The day he had first met Kadira had burned itself into Farook Esfiri's memory. She had caught his attention at once, soft, long and dark hair, flawless skin, almost scarless. And her eyes. A beautiful dark chocolate brown, sparkling with laughter but holding a tinge of sadness at the same time. Their eyes had locked when he passed, and he had felt like he had been looking straight into her heart and vice versa.

He had been doubtful of the concept of soulmates. He figured that sometimes, people found their perfect match, but the times it happened seemed to be extremely rare. Most of the time, they stuck with second best, with safe options. Especially in the area he grew up in, when life was in constant turmoil, you didn't want a complicated relationship on your platter, too. You wanted something steady, something easy and safe. Someone you cared about, but not too much, because they could easily die the next second. Be gone from your life, forever, leaving you to cope without them. His fast falling for the stranger had scared him. His previous girlfriends had been safe choices, though he had always broken it up before it could get too serious. They had been somewhat shallow and naive. The first time he saw Kadira, he already knew she didn't fit their category. He knew instantly that she was different. He saw fire in her eyes, a burning passion. He saw the loss he was familiar with, the pain and grieving of someone that had been left behind when the people they loved the most had passed on. And he understood her feelings before he even knew her name.

She was everything he had ever dreamt of, a mystery full of contrasting ideas. She was passionate yet gentle, sharp minded and strong willed, hot tempered and still patient, loving and caring but distant and cold when she was upset. She was happy to give everything she had and more, and he felt she genuinely loved him, just like he loved her with every fiber of his being, his heart beating to the rhythm of her name.

When she had told him about her childhood, he had seen the fear in her eyes. That he, just like the others, would turn away from her. That he wouldn't want what she had to offer. That he wasn't interested in "damaged goods" as she had put it. It had taken him over an hour to calm her down after he told her he loved her nevertheless, that the past didn't matter to him, that it hadn't been her choice or fault.

The first time he had kissed her, his heart had stopped beating. Her taste had been intoxicating, still was, even after the years they had been together. She tasted like warm summer rain, raspberries and something he couldn't place, something harsher, something that clashed with the sweetness and send his mind reeling.

Their wedding night had been emotional and filled with a lot of tears and whispered "I love you"s. The first time they made love, and the tears on her face had burned themselves into his memory. He had wanted to kill the soldier that had raped her like never before. She had been so afraid and scared her whole body had trembled in fear, not anticipation or lust. He had taken his time to show her how much he loved her, letting her set the pace most of the time, gentle with his touches, soft caresses and loving kisses all over her body until he was sure she could feel it in her heart and soul.

Kadira Esfiri was his soulmate. His heart beat in time with hers, and he knew that if she died, he would, too. Losing her would be too painful. He'd rather die with her than live a single second without her.

They had shared their stories, and Farook had understood why she joined Hamas. She wanted revenge for her brother's death. From her words, he had figured just how much he had really meant to her. He had been her rock, her saviour, even more than her father had been. She had confined in him, counted the days until his next visit. And then he was ripped away from her, just like that. She had wanted to do something that would have made him proud. Deciding against Mossad and joining Hamas had been the right thing to do, not just in her mind. The few times she had mentioned Ziva's name, there had been love in her voice, mixed with a tinge of regret. Though Tali's name had come up more often, and he had felt the deep affection and the sense of loss Kadira had felt.

And now he understood what Kadira had to do. The love she may have once felt for the Mossad assassin had been replaced by hate and fury. She had betrayed their brother, she had killed Ari, and Kadira would never be able to forgive her for that.

TBC