Part 5
VIII
Bonnie would be the last person to deny she has issues with Damon Salvatore. He has basically abused one of her childhood friends – God knows, it is easy to feel protective of Caroline, with all the emotional baggage the other girl drags alongside herself- and started a chain of events that brought her grandmother to her death. She saw him being cruel to his younger brother and shamelessly interested in her other best friend. She knows he doesn't often concern himself with the consequences of his whims, that he is smart, but constantly puts that intelligence to ill-use, that he likes hurting others for his twisted fun and that he most likely doesn't mind the idea of killing again in the near future.
He is crass and honest whenever it suits him, and a suave, manipulative liar whenever it benefits him.
He is handsome, charming and very aware of it, even worse, he rarely shies away from using it to his advantage.
He is capable of compassion occasionally, and the way he held onto his love for Katherine, the same way he tries to love Elena now…is the way every woman dreams of being loved someday.
So, you see, Bonnie is not blind to his faults and she doesn't need to pretend they mean he has no feelings.
She doesn't hate Damon for being that way, but she decided long time ago she was not ever going to like him. That is the root of all her present issues with him, because –however much she has willed herself not to notice- all those random meetings between her and the vampire are messing with her levelheaded resolution.
When they are alone, it's easy to forget all the reasons she should not appreciate his company. He is a brilliant conversationalist and his personality is this unstoppable, magnetic force that eventually grows on you over time.
It scares Bonnie, that she has let herself get so used to his presence to almost take for granted that Damon is part of the natural order of things.
Even worse, she had realized last night, she wanted to be kissed by him. Although she knew his showing-off at the auction was all part of a ploy to get at Elena, that date with Damon felt real to her. She had felt at the time that it was real for him too, but by the morning after she was sure of the contrary.
Feeling anything for him is a betrayal of too many others in her life, but before that, it's a betrayal of herself and everything she has ever believed in. She knows he can't be trusted and it's silly to allow something so volatile as desire to distract her from that.
Desire is a natural reaction, especially to a sexy, older, dangerous guy but one that could be controlled and forgotten on a whim.
Particularly if there's another hot guy waiting in the wings, hounding her for a date.
Hence, she stops stalling and accepts Tyler's offer of 'hanging out'. The witch and the werewolf: it might just be the kind of normal that would work for her right now. They could fit just fine together.
She wears her best tight-fitting jeans, a neo-hippie style emerald shirt and her most contagious smile to meet Tyler at Mystic Grill. She has fun with him for exactly 35 minutes before he gets up from their table to greet an old friend he spotted at the bar.
Bonnie ends up waiting for the next 45 minutes, increasingly embarrassed and willing him to return like she could conjure him up by the sheer refusal to believe he could ditch her so callously.
What have I possibly done so wrong? – She is wondering, angrily scowling at her milkshake until it starts boiling.
"You better get yourself under control, Glinda," The cool weight of a hand on her shoulder brings her out of her trance-like confusion, and she blinks the fury away, startled that she just lost control in a public place.
"Is that my new nickname?"
"It fits."
Bonnie doesn't complain as Damon plops down onto the seat Tyler is supposed to be occupying. A cursory glance across the room demonstrates that nobody is looking at her strangely.
"Did you see if anyone noticed?" she asks, cringing in shame, and half-wondering why he is not already picking on her.
"No," the vampire shrugs jovially, sizing her up in transparent appreciation and lingering on her cleavage. She would complain about it, but after being dumped by Tyler on their first date, it kind of cheers her up, so she crosses her arms in front of her chest and plays the oblivious card.
"Did you want something?" she tries her best to sound standoffish and secure, but her voice is not working quite right. Of all the people she wanted witnessing this moment of supreme social humiliation, he was the very last one on the list.
"Just you." The rich, suggestive tone doesn't really leave much doubt as to what he means and it sends a flush of heat creeping up her neck to her blushing cheeks.
It has to be some sort of miracle that she manages to dissimulate her reaction with a reproachful and firm: "We are not going to sleep together, Damon."
"Yet"
"Or ever"
"Witch, you wound me. That was cold."
"Yeah"- she replies, layering every word with heavy sarcasm- "if you had a heart, I bet it would be broken."
Damon laughs, blue eyes crinkling in genuine amusement. "Oh, Bon-Bon you are just so admirable. Whenever life puts you down, you are still full of spirit, rejected or not."
More determined than ever to not let him see exactly how humiliated she actually feels, Bonnie shakes her head and flashes a blinding smile at the asshole.
"I was wondering how long it would take you to bring that up."
The vampire has the gall to wave his hand in the air in a dismissive gesture, his flawless visage the very mask of annoyance.
"No reason to get all fussy over a little accident. Honestly, how much good taste can you expect from a flea-bitten animal? Your hotness was wasted on him, anyway."
"Hm, thank you"
How else was she supposed to respond to his confusing, abrupt change of tone? What was it, a trick to disorient her? Was he bipolar, or something?
"You're welcome"
A bold hand skims over her leg, before she fights the shock off and violently grips his wrist, digging her nails in and dragging it off her flesh.
"Ow."
"Be grateful we have an audience and I can't set you on fire"
"You know you don't really want to, Little Witch. Have we not danced around all this sexual tension long enough?"
He sounds so serious that Bonnie almost believes him. This is why she bolts up out of her seat, realizing that staying put is only giving him the impression she wants it.
"I'm leaving " She assures unnecessarily, tone more faint than pissed off, regardless of her intentions.
Damon doesn't reply, just leans his chin over his hand and regards her with a mischievous expression she really doesn't care to interpret.
As a matter of fact, she barely manages to get out of Mystic Grill to the parking lot before something gets a hold of her forearm and pulls her toward a narrow space between two buildings, so fast that she doesn't really have the time to resist properly.
"Are you insane?" – she hisses in the face of a very amused vampire-"Anyone could have seen you!"
"I couldn't care less about who sees what."
Resigned to suffer through his antics until he has finished entertaining himself at her expense, Bonnie tugs her arm free of his hold and huffs "Why are we hiding here?"
Splaying his hands on her hips and backing her gently against the wall, he leans forward, wearing a dangerous and inviting imitation of a smile. " I just forgot to give something to you last night."
Suddenly, Damon presses his mouth to hers and runs his tongue over her lips. He kisses her harshly, like he wants to punish her for something, or cleanse her from his system.
And she kisses him back with an urgency she never thought herself capable of.
The pleasure is a liquid, alive thing slithering through her senses and making everything but Damon's taste and touch hazy and unsubstantial. The vampire is clutching her to him in a vice she couldn't escape from if she wanted to, but even that mildly painful pressure adds to the fire igniting in her belly and spreading rapidly to her blood. She has never felt so hot and so dirty at once, yet she can't get enough of it. Her arms wrap around his neck eagerly, bringing him closer, and her body grinds against his roughly as her back is pushed harder against the wall.
The immediate intensity of their mutual response to each other is more than a little overwhelming. Not to mention scary.
Their minds collide as well, and before she can think of putting a stop to it, her thoughts and his are swirling together in a colorful blur of images and sounds. Bonnie can perceive his lust, angry and predatory, urging him to stake a claim on his 'territory'. His mouth slides along her jaw to her neck, relentless and avid, and his fangs brush her oversensitive skin, leaving behind an abraded trail.
His lips lay a wet, possessive kiss on her pulse point and then he pulls at her hair hard and then the sharp, puncturing pain comes as his bite has her vision swimming with tears.
Damon sips her blood slowly, rubbing her back in reassuring motions.
Just a taste – his voice echoes wantonly inside her head-I won't take too much.
Breathing becomes a hard, labored process and it feels like she is at the very center of a kaleidoscope of contrasting sensations and impressions, pleasure and pain entwining so tightly that it's impossible to tell them apart.
Yet, it's difficult to summon the energy to deny him, sensing just how much he craves her essence flowing inside his veins.
Behind her closed eyelids images form and shatter. Tyler, Damon's hand on his arm…Tyler bleary gaze fixated on Damon's. Damon's voice, smooth and imperious: "You will leave now, and tomorrow, you will apologize and you will respectfully tell her that you are not interested in going out with her again. "
Oh, God. No.
A senseless, cold rage courses through every single part of her as her eyes snap open and she finds herself lucid and livid with anger.
Bonnie shivers, hating the numbness of her skin everywhere it touches his, hating the apparent gentleness his hand is cradling her head with, assumedly to not let her hit the wall while he feeds on her.
A blast of unadulterated power shoots from the very depth of her being, shoving the vampire to the opposite wall like he was lighter than a twig.
He collects himself right away, barely staggering as he rises, cleaning his blood-stained lips with the back of his hand.
"How could you do that to me?"
Bonnie feels ridiculous for even saying those words. What did Damon Salvatore owe to her more than to anyone else? This is exactly what he did to everyone: lying and manipulating to get whatever struck his temporary fancy, uncaring of the consequences. Or anyone's feelings but his.
He shrugs, unrepentant grin tugging at his swollen lips, looking so proud of himself that it makes her stupid heart ache.
"Sorry. I'm not exactly known for my unwavering impulse control."
The witch shakes her head, at a loss for words, forcing herself not to give in to the impulse to cry. Not now, not in front of him.
"You compelled Tyler to ditch me," she accuses, closing the distance between them as if physical proximity could convey her indignation better, or give her a better chance to understand why.
"Yeah." He nods after a short pause, unfaltering and unfazed, and her hand hits his cheek so hard that her palm burns, before she can fully register what she is doing.
"I'm not your toy." She seethes, jaw clenched so hard that it hurts, while Damon gingerly brings his fingers to touch his stinging, flushing cheek. Like he still can't quite believe this is happening to him.
"I didn't think you were," he answers, with an emotionless calm she despises.
"What is this about, then?"
It's a challenge that falls on deaf ears, and they just study each other in a tense silence until Bonnie decides to pursue it further:
"What are we?"
It comes out softer than she meant it to, and it doesn't help when Damon snickers, like it's the most absurd thing he ever heard. "Do you want me to define us now?"
"You don't need to"- the witch shakes her head, all weakness ebbing out of her and leaving her hard and empty – "We are nothing. Even considering differently would mean loathing myself as much I loath you."
Unexplainably and unexpectedly, that line seems to affect him more than her slap did. His bravado shatters and for a brief, elusive moment he just looks stricken and lost.
Then a chilly coolness erases every appearance of vulnerability from his handsome features and Damon is once more the vampire she has always known, arrogant and aloof.
It's downright perfect because Bonnie has no problem walking away from that version of him without another word.
Even if his piercing, resentful eyes refuse to disengage from hers, and she can feel them on her back when she turns.
Even if breathing hurts and it feels like her heart is splintering inside her chest.
--
Well, I didn't protect her lineage for generations just so Bonnie Bennett could go and taint it with the first horn dog that swatted his tail at her.
Damon grumbles at himself while he watches her back away from him, her taste still so sweetly poignant on his tongue.
It's a dumb excuse and he knows it, but then again it makes just as much sense as everything else where Bonnie is concerned.
Those feelings he is discovering in himself for the witch are nothing like the burning devotion he has transferred from Katherine to the more deserving Elena. Bonnie's presence usually has a way of firing him up and soothing him at once, just like her willful resistance to him has the power to both irritate him beyond belief and earn his respect.
That hunger laced with desperation Elena stirs inside him is what Damon used to call love, but Bonnie… Bonnie has this annoying habit of awakening a part of himself he thought was dead forever, along with that possessive desire to keep her from death and from suffering, of being kind to her.
He doesn't even understand how it got to this point. When did she begin to matter? When exactly had he lost it and let her in? Damon is only sure that he has never meant to share anything with that headstrong, irksome sorceress, except one night of fiery lust or two, maybe.
Damon can still feel the heat of her kisses on his mouth, tempting him to want more.
He always gets what he wants. So what does he want the most?
Not her death, although drinking her up until the last tantalizing drop would make everything so much simpler.
He wants the witch writhing and begging for mercy underneath him, nonetheless.
He wants to have the power to break her fragile human heart.
We are nothing. Even considering differently would mean loathing myself as much I loath you.
He wants to silence the wrathful ache stirring at the echo of those fucking words inside his memory.
Mostly, he wants Bonnie to quit making him feel like a man.
AN: And here we are, at the breaking point: both Bonnie and Damon are awake now, and while their dates are no longer so accidental, their story is far from over. Since I got a dirty mind –as anyone who has already read my Gossip Girl fics knows well- the rating will be probably upgraded to M in my next updates. Thank you to everyone who bothered reviewing… I tried to get back to everyone but time was not my friend lately…just know it meant a lot, to know what you thought while reading this experimental little tale.