Chapter 4
This song is my inspiration for this chapter.
Disclaimer I do not own 'Say goodbye' it is the property of Skillet.
Say Good bye
By Skillet
Things are changing
It seems strange and
I need to figure this out
You've got your life
I got mine
But you're all I cared about
Yesterday we were laughing
Today I'm left here asking
Where has all the time gone now?
I'm left here alone somehow
Growing up and getting older
I don't want to believe it's over
Don't say goodbye
Cause I don't wanna hear those words tonight
Cause maybe it's not the end for you and I
And although we knew
This time would come for me and you
Don't say anything tonight
If you're gonna say goodbye
Do you remember?
In December
How we swore we'd never change
Even though you're leaving
That our feelings
Would always stay the same
I wish we could be laughing
Instead of standing here asking
Do we have to end this now?
Can we make it last somehow
We both know what we've gotta say, not today
Cause I don't wanna leave this way
Don't say goodbye
Cause I don't wanna hear those words tonight
Cause maybe it's not the end for you and I
And although we knew
This time would come for me and you
Don't say anything tonight
If you're gonna say goodbye
And if it's over
It hurts but I'm giving you my word
I hope that you're always
Happy like we were
Don't say goodbye
Cause I don't wanna hear those words tonight
Cause maybe it's not the end for you and I
And although we knew
This time would come for me and you
Don't say anything tonight
If you're gonna say goodbye
Bella
I was crying so hard that my throat had begun to ache. I couldn't stand the thought of losing Jacob. I couldn't bare the thought that I had hurt him so badly that he would turn his back on me this way. I didn't know what to do. I loved Jake he was my best friend. He had always been there for me, had never let me down and I just threw him away. I turned my back on him after everything he had done for me, after everything we had been through. Jacob had been the only one able to save me (literally) from myself. I had been drowning in my pain after losing Edward but Jake pulled me out brought me back to life and brought me a happiness that I thought I would never feel again…
"Bella," a familiar voice interrupted my thoughts. I turned to see Jake standing beside me. I gazed at him for a long moment unsure if I was hallucinating.
"What are you doing here," I asked quietly.
"I'm sorry," he replied flatly. I quickly wiped the tears from my eyes and got back on my feet. Jacob looked terrible, I could see his eyes were red and watery and that sunny disposition that I had come to know and love was totally absent. He stepped forward coming closer to me and reached his hand out to touch my shoulder. I stepped back quickly. He smirked slightly as he dropped his arm to his side and glared at me unemotionally.
"Do you hate me this much," I asked my voice cracking slightly.
"Hate you," he replied questioningly.
"Do you hate me so much that you would do this…break our promise?"
"Bella," he started.
"You promised you would never hurt me," I yelled, "you promised…"
"I don't hate you Bella," he yelled back, "I hate Cullen, I hate this whole situation, I hate that you chose him over me!" He stepped back a few steps suddenly.
"Jake," I began.
"Stop Bella," he yelled, "just stop!" I had never seen him so distraught I could see that he was trying to control himself trying to keep from phasing again.
Jacob
I stepped back from her as I tried to get in control of my anger. I turned quickly away; I would never forgive myself if I ever hurt her because I lost control. I closed my eyes tightly and took a deep breath. I could feel the rage settling down.
"I don't hate you Bella," I repeated trying desperately to remain calm. I turned back to face her.
"Then why did you do this," she asked motioning to our tree, "why would you intentionally hurt me like this?"
"You hurt me first," I snapped back. I gazed at her watching the tears streaming down her face. My heart was breaking to see her like that. I felt as though I was being torn apart inside. I just wanted to hold her in my arms and forget about everything that had happened, kiss her softly and tell her everything was going to be okay.
"Listen to me Bella," I said coming closer to her. I gazed into her dark eyes. I brought my hands to her face and pulled her closer to me. To my surprise she did not pull away.
"I don't hate you," I repeated, "I could never hate you." I leaned forward resting my forehead against hers. She gazed up at me her eyes full of hurt.
"But we can't be friends any more…right," she said her voice faltering slightly. I reluctantly shook my head. A sudden expression of pain came upon her face.
"Jake," she sobbed, "I don't want to lose you!"
"Why," I questioned as I gazed hopefully into her eyes.
"You are my best friend," she replied, "I need you." I dropped my hands from her face and turned away from her.
"No you don't," I replied.
"Yes I do Jake," she replied, "I'd be lost without you." I chuckled softly to myself in spite of the serious conversation.
"No Bella," I repeated my voice becoming firm, "you don't need me."
"Jake," she began.
"Cause if you did then you wouldn't have chosen to be with Cullen," I spat the words through gritted teeth.
"That's not fair," she nearly whispered to herself.
"Fair," I yelled, "what exactly is your idea of fair Bella…taking Cullen back and keeping me on the sidelines so that the next time he leaves you I'll be there to pick up the pieces!"
"Jacob…" Bella began again.
"You can't have us both," I said as I glared in her direction.
"Please Jake," Bella sobbed, "don't give up on me; don't turn your back on me." I gazed at her longingly, pain immediately taking over my chest.
"I haven't," I replied, "You gave up on me…you turned your back on me when you chose to go back to him."
"So what," she yelled back at me, "we can't be friends because I am with Edward...why because of your treaty, because of your loyalty to the pack, because he's your enemy…am I your enemy too?"
"If you think I would stay away from you because of the treaty, the pack or even that filthy bloodsucker," I replied in frustration, "then you don't know me at all Bella!"
"Then why," she sobbed. I came close to her once again. I gazed into her dark eyes longingly, trying desperately to hold my emotions back."
"I don't want to be friends anymore Bella," I replied softly. I could feel myself trembling and tears began to well up behind my eyes as I spoke. I reached up and gently caressed her soft cheek with the back of my hand.
"Don't you understand," I continued, "it's not enough anymore." I leaned closer to her resting my forehead lightly upon hers.
"I love you," I choked out the words, "you are everything to me...and I can't…I won't watch you with him…it hurts too much."
"Jacob…I…"
"Don't say it," I interrupted her again, "I know your decision…I accept it…but I can't hear you say it."
"Jake…" she began again. I pressed my lips firmly to hers before she could continue. I wrapped my arms around her slender waist and held her tightly against me. I lost myself in the moment, all the feelings I had for her took control of me. I wanted this moment with her to last forever. I had never needed someone so much as I needed her now.
She was everything to me, holding her I felt complete, whole, as if she were a part of my soul. I would have devoted my life to her in that moment…if only she would let me. I pulled away reluctantly. I couldn't lose control like this. I couldn't allow myself to need her so much. She didn't want me…she wanted Cullen.
"Bella," I breathed heavily, "I…I have to go." I turned from her quickly and started to walk away. She grabbed my hand stopping me.
"Wait," she whispered.
"I can't," I whispered back, "Not anymore...I need to go. I was fighting back tears as I spoke. I violently ripped my hand from her grasp and continued to walk away from her. It took all of my strength to keep myself from turning around.
"Nayeli," I whispered in Quileute under my breath. I transformed back into my wolf form and ran into the woods without looking back.
To be continued….