Chapter 58-

Truth be told, I had seen that day play out differently in my head. Even though I had far fetched thoughts about how Mason would jump into Edward's waiting arms and the rest of the family would forgive me for all the mistakes and hurt that I had put them through but even my delusional mind could come up with what transpired in that tiny hospital room.

**Flashback**

"Edward, I want you to meet your son. Mason," I took him from my father's arms. "This is your daddy."

The room was silent and I could feel every eye looking at me and my son who sat quietly in my arms with his head buried in my shoulder.

"Get him out of here." Edward's voice was low and menacing. I had only heard it like this a few times in my life and every time it scared me.

"What?" I asked. I had always thought that Edward wanted to know his son and be in his life. Now here I was giving him the chance to be and he was asking us to get out?

"I said get him out of here!" He roared as much as he could considering his condition and Mason began to cry into my shoulder. Charlie quickly came and took Mason from my arms, following Alice out the door to try and calm him down.

"What is wrong Edward? I thought you wanted to know your son and for your son to know you!" I was getting angry at him. He had begged me to allow him to be a father to Mason and I had always refused but now I held out to him on a platter. There was no going back now.

"You think I want my son's first memory of his father to be of this broken mess in a hospital bed? You think that I want to answer the question, 'what does your daddy do?' with he is a drunken fool who lost his wife, sons, job and life! I wanted him to know the old me." His voice grew softer at his last words from what they had been prior.

"Edward, he understands that you were in an accident and I didn't really think it would be important to tell him your life story upon your first meeting. I just figured that you would want to meet him."

"Why now Bella? Why not months or years ago? Why now?"

"Because when I got that phone call I thought I had lost you. Edward I never intended to lock you out forever but I have been so scared to come back into your life for fear of being hurt again that I kept pushing it back. This whole thing was a wake up call to me that if I keep putting my fears first then there was a good chance that nothing would ever come of it." Tears were falling down my cheeks once again and I looked around and noticed that we were the only two in the room now. "Mason knows who you are. I have never hidden that from him. Hell he has our wedding picture hanging on his wall by his bed. He knows you are a doctor. He knows he has a half brother, of course all the little details in between I left out but the point is that he knows you and I just thought you would want to know him."

"Bella I think you should go and get some rest. Its been a long day and I am tired." That was all he had to say? Go and get some rest? I glanced up at him through my water filled eyes and I saw his head was turned away from me and his chest was rising and falling heavily. I turned to leave the room when I heard his voice crack a sob before he spoke up. "The hide away key is still in the same place." With that I walked out the door.

**End**

Since I had to spend extra money on the train to Maryland then the flights for Charlie and Mason and money had always been a little tight for us, we really had no other option but to stay at the house because we couldn't afford a hotel for the three of us and the others were still upset I think at me to offer their homes.

So there I stood in front of what I once thought to be my dream home, and I guess in some ways it still was. It was always the house that played out in my fantasy of our lives going differently…how I had originally planned. I heard Charlie walk up behind me carrying a sleeping Mason in his arms.

"You okay kid?" He asked. Charlie had always treaded lightly around me since the whole debacle started but right now I wish he would of just yelled at me to just get my ass into the house already.

"I am fine." With that I took a deep breath and turned the key in the lock. The house was dark and had an eerie silence about it. Before when I used to come home from work and Edward was still at the hospital I would come home to the empty house but it never seemed as quiet as it did right now. There had always been a sense of home before but not now. Now it just reeked of loneliness and despair.

"Where should I put Mason to sleep?" Charlie asked, breaking me out of my thoughts.

"He has a room upstairs with his name on it." I said quietly before making my way to the stairs. Charlie didn't ask how I knew this but rather just followed me silently.

The room was everything Jasper had described it to be, filled with clothes and toys that were fitting for a 6 year old boy to love. Mason was so excited to see that he had his own special room in the house which made the story that I use to tell him about his father that much more real. He had started asking where his dad was when he was about four and he noticed all his friends had a mommy and a daddy, and unsure at the time of how to handle the situation, I lied. I told Mason that his father had a special job that required him to be away for such a long time and that he had to live in a special house far away so that he could do his job properly. I don't think Mason truly believed my story especially since everyone in the small town knew the truth but he always played along.

"Is all of this stuff really mine?" Mason asked excitedly.

"Yep. Your daddy works hard but he still loves you and wants you to have everything." I could feel my tears coming back as I looked closely around the room. Every picture that I had ever sent to the Cullen family of Mason now hung on the walls and Jasper wasn't exaggerating about the birth announcement being framed either. I rifled through the drawers and found a pair of pajamas and helped Mason get ready for bed. Once he was settled I picked a book from the shelf that sat beside the bed and began to read his nightly story. As I closed the book a sense of bitterness washed over me. This was how it should have been from the beginning. I kissed Mason goodnight and shut the door behind me as I left. Charlie was down in the kitchen fixing a sandwich when I came down and offered me some but there was something wrong with eating Edward's food while he laid a hospital bed. I was exhausted anyway so I told Charlie goodnight and made my way back up the stairs. Charlie was going to take the guest bedroom downstairs so I could be closer to Mason in the guest bedroom upstairs. But as tired as I was at the past few days events, I couldn't seem to shut my eyes and fall to sleep. So I soon found myself standing in front of the white door with the name Eddie printed on it. I knew that I shouldn't go in there because it had nothing to do with my life but I just felt drawn to it and curiosity won me over.

The room wasn't much different from Mason's, it still had a twin size bed and shelves of toys and books but what caught my eye was the pictures that hung on the wall in this room, unlike Mason's room they stopped around the age of what looked to be like 3 or 4. With further inspection of the room I could see that the toys no longer progressed with the age of the child who they were intended for but seemed rather to be governed by the still prints on the wall. A sob choked in my throat, as I tried to picture myself in Edward's place. To have given up hope of ever seeing your son again and then having a daily reminder of it every day as you walked down the hallway of your home. I moved quickly out of the room and shut the door tightly before sliding down the wall next to the door and crying into my arms. How had life become so cruel to our family? How could one family be so broken? When I was able to compose myself enough to get up I made my way down the hall to the guest bedroom that was sandwiched between Mason's and the master bedroom. A part of me was curious to see if our bedroom had changed any over the years but I knew that I did not have the strength to explore that dark memory tonight.

The sun was barely filtering through the white blinds when I decided that I mine as well get up for the day since last night had only been filled with restless sleep and tossing and turning against the soft pillows that I had picked out for the room many moons ago. I figured a shower would help to relieve some of the stress in my body and I soon found myself gathering my things for the day to head for the guest shower across the hall. However I soon realized in my hast to pack and catch the train, I had left my bathroom bag at the hotel I had been staying at. I cursed to myself under my breath and weighed my options. I could either go to the store at five in the morning and get what I needed or venture into Edward's room to see if he had any extra supplies. It felt like I was standing there for hours before I turned and twisted the knob on the bedroom door. Unsure of why I actually chose this route, maybe because I was just looking for more punishment for my past actions, but I slowly pushed open the white door and took a step towards my haunting past.

The room was a mess, with empty bottles littering the floor and the sheets thrown askew on the bed but what shocked me the most was the fact that everything was right where I left it. The empty drawers which once held my clothes were still empty and the few little things that I had left behind, like Edward's shirts that I had once claimed as pajamas were still neatly folded in the laundry basket by the window. I slowly walked into the joining master bath and was shocked again to see the shampoo that I used sitting on the shower shelf along with my razor and body wash. These were all things that I had made sure to get rid of in the house because at the time I figured Tanya would have been living there instead but now here they were right where they had always been. The cabinet under the sink was fully stocked too with my makeup and even feminine items that I use. Shaking with disbelief I quickly grabbed the things I needed and rushed out of the room and into the guest bathroom. Not even bothering removing my clothes or waiting for the water to warm up, I stood under the cold spray of water trying to rinse away the heartache that consumed my body.

After my shower and putting my pajamas in the dryer I started on cooking some breakfast with the little bit of food that was in the fridge. It was about 8 o'clock when Charlie came strolling into the kitchen asking if I needed any help with anything but I quickly just shrugged him off and continued at the task at hand. I had needed something to keep my mind busy and cooking breakfast seemed to be a good idea but my mind just kept wondering back to the life that Edward had created in this house. It was life a museum or shrine to what our life could have been and it scared the Hell out of me. Halfway through cooking the eggs, I put the spatula down and called for Charlie. I asked him to finish cooking and look after Mason and before he could even agree, I had grabbed my purse and was out the door.

Visiting hours didn't start until 10 o'clock so I had over an hour to wait in the small waiting room, letting my mind stew with all the things that had recently happened and the things that needed to be said. This was a deadly mix, because the longer I sat in the hard chair the more angry I became at Edward and at life. When the nurse finally tapped me on the shoulder and told me that I could go and see him now, I all but clawed out her throat.

Stepping into the room was different now. There was no one else there to buffer the situation between me and my ex husband. No one to calm us down or tell us we were being irrational. And no one to put on a happy face for.

"Bella." Edward whispered the greeting and gave a small head nod.

"I think I prefer it when you call me Isabella." I said in return because the truth was if he kept calling me Bella then I would cave and forget all the reasons I was upset with him for in the first place. A look of sadness crossed his face and settled in his eyes but he just nodded his head in understanding.

"The first thing I would like to say is, that if you weren't covered in bandages right now then I would beat the shit out of you if that gives you any indication of how I am feeling right now. Second, I don't want any pity party coming from you, so don't try and play a martyr because it will only make me more angry. And finally, this is your one chance Edward to prove to me that I shouldn't pack up our son and take him away forever." My chest was heaving by the time I finished my opening speech, but not from anger but rather fear. Fear that he would just tell me to take Mason and never look back. Because as much as I hated him, I still feared losing him.
"Fine. Ask what you need to ask." His voice was devoid of all emotion just like it had been for those few months before our divorce and it brought a chill down my spine once more.

"What the hell were you thinking? Drinking your life away like you have! Edward you had everything going for you, why the hell would you do something that almost got you killed?" I couldn't keep the emotion out of my voice like he could.

"You know why. I had nothing going for me the minute I jumped into bed with Tanya. Being a doctor, having a family, and hell even being alive just stopped mattering to me the moment I chose to go home with her. And I am not playing the pity card on that one Isabella so don't even say it." I quickly shut my mouth before saying anything. Even after such a long time he still knew me so well. "I don't know how much you heard from the others about what happened with Tanya and Eddie but I know it was less then what really happened because even they don't know the extent of it." He stopped to cough a little. His breathing was still very ragged. "After I lost all custody and chance of seeing Eddie I tried to get my life together. I even went to counseling for about a year, in hopes of showing the judge I wasn't a complete loser. And I had even started hearing from you again and I was beginning to feel normal somewhat. But then I got a call from Tanya telling me….telling me…" Edward choked back the tears and I suddenly wanted to rush to him and stroke his hand to comfort him. But I had to be strong and hold my ground and he had to be strong to say what he needed to say. "Telling me that there had been an accident. Eddie had fallen down the stairs because Tanya had forgotten to shut the baby gate when she had run downstairs to answer the door. He suffered head trauma and slipped into a coma. I went out to Texas to see him but by the time I had reached the hospital Tanya had decided to pull the plug and he passed away. His own fucking mother pulled the plug after only four days in the hospital claiming she couldn't fucking see her son like that. She didn't even let me see him before doing it." The tears now poured down his face and his heart monitor was going crazy. A nurse came rushing in and gave him some medicine to calm him down and I sunk into the chair by the window silently. Trying to fade into the background. Once the nurse left and Edward was breathing evenly again, he turned his head to look at me.

"I had to bury my four year old son and see my other son grow up only through letters. Don't you see Isabella, my life was over the moment I got in that cab."

I nodded my head as my own tears ran down my face. I wasn't even sure when I had started crying but I suddenly felt so sick to my stomach because Jasper had been right. Even if Eddie hadn't have died yet when Jasper came to see me, he was still right. I had been stupid and juvenile about this whole thing. I had caused all of this heartache. Edward may have started the chain of events but I kept them moving and tangling them.

"So that is why the pictures stopped in Eddie's room." It came out as a whisper and I didn't even notice that I had said it out loud until Edward spoke up again.

"Yeah well I couldn't exactly put up pictures of his head marker for each year." His voice was sharp even through the haze of drugs. "I know you are pitying me right now because you could never imagine losing your child but I need you to leave right now and think about where you want your life and Mason's life to go from here because I don't want you to just let me back into his life because you pity me. So go." I just stared in shock at this what seemed to be new and grown up Edward. Even though he was so broken he acted as if he was so put together and on track with life. "I said LEAVE!" He snarled at me when I didn't move but at that I quickly jumped up and left the room. Not because I was afraid of his anger but I was afraid of letting myself feel for him again.