Entry 7
Last night, I had the strangest dream. I dreamnt of Fai in the clothes of the men from the country of Shura. I was so happy to dream of Fai that I almost didn't notice the fact that he was with some people I did not recognize. He looked so happy to be with them that I started to wonder if I should find him and return to Celes. Would I hinder that happiness that I had never truly seen in him when we lived within Ashura's palace? Then I started to imagine staying in Outo... with Ryuo. OH MY GAWD! Am I really starting to fall for Ryuo??!! I mean, he isn't bad looking but... GAAAH! I don't know how to deal with this!!
This morning, I woke up to Ryuo shaking me awake. He said I was starting to cry and yell out in my sleep that woke him up from the room he was in down the hall. I told him I simply had a nightmare and that I was fine, but he didn't buy that. It was really out of the norm for me to experience him holding me while I cried. I knew he knew I was lying to not worry him. Just like Fai used to do for me, but this time it felt different. When it was Fai, he felt like someone I could rely on for just about anything... like a brother would, I guess would be the right description. But with Ryuo... I don't know. I felt like nothing bad would ever happen to me if I stayed like that. I guess I really do fancy him. But I don't know the signs of love so I'm scared to assosiate the word with these feelings. But then again, I do remember talking to Fai about the subject and him telling me, "If you really love someone with all your heart, if you can imagine them dying and find yourself unable to breathe and in complete despair, then you must be in love."
I imagined losing Ryuo and I don't ever want to feel what I felt at that moment, even if it was just my imagination! I'd rather die then lost him. But I know it must be completely one-sided love. Ryuo could never want me, not when all I am is an alias for a country. Besides, my wings could carry me to the next world at any given moment. But I do wonder about what would be Ryuo's reaction if I did tell him everything. Maybe I should try tomorrow... Wow! Look at me! I met this guy only two days ago and here I am, writing about my feelings for him. Wow!
NO! I might not last here in Outo long enough. I'm not going to risk my time. I'll take the risk and tell him tonight!!!
Hopefully, he'll accept it as well as me. Because I don't know if I could handle him hating me for my circumstances. Let's hope for the best
-Lae