For a moment (actually, for about five moments before he finally decided to subtly pinch himself), Lucius thought he was dreaming. The only difference was that if this had been in his imagination, she would already be naked.

But she wasn't; she was merely standing behind the bench, knees resting against the wooden seat, her fingers light on his jaw as her lips moved over his. Although immediately too stunned to react, Lucius quickly wrapped an arm around her waist and kissed her back, half-rising to meet her and sliding his tongue in without hesitation.

This new development seemed to startle her, but before she could decide whether or not to pull away, something warm and runny splattered against the side of his face.

What the hell? He drew back, more than a little dazed, and saw three sniggering Gryffindors making gagged faces. One of them was still holding the spoon that had just been used to launch egg onto his face.

"Dammit!" Lucius shoved himself away from the table and advanced upon the three, eyes blazing. Instantly, their self-satisfied grins faded.

"You have detention for a week, Potter! Every single night, do you hear me? And fifty points from each of you!"

"Mr. Malfoy."

"Professor McGonagall." He gave her a curt nod, and rounded back on the boys. "I swear if I catch anyone of you lurking around the castle at night again, it'll be detention for the rest of term. Pass the message on to your sickly little friend; just because he's not here doesn't mean he is exempted from your idiocy."

The small, fat one whose name Lucius could not remember was very nearly in tears. Satisfied, he turned to return to the Slytherin table, only to find McGonagall still standing behind him, arms folded and expression disapproving.

"Mr. Malfoy," she repeated sternly.

"Yes, Professor McGonagall?"

"As Head Boy, you should know better than to take an undue amount of points."

"I don't think I'm being excessive," he maintained stiffly. "I have egg on my face," he reminded her, giving his most regal expression.

"Still. Mr. Black and Mr. Pettigrew were not involved in that, and I believe it would be far more reasonable to deduct ten points, and perhaps give Mr. Potter a night of detention."

Lucius very much disagreed with that; in fact, he had thought that he was letting the horrible children off easy. Nevertheless, he knew better than to argue with the teacher.

"Very well. As you see fit." And he stalked off.

"Hey Rodolphus, was Bellatrix a virgin when you first started dating?"

He snorted. "Barely. Why do you ask?"

Lucius ignored the inquiry. "What to you mean, 'barely'?"

"I mean maybe no one had ever gone so far as to get his dick inside her, but they'd gotten plently close. Again, why?"

"Well..." he exhaled slowly, frowning. "I've never had sex with a virgin before."

"Really?"

He nodded. "Is it much different than normal?"

"Well, generally you have to be a bit more careful with them. But it's really just a matter of preference. I think virgins are great. As a matter of fact, you may not recall this, but before I fell so very in love with Bella, I was quite the Don Juan."

Lucius grinned. "Really? Because I've known you since we were four, and I can't remember you being anything but a prick."

"I was not a prick when I was four," he replied hotly.

"You tried to drown me in a birdbath at one of my mother's garden parties. Prick."

"Oh," he laughed, "I'd forgotten about that. Yes, well, anyway, in our third year, when we decided it was high time that we explored the world of carnal pleasures, while you were off fucking whatever fourth year and up slut that would have you, I fucked virgins.

"Now, I'm sure we could argue for hours on who got the better deal and never agree, so let's not even start on that. But there are different kinds of virgins, you see. " He began to list. "The clingy ones- well, most are a bit clingy to some degree, it's a small price to pay- but the ones that are really bad aren't too difficult to get rid of. Just date them for a while, but be so crude and intolerable that they eventually just have to dump you themselves. That's crucial, you see, having her be the one that breaks it off, or else they go running to their daddy and then things get ugly.

"Then there are the ones that get ashamed. Can't even bear to look at you the next morning, and more often than not they creep out before sunup and never speak to you again and when you do make eye contact, they're too embarrassed to think straight. Here, watch this."

Rodolphus looked around and called out casually, "Hey, Vanessa,"

Vanessa Crouch, a pretty but shy girl in their year, glanced up at the sound of her name. However, when she realized who had called it, she flushed all the way to the roots of her hair.

"Yes?" she replied in a strained, too-casual voice.

"Do you have a spare quill I could use?"

She shook her head and looked quickly back at the book she'd been reading. He turned back to Lucius, smirking.

"See? I fucked her in our third year and she still can't look at me.

"Oh, and then there are the few, the ones you have to get really early, but the girls that turn into sluts- well, they'll do anything you ask them to because they think it's the norm. Great fun, they are."

"Exactly how many virgins did you sleep with?"

"Er..." he frowned, counting in his head. "Nineteen, I think. Not all here at school, of course."

"Fuck off, you did not screw nineteen virgins," Lucius scoffed.

"I did so! I can name them, if you'd like. There was Bella, obviously, Vanessa Crouch, Murietta Bulstrode, Adelaide Burke, Prudence Flint, Octa-"

"Okay, okay, I get it! Incidentally, you weren't about to say Octavia Gamp, were you?"

"As a matter of fact, I was."

"Well if you got to her after the spring of '67, she hadn't been a virgin for quite a while."

"Oh. Eighteen, then. Tell me, what's your point in asking all this anyway? Surely you haven't gotten to the point that you're thinking of fucking Narcissa?"

"No, sadly, not yet. I was just curious for when the time comes."

"Well, you want to be careful with virgins. Some of them start crying- can't hardly blame them, you know girls have no pain tolerance, and s'far as I can tell, that shit hurts. But they're so bloody tight, it's unbelievable, and the stare at you like they'll kiss the ground you walk on when they come. It's fucking great."

"Hey, Cissy."

Narcissa glanced up as her sister sank into a chair beside her. They were in the library, and Narcissa carefully marked her page before turning.

"Hey, 'Dromeda."

Andromeda smiled and tucked a strand of auburn hair behind her ear. "What are you studying?"

"Oh, just Potions," she sighed, frowning. "What are you up to this evening?"

"Well, I heard a rumour that Rodolphus is planning to throw another party later tonight, so I think I'll be retiring early tonight."

Both girls simultaneously wrinkled their noses- they shared a mutual dislike of their older sister's beau.

"Good idea, I might do the same."

Andromeda looked uncomfortable; Narcissa knew that she had not come over for idle chitchat. "Er... was there anything you wanted to talk about, Cissy?" she asked hopefully.

"No. You?"

"Well... I saw you at breakfast this morning."

"Not surprising, considering that we share a table."

"What I mean is... I saw you with Malfoy. Before James and Siri threw the egg at him."

Narcissa scowled. "Horrid little beasts, aren't they?"

"The thing is... I don't know how good of an idea it is for you to get involved with Malfoy," she said in a rush. Immediately, Narcissa's frown deepened.

"Bella thinks it's fine," she argued.

"Yes, well, Bella would. Bellatrix only looks at names and bloodlines- she doesn't care much about personality. Malfoy's dreadful, really, you don't know the half of it-"

"I think," Narcissa cut in coolly, "I know him a bit better than you. As it just so happens, Lucius and I have very much in common, from a shared love of history to views on current events, and he's Head Boy, so obviously he's very responsible and intelligent."

"But Cissy," she began, "he's... he's incontinent, he's-"

"Really, Andromeda!" Narcissa exclaimed. "I don't have to listen to this!" She began to hurriedly gather her belongings. "You don't know him at all!"

"Cissy, wait, I-"

"Good bye, Andromeda. I have other places I need to be."

True to the rumours, Rodolphus did organize another soiree in the dungeons that evening. Generally, Narcissa preferred to have nothing to do with these, except for the last time, when she'd been forced to go fetch food. However, as she tried to slink off to bed once the music and voices became too loud to even hear herself think, a hand on her arm stopped her.

"Running off to bed so early? But the fun's hardly started," Lucius purred, bending so close that his lips brushed her ear. "Drink?"

"Er... no thank you," she replied quickly. She was willing to guess he'd already consumed a fair amount himself, or at the very least would do before the night was over, and figured, if she truly was going to stay down here, at least one of them should be sober.

"Dance with me," he suggested, holding out one hand and grinning darkly. Narcissa bit her lip and eyed the mass of grinding bodies in the large, cleared-out portion of the Common Room that now served at a dance floor.

"Actually, I don't...I've never...er... well, just ballroom dancing, and that wouldn't be much use, so I think we should just-"

"Nonsense," Lucius cut her off with a smirk, and sidled up behind her. "It's easy, sweetheart," he murmured. "Just move your hips." As he spoke, his palm slid heavily down her waist and around to press on her stomach right below her navel, drawing her backwards so their bodies were flush.

"Lucius!" she squealed in alarm, darting away and reddening. Apparently she'd been correct in her first assumption that he was already rather drunk. "I can ballroom dance. That's it."

He frowned in a delectable pout she was sure he would never, ever use while sober. "Very well," he said, and strode off, pushing his way through the crowd. In a moment, he was no longer visible.

With a sigh, Narcissa decided that she really should go to bed. If Lucius had no interest in her for the evening, then she might as well. Defeated, she turned to go.

However, she had hardly put one foot on the stairs, when the music changed. It was not to another fast-paced, foully-worded tune, but...

A waltz.

"My lady," Lucius was before her again, and bowed deeply. When he glanced up, his eyes were sparkling with mischief. "May I have this dance?"

"Sir," Narcissa replied with a stunned little giggle, taking his proffered hand and dropping into a tiny curtsey.

His motions were swift and sure as he led her back onto the floor. Virtually all the other couples had melted away, leaving them, for a moment, alone with all eyes following their movements. His steps were elegant and sure as he whirled them about, gaze never straying from hers.

Several seconds later, Bellatrix and Rodolphus joined in, an equally handsome, but slightly more tipsy pair, and one by one, the most refined of the Slytherins, the true Purebloods who had been raised with such knowledge, began to waltz as well. The others, the less elite, loitered about awkwardly, trying to act as though the sole reason they did not dance was from lack of interest.

"I could only get him to promise one- ah, how did he put it- 'boring, grown-up' dance," Lucius told her, nodding towards the boy who'd designated himself charge of the records. "And I doubt everyone would be a sport if I make them all waltzes and tangos."

"Well then, I suppose we ought to make the best of this one," she suggested, smiling up at him coyly.

"My thoughts exactly," he replied, and she smiled patiently as she moved his hand back up to her waist.

"I always did love our dancing lessons when I was little. Bella sort of liked them, I think, but Andromeda just couldn't stand them."

Lucius merely smiled at her in what he hoped was a charming, slightly mysterious way- in reality, he'd consumed just enough alcohol that he was struggling to move gracefully and remember all the steps, not to mention he found her particularly distracting. She didn't say anything for the remainder of the dance, instead opting to return his grin in a contented, dreamy way.

"Are you sure I can't get you anything to drink?" he asked as the dance ended.

"No, thank you." She permitted their hands to stay laced together as they moved to the side of the Common Room. He raised hers to his lips, pressing a kiss to each of her fingers.

"You don't like parties, Cissy?" he guessed, leaning one shoulder against the wall and watching her with half-closed eyes.

"Please don't call me that," she said immediately, nose wrinkling. Then, she flushed. "I'm sorry. That was rude."

"No," he chuckled softly, draping an arm over her shoulder and mindlessly twisting her hair in his fingers. "It's fine."

"And it's not that I dislike parties, but this isn't a party, it's an excuse to drink and behave badly."

Lucius's gaze darkened and his lips curled upwards in a way that made her shiver. "Do you ever behave badly, Narcissa?" His voice was low and persuasive, thick with alcohol and desire.

Blushing, Narcissa shook her head, attention fixed firmly on the floor.

"Never, ever?" he asked playfully, moving so that he could place a finger beneath her chin. "That's not a lot of fun."

"I make it a point to avoid trouble. As Head Boy, I'd think you should appreciate that."

Lucius ignored the second part of her reply. "All types of trouble?"

"Yes."

"Pity." He reached out, eyes never leaving hers, and a bottle of firewhiskey soared into his hand. As he lifted his to his lips, Narcissa said,

"You know, considering how much of that you've already imbibed, that's rather impressive magic; wandless and nonverbal."

Lucius snorted. "Did you really just use the word 'imbibe'?" However, before she could muster any offense, he drew away, pinching the bridge of his nose. "Ahm, sorry about that." He turned away, rubbing a hand vigorously over his face. "Merlin, I'm drunk," he muttered under his breath, seemingly unaware that he was speaking out loud. He took a deep swig from the bottle in his hand, and then dropped it to the ground, not even flinching when it shattered, as he was already moving back to face Narcissa, curling one hand around the back of her neck and the other around her waist.

She gave a little squeak of surprise as his lips crushed against hers; Narcissa was used to sloppy, inexperienced kisses and selfish boys who did no more than whine when she pulled away early. She wasn't used to the forceful way he eased her back against the cold stone wall, his whole body bearing down on her as he skillfully moved his mouth over hers, sucking lightly on her low lip, flicking his tongue along the roof of her mouth, hands moving eagerly through her hair and over her back. He dropped his head to press pecks along her jaw, but when she felt his lips part against her throat, she grasped a handful of silky, white-blond hair and pulled his lips back to hers. He did not complain, but tugged at her blouse until the hem was free and slipped one hand beneath.

"Lucius!" she hissed, trying to let him know that she was displeased with his forward actions. He sighed blissfully and merely covered her lips with his once again, evidently trying to get her to stop speaking. She pressed on his shoulders, but he did not appear to notice; Narcissa briefly cursed her non-existent upper body strength. She tried a different method, and gave him a quick, hard shove.

It seemed to do the trick.

Lucius, having already won a bet against Rodolphus as to who could drink more alcohol in the course of five minutes, was feeling decidedly lightheaded at having the soft, delicate body that he'd been so preoccupied with lately pressed against him. When Narcissa pushed him, he sprang back, immediately aware that he was upsetting her and eager to rectify the situation- but he'd forgotten that it was unwise in his current state to make any sudden movements that required balancing.

Narcissa gave a tiny yelp of shock when Lucius crashed to the floor. He simply lay there for moment, blinking up at her, before managing to announce, "Ow."

"Oh, dear," Narcissa moved to help him, but he was able to stagger to his feet on his own. "I think you should go to bed," she told him earnestly, holding on to his arm in case it seemed he might fall again. Not that she'd really be able to do much to support him, but she figured it was a nice gesture, having been the one that knocked him over in the first place.

"Yes, I probably should," he agreed. "Come with me?"

"No," she told him firmly, ignoring the blush that stained her cheeks.

"Please?" he persisted, eyes wide and hopeful.

"No, Lucius," she repeated, releasing his arm. "But really, I think you should go now."

"Yes, alright," he sighed, defeated. "Good night, beautiful," he said brightly, and stumbled up the stairs to his own dormitory.