"No, I will not suck on your bloody fucking toe, you sodding perverted bastard!"

Click.

Okay, this was getting bloody ridiculous.

For the past four days, England has been receiving similar phone calls from people requesting various and, more often than not, extremely improper and perverted sexual acts. As it turned out, America had posted his mobile number for the whole world to see in some rest room in New York City, advertised as something to call for "a jolly good time".

Of course, once he discovered where these strange phone calls were coming from, he took immediate action and hacked into America's Facebook account.

Okay, it wasn't really hacking; the git's password was 'hero' for crying out loud.

But in any matter, he had gone in and messed things around; made his profile picture that photo from the Christmas party he had sworn to America he had burnt, made his status "absolutely loves England's cooking!", became a fan of a plethora of pro-England pages, as well as other groups both sexual and embarrassing in nature; the like. And for good measure, he changed the tosser's password to "God save the Queen", just to solidify his hard work.

England smiled, knowing that America still hadn't been able to crack his new password. The other nations had left him plenty of comments, concerned and in some cases amused by his recent activity, and this filled him with much happiness.

Happiness that was cut short by the blasted ringing of his phone once again, of course.

Seriously, where the hell was this damn bathroom, and why was everyone who went in it so damn horny?

"Listen here, you bloody tosser," England grumbled, answering his phone with a scowl. "At no point will I ever want to know what you are wearing, or will ever tell you the same. I do not want a BJ, HJ, RJ, ZJ, LMNOPJ, or any other kind of alphabetical J you can conjure up in your sick little mind. I do not own any bloody handcuffs or whips, and for the love of the Queen, I do not support the use of marshmallow fluff being used in an impure way, no matter how fucking delicious it is. Is all of that bloody fucking clear?!"

Save for the heavy breathing of the angry Brit, the conversation stayed silent for a few blessed moments before haughty laughter seeped in from the other side of the line.

"Sacrebleu, cher Angleterre! I was not calling for this reason, but now I am très curious! Tell me, what is this LMNOPJ?"

England paled. Oh piss. "What the hell do you want, frog?"

More laughter. "Well, now I am not so sure, mon cher! What would you suggest? The handcuffs or the marshmallow fluff?"

"Sod off."

"You want both, then?"

"Shut the hell up!" England growled into the phone. "What the hell do you want?"

England could almost hear France smiling on the other end. "Are you sure you want to talk over the telephone? You sound like you are waiting for a très important call…"

"I swear to god, you fucking frog-" Walking past him on the sidewalk, a mother glared and covered her child's ears; England sent back an apologetic shrug.

"I joke, Angleterre! Détendre, relax!" He laughed once more as England steamed. "In all seriousness, I was just calling to see if you got that e-mail from cher Canada."

England blinked. "What e-mail?"

France paused for a beat, as if considering his next words carefully. "The e-mail about the G8 meeting next week," he explained carefully. "About the sleeping arrangements."

"...Sleeping arrangements?"

"Oui. There has been a change in the plans. Evidently all nations must room with another for the week. Apparently, half of the hotel has been booked by a maple syrup club, and you know how cher Canada is about his syrup, so he could not tell them non."

England felt himself pale. They had to share rooms?! "Who is everyone sharing with?!" He asked, trying not to sound nearly as frantic as he felt. With fumbling hands, he pulled his BlackBerry from his back pocket and opened his e-mail.

"He has asked for everyone to e-mail him back with a recommendation of who they would like to share with."

As England's eyes flew through the e-mail, solidifying France's words, causing them to widen in horror. "If you dare put me down, you pervert, I swear I will-"

"Non, non, non, Angleterre! I have suggested for myself to room with mon petit Italie!" His voice took on a disturbing, dreamy like tone, "Cher Canada is rooming at his own maison, and I did not want to interrupt a week of l'amour between you and Amérique, so I figured what do I have to lose? Italie is so cute, non?!"

England rolled his eyes, his face flushing lightly. "First of all, Germany will never allow you room with Italy. And second of all, there is no blasted 'amour' going on between America and I, quite the opposite, actually." England looked both ways, crossing the street.

"Oh? Is this the case?"

"Yes, it's the bloody case."

France made a small, smocking sound of confusion. "Then I wonder why it is that petit Amérique had requested to room with you?"

…What?

"What?"

"Oui, Canada has informed me of this."

England's mouth hung open. America wanted to be his roommate? In the same second as it appeared, he quickly pushed back his mild excitement with the logical feeling of skepticism. "Well, of course he did," he explained, waving off the suggestion arrogantly. "If we room together, I make for an easier target. Simple as that."

"But that would place him as an easier target as well, non?"

Shit. "Well…Perhaps-"

"Perhaps nothing mon cheri! Amérique wishes to share a room with you for it is easier to woo you with sweet l'amour!"

England rolled his eyes. Honestly, this was getting ridiculous. "There is no bloody amour! I'm requesting Japan. He's relatively normal." He quickly typed his reply to Canada:

Anyone but the frog or your bother. Preferably Japan.

France tsked. "You will be breaking Amérique's heart, mon cheri."

"Boo fucking hoo. I am fairly positive he will survive." He checked his watch and picked up his pace to cross an intersection. "Now if you will excuse me, I have filled my daily quota of annoying Frenchman and I must be going."

"Au revoir, Angleterre! I will see you on Monday!I hope you will be able to sleep tonight knowing you have shattered a young man's affection!"

England hung up his phone without dignifying France a response and pocketed his Blackberry. Checking his watch once more, he quickly strode into the café where he was meeting his boss for tea to discuss the meeting on Monday.

Canada opened up his newest e-mail, nodded in understanding, and wrote down the names on his list of roommates for the week. This really was a lot more of a hassle then he really wanted to deal with.

What he did for his maple syrup.

"That from Iggy?" America asked, peaking his head over Canada's shoulder and spying at his brother's inbox.

"Yes, that one was from England. I think that's everyone."

America grinned slapping Canada on the back, who squeaked out a small, pained 'Maple!' in response. "Awesome! Give me and Iggy a ground floor room, okay? I think having easy access to the window could really come in handy."

Canada rolled his eyes. "You aren't rooming with him."

"What?" America asked, spinning around to face his brother in shock. "What do you mean I'm not rooming with him? I requested England! We're in the middle of a serious war, here!"

The younger nation winced slightly but held his ground as best as he could. "He requested Japan."

"So?! I requested him!"

Canada sighed. "America, not only did he not request you, he requested not to be with you. I can't just put him with you because you want me to…"

"What?! Seriously?! Let me see that." A simple push sent Canada to the floor; America quick to take his place on the old, black desk chair. He quickly clicked through the e-mails, finding the one he was looking for, and gave it a quick scanning with his eyes. "Huh." He pouted.

"See?" Canada asked weakly, pulling himself up with the help of the desk. He yanked the list of roommates into his hands and shoved it into America's face. "This is the final list! I'm bringing it to my boss right now and there is nothing you can do to change it, so jus-"

"Hey, where'd your bear go?"

"Eh?"

America gestured to the now empty corner of the room where Kumajiro had been previously keeping himself entertained. "Your bear. Huh. He was right there a minute ago."

Canada's eyes widened. "Komajina!" With more speed than America thought the relaxed little Canadian could even conjure up in those weak little legs of his, Canada was out the door, frantically calling for his polar bear down the hallway.

Well, now that that was out of the way.

America cracked his knuckles, delicately picking Canada's forgotten piece of parchment off the floor. With a raised eyebrow he read over the list to himself.

Germany and Italy

England and Japan

America and France

Russia and… himself. Because he's creepy.

That little jerk stuck him with France?! What the hell?!

Oh, that list was definitely in need of some revisions. Whipping a ballpoint pen from his shirt pocket dramatically, he began to diligently re-write the list, correctly.

Once he was satisfied, he threw his old jacket over his shoulder and walked idly down the hallway, paper in hand. Walking diligently passed an open door, exposing Canada taking a beating from his boss's wife for letting his bear loose in the building, he knocked on a hard, red mahogany door.

Once granted permission, he poked his head into the Prime Minister's office. "Here is that list of roommates for this week's meeting, sir! Canada asked me to give it to you." He grinned mischievously. "I have a feeling this is going to be a magnificent, productive summit."

All England wanted was to get out of those stuffy clothes, throw on his cozy, striped pajamas, curl into the soft sheets of the hotel bed and fall into a deep slumber. He didn't care that he hadn't eaten a thing since lunch, he was tired, and after the flight to Canada that still took eight and a half hours even in his private jet, the only thing on his mind was checking in, and promptly checking out of consciousness.

He much preferred it when the G8 meetings took place in Europe. So much less traveling on his part.

Once he was checked in, he found his way up the elevator to the second floor, where room 237 and his cozy, warm bed would be waiting for him. He knew Japan was probably already settled in, having seen his car in the parking lot, so when the door to room 237 was slightly ajar, he didn't think anything of it.

"Hullo Japan." England smiled tiredly, pushing open the door. "I hope your flight was-"

THUD. SPLASH.

Very slowly, England removed the once full water bucket from atop his now extremely soggy head. Eyes narrowed, cheeks flushed, and knuckles white, he sent a tremendously furious scowl in the direction of the grinning American sitting lazily on the bed closest to the window in the cozy hotel room.

Said American waved pleasantly at the very irate Englishman, stretching his limbs over the comforter comfortably. "Hey there, roomie!"

"You've got to be bloody kidding me."

Despite his fatigue, England managed to stay awake well into the early hours of the morning waiting for that fucking git to fall asleep. Of course, the idiot had decided to watch one primetime drama, three late night talk shows, and God knows how many crime solving programs before finally deciding to call it a night, but England wouldn't think about that. He was asleep, and it was time for revenge.

Sneaking quietly from his bed, England grabbed his empty teacup from the bedside table and crept to the bathroom. Once it was filled almost to the brim with warm water, he made his way back to America's bedside, making sure not to spill.

Definitely not taking a few moments to admire the peaceful smile on the sleeping nation's handsome face, England delicately placed the fingers of one of America's sprawled out arms into the tepid cup sitting on the floor. America stirred slightly, but immediately snuggled back in to his pillow and was once again snoring softly.

Pleased with his work, England nodded in approval and crawled contently back under the covers of his own bed, smiling in satisfaction.

"Sweet dreams, wanker."

There we have it! I had a hard time with this chapter for some reason. Probably because it's more of a set-up chapter, so there isn't much going on. Hope you still enjoyed it though!

Don't forget to suggest some of your favorite pranks! Have a great day and don't forget to review!