Jack left the TARDIS as quickly as he could without actually breaking into a run. He wanted to preserve what little dignity he had left, and that would have been shot to hell if he'd run away like a little kid having a tantrum. More to the point, though, he didn't want the Doctor to know just how hurt he really was by the apparent rejection.
He'd hoped, even just briefly, that maybe the Doctor would have understood, and supported him. Instead, he found himself being judged, and coming up short. Again.
Damaged goods, he thought miserably. In the end, that was exactly what he was, no matter what anyone else tried to tell him. Just damaged goods, not worth a damned thing...
He ignored the whispered concern of the TARDIS, and all but threw himself against her doors, as though expecting resistance. Jack struggled to feel relieved rather than hurt when the doors opened easily, allowing him to stumble out into the unexpectedly bright sunshine of the Cardiff morning.
Whether or not Ianto had followed him, Jack didn't know. He just needed to get out of there...
"Jack? Where on earth did you come from?"
He looked around in a daze to find Kathy Swanson standing there, watching him with a mixture of concern and confusion. When he didn't answer, she took him gently by the elbow and guided him over to the paving stones that lined the water tower, urging him to sit down.
"You're so pale," she murmured as she rubbed his back in a soothing manner. "Are you all right?"
"Why are you doing this?" he asked suddenly, the words out of his mouth before he could think twice. The movement of her hand stilled for just a moment, and then continued.
"Why am I doing what?"
He looked sideways at her, and she almost recoiled from the bitter anguish that she saw in his face.
"Being kind to me."
She couldn't hide her bemusement, and didn't even try.
"What, you don't think you deserve kindness?"
"It wasn't that long ago that you told me I as good as responsible for the murder of Mark Briscoe and his wife, remember?"
A sigh escaped her.
"Right. Well, circumstances have changed a little since then."
"Yeah," Jack muttered dismally. "Now I'm the victim."
He felt her tense beside him, and when he hazarded a glance at her, he was taken aback to see genuine irritation on her face, bordering on anger.
"Jack Harkness," Kathy said in a forcibly calm voice, "you're an idiot. If that were the reason, do you really think I'd be here right now?"
He shrugged, not sure how to answer.
"I wouldn't," she went on. "It'd be some poorly paid sap from Victims' Services chasing after you, and not me."
She paused, eyeing him intently, but Jack remained sullenly silent. Kathy sighed again, and resuming rubbing his back.
"Jack, listen to me. Yes, you fell victim to a group of prejudiced thugs, but you are only a victim for as long as you allow yourself to be."
"You make it sound so simple," he said, his voice strongly tinged with sarcasm, and she found herself resisting an urge to thump him.
"It's not. You know it as well as I do. But you have to stop trying to kid yourself that you're fine, when it's pretty damned obvious that you're not. Now, tell me the truth, Jack. You aren't coping, are you?"
He stared down at his hands as his eyes began to burn, and felt a rush of anger at how easily the tears seemed to come. When he answered, though, it was in a soft whisper that did little to hide his misery.
"No."
She closed her hand very lightly over his, taking extra care to avoid contact with his wrists.
"You know, that's a pretty big step in itself, being able to admit that."
A shadow fell across them, and she looked up to see Ianto standing there. Beside him was a lanky bloke in a brown suit that she didn't recognise. Ianto crouched down in front of Jack, worry etched onto his face, while the newcomer observed in silence.
"Jack?"
"If you ask me if I'm okay..."
A wry smile quirked Ianto's lips for just a brief moment before his amusement faded into worry once more.
"Wouldn't dream of it."
Jack looked past him to the Doctor.
"You're still here."
It was almost an accusation, but the Doctor didn't rise to the bait.
"Mm, I am, aren't I?"
"Why? Haven't you got enough ammunition for UNIT yet? What do you want, a complete breakdown? Want to be able to go back and tell them I really have lost it, and to start sending in the troops? Is that it?"
"Stop it, Jack," the Doctor chided him gently. "I told you I'd do what I can to keep UNIT off your back, and I meant it. I won't let them harass you."
"And what about what we're planning to do?"
"I can't say that I agree with it," the Doctor admitted quietly, "but... this is your battle, and it's your life. I can't dictate to you, Jack. I gave up that right when I abandoned you. I won't walk away from you again, though, and I'd like to stay and help, if you'll let me."
Jack looked away from the Doctor to Ianto, who surprised himself by nodding. Little though the Welshman personally liked the Doctor being around, it still meant extra support that Jack so desperately needed.
"Thankyou," Jack whispered finally, and it was hard at that moment to tell who was the more relieved – Jack or the Doctor.
"Excuse me," Kathy spoke up finally. "Who are you, exactly?"
"I'm the Doctor," he replied, shoving his hands deep into his pockets, rocking back on his heels and peering at her over the rims of his glasses. Kathy raised her eyebrows.
"The Doctor," she echoed flatly.
"That's right. The Doctor."
Kathy looked back at Jack.
"You have very odd friends. You know that, don't you?"
A small, but genuine smile graced Jack's face.
"You have no idea, Kathy." He got to his feet, dusting off both his knees and his rear as he did so. "We might as well go inside." He eyed the Time Lord ruefully. "I'd ask you to try and keep your hands to yourself, but that would be kinda pointless, wouldn't it?"
The Doctor responded with a big, eager grin that had the former time agent groaning and shaking his head.
"C'mon. We should all be able to fit onto the lift."
"Oh, this is going to be interesting," Kathy snorted. The Doctor peered curiously at her.
"Sorry, and you are...?"
Ianto exchanged a bemused look with Jack, and spoke quickly.
"Doctor, this is Kathy Swanson. She's the detective who has been working with us to find the men who assaulted Jack."
"Ah..."
"Actually," Kathy said with sudden unease as they crowded onto the paving stone, "there's something you need to know."
"Wait until everyone's here," Jack told her. "Then you won't have to repeat yourself."
She appeared less than certain, but conceded nonetheless. It was at that moment that Myfanwy chose to glide overhead, crying out a greeting to her two favourite humans. The Doctor's eyes widened, and he very nearly fell off the lift as he craned his head to watch the prehistoric creature. It was only Ianto's quick thinking in grabbing the Time Lord around the waist that kept him in place.
"Oh, that is beautiful!" the Doctor burst out enthusiastically, momentarily oblivious to Ianto's arm around him. "Where did you find her?"
"I didn't," Jack answered. "Ianto did. We caught her together. You might say it was our first date."
Ianto rolled his eyes, and released his grip on the Doctor as the lift settled on the floor of the Hub.
"Just us, a derelict warehouse and a carnivorous dinosaur. It was very romantic."
"Well, actually," the Doctor started to say, "she's not technically a dinosaur…"
"I know," Ianto cut him off, perhaps a little too abruptly. "It's just simpler." He turned to Jack and spoke before the Doctor had an opportunity to say anything more. "Owen, Gwen, Toshiko and Tish should be arriving within half an hour, but I'll get you your coffee now, if you like."
"Thankyou," Jack murmured. "That would be great."
Ianto then turned to the two visitors.
"Caramel latte for you, Detective, and Doctor…?"
"Couldn't manage a nice cup of tea, by any chance?" the Doctor asked hopefully. Ianto offered him what he hoped was a gracious smile.
"I think I can manage that. Excuse me."
"He really doesn't like me very much at all," the Doctor mused as Ianto retreated to the coffee machine.
"I'm sorry," Jack apologised quietly as he led them through the Hub to the conference room. "He's taking out on you his anger at me for leaving. We never really did work through that."
The Doctor, however, shook his head.
"You're a little off the mark, Jack. He's definitely angry, but it's not you that he's angry at. And as for me… I think he's angry at me for what he perceives I did to you."
"You didn't make me immortal, Doctor," Jack pointed out.
"No… but I did run away from you and leave you behind on Satellite Five as a result of it. You told him about that, I assume?"
Jack looked mildly uncomfortable, but didn't attempt to apologise.
"Yes, I told him. He deserved to know."
"Yes, well, I think that's what he's holding against me right now. It isn't you hurting him by running away that's got him angry at me. It's me hurting you by running away that's got him angry."
Jack blinked, taken aback by the revelation. The Doctor smiled sadly.
"He loves you, Jack. Whatever you do, don't take that for granted."
Jack's expression clouded over abruptly.
"I'm not the one who did that."
The Doctor looked automatically to the only other person in sight, to Kathy, but she looked as baffled as he felt.
"Jack…?" Kathy asked quietly. He shook his head, as though shaking himself out of a particularly unpleasant daydream.
"The others will be here soon. We'll go through everything then."
Jack left the Doctor and Kathy in the conference room to seek out Ianto, who seemed to have taken refuge in his coffee machine. He hovered on the other side of the monstrosity, watching the young man work his magic for nearly five minutes before Ianto finally realised he wasn't alone, and looked up.
"Part of me wants to tell him to get lost," Jack admitted quietly, "and part of me is terrified he's going to run off on me again. The part that wants him to stay is stronger."
Ianto raised an eyebrow at him, silently noting the way that Jack kept the machine between them, like a kind of buffer.
"Are you apologising for that?"
They stared at each other in momentary silence before Jack spoke uncomfortably.
"Do… Do you want me to?"
Ianto grimaced, and abandoned the coffee to walk around to Jack. He stopped just short, aware of the way that Jack shuffled back a couple of tiny steps to keep a minimum distance between them. He wasn't sure that Jack even realised he'd done it, and decided not to draw attention to it. At the same time, though, he couldn't help but wonder what had been said or done to set Jack back to point where he didn't want to be touched.
"No, you don't need to apologise for it. I understand why you want him here… but that doesn't mean I have to like it."
"What are you really upset about?" Jack wondered, peering quizzically at Ianto. "Him leaving me behind, or me leaving you behind for him?"
Ianto visibly flinched, and Jack wondered how close to the mark he really was.
"Neither…" Ianto tried to protest, but it sounded unconvincing to Jack's ears. He hesitated just momentarily before stepping in to close the distance between them. Jack reached up to stroke the Welshman's cheek with a hand that trembled badly, and Ianto's eyes fluttered closed at the gentle contact.
"I don't expect you to like him," Jack murmured. "I guess I can't even expect you to respect him."
Ianto's eyes flew open again.
"What? No! Jack, you've got it wrong. I do respect him. How could I not? But no… I don't like him very much right now, and I'm not sure that I ever will. I'm sorry if that hurts you, but I won't lie to you about it. No more lies, right?"
Jack nodded breathlessly, torn between disappointment and relief.
"Right. I just… I need you to understand that you're as big a part of my life now as he is, and I love you both, but in different ways."
Ianto smiled affectionately, and leaned in to brush a soft kiss across Jack's lips.
"Careful, Jack. You're starting to sound like a romance novel."
Jack grimaced.
"God forbid."
The proximity alarm suddenly rang, followed closely by the cog door rolling back. Ianto smiled wryly as he gently disengaged himself from Jack and returned to the task of making coffee.
"Saved by the bell. That'll be Tosh."
"Go on," Ianto told him. "I'll be up with the coffee shortly."
Jack went, rubbing gingerly at his wrists once more. Ianto watched him with growing unease, conscious of the fact that Jack's incessant rubbing of his wrists had eased off within the last twenty-four hours, suggesting a gradually more settled frame of mind. That he'd started it up again warned Ianto that Jack was once again beginning to struggle. He only hoped that Tosh, Gwen and Owen didn't react too badly to the presence of the Doctor, because the last thing Jack needed right then was anymore conflict.
tbc...