Heehee... i likey this chappie: Calcifer turns funny colors!

GASP! I HAVE FINALLY UPDATED! Wow. that's all i can say. quite frankly, i had massive writer's block coupled with too much to do.

i'd blame marching band, but it's not that bad; only two hours a day. and it's kind of fun to see unnamed, for security purposes> piss off other unnamed, for security purposes>.

but i DO blame marching band for my sock tan, shorts tan, and sleeve tan. they weren't there when we went to band camp, they weren't there when we returned; they came during the three days AFTER band camp that we marched! but we got our uniforms and we'll be getting capes.

and for those who want to know, i play the flute. NO SNIDE JOKES ABOUT "AMERICAN PIE," OR I WILL HUNT YOU DOWN AND KILL YOU. seriously. one of the previous years, my friend said the security guard was asking "where are the flutes, where are the flutes?" absolutely despicable.

ANYway, on with the drill, right? You DON'T? very well, i shall re-post it here:

0. All people not mine. Diana Wynne Jones'.

1. You read.

2. You like.

2. You hate.

3. You review.

4. You write flame, I send Calcifer, burn you.

4. You write nice/constructive criticism (okay, i just added that part in this time, but still. if you hate it, tell me NICEly.), i send Calcifer, give nice present. Probably a brownie. We have a surplus of those

5. We all happy.

Good. now that it's fresh in your mind, read!

In the previous chapter...

Megan at dinner with them, when she gets introduced to Howl's double life rather unexpectedly. AND a messenger comes for him. Oh dear...

"Lord, what a night!" Howl groaned as he sank into his chair for the second time that day, this time clutching a brandy. "Where did it go so wrong?"

"When you decided to plan everything for letting your families know of the engagement," Calcifer retorted. He was still smarting over some of the more unpleasant aspects of what had happened afterward.

"I think I begin to see your point about Megan, though," Sophie put in, trying to find light in the situation.

Michael was too busy laughing in the corner about what occured.

The resulting happenings had been horrible. Howl had to leave the man waiting for a good half hour at the door, as he attempted to placate a hysterical Megan. After focusing a double barreled glare on him, she had asked him to tell the truth. He did, in calm words, trying to gloss over many of the aspects of that part of life.

In the middle, Megan had completely lost it, screaming at him to let him out of this madhouse, throwing things at him. Neil hadn't helped either, stammering about "the Calcifer." He let a girlish shriek when Calcifer began to strike up a conversation with him, purely to scare him. It is by no means settling to have a fire demon yell at you across the room.

Howl barely had time to banish the dinner dishes safely into the kitchen before she found a bucket of Sophie's weed killer and thrown it at him.

Unfortunately, Megan had terrible aim and nearly drowned Calcifer with it, not to mention the ickier aspects of the weed killer. Howl didn't manage to properly get rid of it all, and this resulted in a show far scarier than the impromptu fireworks display that morning.

Calcifer had let out one or two small hacks that made him sound as if he were dying. His flames burned lower and lower until he was a mere two flames. Then, after a few tense moments, when Howl, Sophie, and Mari had crowded round the injured fire demon, he had suddenly roared into a huge twisting column of fire—only he was weird colors. He wasn't JUST green, purple, blue, and orange; he had turned pink, brown, and just about any color you could name.

After that, he went... mildly… psycho. It was as if he had been drunk. Everyone in the room had their eyebrows singed off, and Howl quickly sent him to the Wastes.

Megan had gone into hysterics again, this time joined by Neil, not surprisingly. He hadn't even been anywhere near the fire, yet the conversation, coupled with the magical weed-killer enhancement had thoroughly shaken him.

By the time they had Megan calmed down, she was drunk as four skunks (the only thing that seemed to work was brandy), and it was time for them to leave. Mari was the only happy one in that bunch; she didn't even seem to miss her eyebrows and wanted to know how she would look bald. Neil looked very shell-shocked—"He's going to need therapy…" Howl had muttered—and pale.

By the time Howl had gotten Megan and the children home safely, the man at the door had been drizzled on slightly, nearly the unsuspecting target of an emptying chamberpot, and chased by a random dog. All in all, he was in a very bad temper.

When Sophie opened the door, she couldn't help but feel a bit sorry for the man.

"I'm sorry about the delay; his sister has come to visit. What did you want him for?"

In clipped, expressionless words, he delivered his message:

"The King and Wizard Suliman both require Wizard Pendragon's presence at the castle precisely at 7:32 tomorrow morning, Madam Witch"

"I'll be sure to tell him that. Would you like a cup of tea?"

"No, thank you, Madam Witch." He turned and left stiffly, walking with more injured dignity than anyone she'd ever seen. And now, she could why: The seat of the man's trousers had been bitten by the afore-mentioned dog during the course of the chase.

Howl clutched at his glass of brandy (or what was left of it. For someone like her, Megan could drink quite a bit.), staring off into space. "Calcifer. Shut up." He drained the brandy and poured another (the last of it, actually). "I think I prefered your family to mine."

"Then you should've eloped. Not that Sophie would've let you," Michael added hastily. "Anyway, I'm glad I only have to deal with one set of parents."

"What makes you think we won't act in loco parentis? You were left in my care, you know," Howl retorted, and they became engaged in a minor squabble.

Sophie glanced at the clock. "Oh stars! Look at the time! Both of you stop it! Howl, off to bed: you need to put the engagement in the papers, if you haven't already, and you need to be at the castle early tomorrow. Michael, you're meeting my familiy tomorrow, aren't you? You should get to bed too. Calcifer--oh."

The fire demon had fallen asleep during the squabble, probably due to his unlucky ingestion of magical weed-killer.

Michael dutifully trotted up to his room, but Howl lingered.

"You should go to bed too, Mrs. Nose, instead of caring for everyone but yourself." There was a tenderness in his voice that hadn't been there before, and it made Sophie uncomfortable.

"I'll be fine." She gave him a hug and a peck on the cheek. "You go to bed."

Ai-ya. turned fluffy towards end. poor Calcifer! Megan, a roaring drunk. who would've thought?

anyways, review, s'il vous plait? (can't do an accent circonflexe over the "i." imagine it's there!) And i really won't have much time after school starts to do many updates anyway, so they will be few and far between.

Until the next update, then! Ciao!