Jack turned, momentarily disoriented, until his eyes found the door
Jack turned, momentarily disoriented, until his eyes found the door. He stumbled over to the door and tried desperately to get it open, but to no avail. Turning, he soon found the cause of his apparent incarceration standing mere feet away from him.
"Let me out of here," Jack croaked out. The Doctor shook his head.
"Not yet, Jack. Not until we've had a good, long chat. The powers that be at UNIT aren't very happy with you at the moment. They've asked me personally to come and sort you out for them."
Jack froze, staring at the Doctor with an inscrutable expression.
"That's why you're here? Because of UNIT?"
"That's right."
"No… No other reason…?"
A frown flickered across the Doctor's face. Jack's tone and mannerism were already setting off alarm bells, and that choice of words was not helping.
"No, but you're starting to make me wonder. Jack, I was there listening to that phone call between you and General Macintyre, and I have to confess, it didn't put you in a very good light."
Jack turned away, ignoring the Doctor, and resumed his efforts to get the door open. The Doctor rolled his eyes in exasperation as he picked up snatches of murmured bribery from the Captain to the TARDIS.
"Will you please stop flirting with my ship? It's not going to get you out of here any faster."
Jack only responded with an incoherent grunt. The Doctor rolled his eyes.
"Would you please turn around and look at me? UNIT is very concerned about you and, quite frankly, so am I. The Jack Harkness I knew wouldn't let his temper get the better of him the way that you did earlier."
Jack paused just briefly, his fists clenched against the door. He could feel the beginnings of a panic attack, and knew that if he didn't get out of there soon, he wasn't going to be responsible for his actions.
"Maybe you don't know me as well as you think, then."
"No, that's not it. Jack, will you look at me? You know those doors are not going to open until I'm ready for them to. Your young man is just going to have to wait until I'm through with you."
Jack went rigid where he stood, his vision blurring and his heart rate sky-rocketing as his memories dragged him back unwillingly to that dank room once more.
A face, leaning in close to his, leering and positively radiating hatred and violence…
'Wait 'til I'm through with you, pretty boy. We're gonna make sure you never look at another man again. Jus' you wait 'til I'm through with you…'
"Jack…?"
The Doctor walked forward slowly, suddenly aware that something was very, very wrong.
"Jack, what's the matter? C'mon, talk to me. I can't get UNIT off your back unless you talk to me."
"Let me out," Jack whispered brokenly, his entire body trembling as he leaned against the door. "Please, let me out. Let me go. I… I need…"
"What?" the Doctor asked with a concerned frown. "Talk to me, Jack."
Jack was silent and for a long moment all the Doctor could hear was ragged breathing. Finally, the Doctor grew impatient with Jack's refusal to speak.
"Damn it, Jack, UNIT thinks you've gone off the rails, and I'm starting to wonder if maybe they're right! Now, will you come away from the door and face me?"
When Jack still refused to turn around, the Doctor growled in frustration and leaned in, grabbing Jack's arm in a bruising grip and physically pulling him away from the door.
Panic hit hard and fast. All of a sudden, Jack no longer saw the TARDIS, and the Doctor's concerned face blurred to become the face of every one of the six men who'd assaulted him.
With an incoherent scream, Jack wrenched out of the Doctor's grip and retaliated with a wild swing that just grazed the Doctor's cheek. He then tried to stumble away, only to trip against one of the supporting coral struts. The Captain landed with a painful, jarring jolt, and when the Doctor tried to take a step towards him, Jack scrambled away until he hit the wall, and could go no further.
As the Doctor watched in growing confusion and dismay, Jack literally curled in on himself, trembling and sobbing softly.
"Jack?" the Doctor asked, but there was no reaction. Crouching down, he reached out cautiously, only to quickly withdraw his hand when Jack visibly cringed away from the attempted contact.
"Jack, what's happened to you?" he asked softly. He felt the touch of the TARDIS' consciousness against his mind, urging him to open the door and let Jack's companion in. Reluctantly leaving Jack where he was, he went and unlocked the door. It swung open violently, and only a quick side-step saved a collision with the young man on the other side.
Ianto staggered into the TARDIS, looking around frantically.
"Where is he? What have you…? Jack!"
He spotted him by the wall of the ship, and his heart sank. Turning angrily, he glared at the Doctor with a ferocity that had the Time Lord stepping back in surprise.
"What have you done to him?" Ianto exploded. Without waiting for an answer, he hurried over to where Jack was huddling, and crouched down beside him. He spoke to Jack in a low, steady murmur, not yet touching him.
"Jack? I know you can hear me, cariad. I need you to come back to me, love. It's all right, you're safe. Please, Jack, come back to me. I'm here, anwylyd. I'm right here, and I promise you're safe. They won't be able to hurt you again, I swear it. Listen to me, Jack. Listen to me."
Slowly, Ianto reached out and closed his hand gently over Jack's clenched fist. The response was instantaneous, and went some way towards relieving Ianto's fears. Jack's hand turned in his and grabbed hold in a vice-like grip, and Ianto was sure that the glazed look of panic in Jack's eyes faded just a little.
"That's it," Ianto murmured as he shuffled closer and took a small liberty in reaching around to gently rub his hand over Jack's back and shoulders. He could feel the tremors that racked Jack's body gradually subsiding, signalling that the panic attack was already beginning to fade.
Close by, the Doctor watched in grim silence as Jack slowly calmed to the young man's gentle voice and soothing touch. He watched as Jack finally moved just far enough so that his head rested against Ianto's shoulder. He watched as Ianto continued to murmur soothingly, whispering nonsense words of comfort.
He watched as Jack's tremors eased off altogether, and calm and reason returned to his pale blue eyes.
"All right, anwylyd?" Ianto soothed. Jack shivered against him.
"If… If I say yes… would you believe me?"
Ianto smiled sadly, and brushed a feather-light kiss to Jack's temple.
"If I said yes, would you believe me?"
A crooked smile quirked Jack's lips.
"You ignore my question, and I'll ignore yours."
"Deal," Ianto said with a soft laugh.
Slowly, Jack pushed himself up into a sitting position, but made sure to stay close to Ianto. Then, gradually, both men became consciously aware of the Doctor, who was standing there watching them.
"All of a sudden," the Doctor said soberly, "I'm getting the feeling that UNIT is the least of your worries."
His face darkened visibly, and Ianto got abruptly to his feet to confront the Time Lord.
"How dare you! You just… just show up out of the blue, and you don't even consider whether he wants to see you. You don't even ask! And then you trap him inside your ship! Do you have any idea of the damage you could have done?"
The Doctor stared at Ianto, wide-eyed in astonishment, before looking past him to Jack.
"Got yourself a feisty one here, haven't you? Absolutely brill…"
He never had the chance to finish what he was saying. One moment he was standing there, grinning from ear to ear, and the next he was flat on his back after Ianto punched him.
"That was for leaving Jack behind!" Ianto snarled, flexing his fingers to rid them of the ache. The Doctor stared up at him for a long moment before another grin broke across his face.
"Oh, you're brilliant, you are. You'll want to hang on to this one, Jack. He's brilliant!"
By then, Jack had gotten to his feet as well, and he stepped past Ianto to pull the Doctor to his feet.
"I know he is. It's one of a whole lot of reasons why I love him."
And an instant later, the Doctor was sent staggering back into the consol when Jack hauled off and hit him as well.
"What was that for?" the Doctor cried out indignantly. "Him I get, but blimey, if I'd known you were going to hit first and talk later, I would've let Macintyre come himself!"
"Where were you?" Jack demanded in a guttural tone. The Doctor blinked at him, confused.
"Sorry?"
"Where were you?" Jack asked again in an increasingly strained voice. "On Christmas Eve and Christmas Day, where were you?"
And just like that, the Doctor's mask slammed into place.
"I was busy," he said flatly, his eyes suddenly dark and unreadable. Jack, caught up in his own grief, missed it.
"Busy," he spat out bitterly. "Standard answer for you, isn't it? When I said you abandoned me, you said pretty much the same thing. You bastard…"
"I was," the Doctor insisted, starting to feel more than a hint of irritation towards his old friend.
"Doing what?"
And despite the memories, the Doctor couldn't stop himself from sounding dismissive, though there was a darker tone barely concealed by that flippancy.
"Oh, you know, the usual. Saving the Earth, stopping badly named ships from dropping out of the sky…"
Ianto started a little, recalling the news reports of a spaceship that had very nearly crashed in London very early on Christmas Eve.
"That ship that nearly crashed into Buckingham Palace… You were on that?"
"Yes," the Doctor confirmed simply. For several seconds, the men all just stared at one another, and then Ianto saw a realisation dawn in Jack's eyes that he didn't fully comprehend.
"How many?" Jack asked sombrely.
"Too many," was the equally sombre reply.
"I'm sorry," Jack whispered, and the Doctor nodded and shoved his hands deep into his pockets.
"Yup."
Abruptly, Jack turned.
"We're going. C'mon, Ianto."
Ianto was visibly taken aback.
"What? But Jack…"
"I said, we're leaving!"
"Hold up just one second, Captain," the Doctor called out, and darted around to place himself squarely between Jack and the door. "We aren't finished yet."
Jack shook his head. The anger was gone, and his eyes were dull with a level of grief that the Doctor didn't understand.
"Yeah, we are. If you want to tell UNIT I've gone off the rails, then go ahead. I don't have the time or the strength to fight you over it."
He was almost to the door when the Doctor finally reacted, and darted around to block him once more. The Time Lord held up one hand, with the intention of placing it against Jack's chest to stop his advance towards the door, and his face darkened with suspicion when Jack jerked backwards with a short, sharp gasp.
"Jack, I don't care about UNIT right now," the Doctor said quietly. "I do, however, care about you, so you had better come clean and tell me what's wrong before I start jumping to conclusions."
Beside him, Ianto could almost feel Jack trying to psyche himself up, and he grasped his lover's arm in a gentle grip.
"Jack, you don't have to explain anything to him. Let's just go."
"I only want to help," the Doctor reassured them both. Ianto glared at him.
"He doesn't need your sort of help!" the young man exploded. "If you really wanted to help, you would have come when Jack really needed you!"
"Ianto…" Jack mumbled tiredly. The Doctor's frown deepened exponentially.
"Jack, what's he talking about?"
And Jack knew, even as he locked gazes with the Doctor, that he wouldn't be able to avoid telling his friend about it. He just didn't have the strength of will to fight him over it. Not here, though. Not while standing in the consol room of the TARDIS.
"Can we go somewhere else, please?" he asked, almost plaintively.
"My place?" Ianto offered, even though he was loathed to allow the Doctor anywhere near the sanctuary of his home. He could barely conceal his relief when Jack shook his head.
"No. I want to be able to sleep there, and it won't happen if I take these particular demons with me. I… I need somewhere neutral."
"Come with me," the Doctor offered, and headed towards the doorway that led deeper into the TARDIS. After a long moment of reluctant silence, Jack and Ianto followed.
"My room?" Jack asked tersely. "You think is neutral space?"
"This is the TARDIS, Jack. She chose it, not me, which suggests to me that you need a safe place, not a neutral one. She knows as well as I do that you always felt safest in here."
Jack's resolve crumbled. He was right, of course, and he knew better than to challenge the TARDIS.
"This was your room?" Ianto asked, his antipathy towards the Doctor momentarily forgotten as he was caught up in the wonder of his surroundings.
"It still is," the Doctor answered when Jack didn't. "It'll always be his room."
"Once a companion, always a companion, Doctor?" Jack asked bitterly, and the Doctor sighed.
"You weren't the first to be left behind, Jack, and you probably won't be the last. Admittedly, you were the only one left behind in those circumstances, and I am sorry that it happened that way. I'm not going to stand here and say that I'd do it differently if I had the chance, though, because we both know that isn't true. And anyway, I thought we'd resolved this! You know I won't run away from you again. Why the sudden abandonment issues?"
Jack sank down onto the bed and took a few seconds to steady his breathing before he spoke.
"I was ambushed on Christmas Eve. Six men in total, and it was nothing to do with Torchwood. They stunned me and took me to an empty flat where they stripped me, tied me down and gagged me with barbed wire, tortured and raped me."
The Doctor looked horrified. He reached out towards Jack, only to withdraw his hand when Jack winced.
"Jack, I…"
"So you'll excuse me if I'm not exactly at my most communicative right now," he went on, cutting the Doctor off abruptly.
"Rassilon," the Doctor whispered, leaning back heavily against the wall. Ianto sat down beside Jack and gently put his arms around him – a gesture, the Doctor noted with interest, that Jack did not shie away from.
"You really didn't know?" Ianto asked, and the Doctor gave a wild shake of his head.
"No, I really didn't, I swear it. If I had, I would have been there to help you, Jack, one way or another… sabotaged space cruiser, or not."
Jack looked up slowly, his attention caught by the sheer vehemence in the Time Lord's voice.
"Thankyou," he whispered, rubbing self-consciously at his eyes. Slowly, the Doctor moved forward again.
"Is that what this was all about? You thought I knew, didn't you? You thought I knew, and deliberately stayed away."
Jack had no response to that and could only shake his head miserably. He was starting to feel deeply ashamed of his assumptions, and couldn't look his friend in the eye.
"Oh, Jack…" the Doctor murmured. He crouched down in front of the Captain, and reached out to cover Jack's cold, trembling hands with his own. "I told you, I'll never run from you again. If I'd known what was happening to you, I would have come running. Nothing could have kept me away."
"Can't you still do something to stop it from happening?" Ianto asked with a frown. "This is a time machine, isn't it?"
"It's not that simple, Ianto," Jack answered before the Doctor had a chance to. "What happened to me has become a fixed point in history. It can't be changed. Even if he were to go back, he couldn't do anything to stop it."
Ianto shook his head.
"No. That's not fair. There has to be something you can do! You owe him!"
"Oh, I know I do," the Doctor agreed solemnly. "More than you could possibly understand. But everything I do for you can only be from this point on. I'm so sorry, but it's the way it has to be."
While Ianto frowned, unsatisfied, Jack looked quizzically at the Doctor.
"You… aren't leaving?"
The Doctor squeezed Jack's hand again.
"No, I'm not. Not yet, anyway."
Ianto felt the tension bleed out of Jack at the Doctor's assurance. Not sure whether he was ready to accept Jack's suddenly acquiescence to the Time Lord, Ianto stood up.
"I think it's time we were going."
"Where to?" the Doctor queried.
"Home, to my flat," Ianto replied, quietly annoyed at the sudden, inexplicable feeling of inadequacy he was experiencing. The Doctor regarded them with a raised eyebrow.
"You could stay here, you know. You'd both be perfectly safe, and she wouldn't mind at all, either."
"She?" Ianto echoed. "There's someone else here?"
"No, he means the ship herself," Jack told him. "The TARDIS. She's alive and sentient, Ianto. Concentrate, and you should be able to sense her."
Ianto shut his eyes just briefly, and started a little at the gentle, soothing touch against his mind. When he opened his eyes, he didn't know whether to be annoyed or not to find both Jack and the Doctor grinning at him, as though in conspiracy. After taking a long moment to compose himself, he focused his attention on Captain.
"What do you want to do, Jack?"
He hoped that Jack would opt against staying, and couldn't quite hide his disappointment when Jack spoke in a shaky whisper.
"I'd like to stay."
It was a monumental effort for Ianto to keep his voice even, and he started to stand up.
"Very well."
"Wait, where are you going?" Jack asked anxiously. He reached out, catching hold of Ianto's hand and holding onto it in a death grip. "Don't go, Ianto."
Ianto stared first at Jack, and then at the Doctor.
"The invitation is open to you, too, Ianto Jones," the Doctor said sincerely. "And, I think our Jack would be a lot more settled to know that you're right here with him."
With some reluctance, Ianto sat back down. He couldn't deny the spark of pleasure he felt, though, when Jack sighed with relief at his acquiescence.
"You aren't going to…"
The Doctor raised an eyebrow bemusedly.
"Not going to what?"
"I think," Jack said somewhat hoarsely, "that what he means is, we're not going to wake up on a strange planet, are we?"
The Doctor chuckled.
"Oh, no. I promise you that we'll be staying right here. And as I said, you're both perfectly safe, and you can leave any time you want to."
Jack stared darkly at the Doctor.
"As opposed to earlier?"
"You were angry and borderline incoherent, Jack. I couldn't let you walk out without knowing what was wrong. Now I know, and I can take steps to ensure that UNIT leaves you alone."
"You'd do that?" Ianto asked in astonishment. "Even though we're Torchwood…?"
The Doctor smiled warmly at him.
"You may be Torchwood, Ianto Jones, but this is Jack that we're talking about, and he's more important to me than holding a grudge against a regime that's well and truly gone. If UNIT doesn't want to accept it, then that's too bad, but I promise you that they'll have to go through me to get to you."
He stood up, and moved back towards the door.
"I'll leave you be. Try to get some sleep, both of you. We'll talk again in the morning."
"You're still angry with him," Jack observed once the Doctor had gone. Ianto looked at him sceptically from where he stood on the far side of the room, examining Jack's original greatcoat, which he had been wearing when he first met the Doctor.
"And you're not?"
"Yes," Jack admitted freely. "It hurts… a lot… but I do understand now why he didn't come. Even if he'd known… and I don't think he did… he couldn't have helped me. What he did, in stopping that cruiser from crashing, that was more important."
"The good of the many?" Ianto wondered, and when Jack nodded, the younger man snorted derisively. "I'm sorry, but that's a load of bollocks. You're just as important as some bloody spaceship."
A smile graced Jack's lips.
"I appreciate that, but it doesn't change the fact that he had something more important to do."
"But it still hurts," Ianto argued. "You admitted it yourself, and I can sense it in you. You said, why can't you be the one he saves for once, and you were right. Why can't he do that for you? Even once?"
"He did save me once, though," Jack said sombrely. "A long time ago, he saved my life when he didn't have any reason to." He looked down at the floor. "I don't need saving anymore. It's time I accepted that, and quit waiting for a fairy tale ending that's never going to happen."
And yet, despite his words, Jack couldn't hide the bitter longing in his voice. There was a dip in the mattress, and a moment later Ianto was taking hold of his hand.
"Why don't we get out of here? Go back to mine? Just the two of us, Jack. He can stay or go, but why should you put yourself in a position where you're open to being hurt?"
"Like I did with you?"
The words were out of his mouth before he could stop them, and Ianto flinched as though he'd been slapped. Regret filled Jack's face, and he tried to stammer an apology.
"Ianto, I… I'm sorry…"
Clamping down on his own hurt, Ianto took Jack's hand and held it gently.
"Don't apologise. It's true, after all."
"Still, I shouldn't," Jack mumbled uncomfortably. Ianto sighed, and decided to change his approach.
"If you want to stay, then we'll stay. But you're going to have to take off your coat and your boots, at the very least. I don't need you kicking me again."
Jack's indignant look was priceless, but he did as Ianto asked. Then, to Ianto's surprise, he continued to strip slowly until he was wearing only boxer shorts and a tee-shirt. Ianto regarded him in surprise.
"He was right. You do feel safe here."
There was no accusation in his tone. It was merely a simple observation. Jack nodded his agreement as he climbed into the large bed.
"After everywhere I've been, and everything I've done, this is the one place where nothing ever hurt me." He patted the bed space beside him. "Coming?"
Bemused, Ianto stripped off similarly to Jack, and climbed in beside him. They were just settling down when Jack spoke in a voice that was tinged with sadness.
"Not completely safe."
Ianto regarded him in puzzlement.
"What do you mean?"
Jack smiled, and Ianto suspected that in another time and place, it would have been one of the Captain's trademark leers.
"I never used to sleep in my shorts and tee-shirts. I never used to sleep in anything at all."
Ianto uttered a short laugh.
"Not just here, either."
An awkward silence fell. Ianto swallowed a sigh, and was about to try murmuring some soft words of comfort to Jack when he heard something new.
"Jack, what is that?" he asked in wonder, while at the same time hoping that Jack could actually hear it as well. Jack smiled again, and this time it was a more genuine smile.
"She's singing to us."
"She…? You mean the ship?"
"Listen," Jack murmured. "Shut your eyes, and listen to her."
Ianto did so at Jack's encouragement, and his breath caught at the calming sweetness of it. There were no comprehensible words, but Ianto soon realised that he didn't need any.
"It's beautiful," he whispered in awe, and Jack nodded, taking the liberty of snuggling in closer to him.
"I know. Just let it wash over you."
Ianto closed his eyes again to follow Jack's murmured instruction. Minutes slid by, and he felt himself becoming drowsy. He fought it only until Jack relaxed against him. Smiling sadly, Ianto finally gave in and allowed himself to follow Jack into slumber.
The Doctor leant against the wall outside Jack's room, listening to the song that the TARDIS was singing for their guests. He honestly had not heard anything so sweet and soothing since… well, since Rose had travelled with him. It bemused him slightly that she was reacting to tenderly towards the Captain when, not all that long ago, she had flown all the way to the universe to try and escape him.
He felt an indignant touch against his mind, and frowned.
"All right! I know I ran away from him, too. But you have to admit, the year One Hundred Trillion was a bit of an over-reaction. Imagine if I'd decided against exploring, and just left! Poor Jack would have been stranded… with the Master… and those cannibals…"
The Doctor shuddered, as did the TARDIS. Turning, he headed back to the consol room and began to type rapidly on the waiting keyboard.
"Torchwood files… Mm, not bad security, but not enough to keep me out, either. I'll bet you hijacked all the police reports, didn't you? But where…? Ha! There you are! There…"
He fell abruptly silent as horrific images filled the screen – images that were rivalled only by the Doctor's memories of the torture that Jack had endured during that year.
"Oh, Jack," he whispered in dismay. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."
He covered his mouth and shut his eyes, but the images were already imprinted on his conscious mind. He felt the TARDIS touch his mind again, her grief for Jack's suffering echoing his own.
Clearing the pictures from the screen, the Doctor took a moment to read through a couple of the reports before moving away and sitting down with a thud.
"No wonder you're so angry," he murmured in dismay. "Trapped there for over twelve hours… Oh, my poor Jack…"
His decision was made almost before he realised it. No running away this time. Ianto had been right. He owed it to Jack to stay and help him in any way that he could – even if that meant bearing the brunt of Jack's anger and frustrations. He'd ignored Jack's grief and trauma after that long year in favour of nursing his own grief over the Master, and Jack had not uttered a syllable of complaint. He'd been nothing by supportive when he'd had every right and reason to express anger and disgust. Jack had been more of a friend to him than he honestly felt that he had ever been to Jack.
It was time, he decided, to return the favour.
tbc...