Chapter 5 - I love you

OK. Sry for not updating for who-knows-how-long. Erm. Thanks for all ur suggestions. Im going to use a few I guess =) Thanks ! and Im sorry if this chapter is horrible…I am just not in that mood. Errr. Anyway. Pls still read it and thankq =)

Shuichi took out his keys and opened the door of the once-so-noisy house. He peeked in, praying that Yuki was not home and hoping that he was home at the same time. Shuichi did not want to be reminded of the hurt that Yuki brought him, however, he is going to Korea for a few years…he wanted to see his angel, before he left.

The house was still in the same condition, except, it was quieter, cleaner. It looks like it did not have any trace of Shuichi once staying in this house except for his belongings.

Shuichi's POV

I hesitantly entered the house. I guess I was afraid to see the same scenario unfold before my eyes again. I did not want to see Yuki having sex with another person….though he is no longer mine…it still hurts… Luckily, I heard the sound of Yuki typing on his computer…hmm. So he's home. What should I do? Should I go say hi? Or should I just go to take my stuff and leave…..

I don't know what to do if I see Yuki. I would probably start crying. No, I mustn't. I promised Hiro, I will get better. I must get over Yuki. So…I shall go say hi to him. After all, admitting the fact that he was once mine, is the first step to accepting that he is no longer mine.

The few steps from the door to his room seem to take a painfully long time. I gathered up my courage and turn the knob of his door. "Yuki, I….."

Yuki's POV

I thought I heard the door open. But I guess it must just be my imagination. After all, the only one to have my house key other than me is only…..Shuichi…which cannot be possible.. Sigh. I think I worked too hard..but. I just can't write a proper piece of work. Damn it. I have a serious case of writer's block. And blame it on Shuichi. I need him…sigh. He is always there for me to "replenish" my energy after I am tired and whenever I have a writer's block…(idea taken from junjou romantic! Usagi-san3!). Damndamndamn. I can't believe this. I actually abstained from sex after he left because I did not want to hurt him again. But…he won't come back. Heh. I'm such a fool huh. I did not think there would b such a day when I am so dependent on someone….AARGH. BACK TO WORK and stop thinking of that damn brat. There is no fucking way he would appear in front of me. All of a sudden, I heard the soothing, familiar voice that belonged to my brat…..I thought I was in a dream…but when I turned, there he was.

As beautiful as ever.

It's just that...something is wrong about him..I don't know exactly what..but…. his usual beautiful, irresistible violet eyes…are just different. They lack the usual glow….and shine.

I felt my defense melting. I needed him. I could not take it when I saw him. Those lips that begged to be kissed, that so familiar slender form of his, the look of anticipation and worry on his face… When I saw him, I only had one thought in my mind.

I needed to make him mine again.

I needed to be the only one he kissed. I needed to be the only one he hugged. I needed to be the only one he ever thought about, the only one he ever needed.

It was then that I realized.

I wanted him.

So so badly.

Shuichi's POV

Once I saw him, I felt like my heart stopped. I realized I had forgotten. Forgotten how he could make me mesmerized, make my heart stop beating. Even though it was just a few days since we last met, it felt like years. How could he have such an effect on me? Even though he cheats on me….all the time, and never felt sorry before….

I couldn't stand it. I knew I had to get out of there fast. I could not bear to be with him in the same room for too long. I know I would lose my control.

"Yuki, I came back to pack my stuff for going to Korea. I am sure that Seguchi san has told you about it right? Anyway, I just wanted to say hi and bye…"

After that, I rushed out of the room. I practically ran out. Tears were already falling out of my eyes. I was remembering how he could not even told me he loved me, yet, WHY AM I HEAD OVER HEALS IN LOVE WITH HIM? I am such an idiot. It was a good decision to go korea. Very very good.

Hopefully, I will forget about him…..hopefully, if I come back in the future, I will realize that Yuki has no effect on me anymore. I will learn to be without him. I can do it! I am sure of it! I Must succeed in forgetting him!

But I know I cant…I know I will fail. Cause I love him.

Yuki's POV

Aargh. I forgot. I momentarily forgot that he is in love with Ryuichi…I forgot that he was leaving me behind to go to korea with Ryuichi. I forgot that I was the one to cause my own pain. I forgot that…..

he was already out of my life…

He ran away. I felt so much pain. That numb feeling in your chest...what is it? It's like I am losing sight of him, like he's running away too fast, too fast for me to catch. It's as if, he is running out of my life every single second, he is running away further. It hurt, very badly. I wanted so much to feel him in my arms again, to remind myself that it was real that someone loved me. Why couldn't I just get those three words out of my mouth that night? Why? Why couldn't I speak my feelings. Why couldn't I. DAMN me. I felt tears coming out of my eyes. But i….did not bother to wipe it off. After all, no one cares. Haha. Now that I chased the only naïve brat that ever liked me away, there is no one in this world who gives a damn about me. I bet he is an angel, how else would he have such a beautiful heart. Heh. When did I even start caring about this. But above all, I wonder, why did I let him run away? Why did I not run after him…even though I know now, I love him.

I guess it's because…..

I know he would be better off without me.

Heh. now I can't even stop my own tears. They are just flowing down of their own accord. What a fool I am huh. I typed what I couldn't say into my computer. They were what I wanted to tell him. Though I know. He would never be able to read it…..

~Shu,

Sorry, for treating you like that in the past. I….guess I wish you and Ryuichi all the best. I….there's nothing much I can do now, can i? I can't be selfish and just grab you back, to bind you to be with me, such a coldblooded creature. I know you would be better cared for by Ryuichi. I am certain he would always cherish you. I am very sorry. I….I guess this is it huh. Bye shu.

And I am sorry I did not realize this sooner but…

I love you.

Yuki~

READ AND REVIEW PLS THANKS!

OK. I know this chapter totally sucked. IM SORRYY. It;s cause I am like not in the mood and things. Gosh. ITS 3.01 am! im I wanna sleep. Haha. Erm. Yea. Once again. Pls review. PLSSSSSSSSSS. THankq =)