Chapter 17

It wasn't hard for Jim to find out information about his brother. After running into him in the middle of nowhere Arizona, he had decided that he'd pretty much had enough with nature and they had quickly made their way back to the car and towards the next town. He felt lucky that Spock wasn't much of a pry and had let silence remain between the two of them for the duration of the car ride. Once they reached the town, Williams, they had checked into a small bed and breakfast and settled in.

In that time, Jim learned through simple research, that his brother had been living in Arizona for the past five years, never staying in one place for more than a year. It had been sheer bad luck that Sam was currently living in the town that they had eaten breakfast in that morning. And small towns have big ears and news travels fast. Apparently the arrival of two Starfleet heroes was big enough news that it didn't take long for Sam Kirk to learn of their presence. Jim wasn't the only brilliant person in his family. Sam had probably discovered what they'd been driving and had sought them out. Albeit, Jim had not been able to discover a motivation yet. He highly doubted that his older brother had hunted them down for the sake of insulting him. Or, at least he hoped that wasn't his only motivation.

Jim leaned back in his seat and sighed, looking around the small room, his gaze falling on Spock. He was reading from a datapadd, probably catching up on some of his experiments that were going on back on the Enterprise. Jim smiled and took a moment to analyze the curves and angles of his hands. He quickly shook it off though, determined to hide anything that was less than platonic from his friend.

If Jim thought about it for a second, he felt really bad for cutting into Spock's vacation time. He couldn't imagine that Spock really just wanted to sit around in a hotel room while Jim sat around feeling bad for himself. To be fair, though, there was no way that Jim could have foreseen the blast from his past.

He sighed and put his PADD away. Dwelling on it wouldn't do any good. He just needed to forget about it and attempt to enjoy the remainder of his vacation with Spock. They were just an hour away from the Grand Canyon. Spock would probably enjoy the sights around there. Either that, or he would think that it was illogical to stand around and stare at a massive hole in the ground, no matter how breathtaking.

"Hey Spock," he called out, deciding that asking was the best course of action, "how do you feel about canyons?"

Spock didn't even bother to look up from his PADD. "They are of little consequence. They occasionally provide scientific discoveries, but otherwise are unappealing."

Okay. So the Grand Canyon was out.

It was probably better that way. With his current luck, Jim probably would've fallen to his untimely death. Unfortunately, there wasn't really anything else to do in this part of Arizona.

He sighed and got up, pacing around the room. He glared around the small room, as if it was it's fault that his day had gone to shit. He hated it all. The ugly lamps, the lumpy pillows, the disgusting bedspreads, the horrifying carpet. If he walked into the bathroom, he'd probably hate the tiles and the shower too.

No, Jim thought as he sank down onto one of the beds. It wasn't the room's fault that he ran into his wayward brother in the last place he'd expected to see him, although that didn't make the bedspread any less revolting. Jim wrinkled his nose in disgust and stood up again. Sam had probably been on the lookout for him ever since he joined Starfleet and finally had his chance to say what had been simmering on his mind for years. Although why he thought Jim would ever be in Arizona was beyond Jim. No one likes Arizona. No one.

A sudden noise filled the room, startling Jim. He glanced around and was surprised when the comm console in the room blinked, alerting him to an incoming message. Jim stood up to answer the call, wondering who would be contacting him here. Maybe it was Bones. Yeah, he was probably being driven insane by his ex-wife and needed a reprieve.

So he was surprised when his mother's face filled the screen, an irritated expression on her face.

"Mom?" Jim asked, not able to mask the shock in his voice. He hadn't spoken to his mother since he had joined Starfleet. She hadn't agreed with his decision to go to the Academy, and while she hadn't tried to stop him, she had made her opinion known through the silent treatment. And as Jim reflected on this, he couldn't help but wonder whether it possible to remain civil with your parents once you've grown up. Then again, Spock seemed to get along with his father and he obviously loved his mother. Maybe it was just Jim.

"Jim," she responded, her voice stern, but with an undertone of concern. "Your brother told me you were on shore leave."

No 'how are you?' or 'I'm glad you saved the planet'. Of course not. That would be too easy. However, even more disconcerting was where she had gotten her information. Sam still talked to their mom? Jim felt a strange stab of betrayal that he hadn't thought actually possible. Sam had abandoned them, left without a word. Jim had enrolled in Starfleet. Clearly Sam's was the bigger crime. Yet, when it came down to it, Jim had been the one to be shunned, not Sam. Because that made perfect sense.

"Yeah," Jim said vaguely. From the corner of his eye, he could see Spock looking up from his PADD to look at him with a raised eyebrow. "We had to stop for some minor repairs and updates."

She nodded and fixed him with a sharp glare and, with no preamble, asked, "Why haven't you visited me yet?"

He paused, not expecting his mother to want to see him. Yeah, he and his mom used to have a great relationship before the resentment and hurt set in, but they hadn't been civil for years. And while he wasn't beyond trying to work things out, he wasn't quite in the mood for a heart-to-heart with his mom.

"I'm kinda with someone," Jim said, knowing that it was a weak excuse. He was always bringing people home to the point that it was mostly expected of him. He could hope that she would understand and let it go, though.

No such luck.

"Bring her with you. I'll see you sometime tomorrow," she said and before Jim could protest, before he could explain that it was his first officer, she cut the communication.

Silence fell hard and tense in the small room. Jim continued to stare at the blank screen, frustration coursing through his blood. What was this? Throw random family members at Jim day? This was ridiculous. His mom had no right to make such demands from him. She hadn't had any right to him since he was twelve. Why start now?

"Are you hungry?" Jim finally asked, turning away from the comm. Spock was staring at him, a question in his eyes. Jim turned away from it, not wanting to answer it just yet. He just wanted to get out of the room, out of this state, and, preferably, off this planet.

"I am not opposed to sustenance at this current time," he replied, standing up and putting his PADD aside. Jim felt the urge to bang his head against the wall. It was never just 'yes, I'm hungry' with Spock. Never.

"Awesome," Jim muttered, and stalked out the door, not checking to make sure that Spock was following. As he walked to the car, he took some deep breaths, an attempt to dispel his bad mood. He refused to take out his anger on Spock. Again. Inwardly, he sighed. It wasn't his fault that Spock was such an easy target.

"So where do you want to eat?" Jim asked as they settled into the car, forcing a pleasant tone and a half smile. Spock glanced at him and then away quickly.

"Vulcans have no food preference as the sole purpose of food is to nourish. As long as it adheres to my moral diet, I have no qualms over where we eat."

"Right," Jim mumbled, starting the car and quickly pulling out of the parking lot. It took longer than he thought it would to find food, but finally settled on a retro-diner. A quickly glance at the menu assured him that there were vegetarian options and they took their seats. Jim looked around and smiled at all the posters that were hanging on the wall and the music that was coming from a live musician in the corner.

Turning his attention to the menu, he quickly decided that a burger and milkshake was the only way to go, although he lamented the fact that Bones wasn't here to completely disapprove of his choice. With that massive decision out of the way, he sat in silence, watching Spock examine the menu intently. For someone with no food preference, he seemed to have a hard time making up his mind. Jim decided to keep this observation to himself, not wanting to sound like an asshole.

"Are you guys ready to order?" the waiter asked, looking at the two of them expectantly. Jim glanced at Spock, who nodded slightly.

"Yeah, I'd like a burger and milkshake," Jim said, handing the menu to the waiter. Spock ordered the vegetarian lasagne plate and the waiter took his menu as well, turning to leave.

"Is everything alright, Captain?" Spock asked suddenly after a few moments of sitting in silence. Jim looked up, more surprised at being addressed as 'captain' than the fact that Spock was the one to break the silence.

"It's Jim, Spock," he reminded him, impatiently. "We're on vacation, we're friends, it's Jim."

"Very well. Jim. Are you well?"

Jim shrugged. "Yeah, just a bit overwhelmed, I guess," he said honestly. There was no point in lying to Spock. He almost always knew when he was lying. "How do you feel about a trip to bumfuck Iowa?"

Wait...what? That wasn't supposed to happen. Jim hadn't even consciously decided to comply with his mom's wishes, let alone decide to invite Spock to come along. A trip to his hometown had the very makings of disaster. There were a lot of things that he had left behind for a reason. Things that he wasn't proud of, that he didn't want anyone to know about. Not only that, but he didn't want to go to Iowa, so why in the world would Spock want to go?

But the quiet part in his mind that he liked to ignore pointed out that it might be nice to fix things with his mom. It might be nice to have someone back home, worrying about him. It might be nice to have someone to send transmissions to detailing his latest adventure. And if that meant reconciling with his mom, then he should really consider reconciling with her.

Jim looked up at Spock, torn between looking at him in a pleading fashion and retracting the offer.

"I would not want to intrude upon your time with your mother," Spock replied stiffly after a tense moment, glancing away from Jim's puppy dog eyes.

Jim waved his hand, dismissing Spock's concerns. "You heard my mom," he replied, "you're more than invited."

Spock seemed to hesitate, and damn it if that wasn't the most adorable thing Jim had seen all day.

No. No, Spock was not adorable. Puppies were adorable. Kittens had the potential to be adorable when they weren't gnawing on your knuckles. Vulcans with enough strength to strangle humans without even trying couldn't be adorable. Ever. It went against their very nature.

Still...there was something about the pointy ears-

No.

"And I would not be imposing upon you or your mother?" Spock pressed.

"Not at all," Jim reassured him. "I'll probably be more of an imposition than you ever could be. Besides that," he continued, a little bit more hesitantly, "I've kinda been enjoying this vacation time with you."

If a Vulcan could look shocked or pleased, then that would be the expression that just lit up Spock's face. Instead, it brightened his eyes and Jim knew that he had won this battle. Sure, going home to face his mom would be hard, but everything seemed more bearable with an amazingly attractive Vulcan at his side. Or some other equally sappy sentiment.

"If you are certain..." the half-Vulcan trailed off, as if he wasn't even aware that he had been speaking. Jim quickly decided to banish the term 'adorable' from his vocabulary as it seemed to keep reappearing and causing quite a few problems.

"Beyond certain," Jim confirmed and smiled when their meals finally arrived.

They spent most of their meal in quiet, but Jim could see that something was troubling his friend. In fact, he had seemed even quieter than usual since their encounter with Sam.

"What's on your mind, Spock?" Jim asked, wondering if the straightforward method would work.

"I am curious about your interaction with you brother," Spock admitted, meeting Jim's eyes, a sudden clash of ice blue and warm brown. At Jim's hesitation, he hastened to excuse the topic, "You do not wish to discuss your relationship."

"No, it's okay," Jim said, feeling a sudden urge to explain things. He hadn't spoken about this with anyone, except Bones once. But he had been drunk, and he wasn't sure if that really counted. "It's just...it's hard to explain."

Spock looked at him patiently, clearly willing to wait while Jim gathered his thoughts. Jim smiled slightly at him, and was struck by a sudden desire to reach out and hold his hand. He restrained himself, knowing that it was wildly inappropriate and would probably end up with him as the victim of the Vulcan nerve pinch. Again.

"You know when you're young and you kinda just expect certain people to be there always?" Jim began, not actually expecting Spock to relate to him. So he was surprised when he nodded shortly. Jim continued, "Sam was that person for me. He was my older brother who stayed with me, even when Mom was off planet with some Starfleet business or whatever. He was my protector, even when I insisted that I didn't need one." Jim paused for a moment, gathering his thoughts and attempting to compose himself. He could already feel his anger, which had calmed earlier, start to resurface. "And then he left one day. Just out of the blue, decided that it wasn't worth it and left."

"Hence your perpetual anger," Spock confirmed, looking at him so intently that Jim had to look away.

"Not at first," he confessed. "But emotions have a funny way of transforming over time. What started out as hurt became resentment and then turned into blinding anger." He shrugged and shifted uncomfortably in his seat. "I guess when it comes to my brother, I'm still that scared, hurt little boy, waiting for his big brother to come back home and fight off the monsters that actually left bruises."

Because the monsters in Jim Kirk's life had never hid in the closet or under the bed. They lived two bedrooms away and drank too much. But he had confessed enough this evening. Some things were better left unsaid and forgotten. Plus, Spock was intelligent enough to understand that train of thought. Judging by the tightening at the corner of his eyes, Spock knew good and well what Jim was implying.

But he didn't press the matter, and Jim was more than happy to let the conversation die its natural death.

However, it seemed that they were both fed up with conversation by the time they got back to their hotel room. Jim fell face first on his bed and groaned.

"These beds are disgusting," he moaned, his voice muffled by the bedspread. Spock looked at his own bed and nodded his agreement.

"It would appear that these beds have not seen cleaning product in an estimated four months."

Jim chuckled and sat up. "That's disgusting," he repeated and stood up, stretching out his taut muscles. "Wanna play a game of chess before we crash for the night?"

Spock looked at him with a raised eyebrow. "I do not intend to crash ever, and certainly not tonight."

"Go to sleep, Spock. Crashing is equivalent to sleeping."

Spock's eyebrow continued its hike to his hairline, but he didn't protest outside of a soft, "That is illogical."

Jim took that as consent for one quick game of chess. "We should probably leave pretty early if we want to get there anytime tomorrow," he said as he set up the board. Spock nodded and sat down across from him.

"That is agreeable," he said.

Jim laughed as he moved his pawn to form his infamous 'pawn wall'. The one that drove Spock crazy because it hindered ninety percent of good moves. Although Spock said it differently. Something about moves being neither good or bad, just logical or really illogical. Jim's moves were almost always the latter.

"I don't know if agreeable is the right word for it," Jim murmured. He had never been a morning person and doubted that he ever would be. Jim valued his sleep more than he valued oxygen.

"Check."

"Already?" Jim glanced over the board, shocked. Sure enough, Spock's queen had cornered his king, and the only way to save it would be to sacrifice his own queen. Which would pretty much be chess suicide. He sighed and gave up his queen. Sure enough, three moves later, Spock was the declared victor.

"Whatever," Jim muttered as he put the game away. "It's a stupid game anyway."

A.N.

Thanks for reading guys! I'm sorry that I'm seriously taking forever with these updates. School is starting again so I don't promise that it'll get any better. But I still value your input and critiques and whatever else you might have to say. Thanks for the support.