Sam had been worried about his brother. He knew Dean was close to a major breakdown,but he thought that had been worked out in their big fight. Dean had even opened up to him about the burdens he had been carrying. Thinking back on it now,just hurt and angered him. How could his brother do this. How could he just up and leave,with no word. He shouldve come and talked to him, he shouldve let him in. No he thought He shouldve made him talk. He knew Dean wasn't telling him something,but he had been foolish enough to believe Dean had changed, and would eventually share.
When he awakened the next morning to find Dean gone,he could feel the dread in his heart. The second he saw the Impala, he knew it wasn't good. He knew his brother wasn't planning on coming back. Close to a breakdown, hell he was more bent on suicide, and that thought alone made him scared to death. He franticly called his brother,to have them all go to voice mail. He begged, pleaded, and even threatened to paint the Impala pink. When he still didn't get a response he knew that Dean had more than likely ditched his phone. The only reason he still tried tracking it was so he could maybe catch his brothers trail.
Days passed with no sign or word from his brother. He was running on fumes,and his anger turned into rage. He pictured himself giving Dean their dads bitchface,now realizing that is probably the only thing Dean could or would respond to. He felt like a stupid girl for thinking his brother, the king of never sharing his feelings, would change. He wanted to scream at him,and beat the crap out of him,until Dean relented and opened up. Now that he thought of it,that probably is the only reason Dean finally shared. Dean responded to force, more than gentle pleading. How stupid was he to think he had finally reached his brother. He could feel the hot tears run down his face,and he didn't know whether he was more angry or hurt.
Days turned into weeks,and weeks into months. He had Bobby and Cas doing their part to find Dean,but hell if an angel cant find his brother then who can. The only thing Cas could tell him,was that he wasn't dead. Cas was sure if he was ,he would have heard it thru the angel gossip channel. He realized all he could hope for was that his brother found a way to be happy and at peace. That didn't make him any less hurt or angry,but it had been six months now,and it was obvious his brother did not want to be found. The saddness and depression finally set in,and he decided to give up the search. He pulled into a small town, got himself a room and then headed out for a drink.
Finding him there had been purely chance,if he had decided to keep looking he may never have found him. God six long months of worry,anger,and hurt. Six months of picturing what he would say to him,what he would do to him. Six months was a long time to hold a grudge,yet when he seen his brother he didn't know exactly what to do. He didn't even look alive,and he knew it would be a long recovery.