shit. Am I always such a bipolar maniac? Maybe Rosalie wasn't being a bitch, maybe there was some truth in my mood swings giving her "fucking whiplash" as she so eloquently put it.

Seriously what the fuck is wrong with me? I am one seriously fucked up mother fucker. I go over to apologize and maybe sort out this fucked up thing we have, but I totally lost it once her walls were up. She was never this defensive with me, ever, and well I thought it was because Jakey was right on the other side of the door and I was hurt and confused and jealous and... fuck. Yes I was harsh and cruel, but it was like Tanya and my mother all over again.

Ok I know that is no real excuse, but can I help it if I'm a little insecure? I mean I don't truly love Bella like I did Tanya, or even like my Mother, so there was no reason why I should have... Wait why the fuck would I, should I care about any of this? Maybe it's because you're not a complete asshole and you might actually care about her opinion of you because you like the girl. Wait. What? Do I like my student? She was incredibly hot and fucking sexy, she's smart and intelligent, she has a good sense of humour, and the size of her heart just might rival Esme's, she doesn't like double standards, and she is quite possibly just as stubborn as me. What's not to like? No asshole do you LIKE like her? I tried to dredge through my memories to come up with an answer, I smiled remembering last night. Apart from the biggest fuck up of my entire life she still managed to give me this warm fuzzy feeling that no matter how hard I tried wouldn't contain, and that kiss, I mean it was just a kiss, but it felt so right. Shit I do fucking like her, I mean before I would have just categorized it as in the moment, but now, actually sitting down thinking about it, I do like her and not as I should. Ok well this just means I need to keep my distance, I mean we need to talk, but that can wait until Monday. One day of ignorance never hurt anyone, and I'll be able to gather my thoughts better. Right?

Fuck who am I kidding? I want to just rip my hair out with how insensitive and cold I've been to her; I'm just one big fucking rollercoaster of emotions. I mean firstly she spouts out this whole thing saying she's sorry and that it's her fault, which got me angry, I mean why is she blaming herself? She should be placing the entire blame on me. I mean it was my fault that my mother didn't want me, my fault that Tanya left me, this is just one more thing to pile on Edward Cullen's history of Fuck ups. I mean then I get angry at her, calling her a slut to her face. Why someone couldn't hit me over the head I don't know, I sure as hell deserved it. well I guess someone sort of did, I mean she slapped me and put me in my place, and holy shit if that wasn't the sexiest fucking thing I had ever seen. What the Fuck? Jesus Christ a girl is pissed at me, slapping me for being utterly ridiculous and insensitive and puts me in my place, and it's a turn on? I try and suppress it, but the horny fucker that I am just breaks through, and then her talking about how much she liked my cock I couldn't help it, fuck even now, he decides he wants attention on top of everything that's gone on today.

Everything today is just fucked up, I mean I actually kissed a student on her front porch with a neighbourhood full of gossipers, then when she reminded me of our situation I was a cold hearted bastard. Although, to be fair I thought that Mrs. Clearwater might suspect something because my car was still there, but when she referred to Emmett, my friend Emmett, the biggest goofball and idiot as her superior, I knew I couldn't shouldn't be doing this and I just bolted, yes the most cowardly option was the one I chose. I felt like a god damn prick for doing that to her, leaving her on her front porch after I kissed her, then coldly told her to never address me like that again. I fucking saw the tears in her eyes as I left, I wanted to go back and make it all better and kiss her and tell her that I wanted to make it all better and that I was a prick; then she would hold me, hug me, grab me, kiss me, not before slapping me, for being such an insensitive prick. No I couldn't do what I wanted, and she was probably snuggling up to Jakey crying her eyes out, lucky fucker.

I arrived back at my apartment and slowly made my way to my bedroom. I realised then and there that nothing could be solved tonight, and that I might as well get some sleep. But the problem is, when you sleep you dream, and some dreams can turn into nightmares.

I walked into the classroom and my nose was assaulted with her scent, a scent so powerful to my body that it was dangerous. I walked into the room, there was three of them. Bella was in her usual seat in my class, Tanya was in my high backed chair, and my mother was looking out the window surveying the world outside bothered not to look at my face. I deserved it all; the glaring face of my ex-fiancé, the cold stoic blank canvas of Bella's face, and my Mother's indifference. She turned to face me and all I saw on her face was pain and disappointment. Bella stood up from her chair, scraping the hard linoleum and came to stand next to my mother sneering at me. Tanya also stood up and stood on her other side glaring angrily at me.

There they were the three turning points in my life summed up by three women.

It was my fault my dad left, to never return nor hear from him again, it was me that asked him how he knew he loved my mother, was it love at first sight, how happy were they, I mean why the fuck did I ask those questions, what would possess a seven year old boy to ask such questions. He left and she looked so broken and so disappointed when she looked at me. I was the one that put those doubts in his head and he took off. If it had not been for me we would have survived, we would have been a family. Fuck up Number one.

"I'm sorry mum, I really didn't mean to ask those questions, I know you're disappointed in me, I know I fucked up, but I was only seven," my voice cracked at the end. I could feel the sweat building up. She just shook her head at me, that same disappointed look on her face.

Tanya, it was my fault she never loved me, my fault that she had to go somewhere else to feel loved and special. Could I honestly fault her for it? I had been so angry that she had cheated on me in our bed, just a couple of days before the wedding, but she had screamed at me that I never paid attention to her, that I never made her feel cherished and special, I tried, I really did, I would walk in the park with her every Sunday, we would always go past the place we first met, and I'd always take a photo of us together in that spot every Sunday and add it to my scrapbook that I was going to give her at our wedding. I wrote a song about her, and performed it for her at our first anniversary. I gave her my grandmother's diamond ring, the only thing I had to remember my birth parents by, my grandmother's ring, the one that my mother took off her finger and gave to me to keep safe before dropping me off. I thought I had shown her love, but maybe I wasn't very good at it.

"I'm Sorry I fucked up Tanya, I really did love you, I guess it just wasn't the way you wanted me to love you." I was choking up, tears starting to enter my eyes as she continued to glare at me disregarding my apology.

I flinched away from Tanya, lastly Bella. I did not want to see her face; I was scared of what I'd find. I looked at my shoes, the hurt was too new, too fresh to face.

"Bella I'm truly sorry, I am a sick bastard, that took advantage of his student, I truly think the world of you, and I hope that you will forgive me because I've had enough Fuck up's in my life that I need to resolve at least one."

She said nothing I was too scared to look up, my whole body was clenched painfully and I was ready for the cherry on top; my eyes slowly rose higher and higher, almost unwilling to meet her face.

The room started shaking, and the images slowly coming in and out of focus, a faint buzzing noise was getting louder and louder.

I woke, covered in sweat, shaking slightly, realising that it was all just a dream, but I was worried. My dream Bella had never said anything, and I was too much of a coward to look at her face. After all had been said and done, would the real Bella be the same?

I glanced over at the clock. 7:38. Shit, I really should be getting going otherwise I was going to be running late.

BPOV

Mirror, Mirror on my wall

Tell me who is the loneliest fool of all

Now wait a minute I believe I see

The answer staring back at me

Diamond Rio

That's right, I'm staring at my mirror wondering how the fuck it got so twisted and trying to explain to my angry chest why the foreboding sense of dread and anguish wouldn't disappear. I stare at my face, the faint dark circles under my eyes more prominent from the pale pigment of my skin. I take in the straight lifeless brown hair, the saddened brown eyes, and realise... I look like shit.

When I woke up this morning, I sighed and turned back to my room pondering on what to do today. My eyes surveyed the room, it had been barely touched since I'd moved in with Charlie; I had a slightly newer computer, the bed spread had changed, and the clothes had become bigger, but apart from that, everything was the same, the same old Forks. My eyes caught the figure of a small doll sitting on the dresser. I remembered that doll, I had gotten it from Charlie the first summer I had spent in Forks, and I was 8. Ironically it represented Forks to a t, you were excited when you first saw it, but after a while, it lost its excitement, became a little worn, a little old, and the next thing it's sitting on the dresser in the bedroom you never use, not to be remembered again except in passing every ten years. The thing that scared me the most was the doll. It had long brown hair big eyes, and its face a porcelain frame. I can't be that doll, I refuse to be that doll, and that is what decided my fate. So now I'm staring at myself in the mirror of the school bathroom, trying to prepare myself for what I know is going to be a showdown. The only way to continue through this is to remind myself why it can't continue, despite my teacher being the hottest thing that my eyes have ever had the chance to behold. I refused to be that doll; I refused to be played with to no avail, because someone would get hurt, and that someone would most likely be me.

I walked, slowly but surely toward my English classroom, the blue note in my hand, the blue note that would make or break Mr. Cullen, although he would never dare show it.

I walked up to his desk standing in front, waiting for him to acknowledge my presence

"Yes, Ms Swan?" he asked through gritted teeth

"Mr. Cullen I just need you to sign this, then I will be out of your hair"

He looked up at me; a flash of something crossed his face, before a smooth mask was transformed on his face. Finally glancing at the note he looked at it blankly before his eyes hardened and the grimace returned.

"Ms. Swan please sit, I will need to discuss this with you at the end of the lesson before I sign it," he dismissed me with a wave of his hand.

I sighed, I could understand, but for me it would be too hard to stay in his class. It would either be guilt over what had transpired or disappointment that it couldn't continue, no matter how impossible I knew that sounded, that would make it unbearable to stay in his class. I guess I really hadn't thought it through, I mean Edward- Mr. Cullen had every right to talk to me about this, I just thought it would be painless and easy to switch my timetable so I wouldn't be in his class anymore. If only the other teacher I was getting wasn't Mr. McCarthy, I reckon everything would have been peachy, I mused.

Mr. Cullen started the lesson, asking for our assignments, going around the room to collect them from our desks. I know I probably shouldn't have but I watched him, I watched his interactions with the other people in my class and I never realised it, but he seemed normal when he didn't need to deal with me, he seemed just like a good English teacher should. Maybe it is a good thing I'm leaving the class, maybe I'm just a poor little girl with a crush on her teacher, I mean it's not unheard to have a crush on your teacher, it's just unheard that he reciprocates back. I guess it was a little heat in the moment, three times in a row, but hey that happens, I think. I see him heading towards me; I lower my head so I can watch him out of the corner of my eye without suspicion on his behalf. As he makes his way to my desk I can see him physically tighten up, his jaw is clenched, his shoulders tightening ever so slightly, but his eyes, those forest green orbs are burning. I see those eyes staring back at me and I can't help but follow him, my head raising as he approaches my table. Although he has a blank look, I can't help but see the intensity of the emotions he is bottling up. He reaches for my paper, and I hastily pick it up to give to him and his hand brushes against mine, so soft and warm and...tingly? I see his mask drop, if only for a second, but he looks to be in pain. I hide my face looking down, allowing my long hair to fall in front of my face. I didn't realise it but my breathing had picked up, my heart beating a little fast. I heard his chair scrape the floor and I realised he had walked away, and that the coast was clear for me to look up, just slightly.

My thoughts throughout class drifted in and out of reality. One minute I was paying attention to his lecture on Edgar Linton, Cathy's husband, and his role in the novel, the next I was contemplating every single look, every single touch and interaction that had happened between us. He was always nice and friendly, even sometimes tender?

"Bella, this is great, remind me again why I'm reading over this? I mean you're a natural when it comes to writing"

He was reading another of my college applications, because I was worried that I was just writing boring monotonous stuff. God I was a blushing fool again, but I can't help it if Mr. Cullen looks so sexy all the time I mean seriously.

"Thanks Mr. –Edward"

He chuckled at me grinning, devilishly handsome, I might add.

"Bella, do you always blush like that?" he teased, and I couldn't help but blush a little deeper.

"You mean do I always turn into a tomato?"

He laughed at me, nodding.

"Well I can't help getting a little hot and flustered when I feel embarrassed," I said awkwardly.

He smiled at me softly, "do I make you feel embarrassed?"

"Only when you're praising me, I'm not a fan of the centre of attention."

He chuckled again, more to himself, muttering something.

"What was that?" I asked a little teasingly

"I was just thinking about how you're not going to not stand out from the crowd, especially in college"

"I'm pretty good at remaining invisible," I replied

"Not to me," I heard him mutter, but I don't think I was supposed to hear that. Did I hear that correctly? Maybe he just meant my work, I mean I was a good student, but I guess in the times we've talked I've always been a bit laid back, I mean I guess sometimes I feel at ease with Mr. Cullen, Edward. I'm not used to talking so much.

Maybe I was wrong about being a doll, Edward wouldn't use me, but maybe I'm hurting him, I mean he was in pain when he touched my hand. What is this?

The bell took me out of my haze, and I started packing my things up. Everyone left the classroom and all that was left was the two of us.

We starred at each other for a few minutes, neither one of us daring to speak. He looked at me almost fearful of what I was going to say, I couldn't understand it. I figured we just needed to approach this rationally and maturely. I took a deep breath.

"Edward, it's ok, I'm not going to bite your head off" I held my palms up to show him I wanted to approach this maturely.

He still starred at me, I guess a mute today.

"Edward, it's ok, I know everything was a mistake, I just think that if I transferred out of the class, it would make life a whole lot easier on everyone" I reached for his hand, I hadn't realised I was that close, but I thought that if I rubbed small circles on the back of his hand it might relax him a bit.

He looked at me with a small sad smile and took both my hands in his.

"Bella, firstly, I'd just like to apologize for last night. I was being a complete dick. Firstly I shouldn't have lost my cool and called you names, it was immature and unfair on you, I mean I'm supposed to be the adult here-" I started to say something, but he put his hand up to stop me, "I also want to apologize for kissing you again, my brain was still a bit frazzled after everything that happened yesterday"

I nodded smiling slightly at him.

"I also want to talk to you. I have a confession to make", he paused slightly before taking a breath to continue,

"Bella, I can't help being attracted to you, I can't help but like you, I mean, you're a likeable person, I mean, urgh, this is coming out wrong. What I mean to say is that, kissing you was nice, in fact it was better than nice, but it can't happen again, it shouldn't happen again, and I understand if I make you uncomfortable now, and I won't protest you moving to another class, but I just wanted to ask if you think it's wise? I mean you're already through almost half the content and you want to change teacher, a different style of learning and teaching? I just... I'm not sure it's the best thing for you Bella. If you still however think that it would be better if you left the class, I won't object, and I will sign the form."

I sighed, thinking about it, Edward was right, it's stupid for me to move classes. I guess knowing that I'm not just an easy lay for him, made me feel a little better.

"I guess you're right Edward, it does seem a little stupid to leave the class" I just didn't want to be the doll.

"The doll?" he asked confused.

"Shit, I said that out loud, didn't I?"

"Yeah" he said sheepishly

"umm... well on my dresser in my room is this doll that my dad gave me, and it reminds me of Forks, and well I don't want to be stuck in Forks, I guess you could say I get that from my mum."

"I still don't understand"

"I'll give you a little history, my parents are divorced, when I was three, my mother left my dad and took me with her and I was living with her up until last year. She left because she felt suffocated and couldn't settle down in Forks. She's a little ditzy and wild, but she's not my mother, she's my best-friend, almost like sisters" I smiled at this remembering my mother, "The significance of the doll was one time when I was visiting in the summer, when I had just turned 8, my dad gave me a porcelain doll that looked like me in hopes that I would stay with him. I loved it at first, but it was a porcelain doll, I couldn't really do much with it, and I eventually bored with it. It reminds me so much of Forks. I just didn't want to become the doll with you." I finished quietly.

He looked at me eyes burning, pulling me into his arms, crushing his body against me. It was just an embrace, but it was so much more.

"You would have never been that doll Bella, not to me," he whispered into my ear, I sighed into his arms.

We loosened our grip on each other slightly, not letting go. He rested his forehead on mine, eyes closed, before pulling away to look at my face.

"I guess this is goodbye then?" I asked hesitantly.

He chuckled smiling slightly, "yes I guess it is, at least to Edward and Bella," he said motioning between us. I was sad that I wouldn't be able to call him Edward anymore, he was the only Edward I knew, and it was such a nice name. I knew it was inappropriate, but I just needed to feel him one more time. I was hesitant, but I asked anyway.

"Can I have a goodbye kiss?"

He regarded my face; I could see the indecision in his eyes. He removed one of his hands, to run through his hair, before nodded slightly.

He bent to kiss me again, this time was different. His hands were soft on my face and his warm lips were gentle, unexpectedly hesitant. It was brief, and very, very sweet. It made my heart ache for more, but I knew this was the end. We eventually pulled away glancing at each other, neither of us willing to take the final step, but I knew I had to, for the sake of both our sanities.

"Good bye Edward"

"Goodbye Bella"

I smiled sadly at him, and walked through that door. With each step I took I felt my heart clench just a little harder.

AN: Aww... so they figured things out, although I'm guessing it's not what you guys thought ey? Leave me some love, you know you want to... and don't worry this is sort of their first realisation that there might be more to it than they first thought, just bear with me...it's NOT the end, but I thought that you got to realise that they are unsure of themselves and each other, and that this is a really serious thing to happen. Anyway Review, let me know all your thoughts.