AN: Terribly sorry for the delay but I had killer writer's block, as well as the pain of real life getting in the way. I must also announce with a heavy heart, that I will not post again until November; yes I know it's a fucking long time, and I apologize, and I'm probably going to lose a truck load of readers, but never fear I will still be writing during that time, I just won't be able to update. Don't blame me, blame the shitty thing we call HSC in Australia, the exams that tell you which uni you get into, Life Sucks.

If any of you are interested, check out Edward Masen: Hitman by MissSCullen, in my favourites, I am her trusty beta ;) Another Story i found, was Your Friends and Neighbours by Ava Little, also in favourites, if you are into Forbidden Affairs and stuff, found it out of the blue. Anyway I will have another one shot up soon, which I was going to enter in the Age of Edward Contest, but being the perfectionist I am, didn't get it in on time, then I've been slack and lazy in not posting it up. So I give to you Roman Gladiator Hunkward.

Disclaimer: S Meyer owns the Twilight Saga, I just like to dabble.

Pieces- Ellery

What I've Done – Linkin Park

Chapter 6: Pieces

Week 1

It's the first week without contact, I've come to realise that my world has become an empty shell, I never realised how much he affected me, how much he was in my life. It was customary for me to come by and have a chat about almost anything, of course keeping to the student/teacher relationship, but I truly considered him my friend, and we chatted about our lives and such, I learnt so many things about him during those talks, he wouldn't talk about his family too much, although he said that he grew up with his aunt and uncle, he loved strawberries, strawberry flavoured anything. He started off as a music major, but later switched to English, although he said it was his friend, Rosalie; who was also Mr. McCarty's fiancé, I noticed that his eyebrows were slightly creased in pain whenever i asked about the finer details of college and music for him, I had this yearning to learn everything, but now I'd never get that chance.

That day in class was an anomaly to our relationship, I mean there was always witty banter between us, but I didn't realise the amount of sexual frustration that had built up towards us, that had resulted in the fight in the middle of class.

It was the way in which he was truly sincere and understanding and joking to me that got to me, that i missed and in truth I was upset that what was between us was ending before it had developed into anything else, but I also knew that it was wrong, unwise and illegal.

They say the first week to break a habit is the hardest and then it just gets easier, so far this is the hardest week of my life, I only hope that the constant ache will dissipate, it's all I can hope for.

Week 2

Whoever said it gets easier talks from their ass.

So I had become a little weak, I've acquired a new skill, people watching,

Well I guess its more Edward watching.

It's week 2 and already I'm starting to fall apart, and I can't tell anyone about it, Alice keeps bugging me in usual fashion, but I can't, no I won't betray Edward's trust, and yes I've started calling him Edward in my head. It has stuck and no amount of telling my brain no is going to change that. From the moment he said "call me Edward" that day when looking over my applications, I couldn't stop.

At least it has stayed in my head. For now.

My resolve was getting weaker, I could feel it. My brain was no longer functioning properly, when he was near, I think my sense of smell has been heightened, well at least my sense of his smell. I'll admit it now, that it has been two weeks, I'm miserable, we see each other and all that is there, are the small sad smiles, that we allow each other, no more friendly banter, no more witty comments. It was eating me up, I barely communicated with Alice, and I knew I should make some sort of effort towards her, but I was exhausted, it took every ounce of strength to do what I did, maybe next week it'll get easier.

Week 3

It had been 3 weeks. 3 weeks of this torture, not being able to touch, to smell, to stroke, all I could do was to listen. Listen to his beautiful voice, his wonderous small smiles every now and then. It was ironic, that although I had only really held him close once or twice, it had turned into a need a craving that couldn't be filled with much else, and it was all I could think about for the past three weeks. I remembered his crooked smile and his carefree laugh that now had become extinct, although I would never forget his sad voice filled with longing, a sad smile, his eyes holding mine captive, as he said 4 words every time class ended.

"Until next time, Bella"

He would always watch me as I left for my next class. Every day it was getting harder and harder to not beg him for just one more touch, one more smile, just something, anything, but as always I would be strong. Alice was starting to openly comment on my demeanour, and she was worried, although I kept my promise to Edward, it was killing our friendship, me not speaking to her. I needed her friendship, I needed someone to care, someone who would be able to hold me if I were to cry. The pressure was building up, and if I didn't find a release I would explode very soon. He had always been kind to me, always friendly, always considerate, and for once I could talk freely and had things in common with someone, but now that was banished. I couldn't believe how much it hurt, I didn't realise it until now, but this was more than infatuation, more than just a sexy body. I was falling for a man I could never have, and it hurt, it hurt like hell. I needed to talk to Alice.

Alice had started to arrange a girl talk every afternoon, every fucking day since my encounter with Edward, of course I had always refused to go, too scared something might slip out, but I knew she was hurt, I could see the desolation in her eyes as I refused her to instead go home and stare at my small piano, I had stopped playing it was too painful, just knowing that he played the piano. This afternoon, I was going to let her in; I had hope that I wouldn't crack and tell her everything, I had promised Edward I wouldn't.

I sat down next to her in last period Spanish. I looked at her, and immediately her attention was on me. I tried to smile at her, to which her mouth had fallen open in surprise.

"Are we still on for this afternoon?" I asked her quietly

She nodded at me silently, a smile gracing her small face.

"I just want some company Alice," I replied, "I've missed you Al, I don't think I can tell you, but maybe just doing something?"

"Of course Bella, always" she smiled weakly at me, but I could tell her excitement was starting to Bubble. She was fidgeting the rest of the Spanish Lesson, even Jasper, who usually calmed her could barely contain her.

I had decided that I wanted Jasper to come I would feel better if there was a calming force in the room. Although Jasper was still fairly new to our usual two-some, I always felt at ease, he liked to joke, liked to have fun, he and Jake were very close when it came to my list of friends.

Once class was over, we all jumped into Alice's Yellow Porsche and made our way to the Brandon Mansion. I was nervous, my palms were clammy, I could feel the butterflies in my stomach and a light coating of sweat dusted my forehead.

We were all led up to Alice's room, and I made myself comfortable on the bed.

Jasper kissed Alice's forehead and whispered to Alice,

"I'll be back darlin' don't push her too hard"

"Jasper, can you please stay, if I'm going to confess, I only want to do it once, since it's the only thing you're here for," I said bitterly, they looked stricken, Fuck this Edward thing really was getting to me. I apologized before they could get another word in.

"I'm sorry that was unfair, I'm just a little stressed, I didn't mean to say that, besides Jasper you are as much my confidant as Alice, please j-just don't judge me too harshly" my voice cracked at the end.

"Bella honey, it's alright, just tell us, everything is going to be alright, we would never judge you." Alice said quickly wrapping her tiny body around me.

"Why don't you start from the beginning Bella" said Jasper

"I shouldn't be telling you this, but I think I will explode if I don't," I tried to beg them silently not to judge, but they remained stoically watching me, "I-I think I might be falling for Edward," I began, but I saw the blank looks, and realised they had no clue who I was talking about.

"Mr. Cullen, I mean," I looked at them my eyes checking their reactions, their eyes had widened, but they said nothing, Alice was rubbing small circles into my hand and it reminded me of him, and then the flood gates opened.

"Three weeks ago, do you remember that detention I got with Mr. Cullen, Alice?" she nodded her head, her eyebrow raised quizzically, this was the first time I had ever seen her so calm.

"Alice, we started kissing," both their eyebrows were raised high, "then it turned into a full blown make out session," their eyes bugged a little more, "and.." my voice dropped to barely a whisper, "we had sex, twice, and Mr. McCarty caught us." The tears had started to fall, and I was now sobbing into Alice's lap.

Alice remained quiet, I think she knew there was more to the story, I figured seeing as the worst was out of the way, and she wasn't kicking me out I might as well let it all out, I was already feeling better.

"He came over to my house, when Jacob was over and started yelling at me, pretty much calling me a slut for having Jacob as a boyfriend, and cheating with a teacher. We then started to make out again, before he left me coldly saying to refer to him as Mr. Cullen only."

I had to stop, they said nothing however. The tears were starting to die down now, and I continued quietly.

"I tried to leave his class, but he didn't think it was a good idea. I said goodbye to him Alice, and it hurt, it fucking hurt"

My whole face became buried in tears, I just couldn't think, couldn't function properly.

"Honey, I'm trying to make sense of what you said. So you were in Mr. Cullen's class, you seduced him, and had sex twice, Mr. McCarthy caught you while in the act?"

"Just after we had gotten dressed and were kissing, Edward didn't say a word Ali, not a word, so I left"

"Asshole," she muttered under her breath, "so then you went home and he came over to your house?"

"He teaches Mrs. Clearwater next door, and saw me with Jake, and thought we were together, I hadn't seen Jake for 6 months Ali, and he was my best-friend before you."

"I know, I know, and so he accused you of cheating on Jake with him, calling you a Slut?"

I nodded

"Then he started kissing you?"

"Yeah, then I asked about Mr. McCarty on what had happened and he froze up and left"

"Is he bipolar or something?" I tried to open my mouth to object, but she pressed on,

"Ok, then the next day you tried to get out of his class and he cornered you, and told you that it was stupid to leave?"

"Yeah, then he admitted that he liked me, but that this could not go on, that it shouldn't have even started, and that we needed to keep our distance, and we said goodbye."

"Holy shit, how the fuck have you kept it in?"

I was surprised, Alice wasn't generally one to swear.

"I know Ali, it's just, it hurts,"

"I know honey, it always hurts love always hurts,"

"What? Love?"

"Bella, can't you see, you've fallen for Edward, hard."

"Yeah, ok I've fallen for him, but I'm not in Love Ali, I-I can't be"

"Jazz help me out here, Bella you've been infatuated with this man for months, I would even hazard a guess and say you were already in love with him before, well at least complete lust, but Edward, he's shown you a kindness that not many others have. Just remember, he's a teacher, you're lucky that Mr. McCarty is best-friends with Edward or you'd be in deep shit. Although to be perfectly honest, I wouldn't mind kicking Edward in the balls, I mean what is his problem?" she continued her musings aloud.

"I don't know Ali," I responded dejectedly

"You know Bella, Emmett, Mr. McCarty is dating my step sister, Rosalie" said Jasper, thinking aloud, "Yeah from what I overheard, Edward has been through a lot, but I think you're making the right choice to stay away, I'm sure it hurts, but hopefully in the long run it'll be better for the both of you."

"Don't worry Bella, we'll look after you"

I felt spent having purged myself of all the anxiety and frustration, and I was really tired, I just wanted to go home I didn't want to cry around them anymore. They knew, but I was unsure as to if they really understood what I was going through, although Alice and I were best friends, I'm always the third wheel to their devoted relationship. I really just needed someone who understood me; I knew who I needed to call.

"Thanks guys, but I think I just need to be alone now."

They drove me home; Alice kept glancing at me looking back from the front seat. I knew she was worried, but I felt like a weight had been lifted off my shoulder and I was feeling better than I had in days, but I knew that this wasn't enough. I sat waiting for him to come.

I was sitting on my front porch; it was twilight, on the cusp of being too cold to be outside, and dark enough that no one would really see me here crying. But of course he saw me, he always saw me, when no one else saw me, he did.

My head was in my hands, my mind foggy. But I heard his voice.

"Bella?"

I couldn't help but hear the pain, the anger and sympathy in his voice. I lifted my head slowly to see him, an almost broken look on his face; I knew it killed him to see me like this. It had been 3 weeks since we had really interacted with each other, and I missed him, I missed his smiling face, I missed the easy laughs, the effortlessness of us.

"Jacob," I sobbed and fell into his arms, my emotions taking complete control of my body. I needed someone to love me for the time being, I needed to be taken care of, and I knew that Jacob would do the job. He held me close stroking my hair as I cried for a love that could never be, and he comforted me without asking questions, like he always said he would. I was truly grateful for Jacob's company and friendship.

"Shh Bella, it's going to be alright, I'm here now."

EPOV

Three weeks, three fucking weeks, I couldn't understand why it was getting to me so. I mean what the fuck was I thinking when I said I wanted her to stay. Okay so I admit I was a selfish bastard, I mean I just wanted an opportunity to see her face after all this, I wanted to see what she did, if she would move on, I wanted to watch what happened, and that would never happen if she weren't in my class, of course I gave her some bullshit about school, but I just wanted to be able to see her face, especially after all the shit that had happened. I honestly don't know why I did it, I could see the hurt, and I'm sure she saw the two facets of interaction in my class, but I just couldn't let her go, even if it had been the end.

That last kiss, it just kept replaying over, and over in my head, refusing to leave my mind, showing me what I had given up, but I knew that it was for the best, not that I cared what happened to me, I just wanted to make sure that she was alright, and I don't think I could put myself up for anymore heartbreak.

But that kiss invaded my thoughts, and stayed with me, evident through the fucking hard on's that were becoming a daily occurrence.

I whacked off when I could, and fuck me it didn't take long, all I had to remember was that kiss, and the memory of fucking her on my desk. despite all the whacking off, my shirts were still crumpled, my tie always askew, the mutterings started.

I knew I looked like shit, I sounded like shit, even acted like a little shit, and I couldn't help it. Emmett even came and talked to me, our relationship was strained, because I blamed him, it was unfair, but like I said, I'm a little shit, looking to blame anyone but myself. I had sunk into pity, but I had to get on with it, I needed to stop this shit.

I was marking papers on my desk, the red pen slowly dying out, but I kept going determined until I got to the untidy scrawl I always recognised as Bella's. I came across Newton, fuck that boy had been a thorn in my side, he was always after Bella, she was constantly dealing with his shit, and what a little shit he was. Maybe a nice F would put him in his place. No Edward, this right here is exactly why you and Bella would never work out, do you honestly think this is what Bella would want you to do? Stupid annoying voice.

I got up frustrated glancing at my watch

7:27p.m.

Shit had I really been at this hell hole for that long? Fuck I'm running late for a lesson for Mrs. Clearwater.

I drove like a madman to get to Mrs. Clearwater's she had always been so nice, that I couldn't bear to disappoint her.

I hurried walked across the lawn, trying hard not to glance at the house next to me; of course I cheated a couple of times. I saw that there was a small window open in the back of the house, that I could hear the faint sounds of a television. I sighed, she was probably not even downstairs, probably up in her room like usual. I must have stopped mid way across the lawn, because the sound of a car door being shut, broke the blanket of calmness, and I jumped slightly. I narrowed my eyes, and could see in the distance, a tall boy hop into the front of a VW rabbit.

"See you around Jake, tell Billy I said hi," came a gruff voice I recognized as Chief Swan.

Jacob was here. That meant Bella had to be there, it took all my will power to not run to all the windows, if just to catch a glimpse. I sighed; I needed to get over this. I continued to walk to the front door, when I heard the strangest sound. It was the soft tinkling of a piano, I thought at first it must have been Mrs. Clearwater, but the timbre was different, it sounded like a much more worn and old piano, than the one I was accustomed to at Mrs. Clearwater's. It was a simple piece, with rich harmonies, and an effortless counter-point. A soft light, voice pierced through the night, poignant and delicate, but like a spider's web, so very breakable. I knew it was her, it had to be her. I stood enraptured on the front door step as the words penetrated through my body.

"Figured it out, I should have figured it out by now, it's nothing but a wish, but we all dream of something greater..."

I could hear the pain in her voice, and I abandoned everything, and quietly crept near that small window, just to hear a little bit more.

"Kept my mouth shut, I should have kept my mouth shut, baby; it's nothing but trouble, although it's had me here before..."

She thought this was all her fault? I wanted to go in there and comfort her, tell her how much it was my fault and she was innocent to this.

"No matter what, no matter what I hear myself saying it's never what I should have said..."

What did she really want to say? I yearned to know her true heart, even if it might kill me.

"Pieces, I'm in pieces, I'm in pieces, I'm in pieces, and I'm invisible"

How could she think she was invisible? I always saw her, every little trip, every shy smile, I always watched her, like the creepy little stalker that I am, and it hurt me so bad to not say something, in fact in the end it might kill me. I saw the tears in her eyes as she sang the song, and I longed to put my arms around her and just comfort her, take the hurt out of her eyes.

I must have made a sound, because she suddenly stopped and turned towards the window, I ducked just in time, my heart was racing, what if she saw me there? Did I want her to find me, so I could tell her how much I cared? She never told me she could play piano, and her voice warm and delicate like summer rain, it had been so long since I've played, sure I teach for a little extra money, but I had never truly played since Tanya, Aunt Esme tried to encourage me, but I simply didn't have the heart, but watching, listening to her, made me really see the true emotions music could portray, I never saw it as a way to vent, but more a way of proving my worth, but that failed like everything in my life.

Tanya, I thought I loved her, hell, I thought she loved me, she wore Elizabeth's fucking ring for me. I gave her my entire world, but it was worthless. She didn't want my world, she wanted Tiffany's and she wanted me to become a famous musician, I wanted to teach, I wanted to have kids and grow old together. When I found her with James, my heart fucking broke and I convinced myself that I was destined to be alone. I could drag Bella into my world, but it just wasn't fair to her, I'd eventually poison her, my own mother didn't want me, my fiancé didn't love me, what hope did I have for a student? No matter how much I wanted her to be My Bella, no matter how much those soft lips called to me, it was impossible, and I fucking hated it.

I heard her sigh as she leant on the window sill looking up into the sky

"Edward, what are you doing?"

My blood froze in fear.

AN: alright you know the drill, review my lovelies, I thought very long and hard about this chapter, and there are several other variations that i wrote as well, I want to make sure this wasn't complete crap, but knowing me and my flip a coin attitude, this might not have been the best, but let me know if you think this was quasi ok...sorry about the cliffy, ain't I a stinker. =D