I actually did this last Wednesday already! I was planning to write another fic, but before I started writing it, I checked my e-mail. Someone had put an alert to this, so I thought to myself, "screw it, I'm going to do this now" :D Because I already had it planned. It was just waiting to be typed. So anyway, I wrote it, but it took me this long to do the final check on it _ I'm hopeless like that, I need kicking before I do anything... So, comments, please? They're the things that keep me going! x)
Arthur was eating breakfast. Or at least he was supposed to be eating. But he hadn't even taken a bite of the food before him and already he felt like there was something stuck in his throat. He was nearly sweating in his efforts to try to endure the tension in his body. There was something he needed to say. But he didn't know how to say it. And it wasn't as if he didn't have it all planned, oh no, quite the contrary. A perfectly smooth and clear twine of words was waiting inside his mouth, completely ready to burst out at any moment of weakness. It was just that he didn't know how he would be able to just give voice to it, without losing his pride and looking weird. To tell the truth, he shouldn't have feared. What he was about to say had nothing to do with Athur himself directly, or at least the person he was trying to say it to didn't know that. So why couldn't he just say it? Why was he torturing himself like this?
Arthur sighed deeply, trying to calm himself down. The person at the other end of the table cast a questioning look toward him. Arthur then realized that he was going to lose his chance to speak out his mind if the other said anything. He wouldn't be able to say it, no way, in case the other asked about it first. Which was a very strange way to look at it, but Arthur didn't doubt for even one single second that it wouldn't go just like that: he'd chicken out. He was actually proud of himself for knowing himself so well that he could say that without having to follow any logical track to it. But then when his companion to breakfast actually did open his mouth to speak, the already distressed prince felt a surge of panic seep through him and he beat the other to it.
"Father, can two guys be romantically involved with each other?"
It was a good thing that Uther didn't have any food in his mouth at that moment, Arthur decided, because he surely would have felt a strangling feeling much worse than the one Arthur had just felt a second ago. He most likely would have choked on his food, considering he was just now choking on mere air. Arthur got up and was ready to rush to his father, the king, but Uther just waved a hand without concern and gestured him to sit back down. Hesitantly, Arthur followed his instructions, though he still kept a steady eye on the other. Uther coughed and took a sip of his drink to ease his dry throat. He seemed to be getting over his initial shock and looked almost calm. This slightly worried Arthur, because he still wasn't speaking. He hoped his father wasn't just going to ignore the question or things would get unavoidably uncomfortable between them for possible the whole following month.
Not that Arthur necessarily even wanted an answer. Being ignored was probably the least of his worries. He hoped his father wouldn't get any ideas of Arthur being involved in that stuff. Well, he was, involuntarily though. Or at least that was what he insisted. But whether that was the truth or not, he didn't want his father to know anything about what had been happing between his servant and him. If this conversation held the signs of uncomfortable, then he had no way of describing how that conversation would go. Uther looked thoughtful for a moment and began nodding his head. That probably crept Arthur out more than it should have. There was no way Uther actually accepted same sex relations, was there? Or… honestly, why not? What was stopping him?
"I take it that you too have seen those two knights of yours."
Arthur's eyes nearly bulged out of their sockets while Uther was busy stroking his beard in deep thought. What knights? Arthur hadn't heard anything about any knights and his knights the least. His father wasn't serious, was he? There was no way such could happen between any of his knights without him noticing, right? Right? But even if he was thinking that, he could already feel this remote feeling of doubt slowly starting to crawl inside his veins. But who? Which knights? While Arthur sunk into thought, Uther snapped out of it. He finally seemed to realize that that was not what his son had been talking about, if the sudden size of his eyes were anything to go by. Uther laughed and made another dismissive motion with his hand, perhaps a little defensively too.
"Oh, no, I digress. Forget what I said. Relationship between two guys? Oh yes, I've heard about that…"
There was no way Arthur was actually going to forget about it or even believe that those two, for now unknown knights, had nothing to do with their current subject. But it seemed like Uther wasn't going to spill the beans. So clearly, he'd have to talk to his men later. Later was fine, he had more pressing matters to think about now anyway. He was actually rather interested with what his father was going to say. At least not yet, Uther hadn't show any signs of disapproval to what Arthur had been asking about. This calmed him down a bit. Maybe he had finally found someone he could talk about these things. Or at least, hear a little bit more about, since he still wasn't planning to tell him anything about Merlin. Amazing though, how easy the search for a person to talk to had been.
"You have heard of the Roman Empire, have you? Of course you have, but there's nothing wrong with a little recap. Not too long ago, it, in fact, ruled this very precious land of ours. But that was even before my time and a whole different story. However, it was very typical for the men of their culture to be sexually involved with other men. It… somehow seeped into our culture as well, but not as prominently. The best way to describe it would probably be that for them, the Romans, it was a way of life. That was how they saw things should be. To us then, it is merely an idea. An interesting thought, to be exact, something that we may be able to use in some difficult situations."
It was highly surprising to Arthur what he was hearing. He had wanted to ask his father's opinion on it. But obviously, Uther had a lot more than that to offer. He even had some historical background to share, of a thing that Arthur hadn't even known that existed. Not that he was complaining. There was a whole culture supporting something that he had been slightly afraid of. He didn't feel so alone anymore, not so out of the ordinary. Arthur had already forgotten his breakfast and was now leaning forwards on the table, his plate pushed aside. It was almost like he was worried that something would slip past his ears if he wasn't as close as he could be without actually having to get up. He was so caught up in the story, wanting to hear more, that he was forgetting to marvel at the fact that his farther, Uther, the king of Camelot, was telling him something that was apparently a fact filled story about being in a same sex relationship with another man. Uther, who he had been afraid that wouldn't even accept such a thing.
"You must wonder what these difficult situations are, huh? Of what use could such thing truly be to us? Well, it is not always that a woman can please her man. Especially for us of the royal or even those of the noble blood it is very troublesome. Because as you know, many of our marriages are tied on accord of benefit and mutual gain, not love and not even lust. These wives are not ones to give pleasure, they are for giving birth to appropriate heirs. The obvious solution to this problem is a paramour. Some men seek for beautiful women to lure to their beds, but I'm sure you're aware of the disadvantage of such relationships: the illegitimate children. On the other hand, men cannot give birth. So to come up with the idea of sleeping with beautiful men instead? Rather ingenious, isn't it?"
Uther looked rather pleased with himself as he tapped his fingers together in a perfectly steady rhythm. He was quiet after that, so Arthur deduced that he had finally reached the end of his small presentation. The prince blinked and relaxed back into his chair. He felt rather speechless, even though there were several questions mulling around in his head. Why hadn't he ever heard about any of that before? Sure he had heard about the Roman Empire and he also knew about arranged marriages, but never before had he been told about this side of the things. It slightly disturbed him too. It seemed like everything was happening behind his back these days. He wondered if Merlin knew. Uther's voice brought his gaze from where it had dropped to point at his untouched food, to look at the other.
"Is there a special reason for you asking about this? Perhaps you have been thinking about getting a secret lover of your own? I personally would recommend a servant for that job. It's less suspicious if he's a part of the castle's staff… Who was your personal servant again? Was he even a man…? Oh well, there's this young laundry boy I remember seeing the other day and I think you just might like him…"
Wait, what? The conversation had just taken an unexpected turn. How the hell could he have been considering taking himself a male lover since he had heard about the possibility just now? And he didn't even have wife yet, everything was just against that deduction. Arthur almost had a heart attack when Uther started talking about servants, though the feeling moved on almost as fast as it had jumped on him, as he realized less than ten second later that Uther didn't actually remember Merlin. Arthur felt a mixed wave of exasperation and incredulity wash over him. Just a half an hour ago, if someone would have told him that his father was going to try to set him up with their laundry boy on their next breakfast together, he would have smacked the person around the head in an attempt to get some sense back into them. He would have thought that person was either crazy or drunk. Now, not so, though he still had a hard time believing what he was hearing. One thing was sure: he did not want to discuss this with his father.
"Ah, oh my, the food is getting cold!"
For that moment, he was very much happy for the fact that Uther was a little dense in the mornings and didn't notice that Arthur was actually eating just salad. Cold in the very beginning salad. He hadn't felt like eating anything too heavy that morning, since his stomach had been quite uneasy to begin with. He really should have given Uther more credit. Just because he hated witchcraft, with a fairly acceptable reason, didn't mean he hated everything, with no reason. But at any rate, Uther had momentarily forgotten his own food too so it actually was a called notion, since he had warm porridge. For a moment, they just ate in a comfortable silence. Then something suddenly occurred to Arthur. He looked nervously at his father, who sensed the look and looked back in the middle of pushing a spoon inside his mouth. Arthur hastily turned his eyes back to stare holes into the table and his cheeks felt unnaturally hot. Unlike his previous question, for this one he wasn't expecting an attack anymore. He just felt like it was going to be extremely awkward.
"Um… Can I ask you something personal?" Uther nodded eagerly and Arthur wondered why he seemed so excited about the idea of talking about his personal things, "Have you ever… uh, have you ever been like that with another male?"
Uther swallowed another spoonful of porridge and without much hesitation, shook his head. Arthur wasn't going to say it out loud, but he was relieved. Even if he had been with another man, Arthur didn't honestly want to hear it. The only reason he had been asking was for the sake of his mother. Though, Arthur knew his father and mother had gotten married because of love, not personal benefits, and that didn't fit into the description Uther had given about the secret lovers. He supposed the only way that could have happened was that Uther had had a… wild youth, no matter how weird it was to admit it and how impossible it was to even try to think about it.
"No, no. I met your mother at a young age. And she always knew how to please me!"
The king proudly raised his spoon high into the air like a scepter and Arthur decided not to answer to that, even though he really wanted to tell him that he could use more suave words when talking to his son about the matter in question. He could have said something like, "We didn't have that problem", but no. Still, he didn't say anything, because Uther would probably not understand. He'd most likely think Arthur was the weird one and would try to steel him by starting to tell more explicit tales. Arthur frowned at his food. Instead of starting to think about his father and mother in "work", he suddenly remembered Merlin's offer from last night. He hadn't really been able to sleep well after that and only now he actually felt completely calm, after talking about it with his father. Deep, very deep, in the bottom of his own mind, Arthur could admit that he had been afraid for the past few weeks, but he hadn't been afraid of Merlin molesting him or something like that, like one could easily think he was.
It was the strangeness of the situation that really worried him. He had thought there was something severely wrong with both of them for keeping it for so long and he didn't know what would happen to them if they continued on that path. It never had been only Arthur himself that he had been worried about. There was nothing wrong with being a little curious. But this was becoming something more, they had both already used their one time of experiment. But now then, all that worrying seemed pointless. The Romans had practiced it for God knows how long. And they were probably practicing it at the very moment too. His father had said that it was okay, it had been done before. It was nearly normal. If there was anything to worry about, his father would have told his beloved son, his only heir. But he didn't, he had even encouraged him to go and try it with the laundry boy.
It wasn't any specific danger that Arthur had been waiting for. But just because you can't see the danger, doesn't mean there isn't one. If you don't understand why you can't jump down from the highest tower of the castle, doesn't mean you should. When given the time to think, Arthur didn't do everything stupid and unnecessary just because he could. No, Arthur knew that it was possible that there were dangers he couldn't have known of or just didn't come to think of. The only reason he usually rushed into random fights without that much thought was that there was usually something very precious at stake. And you couldn't afford to be so careful at those times, you weren't given the time to think. But what had happened between him and Merlin… He couldn't know if they somehow ended up waking an immortal army of dragons to attack the village by carrying it any further. And the price for that would have been personal enjoyment of two people. It didn't seem fair.
Now that he was sure there was no danger, there was only one thing to consider: if he was completely honest with himself, how did he truly feel about it all? Arthur bit his lip. His searching eyes turned toward his father. But there was no way the man could help him with this. He had to figure this all out by himself.
"I think I've had enough to eat. It was nice having breakfast with you."
Then Arthur got up, leaving the plate there for the maids to take care of. He really needed a quiet place to think about it all. He was finally ready to go solve this, to come up with an answer that would hopefully bring an end to this whole mess.