Chapter 15

This must be what it feels like to be bitch slapped by the universe.

In the face.

At first Jim is stunned by his newest revelation. He can't think of anyone else that he could possibly be more incompatible with. After all, Spock is logical, calm, and levelheaded - all the things that Jim has never been. Nor has he ever actively sought anyone like this.

But then he thinks, maybe it's not so crazy after all. Spock's a fairly good looking guy. And, more importantly, he is a challenge. And Jim Kirk never backs down from a challenge, no matter how absurd it might be. Or how dangerous.

Jim thinks that an infatuation with Spock is both absurd and dangerous. Which makes it an ideal conquest for him.

But it's more than just a conquest, although it's a first for Jim. He doesn't understand the feeling and he definitely doesn't want to label it, but he knows that, whatever this is, it's more than just a one night stand. It's more than just a fling.

And it's terrifying.

But so obvious. And Jim wonders why it has taken him so long to figure out this...affection, or whatever it is. Because when he looks at Spock now, he can see it clearly, as if there's a neon sign hovering over his head flashing SPOCK IS DAMN SEXY.

The way his face kind of glows in certain angles. The angles and curves of his face. The eyes that express more passion and emotion than he has ever seen on a human face. The adorable, pointed ears that flush green when embarrassed or nervous.

And Jim chuckles at his own thoughts

One could easily argue that there are very few things about the Vulcan that are adorable. Jim doesn't care. It's adorable.

And he wonders what the hell he did to the universe to deserve this. There's possibly nothing worse than falling for someone who will probably never return said feelings. And it's even worse that Jim knows that Spock could snap him like a twig if he ever tried something.

And maybe it's not possible to beat the universe after all. You might win once or twice, but then the universe throws something completely inappropriate and unexpected at you to make up for the loss. And Jim can't help but think that the universe is trying to punish him for being awesome.

But if this is punishment, then sign him up for hell.

Damn it all anyway.

~*00*~

Jim woke up feeling more relaxed than he had in a while. There was something comforting about the open space and fresh air. While Jim loved his job and definitely wouldn't trade life on the Enterprise for anything, there were still things about Earth that he missed. Endless black space was nice, but it couldn't really compare to solid dirt underneath one's feet and wide blue sky above one's head.

Jim smiled and took in a deep breath of fresh air, slowly pulling himself to his feet, looking around their surroundings. In true desert form, there really wasn't much to look at. There was red dirt, pointy cacti, and hills that could pass for small mountains. All in all, not much to look at, but Jim figured that Spock would probably feel right at home.

A flash of guilt flashed through Jim as he was reminded of Vulcan and he shot a glance over in Spock's direction. He was huddled under a mound of blankets next to the long dead fire. Jim smirked. If he found this weather to be too cold for comfort, Jim couldn't even begin to imagine what the temperatures must have been like on Vulcan.

He sighed and ran his hand through his hair tiredly. Shoving the thoughts of Spock's home planet away, he began to fold his blankets and tidy around their campsite. It was too early to start dwelling on such melancholy thoughts. Which, Jim reflected, was probably selfish, but he simply didn't want to start the day off wrong. Part of the point of this vacation was getting their thoughts off of the Narada disaster. Since they had almost immediately jumped into their five year mission, they hadn't really had a chance to just relax and come to terms with the travesty.

Judging by the fact that Spock was still sleeping, Jim felt it safe to say that Spock really needed the rest. He was well aware of the fact that Vulcans didn't need as much sleep as humans did, so the fact that Spock had slept in longer than Jim said more for Spock's condition than any tricorder could.

It was funny how time passed by so quickly when things were going horribly awry. It seemed like an eternity ago since the Organia incident, even if Spock had really just reached a full recovery a couple days ago. Despite this, Jim could still remember the surge of terror that he felt when he had realized that Spock had been missing. It was a haunting feeling that he couldn't really comprehend. He just knew that it left him in a cold sweat on certain nights and left a tremor or fear tracing down his spine if he thought about it for too long. And if Jim still felt this way, he can't even begin to know what Spock must still be going through. He hoped that Spock would do alright with mediation, but he had a feeling that it wouldn't be that simple. There was no doubt that Spock would have several scars, apart from the obvious ones on his chest and face.

Jim watched him for a moment, smiling as he shifted around in his sleep slightly. The top of his dark head was visible from where Jim was sitting, which only caused his smile to grow larger. It was strange to Jim, feeling such a strong affection for someone. But it was undeniable at the same time. Never before had he ever felt a need to go over and run his fingers through someone's hair without any expectations for reciprocation of any kind. Although, he was pretty positive that touching Spock like that would pretty much be a death sentence. Regardless, the desire was still there.

But no matter what he felt, Jim knew that it would be best to ignore any feelings that were more than just friendly. Not only would any advances probably be unwelcome, but Jim was a captain now. He didn't have the luxury to think with his sex drive anymore. He had a feeling that if he messed up their current relationship by trying to push him into an unwanted sexual relationship, things would be nearly impossible on the bridge. Not to mention, he knew enough about Vulcans to know that they probably weren't too keen on casual sex. Which meant he would be submitting to some kind of long term thing. It made Jim want to groan at the thought. He really wasn't a long term kinda guy.

If Jim had been feeling particularly psychological that morning, he would have attributed his loathing of relationships to his mother and her numerous flings. It was hard to put much faith in long term relationships when he spent his entire childhood watching them fail miserably.

But Jim wasn't really psychological. So he decided to blame it on the fact that he just liked sex. A lot. From a lot of different people. Sex wasn't a big deal to him. It was meant to be shared and enjoyed...and then move on. No strings attached. And, as of right now, he wasn't sure he was capable of giving all that up. It would be a challenge.

But then, Jim never turned down a challenge.

He was torn from his musings when his empty stomach made itself known with a loud growl. Jim glanced down at it in wonderment, as if confused by the sound, before standing up to go over to the car. He wished that he'd had the foresight to pack food, but that would have involved planning. And James T. Kirk doesn't plan. And so far, it has worked for him.

He opened the door to the car and quickly fished the map out of the side compartment. He sat on the hood of the car, opening the map and quickly scanning for a nearby city or town. After a moment, he determined that there was a small town that wasn't too far away from their current location. He figured they could go get breakfast, wander around, and then find something exciting to do. Hopefully.

"Jim?" Spock's voice carried softly over from his nest of blankets. Jim looked up towards the sound before standing up and quickly making his way over, map still in hand.

Spock was sitting up, looking around blearily. Jim smiled and turned back to the map quickly. It would be absolutely horrible for Spock to realize that Jim's feelings weren't nearly as platonic as he thought they were. But it wasn't Jim's fault, not really.

For the first time, Jim considered the idea that Spock might not really be a morning person and was just a really good actor. His usually immaculate hair was sticking up in various places. His usually alert dark eyes were clouded with a sleepy haze as he blinked rapidly, an attempt to wake himself up. Indeed, it was the most ruffled that he had ever seen the other man and it was incredibly endearing, in a way. And adorable.

Jim almost groaned. He was not off to a good start if he was going to ignore his growing...whatever it was.

"Did you sleep alright?" Jim asked, focusing on folding the map, partly to avoid Spock's gaze and partly because the map refused to fold properly. He knew that he should have just used a datapad. But at the time, it hadn't seemed authentic enough.

"Indeed," Spock replied, stretching out his arms and gracefully coming to his feet. "It was quite sufficient."

Jim nodded and started to help Spock fold his blankets. He almost laughed when he counted three. There was no way it had been that cold last night. Then again, he hadn't grown up in sauna either.

"So I found a place for us to eat breakfast," Jim said. "There's a small town about thirty minutes away from here."

"That sounds acceptable," Spock gave his assent. After they had folded the blankets, Jim wandered back over to the car to give Spock some privacy to get ready. Moments later, Spock joined him, blankets in hand, looking as if he'd stayed the night in a four star hotel and taken a long shower. Jim was pretty sure that he looked like he'd slept on the ground in middle of nowhere Arizona and he briefly wondered how Spock always managed to look so put together.

In no time at all, they had their few belongings packed into their car and were on the road again. Jim relished of the feeling of being behind the wheel of the car, enjoying the freedom that came with it. He rolled down his window and smiled as the wind hit his face. Out of the corner of his eye, he could see a disgruntled look settle briefly onto Spock's face. He laughed as Spock brought his hand to his hair, trying, unsuccessfully, to flatten it. Spock shot him a glare, a real, honest-to-god glare, which only made Jim laugh harder. However, deciding to appease his friend, he rolled the window back up. He tried to ignore the ridiculous flutter in his stomach when Spock shot him a grateful look.

They arrived in town twenty minutes later, due to Jim's inability to obey simple speed limits. He had been driven mostly by his growing hunger and, once he had parked, it took all of his willpower to not drag Spock into the restaurant. If asked, he would've sworn that Spock was being slow on purpose.

Once they entered, he found, with relief, that it was mostly empty. It appeared that this was a dying town, with only a few locals and passing traffic to cater to. Regardless, Jim was grateful for their existence as they were seated.

"Can I get you guys something to drink?" a server asked, blinking her green eyes at Jim in a manner that was clearly meant to be seductive. Jim did his best to ignore it as he ordered a glass of water. Spock repeated the sentiment and she walked off. Jim noticed that there seemed to be an exaggerated swing to her hips and had to suppress the urge to roll his eyes.

Normally, he wouldn't have minded the overt attention. But couldn't she see that he was with someone? Okay...well, he wasn't with someone, but he was clearly with someone...No, that didn't make any sense either. Either way, Jim wasn't interested. Call it his new preference in company or a change of heart in general, he simply didn't care for her in the slightest.

The server was back a few minutes later, still trying to molest him with her eyes. He pointedly looked away as she asked for their order. Jim ordered eggs and sausage and toast and Spock, after being assured that it was completely vegetarian, ordered waffles.

"You've never had waffles before?" Jim asked in surprise as the server went away (still swaying like a damned pendulum).

Spock shook his head. "Waffles originated from Earth," Spock explained, playing with the corner of his napkin. Jim hid a smile. He had noticed that Spock was rather fidgety when he was nervous or getting into a possibly more personal area of conversation. It wasn't overt or anything, but Jim was getting close enough to Spock to notice the little things. Like the subtle green hue that occasionally crept onto his face, making him look so many different kinds of kissable.

Whoa there. That was drastically inappropriate.

Jim quickly turned his focus back to the conversation. "Your mom never made waffles for you, though?" he asked, but he already knew what the answer was.

Again, Spock shook his head. "My father insisted that I be raised as a full Vulcan. This included the omission of almost anything that related to anything from my mother's home." Spock looked up and met Jim's eyes. Jim almost gasped and turned his gaze away. Spock's eyes were positively smoldering. "I was always given the choice about which path I could choose." Something in his tone belied his words and even his previous comment contradicted the latter.

He had been given the choice, maybe, but it was clear which path his father had wanted him to choose. And Jim couldn't think of a single little boy, human or not, who didn't want to do everything in their power to please their father. Spock's path had been chosen for him, all pretense aside.

Jim felt an alarming amount of sympathy and anger building up in his heart. He couldn't imagine what it would like to be forced to chose between two radically different lifestyles at such a young age. Or what it would be like to be forced to ignore part of who he was. Jim couldn't help but regret that it was simply unacceptable for Spock to be both human and Vulcan. One or the other, no compromise, no real choice.

The conversation was cut short when the server brought their food over to them. Jim didn't even have to glance at her this time to know that she was still attempting to seduce him. Instead, he smiled into his plate, ready to dig in. A hand on his shoulder made him jump.

"If you need anything," she said softly, and squeezed his shoulder gently, "just call."

Jim gaped after her as she walked away. Some people just couldn't take a damn hint. He turned back to his plate, shaking his head in disbelief. He was so caught up in his own frustration that he missed the blatant glare that Spock sent after the young woman.

"So, I was thinking," Jim said around a bite of toast, "we can either go hiking or wander around town or go for a drive today." He swallowed roughly. "Whatever you wanna do."

"I have no preference for our activities today," Spock replied. It was what Jim had expected to hear, but not what he wanted.

"Do you ever have definitive preferences?" Jim asked, trying not to sound confrontational. He really, genuinely was curious. He knew that it wasn't the Vulcan way to be anything more than indifferent, but there had to be some things that Spock was either vehemently for or against.

Spock merely raised his eyebrow and cocked his head to the side, gazing intently at Jim. For a second, he thought that he might have accidentally offended the half-Vulcan, but there didn't seem to be any hurt or malice hiding behind his eyes, so he figured he was just confused.

"I prefer peace to war," Spock finally said, still looking at Jim with his indecipherable gaze. "I prefer calm to chaos...and I believe I prefer your presence to Doctor McCoy's."

Spock's tone had made a careful transition from serious to downright mischievous. Well, as far as Vulcans went, anyway. Jim outright burst out laughing. Who would have ever guessed that Spock had a sense of humor?

"I can't say I blame you," Jim said as his laughter slowly died away. "I am the epitome of excellence, after all."

A small smile seemed to be tugging at the corner of Spock's mouth. "Indeed," he replied dryly, but Jim decided to count it as a personal victory that he didn't deny it. However, he did have to ignore the flutter in his stomach at the idea that Spock might not actually dislike hanging out with him.

"So which do you prefer?" he pressed after a moment. "Hiking, wandering, or driving?"

Silence fell between the two men, and Jim could tell that Spock was probably calculating the safety factor of each idea.

"I believe that I would not be adverse to hiking," Spock said after a moment and Jim smiled a wide smile. Another victory!

"Hiking it is then," he said, suddenly feeling eager to get out and about. He hadn't been hiking since he was a pretty young kid. As long as they were careful about snakes and other poisonous creatures, they should be good. But they would need to stop and find water bottles or something or risk dying of dehydration. Well, Jim would die of dehydration. Vulcans were probably immune to such trivial things.

"Is there anything else I can get for you guys?" the server was back, a small smile playing at her lips. Jim was just about at the end of his rope. There were only so many ways being ignored repeatedly could be taken.

"I find it fascinating," Spock said, unexpectedly. Jim turned to look at him as he continued, "Despite an explicit lack of interest, women seem to be unable to resist your, as you would say, charm."

The young woman glanced at him, a hurt look creeping into her eyes before slammed their bill onto the table and turned abruptly on her heel. There was no sway to her hips this time. Jim looked back at Spock, torn between thanking him and lecturing him for being so cruel. He decided that a simple smile would do.

"Come on," Jim said, leaving their payment on the table. Spock stood moments later and the two of them quickly made their way out of the restaurant. Jim thought that he might have heard sobs coming from the kitchen area, but decided to ignore it. It wasn't his fault that she couldn't take a hint.

"There should be some pretty good hiking locations back where we stayed last night," Jim said as they made their way back to their vehicle.

"Oh my," a breathy voice behind him made him stop. "You're James Kirk, aren't you?" She turned to look at Spock with a critical eye. "And you're Commander Spock."

He turned and was met with the sight of a squat elderly woman who seemed to be brimming with excitement. "It is you!" she shrieked and gestured for some people who were standing a ways behind her. Immediately, Jim and Spock found themselves surrounded by people who would be best labeled as adoring fans.

Jim was surprised at the sudden attention and found that he didn't really like fame so much after all. He was even more surprised when Spock all but shrunk against him, a failed attempt to get away from the several fawning hands that kept reaching for them.

Jim awkwardly pat the elderly woman's hand that she had placed on his biceps and he tried to pull away from her.

"Is it true you saved Earth?"

"What was it like?"

"It's so sad, about Vulcan."

"Are you single?"

Jim tried to tune out the barrage of questions that were being flung their way as he gently began to press Spock backwards. He glanced at his friend and was alarmed to see that his eyes were snapped close, as if blocking out their visual appearance would make them go away.

If I can't see you, you can't see me.

"Sorry, but we have to run," Jim tried continuing his slow step backwards. He didn't know how they had been surrounded by this group of ten crazy women, but he knew that he wouldn't miss them once they were gone. Seriously, he hadn't even thought that this many people lived in this small town.

A small groan of disappointment erupted from the jittery women and Jim took this opportunity to grab Spock's arm and pull him to the car. He half-expected the women to follow them, and was relieved when they merely stood there, watching them leave with awestruck looks of adoration on their faces.

He glanced up at Spock and was relieved to see that he had his eyes open again and seemed to be regaining his composure. He was less pleased to see panic still etched into his dark eyes, though it did seem to be ebbing slowly.

"Well that was...insane," Jim said, opening the door for Spock. To his surprise, he didn't protest. He just shot an unreadable look at Jim before sitting down. Jim slammed the door shut after him and quickly got into the driver's seat.

He glanced at Spock to see him looking intently at him, but a hint of amusement was starting to make itself known in his eyes again.

Spock cracked a small smile after a moment. "And I have a talent for stating the obvious?"

A.N.
Okay, the Prime Directive doesn't make me as mad anymore. Thanks for explaining it to those who explained it.

Marshmallows have gelatin in them and gelatin is made with crushed up animal parts. As a fellow vegetarian, I couldn't let Spock eat them in good conscience.

Thanks for the reviews guys. Sorry that the updates keep on taking longer. I keep getting stuck and then panicking and then having a flash of brilliance and then forgetting. Not to mention, somewhere along the way, I fell in love with McCoy and want him to randomly appear, even if it goes against my current story line. It's horrible, but not. Anyway, thanks for the reviews! You're all awesome.