Chapter 3

Bella

I had been so lost in my memories that I hadn't realized how far I had walked already. I looked up to see the old playground before me. Jacob and I had spent most of our time here when we were children. Visions of him and I swinging and laughing flashed through my mind. I smiled slightly in spite of the ache that the memories brought to my heart. I wished now that I could go back to that time. Everything was easy then, there were no complications then. I missed those far off times. I missed Jacob.

The playground looked as though it hadn't been used in a couple years. Being in the age of video games and text messaging, I guessed kids had no desire to play outdoors anymore. I walked over to the old and rusted swing set. I sat down on one of the old swings carefully. With my luck the chains would be so rusted through that they would snap under my weight and I would fall and break my leg or maybe cut myself and get tetanus or something. I sat there quietly, swaying slightly. I glanced over at the empty swing beside me. I reached over to it and pushed it causing it to rock back and forth. I started to swing on my own, keeping pace with the empty swing beside me. A memory of Jake and I having our old swinging contests flashed through my mind. I could almost see his smiling face…hear his infectious laugh. We had been inseparable then. Our fathers used to joke that we were two halves of the same stone. It was rare to find one of us without the other close by; up until the day I left Forks with my mother anyway.

My mind drifted back to the day that we said goodbye. In spite of our young age, he had shown such tenderness toward me even then. I remembered him holding my hand tightly in his as we sat here on these very swings. I remembered feeling heartbroken that I was being forced to leave not just the only home I had ever known but also my one true friend, my best friend. I didn't know how I was going to exist without being able to see him every day as I had become so accustomed to his presence in my life. I closed my eyes tightly and exhaled the breath I had unknowingly been holding in my lungs. It was as if Jacob and I had come full circle our fates forcing us apart once more but this time because of our own choices…my choice. I could feel my stomach tying up in knots at this thought. I had been the one to turn my back, I had broken the promise we had made so many years ago. I could feel tears welling up behind my eyes. I loved Edward it was true but loosing Jake made me feel lost, as if a large part of my life was ending.

"I don't want you to move…you are my best friend." His words flashed through my mind. I remembered our promise. I turned around to see if our tree was still there. I smiled slightly when I saw the old evergreen, it looked bigger then I had remembered. I wondered if our carving was still there or if it had been worn away by time. It had been nearly ten years since we carved the crossed arrows into the rough bark…ten years since we had made our promise to be there for each other always and forever. I got up and headed in the direction of the tree. I don't know why but I felt that if I could just see that the arrows still existed that somehow everything would work out…that eventually, perhaps, Jake would forgive me and then our friendship despite the circumstances would prevail. I could hear his words like it was yesterday.

"There…now we will be friends forever…no matter what"

"No matter what," I whispered to myself. But when I got to the tree my heart dropped like a stone to the bottom of my stomach. The crossed arrows were still there, but now they had been crossed out by massive claw marks. I gasped and covered my mouth with my hand. I could feel tears welling up in my eyes. I felt as if I had been punched in the stomach. I brought my other hand to the tree trunk and ran my fingers along the deep gashes embedded in the wood. The marks had been made recently as the sticky sap still oozed from the cuts and I could smell the sweet aroma fresh cut pine.

"How could he do this," I thought to myself desperately.

Jacob

I stood among the trees watching her from a distance. She was sitting in one of the old swings, swaying back and forth slightly. She seemed to be thinking deeply about something. I wondered if it had anything to do with me. She was, after all, back at the old playground where we used to play when we were little. I wondered why she had felt the need to come back here after everything that had happened. I wondered if she would even think about the promise we had made to each other so many years ago. Suddenly I flashed back to the events of the night before.

Flashback

(Jacob in wolf form)

I was so angry, so furious that she had taken Cullen back after all that he had put her through, all the danger he had put her in and she was still in. I had come to this playground because I was consumed by her. I longed for the closeness we had shared. The crossed arrows in the evergreen tree was the only reminder left of our friendship. It was proof that our friendship was real and true no matter what happened. But when I saw the arrows still evident in the trunk of the tree I had become enraged. I was so angry that Cullen had taken her from me…had turned her against me. He didn't even know her the way that I did…love her the way that I do. I couldn't bear to look at the carvings any longer I slashed the tree with my sharp claws in anger and frustration. It didn't matter anymore. She had made her choice. Our friendship was over and so was any chance of my telling her how I truly felt about her. It was too late to tell her that I was in love with her.

End flashback

As I watched her from the shadows, I saw her look to her side. She gazed at the empty swing beside her and frowned slightly. She reached her hand out to the swing, pushed it lightly and then watched as it rocked back and forth. She then turned and gazed behind her in the direction of our tree. She stood from the swing and walked closer to the old evergreen. My heart froze. Suddenly I was afraid of what her reaction would be when she saw what I had done. She moved slowly as if she were afraid to look. She stopped just in front of the tree and then I saw it, the expression of horror upon her face. She gasped and stumbled backwards a few steps. My heart fell to the bottom of my stomach as I watched her reaction. She reached out slowly and ran her fingers across the deep gashes I had left behind in the wood. She pulled her hand away quickly as if it were hot to the touch. She fell to her knees suddenly and grasped her stomach tightly as if she were in pain.

"Bella," I whispered softly to myself. I wanted to run to her, put my arms around her and tell her that everything would be okay. I wanted to tell her that I didn't mean what I had done but I stopped myself. She made her choice…didn't she? And after this I was sure that she would never want to see me again. I gazed at her longingly, I could see now that she was crying uncontrollably. I cursed myself under my breath; it was killing me to know that I had hurt her this way. I closed my eyes tightly and took a deep breath.

"She made her choice," I reminded myself, "she chose him." I could feel tears welling up behind my eyes. She had made her choice but I still loved her and it broke my heart to see her this way. I stepped cautiously away from the tree line and began to walk in her direction. I needed to talk to her, I needed to explain. I needed to tell her the truth regardless of her reaction, regardless of her decision.

To be continued...