Confession
Elissa changed from her leather armor to her dark blue velvet dress. Nathaniel waited outside her rooms until she was finished changing. He escorted her over to the main hall where she greeted his father, Arl Howe, and Nathaniel's younger siblings, shy Delilah and love-struck Thomas. They were all having a friendly chat with Teyrn Cousland.
The Howes have been friends with the Couslands for as long as Elissa could remember. Arl Rendon would always laugh alongside her father with never ending stories about the 'good old days' of the war with the Orlesians. As much as she loved them, she was already bored from their recounts of old stories they have already told her before…Maker knows how many times.
"Father, may Elissa and I be excused?" Nathaniel requested. "I wanted to meet with the Chantry mother before dinner starts and Elissa said she would take me to her."
Elissa was grateful that Nathaniel was lying to pull her out from the adult conversation. She loved the Howes, but Thomas's staring was becoming uncomfortable.
"Of course, you may." Arl Howe nodded to them both.
"Just be sure to get back before dinner time." Elissa's father said and gave Elissa a knowing look. "Nan has already told me that we should not expect a specific ale for our meal…"
Elissa blushed and bowed her head at the Howes. "Please pardon us." She quickly took the arm that Nathaniel had offered and allowed him to escort her out of the building.
As soon as the heavy wooden doors shut behind them, Elissa let go of Nathaniel's arm and kicked a stone on the street. "Augh, I can't believe Nan has already told him about the stray arrow. Father's going to give me a talk tonight for sure." She groaned, already expecting the worst.
"Hey, now. Don't worry about it. Just tell him it was my fault."
"It IS your fault." Elissa gave him a glare.
Nathaniel shrugged and looked up at the sky. "Look at that. The sun is already going down."
"It won't be dinner time in a bit." Elissa commented, gazing up at the reds and purples that streaked across the evening sky.
"Elissa…" Nathaniel's tone suddenly became serious and it caught her attention. "Will you walk with me for a bit? I have to talk to you about something."
"Is this about my early birthday gift?" Elissa asked.
"Yes, in a way." Nathaniel held out his arm again in a gallant fashion. "Walk with me, my dear Elissa?"
Elissa wondered why Nathaniel's jovial behavior suddenly took a somber turn. She linked her arm with his and he began to walk with her in no specific direction in mind.
"What is going on, Nathaniel?" Elissa asked as they walked. The Cousland castle guards merely inclined their heads at Elissa as she passed.
Nathaniel kept walking in his even pace. "Well, Elissa. You know how I gave you your birthday present early, right? Well the reason I did that is because I will not be here next week for the celebration."
"You're not?" Elissa took a look at Nathaniel. He looked like he was struggling with himself to say something. "My word, Nathaniel…you aren't…DYING are you?"
The serious expression left Nathaniel's face in an instant and he let out a laugh. "Dying, eh? Yes, Elissa…I will be dying in a few days, and I am content to spend these precious last moments with you."
"It was only a question." Elissa smiled, glad that her joke helped ease his tension.
They approached the south end of the castle wall and stopped at the bridge over the small river that ran through the holding. He let her arm go and leaned against the side of the bridge to watch the water flow beneath them. He had to tell her now, or else there will be no chance in the future.
"Nathaniel?" Elissa asked when he remained silent a bit too long for her comfort.
"Elissa, you know this year I am at eighteen years, correct?" Nathaniel asked, keeping his eyes on the water.
"Yes, you are practically an elder at this point in your life." Elissa tried to goad him again. Nathaniel being serious always made her uneasy.
Nathaniel awarded her teasing with a small chuckle but then grew solemn again. He kept his eyes on the flowing water. "Elissa, I am going to go travel in Free Marches for a while."
Elissa blinked in surprise. "Free Marches? Up north? Why would you go there, Nathaniel? It's currently in political unrest at the moment, is it not?"
"That is the reason why I am going." Nathaniel turned around to face her. The sun was setting and the light was already becoming dim. "Teyrn Mac Tir requested my father's assistance in some of the northern villages in Ferelden. He worries that there may be another Orlesian takeover in the works."
Elissa waved Nathaniel's notion off. "Teyrn Mac Tir always worries about some insidious Orlesian plot. It is nothing to overly concern yourself with."
"Be that as it may, I will still need to go. Several men are being sent amongst the bannorn to look into this matter. Father requested this of me. He said he is confident that I will take care of matters." He squared his shoulders, a bit proud.
"I imagine this place will be much more dull without you Nathaniel." Elissa said sadly. "How long do you believe you will be gone?"
"Possibly a year, maybe even longer. It is unknown since we don't know if it is a true threat or not. But I will be leaving in a couple days."
"That is truly sad to hear." Elissa sighed to herself. She and Nathaniel have become close friends over the past couple years. Since she had began taking sparring lessons, she had developed a bit of a kinship for the oldest Howe son. They have been partners in practice for a long time. "I will miss you, Nathaniel."
Nathaniel gave Elissa a sudden determined gaze. "How much will you miss me, Elissa?"
Elissa was a bit taken aback by his voice. "I…will miss you a lot, Nathaniel."
"In what way?" He pursued.
Elissa was now confused. "What do you mean 'in what way'? What in Andraste's name are you talking about, Nathaniel?"
Nathaniel let out a frustrated sigh and ran his fingers through his short hair. If Elissa Cousland was going to be this thick headed, then he would have to be straight to the point. He had promised himself to confess everything before he left so he would be able to leave without regrets.
He grabbed hold of her hand and looked straight into her eyes. "Elissa. I have…feelings for you. I would like to know if you have any for me."
Elissa was having difficulty wrapping her head over what Nathaniel had just said. "Wait…feelings? What are you…"
"I love you, Elissa." Nathaniel confessed, tightening his grip on her hand so she would be unable to get away. "I have loved you for the longest time. I would like to know if you feel the same for me."
Elissa's head was swimming. She was not expecting a bold confession like this out of nowhere. She tried to capture the words flying about in her mind. "Nathaniel…this is…very sudden."
"I do not want to pressure you, but I want you to realize my feelings for you. I would like to know if you have any inkling of feeling the same for me." Nathaniel pressed on. He did not want to be overly aggressive with Elissa, but he wanted to make his point across. He has been in love with the girl for years, he wanted her to realize it.
Elissa was glad for the setting sun, because Nathaniel was unable to see how red her face was. She was unsure of what to say. Nathaniel seemed like he wanted an answer now, and she could not think straight to give him a proper one.
"Nathaniel…" She began, trying to think of the most appropriate words. "You know I…care for you a great deal…"
"Yes?" Nathaniel stepped even closer to Elissa, almost hovering over her.
Elissa was flustered. She didn't like that feeling. She was always confidant and sure of what to do. But Nathaniel had just thrown a giant obstacle in front of her and she couldn't figure out how to get over it.
"Do you hate me, Elissa?"
"No! Of course I don't." She said as if he were crazy to ask.
"Do you dislike being with me then?" He asked again.
"No…not at all." She said warily.
"Do you find me as ugly as a troll?" He asked in a jest.
"You are a troll…but not a bad looking one." Elissa answered, a bit more comfortable with their joking repertoire.
Nathaniel took hold of her chin and lowered his head and planted his lips on Elissa's. Her kiss was as soft and sweet as he imagined it would be. She did not fight or struggle to get away…but she did not enthusiastically throw herself into his arms.
When he lifted his lips away from hers, he touched Elissa's forehead with his own. "Elissa…tell me you will wait for me. Tell me you will miss me. And I promise when I return, I will make you the happiest bride in all of Ferelden."
Elissa forced herself back to the reality of the situation. She was on a bridge with Nathaniel Howe, under the night sky that was fading from purple to black. He was leaving to fight a battle and would not know when he would return. And he had just kissed her!
She realized that Nathaniel had let go of her hand. She did not reply…but she did not refuse him. Instead she did the only thing she could think of.
She ran away.
"Elissa!" Nathaniel called behind her.
As she ran, she could not hear whether or not he was following behind her. But there was one thing for certain.
As Nathaniel kissed her, it brought back an image of that summer day in Redcliffe of a kiss that had tasted of salt and sunshine.
And it pained her.