A/N: I've been wanting to write an angst RLNT one-shot for a long time hahaha… sorry no fluff today! But let's see how well I fare at writing Remus angst… oh, it's AU by the way in case you haven't noticed.

Disclaimer: I don't own HP, JKR does.

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He didn't know what to do.

That in itself was quite the feat. In all of his life, he had never been rendered this vulnerable nor had he ever felt such a deep agony; not even the reality of the fact that he was the last of the marauders could ever compare to this earth shattering pain that made him want to curl up and die.

He fixed his eyes on her small cold hands enveloped by his own larger, coarse ones. He could not bring himself to look at her face because he knew that if he did, his soul would break and the fact that this was actually happening and not a dream would come crashing down on him like a transformation on a full moon.

Shutting his eyes tightly, he made a pathetic attempt to even out his erratic breathing and forced himself to think of the one positive thing still remaining. She was still alive. Well, at least for now she was, the healers had said that they didn't know if she would make the night. Usually Remus embraced the blanket of darkness that fell upon earth every day but just this once, he wished that the sun would stay floating above the horizon forever. He didn't want night to come, because when the curtains closed, it meant that the show was over. The show that was called Nymphadora Andromeda Tonks would end and that one little spark of light in his life would flicker and die along with the applause. Perhaps, if someone up there actually liked him, they would allow him an encore performance, he thought drily.

It hurt so much. If he had known the consequences of pushing her away he would've held her tight and never let her go. He would take a full moon for every single remaining night in his life if he could only turn back the hands of time.

It hurt to breathe. It hurt to live. It hurt knowing that she was going to die because of him. It hurt knowing that even before her body had been physically harmed, he was the one who had killed her soul. It was agony in its purest form. And now he would never see her hair flush bright red or her Cheshire grin ever again.

Choking back a strangled sob, Remus finally opened his eyes and looked at – dare he say it? – his beloved. She lie there painfully still with no signs of life save the slow steady thudding of her pulse and the shallow, nearly non existent breaths she took.

Why? Why had she taken that spell for him? He was supposed to be the one dying, not her. Not Nymphadora Tonks, the brightest, most forgiving, caring, beautiful, and clumsiest witch in the world. Reaching a shaking hand up, he flinched back just as his fingers were about to graze the soft (or at least he imagined it was so, for he had only run his hands through it in his dreams), brown hair that lay fanned out on her hospital pillow. Hesitating slightly, he let his fingers tangle themselves in her hair as he caressed her like one would when comforting a child, although Remus didn't know who was comforting who at this point.

As the last ray of sunlight dipped below the horizon, Remus had to swallow the urge to just lose himself in his despair. She could still make it, he reminded himself. There was that possibility. There was a ninety percent chance she would die but damn it that remaining ten percent still counted for something. If Remus knew anything, it was that Nymphadora never did the expected. He believe that so much that there was a part of him that expected her to jump up at any moment and laugh at how ridiculous he looked. And Remus had to admit that he would much rather his dignity take a beating than have her taken from him.

All the other Order members as well as some people from the ministry had already said their goodbyes to her. Although she was not awake to hear them, Remus knew that a part of her unconsciously logged it into her brain for later remembrance. The worse farewell had been her parents. He had never seen Andromeda so completely and utterly devastated. She looked essentially like what he felt. Ted Tonks almost appeared to be in shock at first, like seeing his daughter lie on the bed actually made the casualty letter they received real. After Andromeda had cried herself empty did things finally sink in and silent tears of anguish began rolling down his face. All the while, he simply sat there clutching Dora's hand like a lifeline, hoping and praying to anyone that was willing to listen to him to let Nymphadora have a second chance at life because she was too young and alive to die like this. When her parents had met his gaze, his strong façade crumbled and he continuously mumbled 'I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry…' over and over again as guilt and sorrow like no other crashed into him wave after wave while tears made their way silently down his gaunt cheeks like a river being freed from a dam.

They didn't blame him for their daughter's state, he knew that much. But it was because that they didn't blame him that he blamed himself all the more. Maybe had he been stronger, quicker to react that he could've prevented all this. Maybe if he had actually allowed himself to love her back she wouldn't be lying here on a hospital bed with every single color drained from her while her life slowly whittled away with the night.

Remus rose from his chair slowly and ignored the cracking of his joints, moving her delicately to the side, he shuffled onto the bed and pulled her into his arms. Taking a deep breath, he inhaled her scent. It was just as he remembered; lilac and a hint of rose. Letting all the memories of them together for the past two years wash over him, Remus cried like he never cried before. His broken sobs echoed loudly in the empty hospital ward and had someone heard him, they would've thought his soul had been forcefully ripped from him, and quite frankly, they wouldn't have been too far from the truth.

When the clock struck twelve and he still felt her slow, shallow breaths, he felt his chest constrict and he closed his eyes and prayed harder than ever. Almost there Dora. Please, just a little bit longer. She would make it through the night. She would. If she didn't, he would die. Burying his face in her neck, Remus lay there feeling the faint pulse from her neck convincing him that maybe she had a chance.

The couple lay like that for what seemed like an eternity but too short to be forever. When the clock finally struck 5 and the sky was beginning to brighten with the rising of the sun, Remus felt hope like never before. She was going to make it. The smile that had bloomed across Remus' weary face suddenly froze as he gently grabbed her wrist only to feel nothing.

No pulse.

No life.

Dead.

Nymphadora Tonks was dead.

The smile quickly turned to shock.

This wasn't happening. This couldn't happen. Anyone but her.

"No… no no no no no…" Remus gasped as tears once again embedded a path on his worn out features. Reaching hastily, he put two fingers against her neck and felt for a pulse to make sure.

There was none.

"Oh God no… Dora wake up, wake up Dora, you need to wake up…" Remus shook her shoulders gently, his sobs becoming more and more erratic, "No… you can't leave me Dora, you can't. Wake up, open your eyes… dear god please just this once open your eyes."

He received no response and harsh reality sunk in slowly.

She was never going to open her eyes ever again. Never again would Remus be blinded with the absurd bright pink hair that he absolutely adored on her. Never again would Remus be subjected to her teasing (which he always enjoyed the attention). Never again would he hear her say the three words that made his heart leap out of his chest.

Never again.

He broke.

His world shattered and he shattered right along with it. He screamed until his voice was hoarse and he begged until his sobs rendered him inarticulate.

The sun was now peeking over the horizon and Remus lay there quivering, hugging her lifeless body against his own in an attempt to convince himself that it wasn't real. That she wasn't really gone and that she would wake up anytime now to go to work.

But deep down he knew. He knew she was never going to wake up again; and that killed him.

When he let his last choked sob out, he felt as if the world was dead to him. He didn't know what to do. Should he tell someone and alert them that the woman known as Nymphadora Tonks was no longer alive? But to do that would mean that they would take her away from him.

His eyes opened blearily and he looked around with empty amber orbs. He did not notice at first, but eventually his eyes settled on the one object lying on the table next to the bedside.

Her wand.

He stared at it like a foreign object before reaching slowly for it. Picking it up, he turned it slowly in his hands and briefly marvelled at the lightness of it. The core must have been werewolf fur for it to have been this light, his mind mused absently. He twirled it again and when it was pointing at his own throat, he held it still.

Remus closed his eyes and opened them once more only to see a pale, ghost like figure of his beloved standing at the bedside. She seemed to know what he planned to do for her expression was terrified and she shouted soundless words at him all the while looking absolutely scared out of her wits.

Remus let one last smile grace his face.

I Love You Dora, he thought, and he knew she heard him because she lunged for the wand in his hand.

But she never made it in time.

"Avada Kedavra."

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A/N: How was it? I'm terrible at writing angst… feedback anyone? Read and review!