A/N: Wow! I am just floored by all the review love! I'm so flattered at the response. So... here's a little belated Hannukkah/ early Christmas gift from me to you.

Nutella kisses to nycsnowbird for being such a patient and amazing beta. Any mistakes remaining are purely mine ;p

Disclaimer: I do not own any rights to the characters in SVM or the HBO series True Blood. However, the original content and ideas below are mine all mine.


CHAPTER 5: Good Vibrations

A good photograph is knowing where to stand

~Ansel Adams

Sookie

My eyes snapped open at the sound of three quick, muffled knocks.

No. That couldn't possibly be my door. It sounded so far away. Plus, who the hell would be at my door at this ungodly hour? I turned over on my side, covering my head with a pillow, only to groan at the second and third set of knocks, each louder than the last. I raised my head, eyes shooting over to the nightstand, shocked to see that the red letters on the clock read ten o'clock. How could it possibly be that late, I wondered, as I rose to a sitting position. Rising to my feet did not help the massive headache that I had woken up with. I stumbled over to the door, grumbling to my visitor that I would be right there.

But as I neared the door, I started wondering, who could be at my door? The only people who knew where I was staying were Pamela, who I was fairly sure was still snuggled in bed, and Amelia. I was going to be meeting with Ami later, but that wouldn't be for hours. I froze right as I was reaching the door, realizing there was only one other person who knew I was here. EN. But, no, he'd already used up his excuses for a visit.

"Who is it?" I asked, annoyed.

"Room service, Ma'am."

"I didn't order any room service," I protested, looking through the peephole. Standing there, I saw a young, dark haired, lanky guy with what looked to be an official name tag, which said Barry.

"Your are Miss Stackhouse?" he asked after flipping open a leather order pad, looking over what I could only assume was the receipt.

"Yes."

"Well, the order has your room number and your name, so it is definitely for you."

I shrugged my shoulders, unlatching the lock. He seemed harmless enough.

As soon as I opened the door, he nodded at me in silent greeting and wheeled the cart in.

"You can just leave the cart right outside your room, Ma'am," he said as he headed back toward the door. "It will be collected from there."

"Oh, wait!" I practically ran after him to catch him before he left. "How much do I owe you?"

"Oh, it's been taken care of."

Taken care of? He must have seen the horrified, puzzled look on my face. Either that, or he could read minds.

"It was put on your room tab."

"Oh, of course." I waived my hand as if dismissing my own silliness. "Hang on, though, at least let me get you a tip."

"Also already taken care of," he said over his shoulder before hurrying out, shutting the door softly behind him.

The delicious aroma of coffee permeated the room. I poured myself a cup and sipped at the heavenly elixir as I examined the items on the tray. It was a pretty sweet spread—an assortment of fresh fruit, croissants with those cute mini jam bottles, eggs, sausage, and even a stack of fluffy pancakes. Well, whoever ordered this, either thought I was a total pig, or wasn't sure what I'd like, so they ordered everything.

I was just about to dig in, when I noticed a fancy gift box on the cart. It was poshly wrapped in a big red bow. I set my coffee down and reached for the box.

The first thing I found inside was a card, and inscribed on the heavy vellum cardstock, the most beautiful letterforms I'd ever seen. It was like calligraphy. It simply read: I do hope to recruit you to my team very soon. It was signed with a large, swirling "E".

Oh, brother. Even his signature was full of itself.

Tossing the card aside on the bed, I picked up the shirt that was neatly folded and tucked into the box. I was happy that I didn't have any coffee in my mouth at that moment, because I surely would have sprayed it all over the Team Human t-shirt that I was now holding in my hands. I was about to stuff the shirt back in the box, when I realized there was something else in there. Moving aside the layered tissue paper, I was just a little ashamed, but probably not as much as I should be, at the drool that began to form in my mouth as I discovered one big ass jar of Nutella sitting there. I mean, this thing was industrial size. And it was calling my name, practically sparkling up at me. There was also a cute little silver spoon included.

Geesh. This guy sure was going for broke. I doubted he was used to hearing no, or getting many doors slammed in his face, but I wondered if he was usually this relentless in his pursuit of his prey.

Resisting the urge to gorge on the stuff before breakfast, I put it aside. I also put the shirt back in the box and threw it in the general direction of the card, before digging in to my breakfast. As much as I was looking forward to going to the premiere tonight with Amelia, I somehow knew that I would need all the strength I could get to stave off the advances of Mr. Hollywood.

Amelia was at my door at one o'clock sharp, just like we had agreed on. We were going to hang out for the rest of the day and then get ready together. As soon as I opened the door, she rushed in to inspect my new digs, with barely so much as a hello. To be fair, she did grace me with a quick peck to the cheek before she torpedoed into the suite, like a damn Tasmanian devil.

"Well, dayumn, girl," she voiced in approval, stretching out on the sofa after a few dizzying spins around the room. "This is pretty sweet!"

I nodded my agreement, settling myself on the adjacent armchair.

Amelia didn't do sitting still very well. She crossed her arms, tapping her fingers against them as her mind raced to check off tasks still to attack on her mental to-do list. She grinned.

The moment she latched onto one was hard to miss; she sat up suddenly, practically jumping into the air with nervous energy.

"So … where are we going shopping to get you a dress for the big party?"

Now it was my turn to cross my arms. "I already have a dress, Amelia." I added an eye roll for good measure.

"Oh, really?" she snorted. "Let's see it then."

"Fine," I shot up to my feet and tossed my hair back melodramatically, not even waiting to see if she followed.

She was right on my heels.

As I rushed to the closet to retrieve my suitcase, I heard Amelia's low whistle as she took in the posh bedroom. Shit. I had totally flaked out on hanging up the dress when I arrived, and I just knew that the wrinkled state it must be in would not help my case, whatsoever.

I rushed over to the bed, irritated, but not in the least surprised to find Amelia lounging on it. I tossed my suitcase on the bed roughly, huffing with annoyance as I leaned over to unzip it.

I was rummaging through the clothes, my frustration rising with my inability to locate the only purple item in my bag. Well, lavender to be exact, but still. Finally, I spotted what I was looking for and pulled out the dress, holding it up with pride; it was one of my all time favorites.

It was actually the only thing my ex-boyfriend had given me that I'd really liked, and kept. It was a loose and flowing floor length gown, with spaghetti straps that crisscrossed in the back.

Amelia snorted with derision. At first I thought the look on her face was disgust, but then I grew livid, realizing that it was more like pity.

"Oh. My. God. Sookie! What is that hideous thing?" She covered her eyes, then peeked through the fingers in mock horror. "It looks like a prom reject!"

I sunk onto the bed, fighting to contain the tears that threatened to spill. God, I hate how I tear up whenever I'm hurt or angry: it always feels like I've somehow already lost.

Suddenly, a faint buzzing noise broke through the tense silence. Amelia's brow raised in question for just a split second, before we both registered what that sound had to be. Our eyes shot to the suitcase in unison, growing wide with shock (mine) and understanding (ours). I was hot with the deep, crimson of abject embarrassment, while Amelia melted into fits of giggles.

Damn it all. It was my vibrator. I knew I shouldn't have packed it with the batteries. I guess there's good reason why they always sell batteries separately. I wrenched the suitcase open and frantically tossed around its contents, trying to locate it as quickly as possible. To my sheer horror, as I shifted items in the suitcase, the noise only grew louder, inciting more raucous laughter from my friend.

I finally found it and switched it off. In the ensuing blissful silence, I was still catching my breath, and glared at Amelia stifling her laughter.

Wiping her teary eyes, she looked at me with a gleeful smirk. "Oh, Sook, I'm so glad you came prepared. At least in that department."

I rolled my eyes so hard I thought I might very well be risking popping them out of my sockets. I was just about to stuff the vibrator back under a few layers of clothes, when Amelia somehow realized my ploy and pounced on me, quicker than a cat in heat, forcing my hand aside to reveal the object of my mortification. My mouth hung down in shock before I could get myself to close it shut.

"C'mon, Sook, let's see whatcha got there," she said with a devious wink.

"God, Amelia. Don't you have your own?" I huffed.

"Oh, I do," she waggled her brows. "But I want to see what the girls in the Big Easy like to play with."

I gave into a giggle, and let down my defenses. If she was set on torturing me, there was nothing I could really do to stop her.

"What in the hell is that?" she shrank back, horrified. "Sookie, how long have you been double clicking the mouse with that nasty thing? It looks like it's been through every military engagement in U.S. history!"

"Um … double click the mouse?"

"You know ... digging a trench? Fanning the fur? Rubbing one out?"

The blush that heated my cheeks now was fueled by rage. I tossed the vibrator in my suitcase, no longer feeling the need to hide it, and zipped it closed. "It works. Why fix it if it ain't broke?"

"Oh, trust me sweetie. You're living in the dark ages. You don't know what you're missing."

I just rolled my eyes again.

"Hey, I know the perfect place to go shopping!" Amelia exclaimed, jumping off the bed. "You'll love it."

"Okay, we still have a good couple of hours to kill," Amelia said as she closed the car door and settled into the driver's seat beside me. She turned her full attention on me now, her eyes sparkling with a devilish glint that made me swallow hard. "And I know just the place!"

Her mischievous smirk scared me only a fraction less than the speed she soon picked up on the freeway. I wondered if this crazy driving was a West Coast thing, or just the people I had happened to be driving with, as I clutched the door handle.

"Oh?" I managed; I wasn't sure if I really wanted the details.

She flashed her eyes on me briefly before returning her attention to the road. "Yeah, it's actually on our way back to the hotel."

I leaned back and closed my eyes, willing myself to relax. She hadn't let me down yet. We'd gone to this vintage clothes shop that carried an impressive selection of Betsy Johnson dresses, which Amelia declared would be perfect for me. I found a beautiful white and red polka dot pattern dress with a sweetheart neckline that was accented with a red silk band, that tied in a cute little bow at the center. Amelia had also found a gorgeous little black number for herself.

My eyes flew open when Amelia yanked the car abruptly into a parking spot. She linked our arms together as we walked towards the store, and as much as I was touched by the affectionate gesture, I couldn't help but wonder if it was only to try to prevent me from bolting, if necessary. I guess I couldn't blame her after last night.

She was damn right to take this precaution, because I froze as soon as I could see the name of the store we were entering. The Pleasure Chest. I whipped my head around, staring down Amelia with narrowing eyes.

She merely tightened her grip on my arm and met my angry glare with the sweetest smile. "Oh, c'mon Sook. This'll be fun."

"Hey, y'all, how you doin'?" the warm, sunshine voice reached us before we could spot the short and curvy blonde that had greeted us. The slight Texas twang caught me off guard, almost as much as the strange mixture of bouncy energy and laid back aloofness.

I followed Amelia's lead, giving her a curt nod as we moved past her.

"Well, I'm Hillari. You girls give me a holler if you need anything," she said with a practiced smile and a mischievous wink.

"Thanks, Hillari," Amelia purred with a flirtatious smile. "We'll be sure to do that."

Well, that was interesting. I tried to keep my jaw from dragging on the floor as we moved deeper into the store. Did Ami swing both ways? I knew we both had a healthy appreciation for beauty, be it male of female, but I would personally never act on such a thing. Not that I was judging—it was just my own personal preference.

I was examining the various shapes and sizes of sex toys on the wall display, my head tilted quizzically as I tried to figure out how some of these were supposed to fit into my girly bits, when I felt Amelia's gaze on me.

"So," she whispered into my hair. "Are you ever going to spill what EN whispered to you last night while I was taking your picture?"

I froze. "Oh, it was nothing, really."

"Nothing, huh?" she teased with a skeptical brow and an amused smirk.

She waited for more details, but when it became apparent that they weren't forthcoming any time soon, she pressed further. "C'mon, Sook, he's obviously ten shades of smitten with you. Lovely shades of pink, that is."

My cheeks heated to a four alarm blush. "Come on, Amelia. Get real. He's Eric fucking Northman!"

"So? Sookie, you couldn't have possibly not noticed how into you he was?"

I hid behind my deepening blush. It was good to know it wasn't all in my head, but still. "Okay, fine, Amelia. Maybe you're right." I affirmed. "But that still doesn't make him any less of a man whore."

Amelia snorted. "And what's so wrong about that?"

I glared at her corrosively. "I'm not interested in another ride on that train." She knew very well the heartache that I had only recently gone through.

"Sweetie, you need to get out there and have a little fun," she said, her expression softening and no longer predatory. "Besides, are you sure you're not stereotyping? Just because he's a famous actor, and hella hot, doesn't necessarily mean he's a man whore."

We stared at each other for a moment, then broke into fits of giggles.

"Oh, well," she conceded, now guffawing. "You're probably right. Playing Leif isn't that much of a stretch for him."

She laced her fingers through mine and led me through the store. "C'mon, Sook, we've gotta bring you into the 21st century. Really, they have made so many advances."

I rolled my eyes, smiling humorlessly.

Amelia was busy demonstrating the wonders of remote controlled clitoral stimulation when I felt a soft tap on my shoulder.

"Hello ladies," the sunshine voice came from behind me. "Finding everything okay?"

Amelia turned to her, smiling, as if there was nothing odd about having a chit chat while there was a vibrator in your hand. "We are so far, Hillari. But tell me, do you carry the Toibocks line at your store?"

Hillari's tongue ring clinked against her teeth as she grinned conspiratorially at Amelia, curiosity and desire twinkling in her eyes. "Of course. Follow me."

She led us to another display, and showed us the item Amelia had asked for. It was a cleverly designed wooden box which looked like it could be a jewelry box, but it had a hidden lock mechanism that revealed a secret compartment. For your "toys". Well, hardy har har.

I snickered, again embarrassed, distress pulling at my lips. I was brought out of my reverie by the sound of Amelia's sweet voice, telling the girl that her friend Sookie really did need one of those.

I was getting ready to really let Amelia have it, when she spun around to face me with her trilling laughter. She clucked her tongue at me, mock-lecturing me. "Now, now, Sookie, you wouldn't want to be caught in the same ... awkward situation with another visitor, do you?"

I opened and closed my mouth several times, gaping like a fish, unable to come up with a reply I wanted to utter out loud. Finally, I just sighed heavily in defeat and tried to change the subject. "Fine. Let's just get it and go already."

"Oh, Sookie, we can't go yet." Amelia's tone brooked no argument. She was either thoroughly enjoying my discomfort or pushing through my embarrassment—maybe both—but there was no deterring her.

I just stared reproachfully, crossing my arms, waiting for her to get over herself and continue.

"We still have to get you a shiny new toy to put in that box!"

I have to hand it to her. This salesgirl had impeccable timing. She reached Amelia's side right as she was finishing her triumphant little statement. Just perfect.

I followed them numbly, wondering how long I would have to withstand the torture. I swallowed hard, suffocating on my embarrassment that heated my cheeks, ears and even my throat as I realized that this was quite possibly the most painful walk of shame I'd ever had to endure in my life. Not that I'd had that many … but this one was definitely going in the vault.

Actually, it was even worse ... because I wasn't even getting any sex out of all this hoopla, and it was really much more like a parade of shame, considering our pace.

An agonizing half an hour later, after enduring several rounds of embarrassing questions as well as a quick review of today's latest vibrator technology, from g-spot stimulators, to waterproof and hands-free toys, I made my decision and we made our way to the register.

I was beyond relieved to finally be able to drag Amelia out of there. We headed back to the hotel, with the 'shiny new toy' tucked safely and discreetly in my Toibocks.

Well, I guess it was only fitting, since I was staying at the O hotel.

A/N: * giggles * So … What's your most embarrassing, ahem, toy incident? Press that little green button and tell me all about it. Oh, and of course also tell me what you thought of this chapter :)

I know you all want to get to the premiere – but just be patient. We'll get there next chapter! Sookie had to get a proper dress!

Btw – there's a link for the dress on my profile page.

Happy holidays everyone!!!