A Taste of Humanity

Disclaimer: Sesshomaru and all characters from Inuyasha are owned by Rumiko Takahashi, not me. This story is for entertainment purposes only; I make no profit from it.

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Chapter 7: Loss & Grief

"…and that was the last time I saw him alive." Sesshomaru finished his story. It was the first time he had ever talked about his father and was by far the longest duration he had spoken for. He had learned to be a demon of few words after his father's death and his mother had refused to talk about his father aside from insisting he was a weak fool and a traitor to the clan as well as his family. Inuyasha had sat quietly for much of the story, asking a few questions to clarify certain aspects of demon society he had never experienced. Sesshomaru was surprised his brother didn't talk more since he always seemed to have something to say. 'I'm the talkative one all of a sudden,' he mused, 'It's as if we've switched places.' He didn't mind since talking about his father had made him feel lighter inside, as if he had finally been relieved of carrying a great burden.

"You really miss him," Inuyasha said softly, phrasing the question more like a statement.

"Yes," he admitted, "For a long time, I blamed you and your mother for his death." His brother looked at him, a brow raised in question. "I've decided it wasn't her fault, nor was it yours. I worry it is somehow my fault instead."

"No," his brother insisted and squeezed his shoulder gently, "It wasn't because you rejected me. He fought a hard battle and was severely hurt when he tried to save us. Nothing you could've done would've changed that." Reluctantly, Sesshomaru nodded. 'He's right. I just wish there had been something I could've done.'

"It still hurts," he whispered, surprising himself at the admission. "We parted on such bad terms. I was so angry at him. I…" His voice choked. He felt tears well up in his eyes and stream down his cheeks unhindered. 'This is pathetic! You are a demon lord not some helpless pup! Cease this foolishness!' the voice in his head sounded more like his mother than his own thoughts. He wiped his eyes trying to stem the steady flow. "I'm the weak fool, not him…" He was surprised when he was wrapped in not one, but two hugs just then.

"You're not weak nor a fool, milord," came Rin's slightly muffled voice as she clung to his waist.

"She's right you know," Inuyasha whispered, his voice seeming to catch. Glancing at his little brother, Sesshomaru saw he was also crying. "Grieving is a natural way of dealing with loss. There is no weakness in it." He was surprised at hearing such a sage bit of advice from his brother. Without realizing it, he raised an eyebrow. Inuyasha chuckled. "Yeah, that's Miroku for you. When he isn't being a pervert, he actually gives good advice." He relaxed, enjoying the support of his brother and ward as he let the pain out. 'All this time I never realized the burdens I carried. I stayed cold and uncaring, thinking I was being strong, yet I was alone, alone in my pain. Now, I have those that care… I have a family again.' Soon the tears stopped and he looked at his 'family'. He still missed his father and probably always would, but he felt the tightness in him vanish. 'The pain is gone. After centuries of bearing it alone, it's finally gone.' He noticed someone approaching them. He pulled gently out of the embraces and wiped away the tears drying on his cheeks. His brother quickly wiped his face with his sleeve as Kagome trekked up the hill.

"Are you three going to be here all night?" she huffed, smiling. "Dinner is almost ready."

"Are we having…?"

"Yes, Inuyasha," she answered his question before he could finish it. "We are having ramen tonight." Sesshomaru had to admit he would be a white blur next to his brother's red one if he had his demon speed. Since he didn't, he settled for striding purposefully towards the hut behind the red blur, Rin and Kagome following close behind.

As he approached the hut, the scent of the cooking ramen seemed to awaken his dormant hunger. Once inside he noticed Inuyasha standing impatiently above the pot. He could tell by his younger brother's grumpy expression that the ramen was not quite ready yet. He watched as Inuyasha plopped himself down by the pot and decided to sit beside him, foregoing his prior spot against the far wall. Rin entered shortly after he settled down next to his brother and was soon curled into his lap. 'She'll be too big for my lap soon,' he realized, slightly upset by the thought. 'Knowing Rin, she'll find some other way to be close to me.' He looked down at his young ward and her bright smile helped cheer him. Kagome finally entered and checked the pot. He watched patiently as she poured cups for everyone. He took his cup and dug in, enjoying the warmth surrounding their small group. 'It's not just the fire,' he thought, 'here in this hut is my family.' A light-hearted conversation started between Kagome and his brother. Inuyasha playfully huffed at her question.

"We weren't trying to kill each other if that's what you're worried about," his brother stuffed more ramen into his mouth as if to deter more questions from her. Sesshomaru realized too late that meant he was the next target for questioning.

"So, Sesshomaru," she asked sweetly, "what were you two doing this whole time?" He glanced down into his cup, unsure if he even wanted to be able to answer her. Rin beamed at her and decided to rescue him.

"Lord Sesshomaru was telling us a story," she said. He was pleased she did not go into further details.

"Oh? What kind of story?" Sesshomaru worried Rin might say too much if he didn't intercept her.

"I was telling them a story about Inu no Taisho," he hoped that would end her questions. He did not want to go into what happened after the story. Luckily, she seemed satisfied with his answer.

"That's wonderful," she said happily, "I'm so glad the two of you seem to finally be getting along." The conversation turned to more relaxing topics for awhile and Sesshomaru suddenly remembered someone was missing.

"Where is Jaken? Inuyasha said you were talking to him earlier," he glossed over the part where his brother had said she thought he was possessed. Kagome stopped eating for a moment and smiled.

"Jaken seems to dislike human villages so he's camped with Ah-Un by the well," she paused to refill Inuyasha's cup for the fifth time, then continued, "He refuses to set foot into the village even though you and Rin are both here. I tried bringing him some food and he threw a fit!" She threw up her hands to express her frustration at the imp. "It seems this village is good enough for the great Lord Sesshomaru, but not his high and mighty vassal." He found this less amusing than the others did. 'High and mighty Jaken indeed,' he mused, 'He will get a few beatings for such insolence once this curse ends.' As dinner ended, the conversation drifted off as well. Sesshomaru stretched lazily, feeling content and happy. A thought crossed his mind right before he started heading to bed.

"If I'm sleeping here, where are you two sleeping? This hut only has one bedroom."

"We've been staying in Miroku's hut," Inuyasha explained, "He and Sango are at her family's village with Kohaku and Kirara." He nodded, satisfied.

"Kagome…?" Rin asked uncertainly as she slipped out of his lap, "would it be ok if I stayed here tonight?" He found himself hoping she would agree. Kagome met his gaze and smiled.

"If it's alright with Sesshomaru, then it is fine with me," she stated, "just don't keep him up too late, he needs his rest to fully recover… and no midnight mochi cakes this time." Rin blushed slightly then looked at him hopefully. He nodded and was treated to another one of her exuberant hugs. A few moments later, Inuyasha and Kagome left wishing him and Rin a good night. Rin left briefly to retrieve her night clothes from the other hut and soon they were curled up under the warm covers. He found the close contact comforting as he felt sleep slowly approaching. They had slept curled together during many chilly nights in the woods, but he had always worn his armor which shielded him from her warm soft body. He found his lack of armor these past few days gave him a new appreciation towards being close with his ward. 'Is it just my human body's sensitivity to temperature?' he wondered. He didn't think so, but he decided he would test it after the curse ended. He let his mind drift to the events of the day and found himself actually thankful to his aunt. 'Would I have been able to finally grieve for my father and let go of all the pain without this curse?' He had a feeling he wouldn't have been able to. He shifted slightly, getting comfortable next to Rin and fell into a deep, restful sleep.