Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto or Alice in Wonderland. If I did, I would having tea with the Mad Hatter and the March Hare. Sasori and Deidara would be there too.

Chapter 1: Hole

It was after a meeting with Leader-sama that everyone went outside of the Akatsuki lair to bask in the sun's warm rays; an uncommon event in Amegakure's usual wet and rainy weather.

Konan must have been out carrying God's deeds.

On a hill overlooking the village, under the Weeping Tree, laid Itachi nibbling on bocchan dango skewered onto a stick. Kisame, sat to the side, appeared to be sleeping, but any sane ninja would have known that he was up and alert. Deidara and Sasori made idle conversation about art's true meaning as Kakuzu counted a wad of bills and Hidan performed his daily routine of self-mutilation. Truly, it was one of those rare, leisurely tasteful days…just like the weather. There were no words spoken, besides the Iwa bomber and Sand puppet's chit-chat regarding something about clay and wood, but even that held a remarkably calm undertone. There was no need to spoil something as nice as this. S-class criminals never have any time to relax and enjoy something so simple as the sun's warmth these days.

There was a slight whistle from a breeze and the shuffling of shinobi feet could be heard throughout the market. It seems the Akatsuki aren't the only ones taking advantage of the nice weather. The shrills of the food vendors echoed throughout the area, haggling responses followed suit. It was a fluttering moment of nostalgia for the criminals; the days before their treacherous acts that lead them to their present status.

As with any other village, this one had children. As with any other village, children went out to play, their shrieks of laughter from a game of tag slightly irritating the men on the slightly wet and grassy hill. But even so, children laughing was a natural occurrence.

And yet, what was that sound?

It was a child's voice, yes. It could have been coming from the annoying twats playing tag, yes. But this sound unnerved the highly skilled criminals. Deidara and Sasori stopped their bickering as Itachi shifted his gaze behind him.

It was coming from the Weeping Tree.

The men's attention was solely on the voluminous, twisted plant. Upon inspection, Kisame discovered a medium-sized rabbit hole at the foot of the tree. He tilted his head and listened. The voice was indeed coming from it.

And it sounded as if the voice was falling.

A particularly curious thing, considering that it was a rabbit hole; big enough to fit a large rabbit, but not a human, much less a human child.

And even if, somehow, a child managed to squeeze into that 3ft of a diameter hole, how could one fall through something once made by an animal that clearly walks in a horizontal manner? Before they could ponder this thought, out popped a pair of legs, adorning strange shoes and torn stockings.

"What the fuck?!" Hidan was the first to comment. "Are those fucking legs?!"

Almost everyone was as stunned as he. It's not everyday you see something so odd protrude from a hole on the ground.

"Perhaps it is a jutsu gone wrong," responded a monotone voice. Sasori was one of the only few that could keep a calm composure.

"Well, whadda we gonna do?" Kisame grinned and reached for his sword, "Could be a spy."

"Blow up the hole, yeah!"

"Chop off the legs. I can get a couple of bucks off of it."

"How about we just fuckin' leave-"

*POP*

The legs disappeared.

And like the S-class shinobi they are, they quickly jumped away from the alien subject, all the while taking out their respective weapons. In the shinobi world, it is only reasonable to guess that a POP would mean the byproduct of the Kage Bushin no Jutsu or some other form of a ninja technique. So, of course, they expected to see a ninja, ready to avenge their clan or get them back for that muffin they stole or something like that.

But, instead, they were stunned to find, passed out on the dirt, a girl.

Who was about the size of Kisame's palm.

…

"Did I accidentally inhale toxic paint fumes from Deidara's room, or is there a fuckin' fairy on the ground?"

"My paint fumes can't induce hallucinogenic effects, dumbass ('Who're you callin a dumbass, tranny?!') And a fairy? Seriously? Anyone can obviously see that that's a doll."

"Quit bickering brat. Can't you see it's a human?"

"It sure is one puny girlie, ain't it Sasori?"

"If all of you are done with your useless bantering, I'm going to take her. I do believe that an interesting specimen such as her would fetch a hefty price in the market."

As the men continued on with their babbling, no one except for Itachi, who chose not to humor them with a line consisting of more than one syllable, noticed that the girl was slowly coming to consciousness. The little "doll" got up. Her legs swayed while knocking against each other. She held her head as if she had a massive headache.

Itachi took this chance to analyze her clothing. It certainly was not from this world, and if it had been, certainly not from any discovered country on the map. The brown haired girl wore a blue dress (that look quite silly, for the bottom looked as if it had been modeled after an umbrella) topped with a white apron. Her legs were covered in torn stockings and her feet sported a pair of scratched up, peculiar, and uncomfortable-looking shoes. Before he had a chance to ask of her identity, the girl, with one hand still massaging her forehead, lifted up her other hand to a 'wait a minute' position. Itachi raised an eyebrow. Did this tiny person just give him an attitude? Clearly the fact that he towered above her and could easily kill her with one stomp had no effect on the deranged person.

The girl took no notice of his annoyance, as she reached into her apron and brandished a questionable clump of something. She took a bite, chewed and swallowed.

Itachi twitched. 'I was told to wait a minute so she can have a snack?! That's it, I'm-'

He was snapped out of his daydream as he realized,

'She's growing,'

By now, everyone had stopped their arguing to witness this strange phenomenon. It was clearly not a jutsu, as the girl did not grow like those of, say, the Akimichi clan, but rather, she grew similar to that of an extending nautical telescope. The Akatsuki have never seen anything like it and they were still in awe (of course, the awe was not shown on their faces; they are still dangerous criminals, after all) even when the stranger had stopped growing. Nothing came from her besides the groaning and the clutching of the head. She finally lifted her head up and managed to mumble something incoherent. However, they, the shinobi who are profound for, in part, their excellent hearing, could unmistakably make out the mumbling.

"That stupid cat."

Author's Note: So, thanks for reading! Review please!