Disclaimer: I don't own anything except for the thing you don't recognize! Song credit to Simple Plan
Yet again I am in a good mood and have decided to post. Thanks again for all of the positive feedback!
"Sometimes I wish I could save you
And there's so many things that I want you to know.
I won't give up 'till it's over.
If it takes you forever, I want you to know
That if you fall, stumble down, I'll pick you off of the ground.
If you lose faith in you, I'll give you strength to pull through.
Tell me you won't give up,
because I'll be waiting if you fall you know I'll be there for you."
Save You
It was Saturday and normally I would have been with my Mom and Cady working on wedding plans, or in my case sitting and listening to the two of them make all of the decisions. I really wasn't upset I had to miss that today; however, I wasn't really looking forward to what I would be doing today instead.
Since it was Saturday and both Paul and Hunter were not working, today was the perfect day for our little sit down. To say I was nervous was an understatement. At this point I think it would have been easier to get me on the Millennium Force at Cedar Point rather than Paul's living room couch. And let me tell you; I do not do roller coasters.
"Are you going to come inside the house or stand out there all day wringing your hands?" Paul asked from the doorway.
My eyes snapped up to his and I immediately threw my hands behind my back to hide them. Then with all of the dignity I could muster I plastered an emotionless look on my face and pushed him aside to get inside. I heard him chuckle, but ignored him as I sat down on the couch.
Hunter was already seated in the easy chair across from the couch; the play pin situated off to the side with Grace nestled inside, Fluffy's ear in her mouth.
"You alright?"
"Oh I am great." I said sarcastically.
"There's no reason to be upset; we're just going to talk." Hunter explained gently.
Oh yeah, he was thoroughly in therapist mode already.
Paul sat down next to me and finally it was time for this thing, whatever it was, to begin.
"Alright, I'm going to be bold and just lay some things out on the table for the two of you." Hunter began. "Obviously there is friction between the two of you and I think that I have identified the source of that friction."
Paul and I exchanged a look.
"Paul, I know it took me longer to realize it than you, but there is no question whether or not Sadie reminds me of Holly; her actions, her skills, some of what she says sometimes. It's a little freaky frankly. The reason I point this out is because you have never properly grieved for your sister Paul, and Sadie is only a reminder of what you have not let yourself accept."
Apparently he wasn't going to give us any time to process what he was saying because now he was turned towards me, already sucking in a breath to speak again.
"Sadie, Paul may not remind you of your Father but the circumstances that you two met definitely did. I know that you know Paul isn't like that, but you haven't properly coped with your feelings either. And since the two of you have been put into close proximity with each other it only makes sense that there would be friction." Hunter explained. "At least that's the way I see things. But I could be wrong."
Silence. The only sound to be heard for at least five minutes was Grace's babbling. I kept my eyes to the floor; I felt that if I made any eye connection at this point that they would see more than I wanted them to see. So I counted the little pieces of carpet.
"He's right." Paul finally said. "About me anyway. You do remind me of Holly. That day in the grocery store… that angry look on your face standing by Grace reminded me so much of her that I was angry that you were there and she wasn't. I know that doesn't give me the right to continue to yell at you, but besides the fact that you remind me of Holly, there is just something about you that irks me."
"Passion?" Hunter suggested.
Both Paul and I practically shot daggers at the guy with our eyes.
"Or not…but what do I know? I'm just a psychology guy, I don't know anything."
"Shut up, Richards." Paul grumbled.
"He's right about me too, but I'm not about to have a little confessional over here. Paul and I had already established the fact that the grocery store incident reminded me of my Father. But yeah… I agree with Paul; there is just something about him that irks me."
Hunter coughed obnoxiously with what sounded like the word 'passion' mixed in there, but Paul and I both chose to ignore him.
"Well, the two of you need to speak to me separately, but I won't get my hopes up about that." Hunter sighed. "Although, I do hope you'll seek me out when you're ready."
"No, I'll do it now." Paul said.
That was my exit cue. I made my quiet goodbyes to the guys and kissed Grace on the head before I walked out of the house and headed towards the ocean.
It was another overcast day in La Push, the ocean breeze cold on my skin as I walked along the sandy beach. I didn't stay there long though; it was too quiet despite the roaring of the waves. I needed to lose myself in chaos, so I quickly walked back to Seth's house where wedding arrangements were being made.
* * *
I was afraid to go to bed. Outside the air was thick and smelled like a storm was approaching. Ever since I was young I had been able to tell when a storm was coming. My parents had joked and said I should be a meteorologist, but I was merely gearing myself up for the long night ahead of me. Before I was forced into bed I'd put a flashlight by my bed in case the power went out and held my stuffed bear extra close. Then when the storm finally hit I'd lay there for a while, until finally it became too much for me and I had to run into my parent's room for comfort. They were never happy about it, but yet one of them would always hold up the blankets for me to crawl under.
But lately I wasn't afraid of the storm so much as I was afraid of the dreams that came with them. I wasn't dumb, I knew that storms were a trigger for those memories that I preferred to keep buried away. If Cady had suspected anything in all the years that we shared a room, she had never said anything, but tonight she kept throwing glances my way as I stared out the windows of the house.
"We usually don't get a lot of thunderstorms up here." Seth mused after the weatherman finished the forecast. "Mostly just rain."
"We do in Michigan, especially early Spring." Cady replied before her eyes shot up to meet mine apologetically.
I looked away after a few seconds and turned back to the book in my lap. It was hard to concentrate, but I stayed up as long as I could reading while the storm moved closer and closer. Finally, around midnight I couldn't fight my heavy eyelids anymore and went to bed as the storm broke.
"Oh thank God you're awake!"
I felt really heavy, and just the act of opening my eyes was tiring. My Mom's face hovered above mine and behind her I saw a man standing there in a white coat. As soon as Mom backed away from me and the bed I was in, he moved forward and started checking the machines that were around me.
"Will she be alright?" Mom asked a bit nervously.
"We'll have to run some tests." He simply replied before he scribbled something down on the chart he was holding.
"Is it alright if I bring her sister in to see her for a few minutes?"
"Just a few minutes, she'll probably be back asleep before we know it; the poor thing."
I had no idea what they were talking about. It was obvious to me that this man was a doctor and judging by the looks of the room I was in I figured I was probably in the hospital. I had never been in the hospital before, but I had watched ER enough times with my Mom to recognize a hospital room.
A few minutes after the doctor left my Mom came back into the room, my sister trailing along behind her. I could tell she had been crying; her face was red and wet with tears. I still wasn't sure what exactly was going on but as soon as our eyes connected I remembered everything.
"Sadie, I-"
"Sadie! Wake up!"
My eyes snapped open to the sight of a much older Cady leaning over me. Lightning lit up the room briefly, allowing me to see the concern in her eyes. It pained me to see how worried she was about me, but I knew she couldn't stop if she tried.
"How'd you know I was having a bad dream?" I asked quietly.
"I got up to use the bathroom and heard you thrashing around." She replied as she sat down on the edge of the bed. "This is getting ridiculous, Sadie. I can't sit back and watch you do this to yourself again. I may have kept my mouth shut when we shared a room, but I can't anymore."
"You knew all that time?"
"Of course I did, I'm your sister!" Cady cried. "But Sadie, you need to talk to Hunter."
"No."
"Sadie, you don't have to live like this anymore. Hunter is a professional; he's not going to make you say more than you want and he certainly is not going to tell anyone."
"I don't have the money to-"
"Shut up, you know he won't charge you. Look, I know I can't force you to do anything but if you were going to buy me a wedding present forget it. I'd much rather you do this for me; that's all the gift I need."
With that said she pulled back the covers and slid into bed next to me as the storm raged on outside. She knew I didn't want to fall back asleep so she started talking. We talked about Seth at first and finally we just started to talk about Grace; I could go on and on about her.
When my eyes opened again it was light outside and Cady was still in bed next to me sound asleep. The door slowly creaked open as I was staring down at my sister and I looked up to see Seth peer in at the two of us. He smiled gently when our eyes met and moved away from the door, leaving me to wake up Cady.
"Cady, I think your man wants a good morning kiss." I whispered near her ear as I shook her awake.
I had learned years ago that this tactic did not work to wake Cady up, yet I did it anyway. But after I amused myself with that for a minute I did the only thing that would get her up when she didn't want to. I blew on her face.
"Ew! You spit on me!"
* * *
Hunter was already gone when I arrived at the house for work. I breathed a sigh of relief at that. I wasn't ready to confront him in any sense yet, especially after the other night with Cady. Instead I was greeted by Paul's smiling face.
My eyebrow shot up in confusion at the look on his face. He noticed and with a laugh pulled me into the living room where Grace was already in her play pin with Fluffy.
"I need to apologize to you for acting as I did towards you. I'm sorry." He stated. "After you left the other day I really opened up to Hunter. And I want you to understand."
"You don't have to tell me anything if you don't want to." I said quickly.
He shook his head, "No, I want to tell you."
I sat down on the couch and waited as he paced back and forth in front of me for a minute before he sat down on the couch next to me. I turned to face him and continued to wait for him to start speaking.
"My Mom died when I was really young leaving my Dad to take care of the two of us. He did the best he could, but he could never manage to fill what Mom left behind. But Holly did, even though she wasn't much older than me she became more of a mother to me than my older sister. We were so close and we grew even closer when our Dad died a year before Grace was born; Holly was already married, but that didn't stop her from taking care of me. So, when she and Ryan died I was able to grieve for him, but I did not want to accept that all of my family had left me in this world alone."
"I'm sorry, Paul." I said quietly as I laid a comforting hand on his upper arm.
"Don't be sorry. If anything I should be thanking you for practically forcing me to confront my loss."
We sat there quietly for a minute before he jumped up off of the couch and grabbed his keys from the side table.
"Well, I'll see you later. I've got work to do on Mrs. Crane's bathroom now. I think her and Mr. McAlister are one upping each other; not that I mind."
I chuckled and watched as he gathered up his things and left the house. As soon as the door clicked shut behind him I started to cry. I really wasn't sure why I was crying, but there I was sitting on the couch tears rolling down my face and dripping off of my chin and onto my T-shirt.
I wasn't one of those loud criers, but my crying was far from dainty. I knew that my face was probably red and nasty looking and I could feel snot dripping out of my nose. I was too wrapped up in controlling the substance coming from my nose that I didn't notice that Grace had stood up and was holding on to the edge of the play pin, looking at me curiously.
"Mama?"
I laughed through my tears, "No honey, I'm not your Mama, but I'll do the best I can for you."
I heard the creak of a floor board and jerked up my head to look at the archway that led into the hall. There stood Paul and he was staring right at me, his face unreadable. I couldn't look away from him; I was embarrassed and afraid of what he was going to do at the same time. My heart was racing and I could feel myself get even hotter than I was before from crying.
"I left my measuring tape; I brought it in last night to measure for curtains in Grace's room." Paul explained as he held up the measuring tape so I could see it.
I nodded and sniffed back the snot I could feel trying to make its way out of my nose. I didn't want to blow my nose; that would only draw attention to what I had so obviously been doing before he had caught me.
"Well, I'll be going now."
I nodded, not trusting my voice enough at the moment to speak. He nodded back and was out the door without another word.