AUTHORS NOTE: I decided to let you have this as a three chapter fic and it can give you a glimpse into Jackie's thoughts and obviously the conclusion. It also helped me not give into ruining NCIS so you're all my saviours!

DISCLAIMER: I don't own anything and no profit is being made as per usual xD

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[Harder Than You Think]

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She remembered the words that she threw in his face when she had ended their relationship and she did regret them. She had known that she had meant much more to Robbie than any of the other women that he'd shared his time with. Hell, he had never given up his time for any of them! They'd literally got wasted, had sex and then he said goodbye to them! His relationship with her had been so much more and yet she had still been afraid of every single step that had happened between them.

Their relationship had been the best thing to happen to her. It hadn't ruined their work relationship and they had managed to have great times. They shared a passion for dancing, eating and even more importantly, a passion of just being together. They could just sit for hours in a comfortable silence and know that as long as they were with the other that they were fine. She had long since accepted that what she had with Robbie was much more than she had with her husband.

So why had she ended it?

Well that was easy. She had succumbed to her fear that the relationship would hit that itch, that problem phase where they hated each other. She had worried that the happiness that she felt would disappear. She had sensed that it was coming through their continuing bickering over small things such as him leaving the toilet seat up or her using his razor once because she'd left hers at home. She had sensed it was coming and had panicked.

She knew it was the wrong thing to do but she had stupidly thought that if she ended it, she'd be able to remember their relationship in the glory days. She didn't want to give them chance to reach the stage where they did nothing but scream and shout at each other. She wanted to remember the happy times where they laughed on the couch or where he dragged her down to the floor so that he could tickle her or where they didn't have chance to make it to the bedroom before they started to make love. She looked around her small flat and blushed at how many places they had actually made love together and realised that she'd never have that kind of passion with anyone else.

She sat down on her bed and ran her hand over the pillow where he had always ended up sleeping whenever he stayed over. The cold made her heart ache as she laid down on it, her blanket wrapping around her as she remembered what she had said to him that day.

"Why are you acting as if you actually thought this was something more than sex?" She asked coldly hoping that her voice was staying as stronger as the doubting voice in her head was. That voice was really starting to piss her off but she was trying to ignore him as she glared at her soon to be ex-boyfriend.

"Are you saying that's all it was?" He sounded so wounded that she wanted to move over and wrap her arms around him, apologise for her stupidity and promise him that she'd never think it was just sex but she knew that wasn't going to happen. She knew that she couldn't think of anything more better than the make-up sex that could follow this moment but she decided to ignore that and carried on with the facade that she was cold, the voice being neglected.

"Yes. That's what I'm saying it all it was." She said softly before grabbing hold of her jacket and moving towards the door but freezing as he grabbed the door handle and stood in her way.

"I don't want you to go." He whispered and she felt her knees buckle at the words. They might not have been the three magic little words but damn they were powerful enough to knock her restraint.

"Oh give over! You'll forget about me just as quick as you get over all the other bimbo's you sleep with!" She sneered knowing that was just a defence mechanism not to react to what he was saying to her. He stared at her speechless and her heart ached as she watched his eyes fade. She went to say something else when he just opened the door before moving away.

She had run out of that room as fast as she could. The minute she had got into the safety that was her own apartment, she had burst into tears and cuddled one of his tee shirts close to her chest as she realised that she might have reacted too fast. She knew now that he'd never forgive her for what she had said and she didn't blame him. She hated herself too.

Her eyes stung from the tears again and she knew that tomorrow she had to go back to work and face him. She had to apologise. She had to make him see that she hated what she had said to him. She needed him to understand that everything she had said was wrong. She needed him to forgive her and she knew that wasn't going to be easier.

Being in love with Robbie Ross was harder then you'd think.