Owen, Gwen and Tosh were all hovering in the main body of the Hub, watching as Ianto and Tish emerged from the office. It was obvious that they knew something had happened, but hadn't wanted to intrude unless Ianto actually called for help.
"Ianto?" Gwen asked. "What happened?"
"Jack had a turn," Ianto answered, realising at the same time that he didn't quite know how to explain what had happened. "He froze up… It took me a few minutes to get through to him."
"And is he all right now?" Tosh asked.
"He's sleeping," Ianto told them bleakly. "He cried himself to sleep."
Owen turned to Tish, his expression suspicious and angry.
"What the hell did you do to him?"
Tish winced just a little at the anger that was radiating out at her from the other man, but didn't back down.
"I'm not sure," she said quietly. "I asked him what was wrong, but he wouldn't say. He started to get up and I grabbed him by the wrist to stop him…"
"You grabbed his wrist?" Owen echoed, cutting her off short. "Bloody hell, no wonder he had a turn."
"Uh, excuse me," Gwen put in tentatively. "Who are you, exactly?"
Tish sighed. It was explanation time, and she offered up a silent apology to Jack for anything she was about to say that might cause difficulties for him further down the track.
"My name is Tish Jones," she told them, "and I spent a year on the Valiant with Jack. My parents, Jack, the Doctor and I were all prisoners of the man who was masquerading as Harold Saxon."
Silence met her blunt statement.
"I'm sorry. Did you just say the Doctor?" Owen asked incredulously. Tish nodded, painfully aware from one of the many stories Jack had told her that Torchwood had originally been established in enmity with the Doctor.
"Yes, I did. And yes, he's the same Doctor that Torchwood was built to capture. And I know I've probably said too much right there…"
"It's all right, Tish," Gwen reassured her. "Jack abolished that edict… at least where Torchwood Three is concerned… back when he took over at the beginning of the year Two Thousand. We know the Doctor isn't our enemy. Now, please tell us what you meant about a year on the Valiant. Because Jack was only gone from here for three months."
Tish glanced around, spotted the couch and made a beeline for it. The others followed, and they were soon seated relatively comfortably.
"It's hard to explain. Truth is, I don't really understand it myself. But there was this paradox, and it lasted a year. When it was broken, time went backwards, and everything went back to the way it was before the paradox started. Only thing is, only those of us who were on the Valiant remember it. No one else does."
"Jack was a prisoner for a whole year?" Tosh asked softly in dismay, and Tish nodded.
"It was pretty awful for all of us, but he had it worst of all. See, the Master… that's who Harold Saxon really was… He knew Jack couldn't die, and he took full advantage of it."
"He tortured Jack," Ianto said numbly.
"Yeah," Tish confirmed sadly. "He did some really horrible things… I'm not going to tell you what. If Jack wants to tell you, that's up to him. I probably shouldn't even be telling you this much, but I was there, too, and I think I've got a right to talk to who I want about it."
"Bloody hell," Owen moaned, burying his face in his hands. "And we had no fucking clue. We just went off on him for taking off on us. No wonder he was so out of sorts when he came home."
"And now this…" Gwen added miserably. Tish looked around at the four of them, feeling the nerves take hold once more.
"What's happened? Because the last time I saw him in that state, it was after the Master tortured him for hours on end."
Silence met the question as the four Torchwood members stared at each other, each one trying to decide where to start. Finally, it was Gwen who broke the silence.
"He was attacked, on Christmas Eve."
Tish blinked, not quite comprehending the situation.
"Attacked?"
"It was bad," Gwen murmured, wincing at how in adequate her words sounded.
"Well… How bad?" Tish pressed, puzzled by their reluctance to talk. Abruptly, Owen got up and walked over to the nearest computer, quickly calling up CCTV footage from when Jack had been confined to the little room, courtesy of his injuries.
"Come over here, Tish."
She went reluctantly, and looked at the monitor that he was indicating.
"Oh my god…" The horror in her voice matched the look of shock and dismay on her face as she stared at the footage of Jack in the bed. "What happened? Who did that to him?"
"We don't know yet," Owen said softly. "We don't know who, and we don't know why."
Tears filled her eyes, and she turned away from the monitor in distress.
"This is wrong! It's all wrong!"
"You don't have to tell us that," Owen said bitterly.
Abruptly, a new thought occurred to Tish, and she looked at Ianto in growing dread.
"I was going to kiss him back there. You stopped me because I was going to kiss him. He… He was raped, wasn't he?"
Owen pinched at the bridge of his nose, and tried to avoid answering. They all knew the truth now, but as yet they hadn't faced up to it together. Maybe, Owen mused, that was exactly what they needed to do in order to be able to start helping Jack. Because if they couldn't face it, then what hope did Jack have?
"Yes," he answered suddenly, turning to face Tish, and at the same time directing his gaze towards Gwen, Ianto and Toshiko. "He was raped. Pack raped, to be specific."
Tish gave a soft sob, and Gwen finally took pity on her, shifting over to sit beside her so that she could embrace the young woman.
"I'm sorry," Tish choked out miserably. "It's just, that's the one line that the Master never crossed. He never did that to Jack, and he never let anyone else do it to him, either. I don't think it had anything to do with the Master being worried about Jack, mind you, because I overheard him saying something about not wanting to get contaminated. Jack didn't care. He was just grateful that it never went to those extremes, because he said it was the one thing he couldn't have coped with. He told me that he could cope with the physical torture because that was all about hate. He said sex was about love, and everything else that was good about the human race, and that it shouldn't ever be about hate. Jack told me that he couldn't have coped if the Master had raped him… or had someone else rape him… because it would have taken something that he'd only ever seen as good, and twisted it into something evil."
A thick, oppressive silence reigned. Tish had, perhaps unintentionally, put the whole situation into perspective.
"He's been here for so long, though," Gwen murmured in confused dismay. "Is it really possible that he hadn't seen anything like this before?"
"This is Jack we're talking about, Gwen," Owen reminded her. "You know what he's like. Acts like he fucking knows everything, but there's still a kind of innocence about the bloke."
Four incredulous looks focused on him, but Owen wasn't backing down in his assessment of Jack's character.
"I mean it," he insisted. "Tish here has just told us that he went through a whole year of torture, but it takes this to knock him on his arse."
"Hang on," Tish protested. "I never said he walked away from that year unscathed…"
"I'm not arguing with you there, love," Owen assured her. "All I'm saying is that he was obviously still functioning. Right now, he isn't functioning. He's barely coping from one hour to the next, let alone from one day to the next."
Tish fell silent, reluctantly accepting what Owen was trying to say.
"So what do we do?" Toshiko asked. "How do we help him?"
Owen shrugged helplessly. He was as much at a loss as the rest of them, and he hated it.
"I don't know. I really don't fucking know."
"You know, we were going to invite Jack to join us for Christmas," Tish said as she watched the closed door of Jack's office. Ianto had retreated back there a little while ago, saying that Jack was unlikely to sleep for long, and shouldn't be left alone.
"Why didn't you?" Toshiko wondered. Her expression was guarded as she spoke, giving away nothing of the conflict that had clouded Torchwood since before Christmas. Oblivious to any tension, Tish shrugged.
"He said not to."
Gwen, Toshiko and Owen exchanged looks.
"Sorry, who said?" Gwen pressed. Tish rubbed at her eyes. She was starting to feel seriously ill.
"The Doctor."
Started silence met the statement, and it was eventually broken by Owen.
"The Doctor spent Christmas Day with your family?"
"Yeah. He showed up late Christmas morning, looking absolutely shattered. Never said what was wrong… although I reckon it might have had something to do with that spaceship that nearly crashed into Buckingham Palace really early on Christmas morning. Anyway, he just said that he wanted to spend a normal Christmas for once where no one got hurt. Mum said we ought to call Jack, and make it a proper celebration, but the Doctor stopped her. He said not to bother, that Jack was busy and he wouldn't be able to make it."
"Sounds like he didn't want Jack around either," Owen muttered, his eyes shifting to look towards Jack's office. "Just brilliant, that is."
"I thought that, too," Tish admitted. "And I asked him about it, but he said it wasn't like that. He said he planned on coming back here to Cardiff to see Jack some time soon, but that he just didn't think Jack was ready."
"How do you mean?" Gwen asked, confused. "Ready for what?"
"Ready to see the Doctor again," Tish explained. "I think the Doctor believed that Jack is angry at him… You know, for everything the Master put him through during that year. He said he needed to find a way to make it up to Jack before he saw him again, and Christmas just wasn't the right time."
"He would've made it up to Jack ten times over if he'd been there to save him from the bastards that attacked him," Owen muttered. "And it'd be a bloody good time right now, too, because we're at a fucking loss here."
"Anyway, the Doctor stayed until evening, and then he was gone again. Then Mum and Dad were off on their holiday the next day, and I just didn't think about it again until now."
"Do you think he knew?" Toshiko wondered quietly. "About Jack, I mean. That he was… in trouble."
"God, I hope not," Gwen murmured.
"If he did, and I find out about it," Owen said heatedly, "then he'll bloody want to stay away. Because I'll kill him if it turns out that he knew what was happening to Jack, and didn't do anything to help."
"He couldn't have known," Tish insisted. "He wouldn't have let Jack suffer like that! Not after everything else that's happened!"
"I hope you're right," Owen said grimly. "For Jack's sake, you'd better be right."
Jack awoke less than half an hour after falling asleep to find Ianto sitting on the floor by the couch, watching over him sadly.
"Hey there," Ianto said softly. "How are you feeling?"
"Wasted," Jack admitted bleakly. His gaze flickered past Ianto, taking in the otherwise empty office. "Where's Tish?"
"Outside, with the others. Jack…"
Confusion illuminated Jack's face. Even in his muzzy state, he could detect the stricken tone in Ianto's voice.
"What? What is it…?"
"Tish told us about the Valiant."
Ianto was seriously alarmed by the sickening shade of green that Jack suddenly turned, and was genuinely afraid for a moment that Jack was about to throw up. He watched fearfully as Jack curled in on himself, clutching at his stomach and groaning softly. Reaching out tentatively, Ianto stroked his fingers gently over Jack's hair. It badly needed a wash, he mused distantly.
"I'm sorry," Jack whimpered, and Ianto felt dismayed at the miserable apology.
"Cariad, stop apologising! You don't have anything to be sorry for. I'm not mad at you."
Jack shuddered.
"I wanted to tell you… but how could I? How could I explain about a whole year that technically never happened? You… You would never have believed me. You would have just thought I was making up excuses for why I left."
Ianto didn't cease stroking Jack's hair; he slowly widened the movement of his fingers to brush soothingly over the older man's forehead and cheek.
"We understand why you left, Jack. You needed answers, and the Doctor was the only one who could give them to you. But now we also know what kept you from coming home to us for so long."
"I wanted the Doctor to bring me back to just after I left, but he couldn't do that," Jack murmured. "It had to be after everything that happened on the Valiant… everything that the world knows about. But then, he kept us in the TARDIS for a little while, too… I guess, to try and help us deal with it all." A strained laugh escaped Jack's lips. "How long does it take, exactly, to come to terms with a year of captivity and torture?"
"A lot longer than you've had," Ianto murmured. "And now this happens…"
"You want to know the crazy part?" Jack asked, and went on without waiting for Ianto to respond. "What those men did to me on Christmas Even was nothing compared to what the Master did to me. It really wasn't."
"But there's something about it that's worse," Ianto corrected him softly. "Isn't there?"
Jack shut his eyes, but it did nothing to stop the tears.
"Was it because they raped you?" Ianto asked and Jack began to weep, unable to hold it in.
"He never did that to me," Jack choked out. "It was the one thing he never did, and he didn't let anyone else do it to me, either. It wasn't because he cared at all. He said he wasn't going to… to contaminate himself by touching me like that, and he didn't want anyone else to, either. I didn't care what his reasons were. I was just grateful that he never… never did that. Sex shouldn't be used like that, Ianto. It's meant to be an expression of love, not hate. Even when there's no commitment behind it, it's still an expression of love."
"I know, cariad," Ianto murmured. "I know."
"I don't know why this hurts so much worse, though," Jack admitted miserably. "I don't understand why I can't just push it aside and get on with life. Why can't I do that, Ianto?"
Ianto was silent for a long moment while he thought. It was not a simple question to answer, and yet he knew he needed to try and find a simple answer.
An idea occurred to him, and he spoke quietly.
"Jack, why were you on the Valiant in the first place?"
"To stop the Master," Jack answered simple.
"And you had no opportunities to escape?"
"Once, just after the Toclafane first came through. I could have used my vortex manipulator to escape, but I gave it to Martha instead."
"Why?" Ianto wondered. He tried to keep his tone even, but it horrified him to think that Jack had effectively sacrificed himself like that.
"The Master would have killed her!" Jack burst out indignantly. Ianto nodded patiently.
"Bear with me, cariad. "Tell me, why didn't you escape with her?"
"Because it would have meant leaving the Doctor there on his own," Jack replied without hesitation. "I couldn't do that. I couldn't abandon him."
"So you stayed on the Valiant for him," Ianto said softly, his stomach churning at the thought.
"I had to," Jack whispered. "Me being on the Valiant, it distracted the Master. With me there, it kept the others from getting hurt, because he could keep hurting me, over and over."
"You were a buffer between the Master and the other prisoners," Ianto suggested.
"Yeah, I guess I was," Jack said with just a hint of bitterness. Then, suddenly, he stopped as realisation dawned in his pale blue eyes. "My being there… on that ship… protected the Doctor and the Jones family from being hurt by the Master. Because every time they did something that made him angry, he took it out on me. But I figured that was okay, because I could survive it. They wouldn't have. And Martha… She would never have forgiven me if I'd let anything happen to her family."
Ianto refrained from commenting that surely this Martha woman —of whom he'd frequently heard Jack speak so reverently — would have realised that Jack was in no position to actively help anyone. Instead, he caressed Jack's face lovingly, and used his thumb to gently brush away Jack's tears.
"My beautiful, brave Jack," he murmured as Jack dissolved into a fresh flood of tears. "Still trying to protect others when you couldn't even protect yourself."
"I suffered through that year because I had to," Jack choked out in between miserable, heart-broken sobs. "There was a reason for it, even if I didn't always know what it was. There was still a reason!"
"But what those men did to you…"
"There was no reason," Jack sobbed. "Just hate. Only hate…"
"Jack," Ianto whispered. "Why did they attack you?"
"Because they thought I was gay," Jack sobbed out. "They did it because I like other men."
Ianto felt sick to his stomach. A hate crime. It had been a hate crime, nothing to do with Torchwood. His heart broke all over again at the thought of Jack being exposed to that sort of hatred, and he felt a wash of determination to make the culprits pay.
"Anwylyd," he whispered. He wanted so much to be able to hug Jack, to kiss him and take away the hurt, but not daring to for fear of hurting him… or perhaps even worse, sending him into a fresh panic. He was still trying to decide what to do when he was startled by movement around him. Looking up, he found that Owen, Toshiko, Gwen and Tish had come in and were settling themselves around the couch.
Gradually, as Jack's sobs faded and his distress eased, he too became aware of his team's presence. For a brief moment, he seemed on the cusp of panicking all over again, before acceptance overcame fear, and he settled with a slight shudder.
"You know you can't pretend this never happened, don't you, Jack?" Gwen asked him gently. "You need to talk about it, for your own sake."
Awkwardly, Jack sat up.
"And then what?" he asked bitterly. "We track down the men who attacked me? What good would that do now?"
"For starters, it'd stop them from hurting anyone else," Owen pointed out quietly. When Jack shot him a look, he explained himself grimly. "You're not their first victim, Jack. You're just the first one to have lived."
The shock and horror on Jack's face was palpable.
"There have been others?"
"Remember the Brecon Beacons, Jack," Tosh said, with an apologetic glance at Ianto. "How would it have been if we'd gone and just left those people there to carry on with what they'd been doing? We couldn't have, and you know it. And we can't just move on now without trying to put a stop to it."
"What am I supposed to do?" Jack asked in a strained voice, hating the helplessness that he was feeling. "What do you want from me?"
"Talk to us, Jack," Gwen urged him. "Tell us what happened, from your own lips."
He opened his mouth to say no, but surprised himself when, instead, he began to talk about the attack.
"I don't remember which pub I went to," he admitted, his gaze fixed firmly on his hands. "Just that it was somewhere in Butetown. I didn't care at the time. I just wanted to go somewhere, get drunk and forget about everything."
Three pairs of eyes turned briefly to Ianto, who had the grace to look guilty. Jack continued to speak, oblivious to the shared looks.
"It was a set-up, but I was feeling too damn sorry for myself to realise it. A young guy approached me at the bar, tried a few moves. I was going to leave with him, but I changed my mind. Felt too much like a betrayal. It was too late, though. I'd shown I was interested, and I guess that was all they were watching for. They ambushed me outside, by the SUV. There were six of them altogether."
"Fucking cowards," Owen growled heatedly. Jack glanced up at him, and then dropped his gaze again.
"They pinned me to the SUV… smashed my face into the window and used one of our stun guns to knock me out. I don't know where they took me. When I woke up, I was tied up in the back of the SUV. I tried to fight when they pulled me out, but they used the gun again." He faltered, shaking slightly at the memory. "Next time I woke up, I'd been stripped naked, and they were tying me to a bed with barbed wire."
"Oh my god," Tish whimpered, tears filling her eyes. The barbed wire was one gruesome detail that she had not been told about by the others. Jack went on, his tone dull as he tried to suppress the pain and horror of the experience.
"I knew what they were going to do to me. It was kind of obvious when they all started stripping off. I didn't want to believe it, but the first guy…" Jack swallowed convulsively. "They gagged me with the wire after the first one finished, to try and shut me up. I guess I was making a lot of noise. They… They all had a go at me. A couple of them came back for a second turn, too. One of them broke my arm with a tire iron when I tried to fight.
"I guess it didn't go on for that long… but it felt like it did. One of them had a knife, thought he'd get creative with it. He carved Bible verses all over my body. I think they'd partially healed by the time the police got to me, so no one actually realised the meaning." He shuddered again, looking thoroughly ill. "I was only half-conscious when they finally left, but I remember one of them leaned over me. Son of a bitch kissed me, and then he said 'Merry Christmas, you fucking poof. Not such a pretty boy anymore, are you'. Then they were gone. I don't know how long it was between when they left, and when the police arrived."
"Oh god, Jack," Gwen whispered in dismay.
Jack looked away, unable to meet their gazes, and his shoulders started to tremble as shock threatened all over again. Deciding to take a chance, Ianto slipped his arms gently around Jack's trembling body, and he guided Jack to lean in against him. For a brief moment, Jack resisted. But then, his resistance collapsed, and he folded in against Ianto with a muffled sob.
"We have to find these bastards," Owen said quietly. "Jack, we can't just let this go. Even if you're not directly involved yourself, let us follow it through. Don't let them get away with it."
"Okay."
It came out severely muffled by Ianto's suit jacket, but nonetheless understandable."
"Good," Owen murmured, quietly relieved they no longer had to sneak around behind Jack's back. "Good man."
Slowly, Jack looked up, as though reluctant to detach himself from Ianto.
"You want to start now?"
"Nah, mate. I want you to get some rest now. We'll take strategies tomorrow. Ianto, why don't you get him out of here? Take him back to your place?"
Ianto nodded before looking questioningly to Jack.
"Jack? Do you want to come back with me to mine?"
Even as Ianto watched, Jack breathed a soft sigh of relief, grateful to be given the freedom to choose.
"Yeah," he agreed softly. "I… I'd like that."
Moving gently and carefully, Ianto stood up.
"I'll go and finish up a couple of things, then, and we'll get going. Won't be long."
They all filed out one by one until only Owen was left. The medic sat down carefully on the couch beside Jack, taking care not to make incidental contact.
"Jack, I wanted to ask you about something. Detective Swanson…"
Jack's expression clouded into something unreadable.
"What about her?"
Owen held his hands up, palms out, in a defensive gesture.
"Relax, Jack. I just wanted to say that she wants to see you again."
"She can't," Jack mumbled. "Not yet."
"I know that, mate. Just need you to know that she's trying. Jack…"
"What, Owen?"
Owen ignored Jack's burgeoning anger, and continued to speak calmly.
"Why did you let her come into the Hub to see you in the first place? I'm not gonna say it was a fucking stupid idea… even though it was… but I'm just curious."
Jack practically deflated right in front of Owen's eyes.
"It's hard to explain."
"So try."
Jack rubbed compulsively at his wrists.
"When the police came, it didn't take long for word to get around… you know, about me. They all wanted to come in and get a look. It was like a damned parade, Owen. Most of them were laughing at me, and there was this one guy who was standing near the door making jokes! They all thought it was funny. Captain Jack got himself screwed over. Really fucking hilarious."
Owen didn't so much as crack a smile.
"None of us are laughing, mate."
"I know… but they did. Except for Kathy."
Jack fell quiet, and Owen waited patiently for Jack to collect his thoughts.
"I thought she'd laugh at me, too, when she arrived. But she didn't. She went off on the cop who'd been making jokes, and she kicked everyone out of the room. She stayed with me, though. Even when I was screaming, she stayed. She didn't have to, but she did… even after they way I'd treated her."
"Did you know she stayed at the hospital for you, too?" Owen asked, and Jack shook his head slowly.
"No. I didn't know."
"Well, she did."
Jack slumped back against the couch.
"She had every right to laugh at me, but she didn't. She tried to give me back a little bit of dignity…"
"And you feel you owe her for that."
Jack was silent as he wrung his hands. After a long moment of observation, Owen reached over and covered Jack's hands with his own, stilling the nervous, incessant movement.
"She's done right by you, Jack. I'll give her that much. But we don't owe her anything. You don't owe her anything. Especially not after she let those pictures of you get aired on the bloody news."
Jack looked back up at him tiredly.
"You really think she had anything to do with that, Owen? You think she behaved like she did towards me, only to let that happen?"
"No, I suppose not," Owen conceded. "But I'll bet she knows who did do it, and it still comes down to the same thing. All cops together." Jack looked away again, and Owen sighed softly. "C'mon, mate. We'll find Ianto, and you can get out of here for the night."
Tish was waiting for him as they emerged from the office, and Jack offered her an apologetic smile.
"Sorry, beautiful. Not exactly the visit you were hoping for, I know."
She approached him, but took care to give him his space, making no attempt to make physical contact with him.
"It's okay, Jack. I… I'd like to stay around and help, if you're all right with that. But I'll understand if you'd rather I go."
Jack looked past her to Owen, who shrugged.
"It's okay by me. Could do with an extra pair of hands to pick up the slack for now."
"That's settled, then," Jack murmured. He sounded relieved, they all thought. Tish peered up at him quizzically.
"I ought to call Martha. She'll want to know…"
"No!" Jack burst out suddenly, startling everyone. "No, please… Don't call her."
Tish stared at him, clearly baffled, but she didn't argue with him.
"All right, Jack. I won't call her. I promise."
Again, Jack appeared to be relieved. Ianto ventured forward then. He was curious to know why Jack was against Tish contacting a woman whom he had heard Jack talking about with such reverence and, dare he think it, love; but now was not the time to ask Jack about it.
"Right, then. We'll be going, shall we?"
Gwen stepped up as Ianto began to lead Jack away. Though she was obvious making a visible effort not to crowd in on him, she still couldn't resist reaching out and taking hold of his arm. Mildly startled by the gesture, Jack jerked away from her, and nearly stumbled.
"I'm sorry," Gwen said anxiously, her expression stricken. Jack flushed red with shame at his own reaction and in an effort to conceal his embarrassment, he put his arms around her in a brief hug. It was a stiff and uncomfortable gesture, though, and only seemed to increase the tension in the air.
"C'mon," Ianto murmured, suddenly anxious to get Jack out of there. "Let's go home, cariad."
He held out his hand to Jack, who took it after just a moment's consideration.
"I don't get it," Gwen murmured in confusion once the two men had left. "All I did was touch his arm and he panicked, and yet he'll hold Ianto's hand!"
"Okay," Owen said flatly, "first of all, you did not just touch his arm. You grabbed him by the arm. Secondly, Ianto gave him the choice of physical contact. Thirdly… he loves Ianto. That's got to count for something."
Gwen couldn't keep a slight frown off her face.
"I thought he… loved all of us."
It was a weak save, and they all knew what had been on her lips before she stopped herself.
"Go home to Rhys, Gwen," Owen told her quietly. "Leave Ianto to look after Jack. Because believe me, right now he's the only one who can."
Ianto couldn't help but be surprised at the way Jack seemed to relax once they were safely ensconced in his apartment; so utterly different to how he had been only a short while ago.
The trip from the Hub to his home had been a tense one, with Jack sitting low in the passenger seat the entire way. Ianto thought that it was as if he was trying desperately to avoid being seen. It didn't particularly surprise him, but he couldn't help just wonder who it was that Jack wanted to avoid being seen by. Alternatively, he thought on a more sober note, it occurred to him that maybe there were certain individuals that Jack wanted to avoid seeing, as well. Detective Swanson, maybe… or perhaps the very men who had attacked him.
That was a sobering thought, and it got Ianto to wondering what he might do if Jack were to spot any of his attackers. He wondered, and at the same time found himself suddenly becoming almost painfully conscious of the gun that was so readily available in the glove box of his car.
He found it best not to think too hard on that, and it became more or less a moot point once they were shut away within the sanctuary of Ianto's home. After securing the locks, Ianto urged Jack to sit himself on the couch, which he did after pulling the greatcoat tightly around his body. He then went to find different clothes for Jack to wear.
"Here," he said quietly, laying a pair of sweatpants, a t-shirt and sweater on the couch beside Jack. "Why don't you get changed, Jack? You'll be more comfortable. Then, if you like, I'll bring out the duvet and a couple of pillows, and we can just relax and watch some movies."
"I… I'd like to have a bath," Jack admitted softly.
"Sure," Ianto agreed easily. "Stay here, and I'll go and run it for you."
Jack watched him go, torn between getting up and following, and staying right where he was. Eventually, he decided on the former; picked up both himself and clothes Ianto had brought out for him and made his way through into the bathroom. Ianto glanced across at him as he walked in, and smiled.
"Won't take long. I've added some bath salts. They should help you to relax." He finished running the water, and got back to his feet. "Now, you can get in and have a good, long soak, and I'll see about food. If you like, I can order us some take-out, or just soup and toast…"
"I'm not really hungry, Ianto."
The admission didn't particularly surprise Ianto, but he was also conscious of the fact that Jack had eaten virtually nothing of substance since his body had finished healing. He was starting to look pale and gaunt, much how he'd looked after coming home from… Well, whatever it was that he'd disappeared to do.
"I know you're not, Jack, but you still need to eat. I'll just heat up some soup. That won't be too heavy on your stomach."
Jack didn't argue. He simply didn't have the energy in him for it.
Ianto stepped past him, brushing his fingertips lightly over Jack's shoulder as he went.
"I'll go and get the soup ready to heat up. Will you be all right here?"
Jack nodded wordlessly, his gaze fixed on the tub. The hot water looked incredibly inviting, and all of a sudden he couldn't wait to strip of his clothes and submerge himself.
"All right, then," Ianto murmured. "You have a good soak. I'll just leave the door open a fraction, okay? Give a shout if you need anything at all."
Again, Jack nodded. He waited until Ianto had left the room before stripping his clothes off one item at a time, pausing to fold each one carefully out of nervous habit.
Avoiding looking at himself in the mirror, Jack climbed into the tub and lowered himself down into the water, breathing a soft sigh of relief.
Ianto wandered around the apartment for nearly twenty minutes, tidying up here and there before finally venturing into the kitchen to heat up the soup, as promised. He was just emptying a tin of Jack's favourite soup into a saucepan when the doorbell rang. Cursing softly, he turned off the burner and went to see who was there. Slightly worse than the average Welsh curse slipped from his tongue when Gwen's voice floated through the door.
"Ianto, love, it's Gwen."
Swallowing an urge to snap, Ianto opened the door and let her in. She had her arms full with bags of fresh take-away and other newly bought items.
"I thought I'd bring some food around," she announced, marching past him to deposit the bags in the kitchen.
"That's very thoughtful of you," Ianto said with forced politeness, but Jack really isn't up to eating very much at the moment. I was just planning on heating up some soup…"
"Nonsense," Gwen snorted. "He'll feel better for getting some solid food into him. I brought his favourites. Now, where is he…?"
"Having a bath," Ianto said tightly.
"Oh… Well, I'll just wait on the couch, then, shall I? Couldn't spare a cup of coffee, could you? There's a love."
Ianto made the coffee, silently fuming at the unwarranted and unwanted invasion and wondering why he didn't simply turf her out. The last thing Jack needed right then was her fawning over him.
"Do you think he's all right?" Gwen asked as he brought the requested coffee over, in the smallest mug he'd been able to find. "Because I could just pop in and look in on him. I don't mind…"
"No, I'm sure you wouldn't," Ianto said tersely. "Jack, however, might." She blinked at him, and he sighed heavily. "He's okay, Gwen. Just please, let him have a little privacy."
If anything, she seemed more put-out.
"I'm just concerned about him, Ianto."
"You think I'm not?"
"Of course I don't! Look, all I'm trying to say is that I don't think you should be leaving him alone… You know, with him being in the state he is."
"Why, Gwen? What do you think I'm going to do?"
Gwen jumped a little and twisted around to find Jack standing there, in the clothes that Ianto had provided him with.
"Jack…"
"I'm fine," he said shortly. "Your concern is appreciated. Now you can go."
Gwen flushed red at the obvious dismissal.
"I just wanted to be sure you were all right, Jack…"
"I know, Gwen. I do appreciate it. I'm just… I'm sorry. I'm just not up to showing it right now."
She brightened visibly at his apology.
"That's all right, love. I understand."
No, you don't, Ianto thought in growing frustration. You really don't.
"Well, perhaps I ought to get going," she said and, before Ianto fully realised what was happening, she stepped in to try and embrace Jack for the second time that day.
With an impending sense of doom and horror, Ianto could only watch as she took hold of his forearms and stretched up with the obvious intention of kissing him. He saw it coming only a split second in advance, and was helpless to prevent it.
Jack wrenched out of her grasp in a blind panic, and swung wildly in an attempt to protect himself. The back of his fist struck Gwen across the face, sending her reeling backwards into Ianto, and Jack flew backwards to the farthest corner of the room, where he crouched down and curled into a trembling ball.
"Oh god," Gwen groaned, wincing as she slowly regained her footing, and gingerly touched her face.
"It's not bleeding," Ianto said coldly, "but I imagine you're going to have one hell of a black eye tomorrow."
She looked from him to Jack, and back to Ianto again.
"I…"
"Don't," Ianto snapped, truly angry. "Don't say anything. Just go, before you do anymore damage."
"I was only…"
"I said don't!" Ianto exploded, and then forced himself to calm down when he heard Jack whimper in fear at his raised voice. He sucked in a long breath, willing himself to speak in an even tone. "You brought that on yourself, because you were so desperate to prove that you could still connect with him. And now I've got to try and calm him down all over again, all because you couldn't keep your bloody hands to yourself! Just go! Please!"
Gwen fled after uttering a whispered apology. Ianto locked the door after her, and then went to see to Jack.
"She's gone, cariad," Ianto murmured as he crouched down beside Jack. "It's just you and me now, love."
Jack said nothing, and Ianto couldn't be sure if Jack even knew he was there. He dared not try and touch him. After Gwen's disastrous attempt to prove she was still Jack's favourite, he dared not make any contact at all.
"Anwylyd," Ianto murmured. "You're safe. I promise, you're safe. Don't be afraid, it's all right. No one is going to hurt you here."
Ianto was genuinely afraid by then that Jack was about to hyperventilate, as he listened to the ragged, desperate gasps of breath that Jack was taking. If it came to it, to keep Jack from physically traumatising himself worse than he already had been, Ianto was prepared to consider forced sedation. He had the medical supplies to do it, along with the knowledge — a product of the time he had spent taking care of Lisa. He was just starting to think he had no choice, when Jack spoke in a shaky whisper.
"I hit her."
Relief flooded through Ianto.
"Don't worry about it, cariad. It's nothing she won't recover from."
"Didn't mean to," Jack said plaintively. He looked at Ianto, and the Welshman's heart clenched at the tears that fell from Jack's eyes. "Couldn't help it. I just… just panicked."
"It wasn't your fault," Ianto insisted. "She should have known better than to grab at you like that."
"But I don't understand," Jack admitted. "Why do I panic when she… or anyone else… touches me… but not you?"
"I don't know," Ianto said, "but I'm grateful for it." He held out his hand to Jack, who took it with only the slightest of hesitations. "God knows you have no good reason to trust me after what I did to you, but I'm grateful that you do."
He turned Jack's hand over gently in his, and allowed his thumb to rub gently over the pulse point in Jack's wrist. He made no attempt to make any further contact, leaving it entirely up to Jack whether he wanted to move closer or pull away.
Ianto sent up a silent prayer of gratitude when Jack shuffled closer, moving willingly into his young lover's protective embrace. Wrapping his arms very loosely around Jack's body, Ianto risked brushing a feather-light kiss across the top of Jack's head. Jack sighed softly and settled in against Ianto, resting his head on the younger man's shoulder.
"Let it out, anwylyd," Ianto whispered as Jack wept quietly. "Don't hold it in."
"I hate this," Jack said in between miserable sobs. "I'm supposed to be stronger than this. Why can't I just put it behind me, and get on with things?"
"I don't know," Ianto murmured. "I wish I had an answer for you, but I don't. I can't even honestly say I understand what you're going through. We're both flying blind here, Jack."
"Part of me wants to push you away," Jack admitted miserably, "and part of me never wants you to let me go. I'm terrified that if I give in to the side that doesn't want anyone to touch me, then you'll walk away from me and not come back."
"Not going to happen, anwylyd," Ianto murmured. "I love you, and I'm not going to abandon you, I promise. Even if you do push me away, I won't leave you. I'll just keep coming back to you."
They sat in silence, Ianto cradling Jack and humming softly. Slowly, oh so slowly, he felt Jack relaxing into his embrace and gradually calming down again.
"All right, now?" Ianto asked gently, and Jack nodded.
"Yeah. I think so."
"How about we move to the couch, then? Be a bit more comfortable than the floor."
Jack allowed Ianto to help him up, his face flame-red with embarrassment.
"I'm sor…"
"No, don't you say it," Ianto warned him lightly. "I told you, you have nothing to apologise for. We both need to accept that you're going to have moments like this. There's no need to be embarrassed about it."
Jack stared up at Ianto in wonder as he sank down onto the couch.
"I don't deserve you."
Tears threatened abruptly in Ianto's eyes, and he reached out to brush his fingertips tenderly against Jack's cheek. The older man flinched slightly at the contact, but resisted the urge to pull away.
"Think you could stomach some soup?" Ianto asked, and Jack nodded.
"A little, maybe." His gaze went to the bags of hot food that sat on the bench in Ianto's kitchen. "Gwen brought all of that?"
Ianto couldn't quite stop himself from wrinkling his nose in distaste at the mention of her.
"Unfortunately, yes. Don't worry, I wouldn't expect you to eat any of it."
Jack sighed a little.
"She meant well."
"I'm not so certain of that, Jack. I suspect her motives were less than pure. At the moment, it seems that she's trying to behave as though she's the only one who understands what you're going through. Now I never thought I'd say this, but Owen is showing more understanding than she is."
An odd, almost wistful look touched Jack's face.
"I knew he had it in him… to show compassion like that… but I never thought it'd be towards me."
"He does care about you," Ianto reminded him gently. "And I think that perhaps he feels like taking care of you now might go some ways towards absolving him for shooting you."
"I forgave him for that," Jack murmured with a frown.
"You did," Ianto agreed. "But I think he's still trying to forgive himself."
He left Jack to consider that while he heated up the soup. Jack was still sitting there, silent and thoughtful, when Ianto came back with two bowls on a tray. He set one down, and Jack was relieved to see that it was only half-full.
"There, see how you go with that," Ianto told him. "And if you still want more when you're done with that, there's more in the saucepan."
Jack took a sip, and sighed in contentment.
"Potato and bacon. My favourite."
Ianto smiled, and watched with quiet satisfaction as Jack slowly devoured the contents of his bowl. Perhaps his appetite was not quite as non-existent after all.
"Do you want a little more?" Ianto asked, watching with an amused and affectionate smile as Jack tried to scrape the last remaining drops from the bottom of the bowl. Jack looked torn.
"I don't think I could eat a lot more…"
"Here, then," Ianto murmured. He edged closer, to within arm's length, and scooped a spoonful out of his own bowl, holding it out to Jack. The Captain looked mildly bemused, but opened his mouth regardless to accept the spoonful of soup. He swallowed another half dozen spoonfuls before finally shaking his head to signal he'd had enough.
"I can't eat anymore, Ianto."
"That's all right, love. You did well. Feeling okay?"
Jack nodded slowly. His belly was comfortably full, he was warm and clean, and he felt safe. He was feeling okay."
The doorbell rang.
Ianto barely restrained himself from swearing, all too conscious of the way that Jack abruptly tensed up again at the sound. If that was Gwen come back for round two… Jack seemed to guess what he was thinking, and reached out to lightly touch Ianto's hand.
"She means well," he said softly, and Ianto forced a tight smile onto his face.
"Right."
Leaving Jack on the couch, he strode over to the door and all but flung it open, fully prepared for a fight. Anything he'd been psyching himself up to say, though, died on his lips as he stared at the person standing on the other side.
"Da…"
Geraint Jones raised an eyebrow almost comically at his son's stunned reaction.
"Ianto. I've been trying to reach you to let you know the baby arrived safely, but your phone has been turned off."
For a moment, Ianto was baffled, trying to think how that could possibly be when the phone was a vital piece of equipment for work. Then he remembered that he had two — one for work and one for personal use. His parents had the number for the personal mobile phone, and that phone had been stashed away in the glove box of his car since Christmas Eve.
He felt sick at the reminder.
"Oh, right…" he stammered, feeling like a right fool. "What was it, then?"
"A little boy," Geraint said with a definite touch of pride. "They named him Daffyd."
"That, ah… That's great," Ianto breathed. "Was that all?"
Again, the eyebrow show up in a familiar gesture.
"Aren't you going to invite me in, son?"
Ianto felt the breath literally freeze in his throat, and his brain seemed to shut down on him. A part of him — a big part — wanted to slam the door in his father's face and pretend he'd never shown up. But there was another part of him that whispered here was his chance to prove that he hadn't lied to Jack. Here was a chance to show some fortitude for once, consequences be damned. He loved his parents… but his life and future was with Jack.
Stepping back, Ianto ushered his father inside.
"Come in, Da. There's someone here that I want you to meet."
Geraint's eyebrow rose yet again, but he walked in regardless, and followed Ianto through to the living room. Jack started to get up, but Ianto laid a hand on his shoulder, exerting the gentlest of pressure to stop him.
"Stay there, cariad," he murmured, his heart thumping in his chest as his father looked shocked at the endearment. "Da," Ianto went on, "this is Jack Harkness. Jack, my father, Geraint Jones."
The two men shook hands, and Ianto felt a rush of pride that Jack was able to make the physical contact without flinching. He motioned for his father to sit in one of the armchairs, and went to pour fresh coffee for all of them.
"Ianto's mentioned you before," Geraint said in a conversational tone that belied the suspicion in his eyes. "You're his boss, aren't you? The Captain…?"
Jack glanced fleetingly at Ianto before nodding.
"Yeah. That's right. I'm his boss."
"No, that's not right," Ianto countered as he came back. His heart was pounding in triple time now, but he steeled himself for what was about to be said. In his own mind, he had one chance to get this right. He wasn't going to screw it up a second time.
Both men were staring at him now — his father in open confusion, and Jack with a mixture of curiosity, anticipation and… dare he think…? Hope…
Ianto walked over and, after setting down the tray of coffee, sat next to Jack and took hold of his hand.
"Jack is my boyfriend, Da."
It was as simple and plain as Ianto could make it, and he noted two very distinct reactions. Jack let his breath out in a rush, staring at Ianto with eyes that shone with unshed tears. The look on his face was nothing short of pure joy. Across from them, thought, Geraint looked pale and in shock; but not disgusted, Ianto thought with slim hope.
"You're gay," Geraint said finally.
"Bisexual, actually," Ianto replied, surprising himself with how calm he sounded. Geraint uttered a strangled noise.
"Is there a difference?"
Ianto conceded to him on that point.
"To you? Probably not."
Geraint reached automatically for one of the coffee mugs in front of him, and took a long swallow.
"How long?" he asked tensely, making a visible effort to stay calm. Ianto blinked, slightly confused.
"Do you mean how long have I known I was gay? Or how long I've been in a relationship with Jack?"
Geraint uttered that funny little strangled sound again.
"The… relationship."
"A while now," Ianto admitted. "But we've been dating seriously for three months now."
Geraint turned his hard stare onto Jack.
"What about you? How serious is this for you?"
Jack felt Ianto's grip tighten just fractionally on his hand, offering silent support. He breathed in long and deep, and when he spoke his voice was soft but sure.
"I love Ianto, Mr Jones. I'd do anything for him."
"Including walk away from him so that he doesn't have to suffer being disowned by his family?" Geraint asked flatly. Ianto blanched in horror and dismay.
"Da!"
Jack felt that awful clutch of fear and panic start to build again deep in his gut, and he tried to detach himself from Ianto's grip, intending to get up and leave. This, surely, was why Ianto had done what he did before Christmas, and Jack finally found himself understanding. After all, family was more important than anything, and of course he would choose his family first…
Except, Ianto refused to let him go, and instead pulled him back against the couch, holding him as tightly as he dared.
"You're not going anywhere, Jack," Ianto told him solemnly. And then, to his father, "Don't do this, Da. Don't force me to choose."
Far from being angry, Geraint looked sorrowful.
"You may not have a choice, son. Do you really think your mother could accept this? You know how much she wants you to settle down, get married and have a family of your own."
Ianto glanced fleetingly at Jack, who grimaced slightly. He could almost hear Jack's thoughts.
Could still happen…
And oh, they were so not getting into that possibility now.
"Da, if I have to choose between my family and Jack, I will choose Jack. I love him, and I want to be with him, and if you can't accept that, then I'm sorry. But the door is right over there. You're welcome to use it."
Once the ultimatum had been laid down, Ianto fully expected his father to get up and walk out. To say that he was surprised when it didn't happen was a major understatement.
For his part, Geraint sighed and shook his head.
"Ianto, I'm disappointed in you. Do you really believe I'd turn my back on you, just because of what you do in your bedroom?"
Slowly, Ianto felt the enormous knot in his stomach start to loosen.
"I hoped you wouldn't… but what you said… to Jack… and everything about homosexuality in your church…"
"I'm sorry," Geraint apologised quietly, to Jack as well as to Ianto. "What I said was mostly the shock talking. I honestly did not mean it the way it came out. But you also need to be prepared for the reaction from the rest of the family. I won't say they'd reject you outright, but it's going to be a huge shock, and it will take them time to adjust. As for church, I won't deny we've been taught to believe that homosexuality is a sin, but that doesn't mean I can't accept you regardless."
"You… You're really okay with this?" Ianto asked tentatively, hardly daring to hope.
"I wouldn't say that," Geraint said. "Not quite yet, at least. But give me time, Ianto." His gaze went to Jack, and realisation dawned on his face.
"You're the one who was in hospital on Christmas Day, weren't you?"
Jack stiffened noticeably, but managed to nod and answer softly.
"Yes, sir."
Genuine concern filled Geraint's face.
"Are you all right? Ianto said you'd been badly assaulted."
Jack glanced at Ianto, aware that he would have still had all of his injuries from the attack at the time that that particular conversation would have taken place.
"Not yet," Jack admitted quietly. "But I'm getting there."
"Ianto also said you offered to work over Christmas so that he could spend Christmas with his family. That was very good of you."
Jack said nothing, and Ianto felt that knot start to tighten up once more. Time for one more painful confession…
"That's not how it happened, Da," he admitted. Geraint regarded Ianto critically, and the younger man suddenly had a distinct, sickening feeling that his father already knew the truth, and was just waiting for him to admit to it.
"Oh? What did happen, then?"
"I lied," he said miserably, uncomfortable under the scrutiny of both Jack and his father's gaze. "I lied to Jack… to you… to everyone. I was afraid of everyone finding out the truth, that Jack and I are together. So I told Jack that the plans had changed. And I told you that he couldn't come because he had to work. I lied to everyone, I hurt the man I love, and all for nothing! I'm sorry, I…"
He trailed off, breaking down into heavy sobs. Geraint was on his feet immediately, but Jack already had his arms around the young man, drawing him tentatively into his embrace.
"It's okay," Jack whispered, tears stinging his own eyes. "I forgive you. It's okay…"
"No, it isn't," Ianto sobbed. "It isn't okay. It's all my fault! If I hadn't done that to you, you wouldn't have gotten hurt. It is my fault, and I don't deserve to be forgiven!"
Jack shut his eyes as he held Ianto close. He wanted to refute Ianto's determination to blame himself, but he couldn't; because somewhere deep within his own fragile mind, he blamed Ianto as well. He forgave him, but that didn't erase the desire to lay blame.
"Is this true?" Geraint asked hoarsely, but Jack shook his head.
"Doesn't matter now."
And it didn't, as far as he was concerned. What was done was done, and it couldn't be changed. All they could do now was move forward, and try to get on with life. His face felt damp, and it took him a minute to realise that he, too, was crying now. Not exactly how he would have chosen to gain the approval of a lover's family, but who was he to ignore opportunity when it knocked? The sympathy card was as good a device as any, after all, and he'd used it many times before. The only difference this time was that he was not faking. His grief and pain was only too real.
A hand alighted on his shoulder as he held Ianto, and he looked around to find himself staring into Geraint's concerned features.
"Jack, what happened to you?"
And it came spilling out of Jack's mouth before he could stop himself.
"Christmas Eve, I was ambushed outside a pub. Six men…"
He couldn't get anymore than that out, but Ianto spoke for him, rubbing his eyes as he drew back a little from Jack.
"Jack was ambushed, Da. He was taken somewhere and assaulted, and he wasn't found until Christmas Day. He was nearly killed, Da."
Geraint stared at Jack, and they could see a multitude of thoughts and emotions running through him. Ianto didn't need to elaborate on the word 'assaulted'. It was clear that Geraint had rapidly realised the truth of what hadn't been said.
When he did finally speak, it was just two simple words, spoken with sincerity, sorrow and understanding.
"I'm sorry."
to be continued...