BPOV
My father was dying.
He would be leaving me soon.
Pulled away by some cruel twist of fate.
Hadn't I suffered enough? Was I supposed to go through life with a grief at every turn? Was the obstacle I always had to face heartbreak?
WHY ME?! I thought.
Why? Why did it have to happen to me? Was this karma for something I had done? Was it punishment?
Was there any point to life if everyday brought about a new setback?
I should just end it all...
Give fate and karma a break. No more Bella Swan to mess about with.
They would have to find a new toy...
But that would mean someone else would suffer....
That wasn't right. It was unfair. Why should someone suffer because I couldn't cope?
Charlie HAD to live. He was strong! What did I mean who would die? Charlie was too young to die. He would live at least another 20 years.
Dad couldn't die.
He couldn't.
I felt a hand on my shoulder but didn't bother to turn to see who it was. I knew it was Xavier. His warmth seeped through my layers and heater my shoulder. He pulled my shoulder back slightly as if he wanted me to look at him but I couldn't.
If I took my eyes of Charlie, even for a second, he could slip away without my knowledge. And it would be my fault.
It would be my fault if Charlie died, because I'm supposed to be watching him, keeping him here with my eyes.
But I'm so tired I thought. I hadn't slept in 3 days. But it's only right I didn't sleep. He would do the same for me.
I had to be strong for Charlie. I had to be there every moment of the day.
Charlie NEEDED me. There was no one else but me.
Ruth...
The name floated around in my head, but I didn't remember who she was. She may have been important, but I couldn't focus on her, I had to focus on Charlie.
Charlie was my priority.
Dad. I had to be the best daughter. I had to play a role. My role. The one made for me. Only I could fill it. Only I. No one but me.
It would be just me and Charlie.
A fat tear slid off my chin.
I hadn't noticed it there until now. What else has been going on?
I fully registered Xavier's presence then. I cried harder.
He picked me up and held me tight. I could feel he was crying too, his tears wetting my back.
Our bodies shook with grief. We cried as though Charlie had already died. Our sobs were loud.
So loud we didn't hear the machine flat lining.
When we did, I screamed. I fell to the floor shattered.
I screamed for time to rewind and bring my father back. I screamed for everything to be alright again. I screamed for what I knew I had lost.
The nurses who had rushed in after I screamed were performing CPR on Dad. I could see this out of the corner of my eye.
There's no use! I wanted to yell. He's already dead! My mind screamed.
I felt myself being lifted up and taken to a separate room.
His embrace was cold. So cold I stopped screaming. I stopped breathing. I stopped functioning. I shut down.
I embraced the darkness I previously fought off.
It would be my home from now I tod myself.