Ianto was half right. The proximity alarm signified the arrival not only of Toshiko, but also Gwen and Owen. Not surprisingly to Jack, Owen greeted him with a flippant remark and a surreptitious look, while Gwen was a little more open in her concern. Jack was immensely grateful, though, that she made no attempt to make physical contact with him. She appeared to have learned her lesson from the other evening – especially judging by the black eye she had not quite been able to cover up with makeup.
He supposed he should have felt guilty about that, but he simply didn't have the energy. The strain was beginning to build within him again despite the presence of the Doctor. The peace he'd felt whilst housed safely within the TARDIS was already gone, and he found himself desperately wanting to be back there, where he knew he was truly safe.
At the same time, he felt increasingly angry with himself at his perceived weakness; that he couldn't just suck it up and get on with life. He had such a long, long time ahead of him, with potentially unimaginable torments, and it distressed him no end to think that every time he was attacked it might devastate him afresh.
Fingertips brushing against his hand startled him out of his ever darkening thought process, and he jerked away from the contact in momentary panic before his vision cleared and he found Toshiko standing in front of him. She stared up at him, wide-eyed and afraid she'd done the wrong thing. Steeling his nerves, Jack smiled down at her, but he couldn't bring himself to touch her to reassure her, and he hated himself for that.
"What is it, Toshiko?"
"When we were coming in... Up on the Plass..."
"What she's trying to say," Owen piped up, "is that there's big blue box up near the invisible lift that wasn't there when we left yesterday."
Jack sucked in a long breath.
"I know. It's the TARDIS."
Silence met his statement. Then, Gwen took a tentative step towards him.
"The TARDIS?"
"It's his ship," Jack answered. His heart was pounding painfully, and he was starting to feel physically sick.
"His ship?" Owen echoed, a frown creasing his face. "When you say 'his', you mean him, don't you? That bastard who ditched you on that satellite?"
Jack felt his stomach roll unpleasantly. Yep, he was definitely feeling sick. Maybe bringing the Doctor into Torchwood hadn't been such a good idea after all. The thought of his team clashing with the Time Lord was beyond painful, even if it was on his behalf.
"Yes, it's the Doctor," Ianto stated, noting how pale Jack had gone. "No, he didn't know what had happened to Jack, but he does now and he's offered to stay and help. And Jack wants him here."
The last sentence was said with a distinct edge, as though Ianto himself wasn't happy with the situation as it stood, but wasn't going to argue the point.
Silence met the blunt statement, and Owen, Gwen and Tosh exchanged veiled looks. Finally, Owen shrugged.
"If you want him to stay, then it's okay by us. Right, girls?"
His tone brooked no argument, and neither Gwen nor Tosh had any intention of arguing.
Jack couldn't help but feel some amusement at the thought of Owen, of all people, trying to keep the peace, but he had no intention of pressing him over it. He was just grateful for their acceptance, however thinly veiled it was.
"So, where is he, then?" Owen asked. Jack decided to actively ignore the slight edge in the medic's tone.
"Upstairs in the conference room, probably talking Kathy's ear off," he answered. "We'd better get up there, and get the introductions over with."
"Go ahead, Jack," Ianto told him when Jack glanced back at him. "I'll finish making the drinks, and bring them up."
Nodding his acquiescence, Jack led the others up and into the conference room.
"So this is Torchwood," the Doctor said speculatively as they entered. Owen didn't hesitate.
"So you're the infamous Doctor that Torchwood was established to combat," he retorted. The Doctor snorted.
"Complete misunderstanding on Queen Victoria's part. I saved her from a werewolf, and what does she do? She knights me, and then banishes me! And then sets up an entire institute dedicated to capturing me! Honestly, some people just don't know how to just say thankyou."
He turned from Owen, to Gwen, and finally to Toshiko. A grin lit up his face at the sight of her.
"Well, how about that. Never thought I'd see a familiar face in a place like this. Well, aside from Jack, obviously. Dr Sato, isn't it?"
Tosh shifted uncomfortably, her cheeks flushing a dull red.
"Actually, it's just 'Miss'. I'm not actually a doctor."
"How do you know Tosh?" Gwen asked, finally finding her voice. Jack spoke up with a faint smile.
"London, a spaceship crashes into Big Ben. The pilot turned out to be a genetically altered pig, courtesy of a family of aliens called the Slitheens. It was supposed to be Owen who went to check that out, but I believe he was indisposed, and Toshiko kindly covered for him."
Owen couldn't possibly miss Jack's tone, and he looked up at him awkwardly.
"You... knew about that?"
"Yes, but Toshiko didn't tell me. Suzie did. I'm not sure even now why I let it slide, but one thing I do know is that you still owe Tosh for covering your scrawny ass."
The Doctor, for his part, was watching Jack curiously.
"Tell me, Jack, did you send one of your own team and not go yourself because you didn't think there was anything to it?"
Jack turned to face the Doctor with a bitter smile.
"No, Doctor, I sent one of my team in my place because you were there. I knew about it kind of in advance, depending on your perspective. Rose told me all about it one evening on the TARDIS, not long after you took me on board. She seemed to get a particular kick out of telling me about her mum slapping you. Anyway, I didn't know exactly when it was supposed to have happened, but when it did, I knew you'd be in London. I also knew I couldn't be there, because you and Rose hadn't met me at that point in your timelines. But you have no idea how hard it was for me to stay here, knowing you were in London."
"I might," the Doctor murmured, reaching out to grasp Jack's shoulder reassuringly.
"Um, excuse me," Gwen spoke up with a conspicuous cough. "But, is anyone else confused here?"
"Count me in," Kathy said, speaking for the first time since Jack had entered with his team.
"Time," the Doctor said, waving his hands about. "It's not just a straight line, you see, and Jack is a perfect example of how complicated it can be. Wibbly wobbly, timey wimey... You know."
"I doubt it," Owen retorted.
"Example," Jack said as he motioned for them all to sit. "The Cardiff earthquake that cracked open the Plass."
"You mean the one that happened the day that you locked us all down inside the Hub?" Owen asked bluntly. "The same day that Mayor Margaret Blaine disappeared?"
Jack nodded, rising to his feet and pacing back and forth behind his chair.
"That's the one. The reason I locked us all in that day was because there was another, younger version of me running around Cardiff, and I couldn't risk any of us running into him.
"You mean, it was you before what happened on that satellite?" Ianto asked. He had come in just in time to hear the last few sentences spoken. Jack nodded.
"Right. Me, before I became immortal. The me that was in Cardiff that day was one hundred percent mortal human, and I couldn't risk anything or anyone interfering in my own personal timeline. It would have been disastrous."
"Well, I don't know about anyone else," Owen said in a falsely cheerful tone, "but I could do with something a little stronger than coffee right now."
"Never underestimate the power of a well-made cup of coffee, Owen," Jack chided him, sighing with relief as he took a sip from his own mug. "Especially when Ianto's done the brewing."
"Oh, and this tea is magnificent!" the Doctor burst out enthusiastically. "Best cup of tea I've had in a long time! Brilliant!"
"Excuse me," Kathy growled, starting to lose what little patience she still had. "Can we please get to the business at hand?"
Jack nodded, if somewhat reluctantly.
"Okay. I guess the first item of business is finding Chris Kendle."
"We've already found him," Kathy said abruptly. Jack stared at her.
"You have him in custody again?"
"No. Jack…"
Jack's face darkened rapidly. He had little patience left, and no time to be dancing around any issues.
"Will you just spit it out, and say what you mean? You either have him, or you don't."
Kathy sighed faintly, her shoulders slumping. It was painfully obvious to all of them that whatever it was she had to tell them, she hadn't wanted to say it like this. Jack being Jack, though, had forced her hand, and she had no choice but to simply blurt it out.
"We do have Kendle, in our morgue."
Jack froze, his already pale face losing another couple of shades.
"What?"
"This is what I was trying to tell you when we were outside, Jack. We found Chris early this morning. He's dead."
"How?" Ianto asked, acutely aware of the way Jack had suddenly started clawing at his own wrists in a violent rubbing gesture. Again, Kathy hesitated, and Ianto felt his stomach churn.
No… Please, God, no…
When Kathy spoke, it was in a significantly softer voice, as though she was hoping to lull him enough with her tone that he wouldn't hear or comprehend the actual words.
"We found him in the same place we found you, Jack… in the same condition."
Jack's knees buckled, and it was only quick action from Ianto and Owen that saved him from a potentially nasty fall.
"Easy, mate," Owen murmured as they lowered Jack safely to the floor. "Gwen! Get a glass of water, now."
"I'm fine," Jack mumbled, trying to wave them off, but any effect his protests might have had were negated when he began to throw up violently, soiling both his shirt and pants.
"Shouldn't have had all of those biscuits this morning, you silly old fool," Ianto murmured as he physically turned Jack around, and snagged the paper bin from close by.
"I didn't want to have to say it like that," Kathy said regretfully. The Doctor came to stand beside her as Jack's team scrambled to help their Captain.
"When you say the same condition… do you mean the exact same?"
Kathy hesitated, looking at him questioningly.
"There were a couple of differences as a matter of fact."
"What differences? It could be important."
"I know it's important," she countered. "But this is hardly the time to be talking about it."
"They didn't rape him, did they?"
Both the Doctor and Kathy looked in surprise to where Jack slumped on the floor against Ianto, ashen-faced and trembling. He'd ceased throwing up, but it didn't look as though it would take much to set him off again. Jack stared up at Kathy with eyes that she could only describe as haunted.
"Did they? He wasn't raped. Tell me!"
"No," she confirmed softly. "He wasn't. He was beaten to death, but not raped or sexually assaulted in any way."
"They were just shutting him up," Gwen speculated. "He talked to the police, and he was the weakest link, so they had to shut him up…"
"But they didn't put him in the same category as me," Jack finished off dully. "They didn't feel they needed to teach him the same lessons."
"Jack…" Ianto murmured, only to start when Jack suddenly pulled away from him.
"Don't. Don't say it. Just… don't."
Ianto sighed softly, and got up to dispose of the contents of the bin.
"Try and drink some water, sir. It'll help to get rid of the aftertaste. Then, if you'd care to go and take a quick shower, I'll bring fresh clothes to the bathroom for you."
Once Ianto had gone, Owen turned to glower at the Captain.
"Damn it, Jack, I know you're struggling, but can't you at least acknowledge that he's trying? And try to quit yanking him up and down like a fucking yo-yo?"
Jack eyed Owen bitterly.
"What happened to one step at a time?"
"That's all well and good, mate, as long it isn't one step forward, and five steps back. Now, c'mon. Get your arse up off the floor, and we'll go get you cleaned up. All right?"
Jack looked around the room, torn between humiliation over yet another display of weakness, and simply not giving a damn anymore. His heart and mind teetering dangerously towards the latter, Jack trudged silently out of the room after the medic.
"You really think I'm being unfair to Ianto?" Jack asked tonelessly as Owen turned on the shower for him. Owen glanced back at him briefly, his expression guarded.
"I think you don't know whether you're coming or going at the moment, and Ianto's an easy target for your frustration. Okay, he fucked up. He knows it, you know it, and we know it. But how is it going to help you to be snarling at him every time you get embarrassed or stressed?"
"I don't want to," Jack admitted miserably as he slowly stripped off his soiled clothes. "I don't like feeling angry like this at all, but I can't help it! One minute I feel fine, and the next I want to just beat the hell out of something. I hate this, Owen. I feel like I'm losing my mind."
Owen sighed.
"You're not losing your mind, Jack. I promise you that. Everything you're feeling… the anger, the frustration, the helplessness… It's all normal, mate."
"How do you know?"
Owen looked up at Jack as the Captain hesitated in stepping into the shower. The question wasn't asked accusingly and, looking into Jack's red-rimmed eyes, Owen only saw a man desperate for answers to his own grief.
"My cousin was raped, Jack. She went through everything you're going through. The mood swings, all of it. So yeah, I do understand. And I understand that as much as you think you've forgiven Ianto, you're still angry at him, and you probably still blame him."
Jack opened his mouth to protest that last bit, only to find he couldn't. In the end, his shoulders slumped and he spoke unhappily.
"I don't want to blame him."
It was a pathetic effort, and he knew it, but it was also the best he could offer right at that moment. He dared a glance at Owen, half expecting to see judgement in the other man's face. Instead, he saw only understanding.
"I know you don't want to, but it doesn't change the fact that you do anyway. Don't you?"
Jack didn't answer. Finally, Owen spoke with exaggerated irritation.
"For fuck's sake, Jack, get in the bloody shower. Not all of us get a kick out of seeing you in your birthday suit."
Jack managed a weak smile, and disappeared into the shower to clean himself up. Owen had just bagged the dirty clothes when Ianto entered, carrying a fresh change of clothes, as promised.
"How is he?" Ianto asked hesitantly. Owen shrugged.
"Angry. Confused. Frustrated. Take your pick."
"Angry… with me?"
Owen raised an eyebrow.
"Still on that guilt trip, then?"
"Damn it, Owen…"
"No, really, you two amaze me, Ianto. You really do. I don't think either of you realise just how perfect a match you really are. I ought to lock you both in a bloody room, so you can wallow together. Fucking hell…"
The curtain shielding the shower cubicle from the rest of the bathroom was suddenly yanked back, and Jack glowered out at the both of them.
"Hey! I can hear you!"
"That's great, Jack," Owen retorted, his voice heavy with sarcasm. "I was really worried about your hearing for a minute, there. Now get your arse back in there and finish washing that crap off yourself. We were talking about you, not to you."
A slightly more genuine grin flashed across Jack's face, and he disappeared back behind the shower curtain. Owen waited a moment before turning his attention back to Ianto and speaking in a deliberately low voice.
"You've got to deal with this, Ianto. Both of you do. Maybe not now, but soon, because it's not going to get any easier to ignore the longer it goes on."
"I know," Ianto admitted softly. Owen nodded.
"Just do something, before the shit really hits the fan."
tbc...