Retreat then Restore...Revisiting the Past
She went away, and now she's back...but how does she explain the fact that she wasn't dead, and didn't kill herself?
Just a word of warning to all...My exams start in May and there's going to be a lot of pressure on me workwise until the end of June. So posts may be sparse.
I am posting like a well oiled machine these past few days, there's inspiration in the air.
'My baby's safe, and you're here. I don't need to cry,' she said.
That sentence echoed in Ric's head for the next few hours, resonating over and over again. He felt pure honour that she was happy that he was here, and that perhaps, being around him made her feel safe.
It was 2 o clock now, lunch had been eaten and Diane had just put Cassie down for her afternoon nap.
Emerging from the kitchen, she placed a hot cup of tea into his hands, gave him a warm and gentle smile, then sat down beside him on the sofa.
'Well,' she said slowly, taking a small sip of her tea then placing it on the table. 'Cassie's fast asleep now, we have about 2 hours until she wakes up for another feed.'
'So we have time to talk?' he asked.
'Yes we do,' she said quietly. 'Where do you want to start?'
'Before we even start to look into the future,' he said. 'I want to revisit our past.'
'Okay,' she said in almost a whisper.
'I just want to know if you felt the same way as I did in those situations, if you saw what happened in the same light as I did. I want some things answered,' he said.
Pausing for a while, he said, 'When you were in medical school, when we were together, and I proposed to you...Did you say no because of Fryer?'
Looking up at him, her eyes glistening, she nodded, 'He took away my confidence. I felt ashamed that I was too weak to fight him off, to stop what happened from happening. I felt dirty Ric. He made me feel like I was always being rolled in the filthiest mud. He damaged my mind; I was emotionally unstable after it happened. I didn't want you to have to put up with my mood swings and my depression, it wouldn't have been fair on you. I felt like I'd been unfaithful to you, and I couldn't marry you knowing what he'd taken away from me. It would've been a completely different situation if Fryer had left me alone.'
'Diane,' he said softly. 'I never did understand why you left me, why you said no. But, after it came out what Fryer did to you, I was beginning to start to understand. But you weren't weak, he was too strong. You weren't dirty, he was dirty. You weren't mentally damaged, he was. You weren't unfaithful to me, he was unfaithful to his wife. I would've supported you, I would've helped you get better. We could've been so happy.'
'I know,' she said quietly. 'We could've had children by now.'
'Yes, we could've,' he replied. 'But everything went backwards....'
'Until Ghana,' she said softly. 'I know how and what I felt then, but what did you feel?'
'So many emotions,' said Ric. 'Envy, lust, grief, guilt, anger, love. Envy towards Owen, he had you, I didn't. Lust because you were there, and we could've made something of the unresolved sexual tension between us. Grief of a love lost, grief for my dad when we were at his grave. Guilt for wanting to take you away from Owen. Anger for not doing something to show you how I felt earlier. And pure, raw love, for you. Because you've always been the only one who knew me 100%, who could read my mind and change my thoughts.'
'I felt the same way,' said Diane. 'Everything would've been so much simpler if we'd just said yes earlier. So much has changed.'
'But can we survive it?' asked Ric.
'We always do,' replied Diane. 'I'm going to be straight with you. I don't know if we should be together, my heart can decide but my head refuses to. I think that we should try. But I don't want to rush things. Because that's where our relationships have their downfall.'
'I understand,' replied Ric truthfully. 'Shall we start with dinner? I'll make us a special meal, wine, candles, flowers, once Cassie's in bed.'
'Sounds good,' she replied with a smile, leaning over to him and planting a small, chaste kiss on his cheek.